What Rights Does My Ex Have with Regards to Our Children?

Understanding parental responsibility

When a relationship ends, parents often have questions about how decisions will be made for their children going forward. Much depends on whether both parents have parental responsibility.

Parental responsibility is a legal term covering the duties, rights and authority a parent has regarding their child. This includes decisions about education, medical treatment, religion and where the child lives.

Mothers automatically have parental responsibility from birth. Fathers have it automatically if they were married to the mother at the time of birth, or if they are named on the birth certificate for children born after December 2003 in England and Wales. Unmarried fathers whose children were born before this date, or who are not named on the certificate, can acquire parental responsibility through a formal agreement with the mother, by marrying the mother, or by applying to court.

If your ex has parental responsibility, they have equal standing in law when it comes to major decisions about your child. This remains the case regardless of who the child lives with most of the time.

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Contact and spending time together

There is no automatic legal right for either parent to have the child live with them or to spend time with them. However, courts in England and Wales start from the position that children generally benefit from having a relationship with both parents, unless there are welfare concerns.

If you and your ex cannot agree on arrangements, seeking legal advice or exploring mediation should usually come before considering a court application. Mediation can help parents reach their own agreement without the cost and emotional toll of court proceedings. Court processes can be time consuming and stressful, so resolving disputes through mediation is worth serious consideration wherever possible.

If court does become necessary, either parent can apply for a child arrangements order. This sets out who the child lives with and when they spend time with each parent. Before making an application, you will usually need to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting.

Courts consider the child's welfare as the main priority. Factors include:

• The child's physical, emotional and educational needs
• The likely effect of any change in circumstances
• The child's age, background and any relevant characteristics
• Any harm the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering
• How capable each parent is of meeting the child's needs

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

Can your ex take your children?

Many parents worry about their ex taking the children and not returning them. If both parents have parental responsibility, neither is technically breaking the law by keeping the child with them, unless a court order says otherwise.

If you are concerned about your ex removing your child from the country, you can apply for a prohibited steps order. Taking a child abroad without the consent of everyone with parental responsibility, or without a court order allowing it, can be a criminal offence under the Child Abduction Act 1984.

Where there is a child arrangements order naming one parent as the person the child lives with, that parent can take the child abroad for up to 28 days without needing consent from the other parent, unless the court has specifically ruled otherwise.

If you have immediate concerns about your child's safety, contact the police. For ongoing worries, seek legal advice or apply to the family court for protective orders.

Reaching a workable arrangement

Most parents manage to sort out arrangements without going to court. A written parenting plan can help you both agree on the practical details and reduce misunderstandings later. You can find templates on the Cafcass website.

Where communication is difficult, family mediation can provide a neutral space to discuss arrangements. Some parents find it helpful to use apps or shared calendars to coordinate schedules without direct contact.

If there are disagreements about the arrangements, keeping a detailed record can be helpful for future discussions or court proceedings. Note dates, times and what occurred in a factual way.

Child maintenance and contact are treated as separate issues in law. Your ex cannot withhold contact because maintenance has not been paid, and you cannot refuse to pay maintenance because contact is not happening. That said, these matters can become tangled in practice when emotions run high. Keeping them separate helps everyone focus on what matters most for the child.

For information about child maintenance calculations and the Child Maintenance Service, check GOV.UK. For guidance on family court processes, the GOV.UK website and Cafcass provide reliable starting points.

If you are unsure about your legal position, consider getting advice from a family solicitor. Many offer an initial fixed fee appointment. You may also qualify for legal aid if domestic abuse is involved or in certain other circumstances.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Child Support Rights Checker lets you answer a few questions about your situation and get a clear summary of your child maintenance rights and options. Try it now →