Home > Paying Child Support > What Rights Does My Ex Have With Regards to Our Children?

What Rights Does My Ex Have With Regards to Our Children?

Author: Elizabeth Mugan BA/BSc, PGDipLaw, BVC, CIArb - Updated: 21 October 2014 |
 
Child Divorce Relationship Amicable Grow

We get many comments and questions from you about child support. We've taken a selection of your comments addressing the issue of keeping contact with your children and the fear of your ex taking them from you - and asked our expert to give some comprehensive information and advice.

The traditional view of the family set up has become something of a minority in 21st century society and because of this, a broken down relationship can lead to complicated legal issues. Whether you are recently divorced and wondering about the role your ex-husband has in your child's life, or you have a child from a relationship that has broken down, but were never married, you need to understand your legal position when it comes to creating an amicable situation for your child to grow up in. Here we aim to dispel some of the myths about parental access and to give you the advice you need to rebuild your life and your children's lives.

Parental Responsibility

Parental responsibility (also known as PR) creates "responsibilities" rather than "rights" regardless of whatever the state of the parents' relationship, emphasising the view that each will maintain an equal, shared and continuing responsibility towards the child.

Where both the mother and the father have PR, they have the power to act alone unless there is a circumstance where, by law, each person with PR is to give consent i.e. in the case of adoption. In reality, holding PR gives the ability to make decisions in relation to the child's name, religion, school, consent to medical treatment and marriage etc.

Who has Parental Responsibility?

Below is a flow chart to help you determine if you have Parental Responsibility:

A mother always has PR. A father who is married to the mother at the time of birth will automatically have PR.

To clarify, for unmarried fathers, the situation is different. Unmarried fathers will have PR if:

  • They marry the mother after the child is born
  • They have jointly registered the child's birth with the mother i.e. their name is on the birth certificate
  • For pre December 2003 registrations, the mother provides a formal declaration of agreement that the father's name is to be added to the birth record and the father re-registers the birth to add his details
  • The court orders a residence order in favour of the father, although this will usually terminate when the resident order ends (generally age 16)
  • A birth parent has signed a parental responsibility agreement
  • A step-parent's PR agreement can be made by consent with all those already having PR for the child
  • By obtaining an adoption order from the court

Where a father has not automatically gained PR, the mother does not have to add the father's name to the birth certificate. However, this will not stop the father from being able to apply to the court for an order, such as a parental responsibility order, which may result in him acquiring PR.

Other family members

Other family members, taking grandparents as an example, do not automatically have PR. They would only be granted PR by a court if, for example, they were appointed as Guardian or were to adopt their grandchild for any reason. If a father with PR asks his parents to take care of the child, they can do so usually without the mother's agreement. However, the child would not be able to remain resident with the grandparents unless they had been granted a residency order by the court.

Voluntary access arrangements

If more than one of you has PR, then the best thing you can do for both your children and yourselves is to voluntarily agree to contact and access etc. If you can do this, then you are more likely to maintain a more harmonious relationship for the sake of your children. Additionally, it will prevent you from having to go to court and from having to pay court and solicitor's fees if you are unable to get legal aid.

Of course, this is the ideal scenario and not always a realistic one. If you cannot agree on residence and contact etc. then you may find that your ex will end up applying to the court for an order.

My Child has Been Taken Away From Me: What Can I Do?

Unfortunately in some circumstances, a father may take your child during agreed contact time and then refuse to bring them home again. If this happens and you are unable to negotiate with the father then you should call the police. However, the police may not be able to do anything. This generally comes down to whether or not the father has PR. If they do not, then the child is the mother's sole responsibility and the police may be able to take the child back to the mother. If the father does have PR, then in usual circumstances, they have the same rights as the mother to look after the child and therefore, so long as the child is not in any harm, the police cannot usually do anything about it. This can be understandably distressing for a mother. What can be done about it?

Residence Orders

A person can make an application for a residence order, whether or not they have PR. For example, a father without PR can make an application for and be granted residency but then he will automatically acquire PR at the same time. It is unusual for a father to be granted residency as well as a mother as this would result in shared residency, which is not always in the best interests of the child. As a result, it is usually the mother who would be granted sole residency.

If a child has been taken by their father and the police cannot do anything, the mother can make an application for a residency order. If the child was snatched or she believes that her child may be in danger, then she can apply for an emergency ex parte application. This is also known as a 'without notice application' i.e. the other party is not given notice of the application. If the mother cannot make an ex parte application then an application can still be made but the father can attend and make his case. At the end of the hearing, the judge will make an order.

There are lots of other orders which the court can make, including contact orders, prohibited steps orders and specific issue orders.

What Factors Will be Taken Into Account?

When reviewing applications, the court will take a number of factors into consideration with regards to the child or children's welfare. These are:

  1. What is best for the child and the feelings and wishes of the child. This is considered according to the child's age and understanding
  2. How capable the parents (and any other relevant people) are of meeting the needs of the child or children
  3. Any harm that the child is at risk of suffering or has suffered
  4. The likely effect of a change of circumstances on the child
  5. The age, background, personality, sex and any other characteristics that the Court believes to be relevant
  6. The child's emotional, physical and educational needs

Domestic abuse

If you have been subjected to domestic abuse, this would clearly be a very important factor for the court to consider when determining what will be in the best interests of the child. If the father makes an application to the court then you can oppose it by giving evidence as to why he should not be given the order. You can oppose any application in much the same way.

Reality Check

When you find yourself fighting to look after your own child your emotions can begin to take over. It is important when you begin to plan your child's parenting and the access of the father that you understand the law and how it might impact on your child's future.

Remember that if your child's father is on the birth certificate, or you were married and are now divorced, the father has the same access to the child as you do in the eyes of the law. If they take your child or even threaten to do so, the police can often be powerless to change the situation. The best advice is to seek mediation and organise access in a written agreement, give yourself something concrete to work from. If your ex is unreasonable then apply for a residency order to ensure that you keep custody of your child.

You might also like...
Leave a Comment, Ask for Advice or Share Your Story...
[Add a Comment]
@ShaolinMonkey - it's always difficult in these situations, especially when couples first split up. When a mother takes charge of the situation sometimes there is not a lot you can do but go along with her wishes to keep the peace. You might have to go along with her wishes for a while until the situation sorts itself out. It's horrible, I know, and not the advice you might want to hear, but rather that then her stop access. I had to do it for a couple of years. We work it between us now and my ex still can be argumentative and awkward, but it's a lot better than it used to be when we first split.
Tom - 21-Oct-14 @ 12:08 PM
This article seems to be based on the premise that the father will be the one who refuses access to the child.My ex and I agreed to share custody 50:50 - she wouldn't discuss custody patterns and insisted I follow the one she suggested which I did to avoid conflict.Since then she has sought to permanently change the days of the arrangement (I refused on the grounds that she insisted on the routine and shouldn't just be able to change at a whim), made several 'one-off' changes that I have agreed to to keep the peace, made several arrangements without consulting me first that she claims can then not be changed, refuses to go to mediation to discuss anything to do with our daughter, refuses to email me any more with regard to our daughter, insists that I pick our daughter up on weekends so that I always do the pick-up (the mid-week changeover is before and after schools) and when I arrive she starts an argument so that our daughter is upset. My concern now is that she is building up to refusing to let me have access to our daughter when I go around to pick her up.When she was emailing me her emails were frequently sarcastic, brusque and didactic and full of what she thought I should be doing with our daughter when it was my time to look after her.I don't seek to criticise her and there are plenty of things I wish she wouldn't do e.g.the drinking, the taking our daughter out of bed in the middle of the night as if she's some sort of teddy-bear and the sneaky way she asked my daughter if she wanted to change her surname without consulting me.It was my daughter who filled me in on the latter two - the drinking I already knew about and is one of the reasons we split up.All I want is to be a good dad for my daughter and for my ex to leave me alone.I am frightened that she is building up to not allowing me access to her.Any advice would be welcome, I'm feeling pretty desperate, I am trying to get some free legal advice at the moment but the waiting list is very long.Thanks.
Shaolin Monkey - 20-Oct-14 @ 11:11 PM
my nieces ex partner whom she has a baby with hurt her on many occassions, they split and the ex has not once had contact with the child in over a year. his mother pushed him to go to court so that he can see the child, which has occured, during this court the judge would not hear of any wrong doing on the fathers behalf, basically saying 'we need to look forward'. My neice iwho is the babys mum, is already involved with social workers as she has asperges, so it is team around the child. so, the father has had weekly contact supervised, and is now going to take her to court to get the child full time to live with him!!!!!!! surely this cannot be possible, as there are no grounds he can take the child other than the mother has this asperges?? and surely the social workers who work with her and the baby should have done their job thouroughly and know what harm he already caused my niece? and worked with him also?? please can you help advise what we should all do about this, as this is definately ridiculous!! thankyou.
loo - 19-Oct-14 @ 12:06 AM
Please can someone confirm if its true that residency order will only be granted if father of my child has actually followed through on taken our child and not returning him If someone without parental responsibility can apply for residency - why can't i Our son has lived with me since birth and is 20 months old. A lot of conflicting advice out there One solicitor has said no wouldn't get another yes I would. Very hard indeed
Sa - 18-Oct-14 @ 4:45 PM
Me and my X have joint custody so our children have two homes. My son is reaching senior school age soon and schools are better closer to his Dads address. But do schools except that divorced children have two homes and can put him my son down as living at them both. Would this effect him getting a placement. I am concerned if we just put him down at his dads address I could loose my benefits...can someone advice thanks
bettyboop - 17-Oct-14 @ 9:40 PM
@angrymummy -Do you have a parental responsibility order of daughter through the courts? If you do then you should see a solicitor right away. However, if you have joint parental responsibilityit doesn't mean he has the right not to hand her back. PR creates "responsibilities" rather than "rights" regardless of whatever the state of the parents' relationship, emphasising the view that each will maintain an equal, shared and continuing responsibility towards the child. So, I would see a solicitor right away and start a legal process. I obviously don't know the background reasons for him refusing to give her back so it is hard to advise further. But, there are lots of other orders which the court can make, including contact orders, prohibited steps orders and specific issue orders.
ChildSupportLaws - 15-Oct-14 @ 11:15 AM
Hi my partner who is now a ex partner offered to have my daughter while I sorted something out I reluctantly agreed when I went to get her he refused to give her back what can be done about this
angrymummy - 14-Oct-14 @ 8:45 PM
@deedee you can find out information on our partner website http://www.separateddads.co.uk/whenyourexpartnerdeniesyouaccess.html Along with other advice it will tell you that your first step should be to send a registered letter to your ex-partner in which you ask her to reinstate contact between you and your children, and stating that if she does not do so, you’ll have to resort to legal action. *Don't forget to take a copy of the letter for your records and keep your proof of sending.* If this produces no action, you then have no alternative but to go to court and ask for an Interim Contact Order. In order to obtain a contact order you will need to submit the correct form to the court. You can find the link to the form you need to fill in, on the website quoted above.
ChildSupportLaws - 13-Oct-14 @ 2:22 PM
I have bee accusssedvof all sorts by my ex. Abuse mently and physicly. And she claims I got her into debt. This is all lies. She has now stopped me seeing my son of 8 years old. My names is on the birth cirtificate and he has my surname. I really want to see hi again. Can and I'm waiting on a court case date. Can some put my mind at ease
deedee - 13-Oct-14 @ 11:13 AM
NEED ADVICE PLEASE HELP I FEEL STUCK, I have a two year old daughter and befor she was born I had alot going on then wen she was born I wad reali ill and didnt bond then got posnatal depression and she had srvear colic, I started to bond and cope till me and her dad split when she was 7months old then I struggled at nights and her colic so when she was 1 I hit rock bottom and agreed she lives with her dad temporary untill I came through it, I got a job as a carer to help my mental state and it has and got counciling I place, I was agreed she comes back after the counciling in a social services meeting, I do have epilepsy which I do have a few a month but they happen in my sleep and I only hav the support of my nan as my mum is mentally ill but befor my daughter went to her dads he wasn't bothered but now social services are closing the case hes usin my epilepsy against me, I live in a flat, I hav a epilepsy alarm and going to get a mattress one so if I hav one in my sleep my nan will be notified straight away and come down in 1minute, I have all carpet, child locks, kitchen stair gate and Windows are locked and child locked so its all safe, he says I have no say, I feel ready to have her back full Tim bit hes tryin to make me snap but it isnt working and refusing to let me hav her back, he accuses me that I dont hear her in the night and she screams which she doesn't and I want to prove that by recording her wen she's asleep and i am as proof, but I dont no how to get her back or wat path to go down please help me
jade - 9-Oct-14 @ 1:18 AM
To All Mothers: I have lost my children through giving the father access on a weekend basis, this is because when a father is on the birth certificate he has the same rights as the mother. The father of my children was domestically violent towards me and was an alcholic/ druggy which officials decided to ignore, he got his solicitor to applied to the court for a residence order straight away. I didn't have any legal representation at the time because I was working, I was devastated by this because my children meant the world to me, I did eventually get legal aid because I had been to my gpand discussed the abuse at the early stages also I had the help from women's aid who helped me move address this was something I was unaware of at the time he gain residence.I am still fighting for contact to see my children but my ex partner refuses on his false allegation 'I'm mentally disturbed'. I think it is discusting that men could act in such away towards women who have put their lives at risks having their children and then to take the children away from the mother who would risk her own life for the sake of her children.The law in the UK fails to see what damage a mother and child relationship is and to how it will affect the child in the future,, never can a mother be replaced or neither should it be pushed upon a child to do so.
chell - 7-Oct-14 @ 1:15 PM
I am due to have my baby any day now and the babies father was a one night stand and when I told him he told me the baby wasn't his and we didn't talk for a month then he started demanding I talk to him which was hard as I have a very sick child so we did talk and he stil said the baby wasn't his so I said I would give him DNA when I had the baby but he wouldn't ever see the baby after that he changed his mind for about 1 week then texted me telling me I had to have an abortion or I would be raising this baby on my own and I had to chose so I choose my baby then I asked him a few time if he wanted to be a father then I got one very long messagesayinif I asked for child support he would make me move 12 hours away from my family and the medical care of my child and then he would sue me for any costs he lost in having to do the DNA or go to court as I choose to. Keep the baby after he told me he didn't want to be a father and that I wouldn't get any money out of him as he couldn't even liveeven tho he lives with his familywhere I own my own house own my own car and am going to uni. And have sole custordy of my daughters where he walked away from his other daughter and lefted her and her mother 14 hours away
Ajay girl - 5-Oct-14 @ 2:53 AM
Can anyone help me my ex has redence of my little girl can I go back to court and get residence??
nuttybird - 4-Oct-14 @ 7:46 PM
I have sole custody of my child. She is due to visit her father in South Africafor Christmas. He had made me aware he wants her to stay and go to school in South Africa in jan because he believes it would be better for her. I will not agree to this. I am now worried that he will not send her back after Christmas. My Child will be 15 in November. Can anyone please advise me of how I can prevent him from doing this?
Lou - 1-Oct-14 @ 5:46 PM
Hi, My ex boyfriend failed to return my child to me in December of 2012. We had verbally agreed that we would share access. He did this out of spite as I had ended the relationship because it was abusive and I feared him. It took me a lot of courage to free myself of the relationship. I started court proceedings, but was in a nervous, anxious state and after one court hearing (where the judge decided to grant me weekend access for two hours on a Saturday), I went on to have a nervous breakdown. Because of this, I didn't get to see my son (he was 9mths old at the time) and having been recovering from the severe depression and anxiety that this brought upon me, I have not seen my son since at all. I am so scared of my ex, I just cannot bear the thought of seeing him again, but I desperately miss my son, I cry all the time for him. I feel so helpless in that I have to face my ex in order to see my son. The thought of going back to court makes me nauseas and upset and terrified. I just wish there was some law in place for people who have suffered abuse from a partner and who want to see their child/children without having to interact with the other parent of the child/children. It's just so unfair. I can't face having to go through another breakdown and then spend another two years recovering. I was a good mother! I did everything for my son and my ex did nothing, literally. His parents were covetous of my son and they all plotted against me, telling horrible lies to make me seem incompetent and irresponsible. I felt like the judge believed all the lies. I was so wound up at hearing all these lies in court that I was shaking uncontrollably and felt as though I was about to faint when walking out. I was in a complete daze. Shocked that my son had been snatched from me by these cruel people, that they had dragged my name through the mud and shocked at the laws that stand in place. I have to get on with my life now, knowing I will probably not see my son again. My heart has been ripped out and I have received no support from officials. I don't mind saying that I truly hate my ex and his family and the law is an ass.
GForce - 30-Sep-14 @ 11:03 PM
hi i need some advice, basically i got arrested for stabbing my sons dad all i got was a caution by the police. my son is currently living with his dad and the socail say they need to do i a risk assesment on me but they no longer need to be there when i have contact with my son. the incident happened 23rd july i got cautioned on 4th september and that was the first time i saw my son since the incident had happened and havent seen him since. all i want to no is if i have the right to go and get my son off his dad as the social dont have anything on me as all i got was a caution.
paigeh95 - 30-Sep-14 @ 11:26 AM
@red devil, are you the mother of the children? Do they normally live with you or their father?
olly - 30-Sep-14 @ 10:28 AM
Question and query My partner and I have decided not to return children to other parent as kids want to live with me...police advised me to get them checked and resulted in different organizations getting involved. what are my legal rights as both ha e pr
red devil - 30-Sep-14 @ 3:04 AM
@twinkle, are your just renewing your children's passports? You don't need their father's permission to get them passports.
si - 24-Sep-14 @ 9:46 AM
I need to get my children new British passports I am recently divorced and don't know wether I need to ask the permission of my astranged ex husband for permission as I thinkk he won't agree out of spite
Twinkle - 23-Sep-14 @ 9:18 PM
Although the father has breached the contact order set in place in 2009 many times, which can be proved, we have today been advised that he can still appear as and when he pleases and demand to see my child and if he takes him we are powerless to stop him. I on the other hand, can face action if I refuse to let him see my child even if its months since he last bothered. I have never refused access however, my child has stated that he does not wish to see his father and recently this stated by my son to him three times, once in front of the police. He does not know this man and is visibly uncomfortable in his presence and this is solely due to the father leaving gaps of 8 and 9 months in between 3 or 4 visits. We are going to pursue this through the court but what can we do in the meantime? Do we have to make him go with this man he doesnt know?
angry - 23-Sep-14 @ 2:19 PM
It is unfair for EITHER parent to use the children as a weapon to hurt one other. Each parent should ALWAYS have the child's best interest in mind but unfortunately that is rarely the case. However, the law is there for a reason and in circumstances like mine, I am thankful it is the way that it is. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship which gradually became worse over a year and a half so I ended it and he did not take too kindly to it at all. In the last months we were together, he accused me of cheating with 10 men (who were my friends years before I met my partner), he would negatively comment on everything I wore (he would call me a slag or say that I looked fat so that I would change... I'm 5ft and a size 8-10, I am not fat), he fought with any guy who spoke or looked at me and blamed me for it, he hid money from me and would force me pay for everything (I later found out he was selling cannabis and was hiding money under the floor), he used to lock me in the house and take all they keys with him (I was forced to climb out of the window 4 months pregnant because he had not returned home that night and I had work in the morning), his aggression and abusive comments got worse when he was drunk (he gets drunk 4 times or more a week), I witnessed him being cruel to animals which was heartbreaking (he hits, kicks and torments his mothers dog to the point where the dog will go for him, he threatened to snap my cats neck, he pulled the car over once purely to kick and throw a live pheasant around that had just run over by a car). He harassed me in every way possible for about 2 months after the relationship ended, I was forced to block him in every form of technology you can imagine but it came to the point where he would follow me, corner me, physically hold me there to shout at me and our friends had to get involved. He told me that if I didn't get back with him that he would kill himself so I contacted his family because I was concerned for his wellbeing and they took charge of him from then on. A few months later I found out that I was 3 months pregnant, I told him and we tried to work things out for our child's sake. Unfortunately, he had not changed (obviously). He quit his job and spent 90% of his time away from me which was mostly spent at the pub which is owned by his sister. I lived with him and his parents, I have never felt so lonely in my whole life. I celebrated my 22nd birthday and Christmas with HIS parents with him nowhere to be seen. He would come home at 4am drunk, occasionally on drugs and at times he would even pass out standing up. At this point I was almost 5 months pregnant and was worried that he would cause me to miscarry so I moved back home. 2 weeks later, I was rushed to hospital and the doctor told me that it was highly likely that I was having a miscarriage and to prepare for the worst. After 7 hours of pressuring my partner, he finally agreed to come and visit me in hospital. Obviously, I was distraught
Emz - 23-Sep-14 @ 12:26 PM
It is unfair for EITHER parent to use the children as a weapon to hurt one other. Each parent should ALWAYS have the child's best interest in mind but unfortunately that is rarely the case. However, the law is there for a reason and in circumstances like mine, I am thankful it is the way that it is. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship which gradually became worse over a year and a half so I ended it and he did not take too kindly to it at all. In the last months we were together, he accused me of cheating with 10 men (who were my friends years before I met my partner), he would negatively comment on everything I wore (he would call me a slag or say that I looked fat so that I would change... I'm 5ft and a size 8-10, I am not fat), he fought with any guy who spoke or looked at me and blamed me for it, he hid money from me and would force me pay for everything (I later found out he was selling cannabis and was hiding money under the floor), he used to lock me in the house and take all they keys with him (I was forced to climb out of the window 4 months pregnant because he had not returned home that night and I had work in the morning), his aggression and abusive comments got worse when he was drunk (he gets drunk 4 times or more a week), I witnessed him being cruel to animals which was heartbreaking (he hits, kicks and torments his mothers dog to the point where the dog will go for him, he threatened to snap my cats neck, he pulled the car over once purely to kick and throw a live pheasant around that had just run over by a car). He harassed me in every way possible for about 2 months after the relationship ended, I was forced to block him in every form of technology you can imagine but it came to the point where he would follow me, corner me, physically hold me there to shout at me and our friends had to get involved. He told me that if I didn't get back with him that he would kill himself so I contacted his family because I was concerned for his wellbeing and they took charge of him from then on. A few months later I found out that I was 3 months pregnant, I told him and we tried to work things out for our child's sake. Unfortunately, he had not changed (obviously). He quit his job and spent 90% of his time away from me which was mostly spent at the pub which is owned by his sister. I lived with him and his parents, I have never felt so lonely in my whole life. I celebrated my 22nd birthday and Christmas with HIS parents with him nowhere to be seen. He would come home at 4am drunk, occasionally on drugs and at times he would even pass out standing up. At this point I was almost 5 months pregnant and was worried that he would cause me to miscarry so I moved back home. 2 weeks later, I was rushed to hospital and the doctor told me that it was highly likely that I was having a miscarriage and to prepare for the worst. After 7 hours of pressuring my partner, he finally agreed to come and visit me in hospital. Obviously, I was distraught
Emz - 23-Sep-14 @ 10:00 AM
Why is it thats its 2014 and the law is still on the side of the mother,my ex girlfrienduses my kids as weapons against me, and even to blackmail me, threatening that il never see my kids again. why is there not a law to protect fathers from this kind of abuse?
thelawneedstochange - 21-Sep-14 @ 12:31 PM
I have a stepdaughter that is 16, drives, and since she has started driving her mother has said she can come see her dad whenever she feels like it.My husband pays his support on time and never has missed a payment.It is sometimes 5 weeks before we see her for a day.The divorce decree says every Thursday and every other weekend.Since she is 16 does her father no longer have any rights?She is a typical teenager and just goes where all her "stuff" is and she doesn't have to pack anything.
teenager - 19-Sep-14 @ 9:53 PM
Novel: Me and my ex were never married but we had a son in 2010, I moved out when he was 3 months old as she left me for my bestfriend. I still got to see my son and he would sometimes stay the night with me or I would go visit him or take him to the park etc. About 2 years later her and my friend moved into their own house and I would still always see my son as I picked up and dropped of my friend because we worked together and so I was always able to see my son. Then I finally moved on and found someone else and all of a sudden she was stopping me from seeing my son. She's always hated my partner for no reason and has always kept my son from me saying she doesn't want him around someone she' hates. I could only see him if it was at her house but we would fight every time and I did not want to be around her.She ended up breaking up with my friend and all though she said she wasn't jealous she pretty much told me I couldn't see my son if I was with my partner so I hardly ever got to see him, Then 2 years later she got a partner and said that I was aloud my son around my then pregnant girl friend just because she was letting our son around her partner all the time. After a few weeks she was back to not wanting him around us but always taking our son around her new partner, she was letting me see my son occasionally and then the day that my next son was born I went to pick up my first son to take him to the hospital and she wouldn't let me take him My second son has only met his big brother once but I had to sneak into his church class to do that and they drilled me for it later. I haven't seen my son since that day and my second is now 10 months old. She won't even let our son come to my brothers wedding who asked if he could be his page boy. Once my second son was born I stupidly stopped paying her child support. About 4 months after he was born my partner found out I had stopped paying my ex and made me contact child support. I owe 150 in child support a week because of a contract I should not have signed and I asked her if we could cancel the contract so I could pay her based on child supports assessment as I cannot afford to pay her 150 a week, also since I stopped lying I accumulated thousands in debt to her, when I contacted child support They told me the only way to get out of paying that debt was for her to make a new agreement and agree that I didn't have to pay her, she said she wouldn't cancel anything unless I gave her full custody, I was so desperate to get debt free that I agreed. She soon realised it was going to be a long process but I wanted the contract canceled ASAP and she wanted custody to be able to get our sons passport on her own. she then said she would give me my money back each week if I signed his passport. I told her she could keep what the assessment would force me to pay which I think was around 40-50 dollars but she said she didn't want any of it. I signed his passport and she was paying me back weekly.
TDVT - 15-Sep-14 @ 9:23 AM
What a disgustingly sexist article this is. I can't believe that in 2014, articles written by 'experts' still consider the *father* as the only party who might abduct a child or be the the perpetrator of domestic abuse.
taiko666 - 15-Sep-14 @ 12:07 AM
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE ADVISE ME??? I have a 4 year old daughter I spilt with her father 3 years ago, he has never paid a penny towards her stating he left the rented house we shared with a freezer and some sofas that were his. Despite this I have taken her and picked her up from his mums house (where he lives now) every Saturday where she has stayed the night, despite many people telling me he is never there and constantly out drinking. Over the past few months I noticed little things that my daughter was telling me regarding both her father and nanny taking her out in vehicles without a car seat, I have advised them several times that this is dangerous and they went out and bought one, however on the odd occasion still didn't use it, when tackled about it her nanny says she forgets and her father says it's not the law to have a car seat when she is a van, I checked with the police and it is the law! When I went to pick her up last Sunday she was returning from the pub with her dad who had been drinking, and didn't have a car seat. I rang the police and they weren't interested they said to contact social services if I had an issue regarding her safety!!! Since all this I have told them both that as they cannot ensure my daughters safety my daughter will not be going round to their house but it they want to see her we can meet at a park etc. I arranged the meeting yesterday but no one turned up and when I text saying we were leaving as we had been waiting over half an hour I got told that they were taking me to court. The only proof I have of him not having my child in a car seat is him stating to me over a text message that it's not the law. I know if it goes to court he will fight dirty and lie through his teeth, so my question is what is the likelihood of him getting unsupervised visits if that does happen, or indeed joint custody. He brags that he works 18 hours a day and the place they live is dirty and has no central heating. Please can somebody advise me, I have had a week of sleepless nights and I am very agitated and upset about all this agro. Thanks in advance
Katty - 14-Sep-14 @ 12:42 PM
Just wondering if anyone can help, I'm looking at adopting my partners eldest boy but as my partner knows who the father is but is not listed and has never had anything to do with him, we still need to ask permission from him to do so, if he does not allow me to do so what would he the next step? I have tried to look it up but ccant seem to find the anwers
carlp - 13-Sep-14 @ 2:31 PM
@Georgie, yes you are their mother so you can go and get them and take them home. He took them from your care so you can now, as long as there are no court orders in place, go and get them back.
Sunny76 - 12-Sep-14 @ 1:43 PM
Leave a Comment, Ask for Advice or Share Your Story...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments
  • koppel
    Re: How Much Will I Have To Pay?
    Personally i think that mothers who have full custody and are in reciept of csa should get it knocked off the child tax and child…
    30 October 2014
  • Sarah
    Re: How Much Will I Have To Pay?
    This system is a joke! Who runs on organisation like this?? Its about time the government pulled their fingers out sat on a pile…
    30 October 2014
  • Sandy
    Re: The Law and Single Mothers
    Hello, I was in a relationship with my daughters father for 9 years before we broke up. when I was living I our home from 2002-2010 I…
    29 October 2014
  • ChildSupportLaws
    Re: Why Child Maintenance and Enforcement is Necessary
    @KB - it seems rather harsh. Usually, the CSA will try to claim money back if your husband was ordered…
    28 October 2014
  • JillB
    Re: The Law and Single Mothers
    @Emmabbb30 - It seems like your mother is making life very difficult for you. It's not nice if she goes to your ex and tells him…
    28 October 2014
  • ChildSupportLaws
    Re: Can I Get Back Pay for Child Maintenance?
    @racer - if he is living in the UK I can comment as this is a UK based site. However, we are not familiar with US…
    28 October 2014
  • ChildSupportLaws
    Re: Your Top Child Support Questions Answered
    @Chey - He would be the one that would have to pay Child Support to you if he is the absent parent. If you mean…
    28 October 2014
  • ChildSupportLaws
    Re: Child Custody Rights
    @ruby - have you spoken to your sister directly and voiced your concerns? Before you seek legal advice perhaps, this is something you could…
    28 October 2014
  • ChildSupportLaws
    Re: Child Support Payments: Your Entitlement
    @Doris - I can see this must be extremely frustrating for you as grandparents. It is hard to advise in detail as…
    28 October 2014
  • Emmabbb30
    Re: The Law and Single Mothers
    My ex is threatening to take legal action to stop my mother from seeing our daughter and so that she has to ask him if she wants to…
    27 October 2014
Further Reading...
Our Most Popular...
Add to my Yahoo!
Add to Google
Stumble this
Add to Twitter
Add To Facebook
RSS feed
You should seek independent professional advice before acting upon any information on the ChildSupportLaws website. Please read our Disclaimer.