The break up of a relationship is always stressful and can leave one or both parents feeling lost, hurt and bewildered. When you separate from the other parent of your child or children, there are certain rights and responsibilities that you need to understand which will help you to make better decisions for yourself and your child.
Parental Responsibility
Mothers automatically have parental responsibility for their children. Fathers also have this right if they were married to the mother when the child was born. If you are an unmarried father, you will have parental responsibility if your name is registered on the child’s birth certificate. You can also get a court order to get parental responsibility of the child, which does not in principle require the consent of the mother. If you separate from your partner and child, you do not lose parental responsibility.
Financial Arrangements For Your Child
When you separate, you will both need to make decisions about the welfare and upbringing of your child. This includes where the child lives and with whom, how the parent who is not living with the child will have contact with the child, and how the child will be supported financially. If you cannot agree this amicably, you will probably need to go to court to have arrangements enforced. Other issues that separating parents should discuss are holidays, education, who has responsibility for taking a child to a doctor, and what would happen if one of you became too ill to care for the child.
It invariably costs more for parents to live apart than together and if financial arrangements are not made this can cause hardship for the child. No matter how angry you feel about what has happened in the break up of your relationship, you should always remember that your child’s needs must come first. If you are able to come to a financial arrangement between yourselves about your child (known as a ‘private agreement’) then that is often best, but it does mean that your arrangement is not legally binding. If payments are not made under a private agreement, the Child Support Agency cannot get involved and help you recover this money.
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If you cannot agree payment arrangements amicably, you may decide to use the CSA or get the court to decide. Using the court is likely to cost money, because you will have to pay court fees and will probably need a solicitor. Going to court over child support payments is not covered by legal aid, but if you are already going to court to determine other issues you can decide child support matters at the same time.
You should also look at changing your will after separation, or if you don’t have one, you should definitely make one! If you don’t have a will, your assets will be dealt with under the laws of intestacy. If you do have a will that is out of date, and your ex partner was the main beneficiary, your assets will go to your ex partner on your death.
What About Our Home?
In terms of property, one partner may decide to leave the family home. This can be problematic if the parents aren’t married, especially if a new partner moves in with your ex before arrangements can be finalised. In these situations, it is very important that you speak to a solicitor without delay. If you and your ex partner are married, one person automatically receives the other’s estate on death – which you will want to avoid if you have separated.
You don’t always have to sell your home on separation. You may be able to agree who pays the mortgage, or get a court order as to that effect. One partner may be able to buy the other partner out of the property, or you could decide to sell it at some point in the future.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Do I Have To Go To Court?
Not all separations and divorces end up in court. Some people are content to use a separation agreement, or to enter mediation in order to come to an agreement about issues between you, your partner and your child. Mediation is often much less stressful than having to resort to court action, and can also be cheaper than litigation. That said, you will have to use the court if you decide you are going to divorce. There is no way around this.
Speak To A Solicitor
In short, if you can possibly keep negotiations amicable then this is best. Things do however have a tendency to deteriorate and you can find yourself very short of money, or without a home, or both, if you decide to leave. In these circumstances, you should always contact a solicitor.
I have an 8 year old son who lives with my ex-girlfriend in Kocise and she cares for him. In 2014 shortly after my son was born we'd split up and she'd returned to Slovakia to live with her family and now has a flat of her own where they both live. I also contribute monthly childcare payments to her but not through any third parties.
At the time that she had returned to Slovakia in 2014 we were not on good terms and I was not listed on my son's birth certificate as his father. His mother wanted to return to Slovakia as soon as possible and his UK birth certificate was never amended. I believe my son has dual nationality or citizenship despite this.
Over the past 8 years, partly due to my employment issues and the pandemic, I have only managed to visit my son once or twice a year, although if I could afford it I would prefer to visit more often. I have been on good terms with my ex-partner, whom I'd had a relationship with since 2011, but it has sometimes been difficult where I feel she limits contact with my son.
Although I often message her on Whatsapp to request videocalls with my son, but these are infrequent as often she says she's unavailable, and only happen once every few months, and after repeated requests and arguing. Unfortunately, I don't speak Slovakian, and my son doesn't speak English, so my ex-partner has to act as a translator and host.
I understand, due to the circumstances where we're separate and living in two different countries, and both with financial difficulties, that it wouldn't realistic for me to have regular contact with my son, but I would like to ask for advice that my rights as a parent and legal rights be acknowledged and respected my ex-partner. I feel that she can be unaccommodating, aggressive and uncommunicative at times, and I am seeking some legal assistance as to how I can establish my rights for contact with my son in agreement with her as amicably and diplomatically as possible.
I'm the father and I want my son to be with me... Its time for her to go and find her way. How can I have my son?
I live currently with my wife, our child and 2 step children in private rented accommodation. We have been married for 10yrs but unfortunately I have been fighting against a reality that my love for her is not what it once was and I am thinking that I have to leave as staying together for the kids will harm us both in the long run and potentially make us resent each other and spill over to the children resenting us.
I want to do right by them all financially and will pay whatever is required by law and more if i can. I have no idea of my financial obligations such as will I be required to pay the rent while my child is in full time education. If this is so then I will do it gladly but I need to be armed with all the facts.
When it became clear that we will never be back togheter my ex started seeing other wemen. I was single for at that time. It was never his concern that I am may be not fit to care for our kids on my own. He has never paid any child maintenance. He has refused to put any money toward kids well-being and told me as separation was my idea, money is my problem now. I have ended up paying my self for all the household bills and expenses, kids child care, getting them to and back to various doctors or hospital appointments with out a car as I don't drive. I have asked him for help but got refused on all occasions. On top of it we had quite a few loans for various things and he refused to pay anything towards when I asked him to move out. Most of loans were I my name as he was useless in arranging anything. So I was left with huge dept as well. I have manage to get help and my money problem got sort out a while ago. Then I've met my partner, we fell in love & and he moved in with me and kids. Since then all I get from my ex is a hustle. He wasn't happy that I & kids are happy and tried to make me to send my partner away.
He must have realised that it's not gonna happen so he stopped. It was all OK until today. He has heard 1/3 of the story/twisted gossip about a house party (New year eve) that happened at my house, unplanned by me. Kids were away with him for few days at that time. The story involves my current partner and local guy who I was friends before. It got bit heated up as my current partner tried to defend my honor. Unwanted gest was quickly removed, things got sorted after every one was sober.
Now, weeks after ex hears it and decided that I am not fit to care for my kids. I do not know what I would do if he took kids away from me. I got very upset and cried a lot today. My partner got upset too and even suggested to go back to his home town I that would help. My kids love him and he loves them too. He's a really good guy and helps me a lot around the house that if feels weird sometimes as my ex to be husband hardly helped at all. He was like a tenant in B&B.
I need some advise as I am loosing my mind what could happened now.
Kids are due to see their dad for the weekend but I fear that he will refuse to bring them back. What should I do NOW? I am so desperate. HELP
The only reason I’ve stayed is because of these threats as I don’t want to be separated from my son.
What steps can I take to leave him and to make sure our son isn’t affected by this as I want him to grow up with both his parents in his life and not around us arguing.
My partner is verbally and emotionally abusive towards me but a fantastic dad and I have a history over 10 years ago of violence in my past which my partner threatens to use against me.
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