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What Are Parents' Rights on Separation?

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 29 Jan 2024 |
 
Separation Parent Rights Child

The break up of a relationship is always stressful and can leave one or both parents feeling lost, hurt and bewildered. When you separate from the other parent of your child or children, there are certain rights and responsibilities that you need to understand which will help you to make better decisions for yourself and your child.

Parental Responsibility

Mothers automatically have parental responsibility for their children. Fathers also have this right if they were married to the mother when the child was born. If you are an unmarried father, you will have parental responsibility if your name is registered on the child’s birth certificate. You can also get a court order to get parental responsibility of the child, which does not in principle require the consent of the mother. If you separate from your partner and child, you do not lose parental responsibility.

Financial Arrangements For Your Child

When you separate, you will both need to make decisions about the welfare and upbringing of your child. This includes where the child lives and with whom, how the parent who is not living with the child will have contact with the child, and how the child will be supported financially. If you cannot agree this amicably, you will probably need to go to court to have arrangements enforced. Other issues that separating parents should discuss are holidays, education, who has responsibility for taking a child to a doctor, and what would happen if one of you became too ill to care for the child.

It invariably costs more for parents to live apart than together and if financial arrangements are not made this can cause hardship for the child. No matter how angry you feel about what has happened in the break up of your relationship, you should always remember that your child’s needs must come first. If you are able to come to a financial arrangement between yourselves about your child (known as a ‘private agreement’) then that is often best, but it does mean that your arrangement is not legally binding. If payments are not made under a private agreement, the Child Support Agency cannot get involved and help you recover this money.

What If We Can’t Agree?

If you cannot agree payment arrangements amicably, you may decide to use the CSA or get the court to decide. Using the court is likely to cost money, because you will have to pay court fees and will probably need a solicitor. Going to court over child support payments is not covered by legal aid, but if you are already going to court to determine other issues you can decide child support matters at the same time.

You should also look at changing your will after separation, or if you don’t have one, you should definitely make one! If you don’t have a will, your assets will be dealt with under the laws of intestacy. If you do have a will that is out of date, and your ex partner was the main beneficiary, your assets will go to your ex partner on your death.

What About Our Home?

In terms of property, one partner may decide to leave the family home. This can be problematic if the parents aren’t married, especially if a new partner moves in with your ex before arrangements can be finalised. In these situations, it is very important that you speak to a solicitor without delay. If you and your ex partner are married, one person automatically receives the other’s estate on death – which you will want to avoid if you have separated.

You don’t always have to sell your home on separation. You may be able to agree who pays the mortgage, or get a court order as to that effect. One partner may be able to buy the other partner out of the property, or you could decide to sell it at some point in the future.

Do I Have To Go To Court?

Not all separations and divorces end up in court. Some people are content to use a separation agreement, or to enter mediation in order to come to an agreement about issues between you, your partner and your child. Mediation is often much less stressful than having to resort to court action, and can also be cheaper than litigation. That said, you will have to use the court if you decide you are going to divorce. There is no way around this.

Speak To A Solicitor

In short, if you can possibly keep negotiations amicable then this is best. Things do however have a tendency to deteriorate and you can find yourself very short of money, or without a home, or both, if you decide to leave. In these circumstances, you should always contact a solicitor.

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Doreen - 24-Jan-23 @ 11:02 AM
I'm a UK British citizen living in England. I'm wondering if it's possible to get some advice regarding parent responsibilities andlegal contact rights under the Slovak Republic laws. I have an 8 year old son who lives with my ex-girlfriend in Kocise and she cares for him. In 2014 shortly after my son was born we'd split up and she'd returned to Slovakia to live with her family and now has a flat of her own where they both live. I also contribute monthly childcare payments to her but not through any third parties. At the time that she had returned to Slovakia in 2014 we were not on good terms and I was not listed on my son's birth certificate as his father. His mother wanted to return to Slovakia as soon as possible and his UK birth certificate was never amended. I believe my son has dual nationality or citizenship despite this. Over the past 8 years, partly due to my employment issues and the pandemic, I have only managed to visit my son once or twice a year, although if I could afford it I would prefer to visit more often. I have been on good terms with my ex-partner, whom I'd had a relationship with since 2011, but it has sometimes been difficult where I feel she limits contact with my son. Although I often message her on Whatsapp to request videocalls with my son, but these are infrequent as often she says she's unavailable, and only happen once every few months, and after repeated requests and arguing. Unfortunately, I don't speak Slovakian, and my son doesn't speak English, so my ex-partner has to act as a translator and host. I understand, due to the circumstances where we're separate and living in two different countries, and both with financial difficulties, that it wouldn't realistic for me to have regular contact with my son, but I would like to ask for advice that my rights as a parent and legal rights be acknowledged and respected my ex-partner. I feel that she can be unaccommodating, aggressive and uncommunicative at times, and I am seeking some legal assistance as to how I can establish my rightsfor contact with my son in agreement with her as amicably and diplomatically as possible.
Ed - 19-Oct-22 @ 4:54 PM
My daughter is in a terrible relationship,she has 2 children,in a fraught relationship,he has been unfaithful before,even fathering another child out with the relationship with my daughter,he regularly stays out all night,hardly takes anything to do with the children,doesn’t speak to any other family members,they have been together 12 years,and last year moved in to a new home,with the mortgage in his name only,any suggestions/advice as to what she can do
Grandland - 19-Sep-22 @ 8:11 AM
My husband can be quite verbally aggressive towards me and always have been especially when he drinks. I’m not perfect and have been aggressive in the past but I got professional help a few years back and one of the coping mechanism they helped me with was to remove myself from the situation, which I do but when I do this he just follows me and doesn’t leave me alone. Our daughter is 13 and has seen this throughout her life but now I’v had enough. I would like advice on how I deal with this and what help is out there? Any advice is welcome
victor80 - 13-Oct-21 @ 2:23 PM
Everytime when i have argument with my partner he chose to leave me. He disrespect me in every way. I m having 2 yr old daughter and pregnant for my second baby. I do not have job he is financially stable and give us financially support . But now things don't work in any way.He wants me to stay separate from him. How could i manage everything?
Mom - 15-Aug-21 @ 10:00 PM
My daughter really wants to go to camp but her father won’t let her... if she is with me that week do I need his permission to send her to a safe enjoyment camp with parents that I know and kids that are in her class?
Hay - 26-May-21 @ 5:47 AM
Me and my ex partner have a court order he has out boy every other weekend for 2nights but my son comes home saying that he stayed at his dads girlfriend house without with dad which I'm not happy about and with this pandemic my son shouldn't be sleeping in different houses can someone give me advice please
Steffi - 29-Mar-21 @ 8:58 PM
Its all well and good having Parental responsibility, but the law isn't strong enough as a consequence if someone does break it. My ex-wife has moved without my consent or consent of the courts, has changed schools for my daughter without my consent or consent of the courts and she just feels she can do whatever she wants with the children with or without my agreement. The police can't do anything and going to court at present is really painful in terms of the amount of time it takes; by which time any decision will be influenced by the unapproved actions of my ex-wife. It's an utter joke
Da7thSon - 15-Feb-21 @ 10:40 AM
Just separated from my husband, my children went to visit on Christmas day and now my husband refusing to bring them back to me .says iam an fit to look after them and they are going to live with him from now on .won't let me speak to them on the phone ,and they are not at the family home ,he has taken them to his mother's house. What are my rights .
twiggy - 28-Dec-20 @ 4:05 AM
Hi, for many years I have tolerated the verbal abuse and sometimes physical from my partner. She was suffering from Breast implant illness, and suffered a lot indeed. Now after explant she's getting healthy but her attitude never changed, manipulates reality, never ever recognises her abuse... And we have now a 3 year old amazing boy that suffers when the mother goes kuku breaking things or shouting loud... This is not right for no one. I have made my point and a separation needs to happen in order to save us all from caos. I'm the father and I want my son to be with me... Its time for her to go and find her way. How can I have my son?
Ozark - 7-Aug-20 @ 11:36 AM
My boyfriend is on our baby girls birth certificate - she is now 7 months old. He doesn’t do anything for her he has a daughter from a previous relationship which he is more concerned about and not looking after what’s under his nose. I’m fed up I love being a mum and It’s been so long now that I don’t want his help anymore whenever I’ve brought this up with him we argue like cat and dog he says he’ll try and help and he doesn’t. I want to leave but I don’t think he deserves to have the title dad and I don’t think he should spend time with our baby if we split, whenever I ask him to hold her she screams with him. Any advice please!
NewMum - 19-Jun-20 @ 8:31 PM
Hello all, please can I tap into your expertise? I live currently with my wife, our child and 2 step children in private rented accommodation. We have been married for 10yrs but unfortunately I have been fighting against a reality that my love for her is not what it once was and I am thinking that I have to leave as staying together for the kids will harm us both in the long run and potentially make us resent each other and spill over to the children resenting us. I want to do right by them all financially and will pay whatever is required by law and more if i can. I have no idea of my financial obligations such as will I be required to pay the rent while my child is in full time education. If this is so then I will do it gladly but I need to be armed with all the facts.
UnknownTerritory - 11-Dec-19 @ 6:38 PM
My partner got depression, she tried to commit suicide twice, always arguing, now she left me and took my baby back to her country slovakia how I can het my baby back
Samy236 - 2-Nov-19 @ 5:45 PM
Hi. As I am writing this right now my heart is in pieces... I just had an argument with my partner and we've been having these for the past few weeks and each time they have ended in him telling me that he's gonna take our daughter if I were to ever leave him. I am not worried about leaving however I am worried about him taking my daughter away from me. I am 25 he is 36, he has a job I don't because I had to move to a different city with him but things aren't working out now. We've lived together since before the time my daughter was born but he's not in her birth certificate but he's the only one who has a job and has been taking care of our daughter financially because we decided that I should stay at home with our daughter until she was sixteen months and now she's 20 months old. I am so afraid that he'll take her away from me because he's stable and has a job and I dont because that is something we had decided together. Please help I am really desperate to know what my future will look like. Thank you.
Lady In Black - 18-Oct-19 @ 5:45 PM
My girlfriend and I have separated. We have 2 daughters , I’m paying her child maintenance but I am being told by her that on top of child maintenance I’ve got to also contribute to all or part paying of her rent . Is this true
Genuine - 1-Oct-19 @ 1:01 AM
Hi I am not married but own a property with my boyfriend which I am leaving, my concern is he has autism and I don't think he's safe doing certain things with his 3 year old he needs support, his parents are controlling which will make decisions difficult.
Danni - 10-Apr-19 @ 12:43 PM
I am separated from my husband of 18 years since October 2017 (mutual agreement). We love separately since and we have 2 kids together (6 & 7) that live with me. Kids are with dad each weekend at the moment. When it became clear that we will never be back togheter my ex started seeing other wemen. I was single for at that time. It was never his concern that I am may be not fit to care for our kids on my own. He has never paid any child maintenance. He has refused to put any money toward kids well-being and told me as separation was my idea, money is my problem now. I have ended up paying my self for all the household bills and expenses, kids child care, getting them to and back to various doctors or hospital appointments with out a car as I don't drive. I have asked him for help but got refused on all occasions. On top of it we had quite a few loans for various things and he refused to pay anything towards when I asked him to move out. Most of loans were I my name as he was useless in arranging anything. So I was left with huge dept as well. I have manage to get help and my money problem got sort out a while ago. Then I've met my partner, we fell in love & and he moved in with me and kids. Since then all I get from my ex is a hustle. He wasn't happy that I & kids are happy and tried to make me to send my partner away. He must have realised that it's not gonna happen so he stopped. It was all OK until today. He has heard 1/3 of the story/twisted gossip about a house party (New year eve) that happened at my house, unplanned by me. Kids were away with him for few days at that time. The story involves my current partner and local guy who I was friends before. It got bit heated up as my current partner tried to defend my honor. Unwanted gest was quickly removed, things got sorted after every one was sober. Now, weeks after ex hears it and decided that I am not fit to care for my kids. I do not know what I would do if he took kids away from me. I got very upset and cried a lot today. My partner got upset too and even suggested to go back to his home town I that would help. My kids love him and he loves them too. He's a really good guy and helps me a lot around the house that if feels weird sometimes as my ex to be husband hardly helped at all. He was like a tenant in B&B. I need some advise as I am loosing my mind what could happened now. Kids are due to see their dad for the weekend but I fear that he will refuse to bring them back. What should I do NOW? I am so desperate. HELP
Desparate mum - 29-Jan-19 @ 7:08 AM
Hi my wife moved out yesterday and has been threatening to report me for Domestic Violence if I do not agree to pay half of her rent, the bills and provide certain furniture. We have 3 kids and she has reported me for DV before but I was released with no charge or anything. She is constantly threatening me, using the Police and DV as a whipping tool ( I have never touched her). I would like to know, am I legally obliged to meet her demands (half ret, bills etc) if we are not divorced yet? Thanks
Stressed dad - 19-Nov-18 @ 7:52 PM
Hi, I’ve been with my partner 8 years and have a 6 year old son. We’ve sadly fallen out of love and have been continuously arguing for 18months/ 2 years. I’ve been wanting to leave him but he keeps saying I can’t take our son with me and he will fight me for sole custody. He’s also said if I do take our son and let him visit he won’t return him as he’s got rights being on the birth certificate. The only reason I’ve stayed is because of these threats as I don’t want to be separated from my son. What steps can I take to leave him and to make sure our son isn’t affected by this as I want him to grow up with both his parents in his life and not around us arguing. My partner is verbally and emotionally abusive towards me but a fantastic dad and I have a history over 10 years ago of violence in my past which my partner threatens to use against me.
AS - 19-Oct-18 @ 11:16 PM
Woody - Your Question:
Hi, my ex-partner has accused me of domestic abuse and giving her a black eye (of which I am innocent and have a recording of her saying just that).she got drunk at Centre Parks while away with our 5 year old daughter and came back with it in april.the police have charged me and I am in court in August.i have been the main carer to our kid since she was born, technically a stay at home dad as she has a career etc.she owns our home and I am now homeless, no kid, no money, no job.and she is saying that she wants a residency order for our daughter and I have no rights to any kind of settlement wether to do with contact or financial etc etc.please help.many thx.

Our Response:
Unfortunately, we are unable to help in this instance as it will be up to the court to decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child. If the court decides that you are not guilty of assualt, you have a better chance of requesting access, please see the link here . If your partner owns your home, then you have little rights over it unless you can register a beneficial interest. Please see the link here, which will explain your rights more fully. In your case, you may wish to seek legal advice in order to fully explore yoru options. The CAB can help with free legal advice.
ChildSupportLaws - 2-Jul-18 @ 11:46 AM
Hi, my ex-partner has accused me of domestic abuse and giving her a black eye (of which I am innocent and have a recording of her saying just that)...she got drunk at Centre Parks while away with our 5 year old daughter and came back with it in april...the police have charged me and I am in court in August...i have been the main carer to our kid since she was born, technically a stay at home dad as she has a career etc...she owns our home and I am now homeless, no kid, no money, no job...and she is saying that she wants a residency order for our daughter and i have no rights to any kind of settlement wether to do with contact or financial etc etc...please help...many thx...
Woody - 1-Jul-18 @ 6:35 PM
Debz - Your Question:
I stumbled across this page desperately looking for advice,my son as been in a abusive marriage, but has a child with his partner,many of his family tryed desperately to get him help ie different advice places but he had to contact them himself, unfortunately six days ago my son was aggressively attacked by his partner where he had hold of his little girl,he managed to get out the home and tryed to contact the police,his partner viciously grabbed his phone off him and left deep scratch marks to a old skin grafted arm,she contacted the police and they acted in her favor because she phoned first and lied that she had been assaulted my son was arrested an was kept in custody til next day,my son isn't not allowed near his mortgage home that he pays for as she doesn't work and on benefits she's stopped my son seeing his little girl. He's up in court this week and can't get his items that belong to him,as the bail conditions. What rights has he got because his partner is dominating every situation,she's also asking a third party for my son transfer money to her for the baby but he can't because of the bail contact iam so worried about my grandaughter and son mental state of mind. I have contact services relating to my grandaughter but iam worried sick my son will dishome me because he thinks child services will take his little girl

Our Response:
Your son's only recourse is to take the matter to court, please see link here. Social Service cannot help in terms of child access - only a court can do this. If your son is under bail conditions, he would also need to take legal advice to see whether he has a case.
ChildSupportLaws - 1-Jun-18 @ 2:10 PM
I stumbled across this page desperately looking for advice,my son as been in a abusive marriage, but has a child with his partner,many of his family tryed desperately to get him help ie different advice places but he had to contact them himself, unfortunately six days ago my son was aggressively attacked by his partner where he had hold of his little girl,he managed to get out the home and tryed to contact the police,his partner viciously grabbed his phone off him and left deep scratch marks to a old skin grafted arm,she contacted the police and they acted in her favor because she phoned first and lied that she had been assaulted my son was arrested an was kept in custody til next day,my son isn't not allowed near his mortgage home that he pays for as she doesn't work and on benefits she's stopped my son seeing his little girl . He's up in court this week and can't get his items that belong to him,as the bail conditions. What rights has he got because his partner is dominating every situation,she's also asking a third party for my son transfer money to her for the baby but he can't because of the bail contact iam so worried about my grandaughter and son mental state of mind. I have contact services relating to my grandaughter but iam worried sick my son will dishome me because he thinks child services will take his little girl
Debz - 28-May-18 @ 6:22 PM
Meme14 - Your Question:
Hello I'm lost I need advice im a full time mother for 3 children aged 7 , 4 , 2 I had a bad life with my husband we arguments all the time I have asked him to divorce but her refused and he told me if you got to the court the children will be with me not you because you not working and the tenancy under my name and I will be left alone no kids no home nothing , it's been over two years now I'm scared I don't know what to to the children services get involved one and the police twice because he hit me what shall I do ? Dose he have right for children in case I got to court for divorce ? Who has the right for children in this case ?

Our Response:
The parent that generally has the right to look after the children on separation is the parent who looks after them on a day-to-day basis. If your husband is named on the tenancy agreement, he can ask you to move out. If you go, you are within your rights to take your children. The Women's Aid link here may help if you wish for some further advice.
ChildSupportLaws - 22-May-18 @ 2:21 PM
Hello I'm lost I need advice im a full time mother for 3 children aged 7 , 4 , 2 I had a bad life with my husband we arguments all the time I have asked him to divorce but her refused and he told me if you got to the court the children will be with me not you because you not working and the tenancy under my name and I will be left alone no kids no home nothing , it's been over two years now I'm scared I don't know what to to the children services get involved one and the police twice because he hit me what shall I do ? Dose he have right for children in case I got to court for divorce? Who has the right for children in this case ?
Meme14 - 22-May-18 @ 1:48 AM
Grey- Your Question:
Hello I was wondering if I can have some advice, I've never been through anything like this before, me and my partner have broken up. He has chucked me out of our shared council house, both of our name are listed on it. He also insisted he wants mains responsibility of our 4 year old son. But he claims I won't be allowed because I work unsocialable hours, I'm even happy to leave my job or ask my manager to move my hours. I only do 16hours. My sons dad doesn't. I really don't know what to do.

Our Response:
If you are currently the main day-to-day carer for your child, then it is likely a court will allow this to continue. If you have your name on the tenancy agreement, then when a relationship breaks down, both parties remain entitled to occupation of the family home. You can see more via the link here, which will tell you all you need to know regarding your rights.
ChildSupportLaws - 4-May-18 @ 2:13 PM
Sarah Jane - Your Question:
Hello I would like some advise please, I have two young children,my ex the children's father is taking the children for the weekend on a trip away,I have said I would like the details of where they will be going and the hotel details, in case of emergency. My ex has been refusing to provide me with the detail.I am the main carer for the children, who live full time with me. Legally where do I stand,does the children's father need to disclose this information Thank you

Our Response:
There is no law which says he has to provide you with this information. Likewise, you are under no obligation to provide him with the information (if you also take the children away). Ideally, it should be discussed and agreed between you. Many parents are courteous and will give the other parent details. For others, it remains a bone of contention.
ChildSupportLaws - 4-May-18 @ 1:51 PM
Hello I was wondering if I can have some advice, I've never been through anything like this before, me and my partner have broken up. He has chucked me out of our shared council house, both of our name are listed on it. He also insisted he wants mains responsibility of our 4 year old son. But he claims I won't be allowed because I work unsocialable hours, I'm even happy to leave my job or ask my manager to move my hours. I only do 16hours. My sons dad doesn't. I really don't know what to do.
Grey - 3-May-18 @ 11:33 PM
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