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What Rights Does My Ex Have With Regards to Our Children?

By: Elizabeth Mugan BA/BSc, PGDipLaw, BVC, CIArb - Updated: 22 Apr 2018 |
 
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We get many comments and questions from you about child support. We've taken a selection of your comments addressing the issue of keeping contact with your children and the fear of your ex taking them from you - and asked our expert to give some comprehensive information and advice.

The traditional view of the family set up has become something of a minority in 21st century society and because of this, a broken down relationship can lead to complicated legal issues. Whether you are recently divorced and wondering about the role your ex-husband has in your child's life, or you have a child from a relationship that has broken down, but were never married, you need to understand your legal position when it comes to creating an amicable situation for your child to grow up in. Here we aim to dispel some of the myths about parental access and to give you the advice you need to rebuild your life and your children's lives.

Parental Responsibility

Parental responsibility (also known as PR) creates "responsibilities" rather than "rights" regardless of whatever the state of the parents' relationship, emphasising the view that each will maintain an equal, shared and continuing responsibility towards the child.

Where both the mother and the father have PR, they have the power to act alone unless there is a circumstance where, by law, each person with PR is to give consent i.e. in the case of adoption. In reality, holding PR gives the ability to make decisions in relation to the child's name, religion, school, consent to medical treatment and marriage etc.

Who has Parental Responsibility?

Below is a flow chart to help you determine if you have Parental Responsibility:

A mother always has PR. A father who is married to the mother at the time of birth will automatically have PR.

To clarify, for unmarried fathers, the situation is different. Unmarried fathers will have PR if:

  • They marry the mother after the child is born
  • They have jointly registered the child's birth with the mother i.e. their name is on the birth certificate
  • For pre December 2003 registrations, the mother provides a formal declaration of agreement that the father's name is to be added to the birth record and the father re-registers the birth to add his details
  • The court orders a residence order in favour of the father, although this will usually terminate when the resident order ends (generally age 16)
  • A birth parent has signed a parental responsibility agreement
  • A step-parent's PR agreement can be made by consent with all those already having PR for the child
  • By obtaining an adoption order from the court

Where a father has not automatically gained PR, the mother does not have to add the father's name to the birth certificate. However, this will not stop the father from being able to apply to the court for an order, such as a parental responsibility order, which may result in him acquiring PR.

Other family members

Other family members, taking grandparents as an example, do not automatically have PR. They would only be granted PR by a court if, for example, they were appointed as Guardian or were to adopt their grandchild for any reason. If a father with PR asks his parents to take care of the child, they can do so usually without the mother's agreement. However, the child would not be able to remain resident with the grandparents unless they had been granted a residency order by the court.

Voluntary access arrangements

If more than one of you has PR, then the best thing you can do for both your children and yourselves is to voluntarily agree to contact and access etc. If you can do this, then you are more likely to maintain a more harmonious relationship for the sake of your children. Additionally, it will prevent you from having to go to court and from having to pay court and solicitor's fees if you are unable to get legal aid.

Of course, this is the ideal scenario and not always a realistic one. If you cannot agree on residence and contact etc. then you may find that your ex will end up applying to the court for an order.

My Child has Been Taken Away From Me: What Can I Do?

Unfortunately in some circumstances, a father may take your child during agreed contact time and then refuse to bring them home again. If this happens and you are unable to negotiate with the father then you should call the police. However, the police may not be able to do anything. This generally comes down to whether or not the father has PR. If they do not, then the child is the mother's sole responsibility and the police may be able to take the child back to the mother. If the father does have PR, then in usual circumstances, they have the same rights as the mother to look after the child and therefore, so long as the child is not in any harm, the police cannot usually do anything about it. This can be understandably distressing for a mother. What can be done about it?

Residence Orders

A person can make an application for a residence order, whether or not they have PR. For example, a father without PR can make an application for and be granted residency but then he will automatically acquire PR at the same time. It is unusual for a father to be granted residency as well as a mother as this would result in shared residency, which is not always in the best interests of the child. As a result, it is usually the mother who would be granted sole residency.

If a child has been taken by their father and the police cannot do anything, the mother can make an application for a residency order. If the child was snatched or she believes that her child may be in danger, then she can apply for an emergency ex parte application. This is also known as a 'without notice application' i.e. the other party is not given notice of the application. If the mother cannot make an ex parte application then an application can still be made but the father can attend and make his case. At the end of the hearing, the judge will make an order.

There are lots of other orders which the court can make, including contact orders, prohibited steps orders and specific issue orders.

What Factors Will be Taken Into Account?

When reviewing applications, the court will take a number of factors into consideration with regards to the child or children's welfare. These are:

  1. What is best for the child and the feelings and wishes of the child. This is considered according to the child's age and understanding
  2. How capable the parents (and any other relevant people) are of meeting the needs of the child or children
  3. Any harm that the child is at risk of suffering or has suffered
  4. The likely effect of a change of circumstances on the child
  5. The age, background, personality, sex and any other characteristics that the Court believes to be relevant
  6. The child's emotional, physical and educational needs

Domestic abuse

If you have been subjected to domestic abuse, this would clearly be a very important factor for the court to consider when determining what will be in the best interests of the child. If the father makes an application to the court then you can oppose it by giving evidence as to why he should not be given the order. You can oppose any application in much the same way.

Reality Check

When you find yourself fighting to look after your own child your emotions can begin to take over. It is important when you begin to plan your child's parenting and the access of the father that you understand the law and how it might impact on your child's future.

Remember that if your child's father is on the birth certificate, or you were married and are now divorced, the father has the same access to the child as you do in the eyes of the law. If they take your child or even threaten to do so, the police can often be powerless to change the situation. The best advice is to seek mediation and organise access in a written agreement, give yourself something concrete to work from. If your ex is unreasonable then apply for a residency order to ensure that you keep custody of your child.

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[Add a Comment]
Lisaall - Your Question:
After the breakdown of my marriage. My husband has moved back to him parents home. While I am currently in our home with our 2 year old daughter. The sale of the house is to be completed in approx 3 weeks. I am moving into rented accommodation with our daughter. While I am trying to do what I think is best for our daughter my husband has different views. I have agreed that our daughter can go with him for tea dusting the week and sleep over with him at his parents house Thursday and a Friday andreturn her Home Saturday tea time. I came to this decision as I think she needs to sleep over convective days so she settles more. I don’t think it’s best for her to be sleeping out different nights of the week as he is suggesting he stays over the night he takes her for tea. I don’t think as a 2 year old little girl it is best for her to be staying out during the week as well as the other 2 nights. She will be confused as to what is going on. He is adimant he wants her this extra night during the week and wants to take me to court.

Our Response:
Before your ex will be allowed to take you to court, you both would have to consider mediation first, please see link here and here . As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 23-Apr-18 @ 10:12 AM
After the breakdown of my marriage. My husband has moved back to him parents home. While I am currently in our home with our 2 year old daughter. The sale of the house is to be completed in approx 3 weeks. I am moving into rented accommodation with our daughter. While I am trying to do what I think is best for our daughter my husband has different views. I have agreed that our daughter can go with him for tea dusting the week and sleep over with him at his parents house Thursday and a Friday andreturn her Home Saturday tea time. I came to this decision as I think she needs to sleep over convective days so she settles more. I don’t think it’s best for her to be sleeping out different nights of the week as he is suggesting he stays over the night he takes her for tea. I don’t think as a 2 year old little girl it is best for her to be staying out during the week as well as the other 2 nights. She will be confused as to what is going on. He is adimant he wants her this extra night during the week and wants to take me to court.
Lisaall - 22-Apr-18 @ 5:25 PM
Looking for a little advice.. my G/S is 11mnths old. Currently both him & his mum are living with us as this allows her to work while we take care of baby, helping her to get herself on her feet so to speak.DD has recently involved solicitors in relation to visitation & overnight stays regarding the baby with ex partner. Ex partner had a fixed abode when set access arrangements were first made, now he has been kicked out & has no fixed address. DD is still adamant that my GS will go & stay over with dad even though he has no fixed roof over his head. He’s staying with friends & Couch surfing. Her decision is made purely from a selfish point of view as this interrupts her social life if baby doesn’t go.My husband & I have our GS most of the time so we know he’s safe & properly cared for. We’ve had slight concerns before when our GS was with dad at his fixed address & now he has none. We are besides ourselves with worry. Surely there must be some rule or guidelines in relation to overnight stays now since dad has no fixed address.Any advice is welcome.
Grootsgran - 20-Apr-18 @ 10:03 PM
Joey13 - Your Question:
I have a 4 month old son his dad hasn’t played any part in my pregnancy or short uprbringing. He is emotionally abusive and controlling and I can’t live this way any longer. He’s been given two set days a week where he is allowed to my house but not to take son away himself as he cannot be trusted and uses my baby as a trophy. He has threatened me with court since day one. Will I be contacted straight away if he goes to a solicitor? Will he automatically be allowed to take my baby out himself

Our Response:
You can see more regarding how child arrangement orders work via the link here , which should tell you all you need to know.
ChildSupportLaws - 20-Apr-18 @ 3:09 PM
I have a 4 month old son his dad hasn’t played any part in my pregnancy or short uprbringing. He is emotionally abusive and controlling and I can’t live this way any longer. He’s been given two set days a week where he is allowed to my house but not to take son away himself as he cannot be trusted and uses my baby as a trophy. He has threatened me with court since day one. Will I be contacted straight away if he goes to a solicitor? Will he automatically be allowed to take my baby out himself
Joey13 - 20-Apr-18 @ 12:24 AM
shannonxox - Your Question:
Me and my ex boyfriend have been seperated for 2 years because he left me when I found out I was pregnant, then throughout my whole pregnancy he gave me hell, he told me to get an abortion and then told me to give my daughter up for adoption, I nearly lost my life given birth to my daughter and she nearly died and he was out on the piss with his mates whilst this was happening, now he thinks hes can come and see my daughter when he likes, he isnt on the birth certificate because I didnt think he deserved to be on there, he makes me look like a bad mother yet I do everything for my 13 month old and he doesnt pay maintenance at all because hes too lazy to get a job, he sees her once a week and blames me for it but I dont stop him seeing her as much as I want to but I want my daughter knowing what her dad is really like, me and my mother are always arguing because of him cause he makes out im constantly having ago at him, hes called me a bad mother because I let my mother have her over night so he can see her because he has to be supervised and he didnt like the fact I set days and times for him to see the baby and he didnt like it and threatened to take me to court for no reason, so I need some advice on what to do

Our Response:
As much as you obviously dislike your ex, he is still the parent of yours/his child and does have rights. Those rights extend to suggesting mediation in order to come to a suitable contact arrangement. If you refuse, he can apply to court. As with any court order, the court will decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child. Trying to negotiate out of court is in both you and your ex's best interests. As there are two sides to every story, once it reaches court the court will decide on your behalf, and any court order will have to be kept to.
ChildSupportLaws - 16-Apr-18 @ 11:10 AM
Me and my ex boyfriend have been seperated for 2 years because he left me when i found out i was pregnant, then throughout my whole pregnancy he gave me hell, he told me to get an abortion and then told me to give my daughter up for adoption, i nearly lost my life given birth to my daughter and she nearly died and he was out on the piss with his mates whilst this was happening, now he thinks hes can come and see my daughter when he likes, he isnt on the birth certificate because i didnt think he deserved to be on there, he makes me look like a bad mother yet i do everything for my 13 month old and he doesnt pay maintenance at all because hes too lazy to get a job, he sees her once a week and blames me for it but i dont stop him seeing her as much as i want to but i want my daughter knowing what her dad is really like, me and my mother are always arguing because of him cause he makes out im constantly having ago at him, hes called me a bad mother because i let my mother have her over night so he can see her because he has to be supervised and he didnt like the fact i set days and times for him to see the baby and he didnt like it and threatened to take me to court for no reason, so i need some advice on what to do
shannonxox - 15-Apr-18 @ 7:24 PM
KiwiAdventurer - Your Question:
I am desperate. My husband left me after having 3 affairs, leaving me with three young daughters to care for as a single parent. Over the last ten years, he has not paid any maintenance, basically citing his earnings are allegedly less than 5K per annum as a self employed taxi driver.Its been a struggle looking after 3 daughters, 1 who is 17 has been sectioned for safety reasons (father does not want to know or understand, she has ADHD ); 1 is 18 and moving away. My youngest who is 15 has now decided she wants to live with her father and his girlfriend. Her fathers girlfriend is trying to claim I am a bad mother, and my ex husband is the victim. He has never had any interest in his children until he met with his new girlfriend 6 months ago. Only 2 months ago he left her stranded on the street at 2am in the morning as he couldn't cope. I've spent my life a single parent looking after the children with little money or support. Now I'm at my wits end with the entire situation. My youngest has basically called me a failure and decided with my ex husbands girlfriend she would live with her at her house. She left yesterday screaming and shouting at me. My ex's girlfriends seems to think she can do what she wants. My daughter no longer wants contact with me. this is all very sudden. MY ex husband has paid no interest in our children; never provided financial support and basically didn't want to know. I've always allowed the girls to make their own choices to see their father. and always supported any visits.Please can someone help or advise. I.m looking to counselling but I really am struggling with this entire situation.

Our Response:
If your 15-year-old has moved out to live with her father, your only recourse is to request mediation and if your ex refuses, apply to court, please see link here . As your daughter is now 15, her opinion will be taken into consideration. However, as in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 13-Apr-18 @ 2:28 PM
Concern and scares - Your Question:
I have been dry for 7 years but then got with a man and we have a baby together but why with me he kept going with other woman and playing mind games so in last 6 mths I had 2 re lasp's.as I took every he said to be true my problem was I wanted to be loved so let him keep doing it well then my last relasp he sent someone to collect his 8mths old boy as I was drank which I know I done wrong.but since then he won't let me see my baby or even give me photos but has informed me he going for custody and gonna move out his mum's to get a place.he tells me he bring my son to see me but then don't turn up.how can I fight him so he don't get custody.I am seeking help for drink and for the emotional abuse he is doing to Me.I can't afford solicitor can anyone advice plz

Our Response:
Your only recourse is to apply for a child arrangement order in court, please see link here. If you cannot afford legal representation you can self-litigate, please see link here. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 13-Apr-18 @ 1:00 PM
I have been dry for 7 years but then got with a man and we have a baby together but why with me he kept going with other woman and playing mind games so in last 6 mths I had 2 re lasp's .as I took every he said to be true my problem was I wanted to be loved so let him keep doing it well then my last relasp he sent someone to collect his 8mths old boy as I was drank which I know I done wrong .but since then he won't let me see my baby or even give me photosbut has informed me he going for custody and gonna move out his mum's to get a place.he tells me he bring my son to see me but then don't turn up.how can I fight him so he don't get custody.I am seeking help for drink and for the emotional abuse he is doing to Me.I can't afford solicitor can anyone advice plz
Concern and scares - 12-Apr-18 @ 7:17 PM
I am desperate.My husband left me after having 3 affairs, leaving me with three young daughters to care for as a single parent.Over the last ten years,he has not paid any maintenance, basically citing his earningsare allegedly less than 5K per annum as a self employed taxi driver. Its been a struggle looking after 3 daughters, 1 who is 17 has been sectioned for safety reasons(father does not want to know or understand, she has ADHD ); 1 is 18 and moving away.My youngest who is 15 has now decided she wants to live with her father and his girlfriend.Her fathers girlfriend is trying to claim I am a bad mother, and my ex husband is the victim.He has never had any interest in his children until he met with his new girlfriend 6 months ago. Only 2 months ago he left her strandedon the street at 2am in the morning as he couldn't cope. I've spent my life a single parent looking after the children with little money or support.Now I'm at my wits end with the entire situation.My youngest has basically called me a failure and decided with my ex husbands girlfriend she would live with her at her house. She left yesterday screaming and shouting at me.My ex's girlfriends seems to think she can do what she wants.My daughter no longer wants contact with me.this is all very sudden.MY ex husband has paid no interest in our children; never provided financial support and basicallydidn't want to know.I've always allowed the girls to make their own choices to see their father. and always supported any visits. Please can someone help or advise.I.m looking to counselling but I really am struggling with this entire situation.
KiwiAdventurer - 10-Apr-18 @ 10:29 AM
My husband and I have been separated for over a year now we have established a good routine in regards to visitations with our son and he seems very settled. However my husband in moving his brother into his house. I have concerns about his brother and his behaviour ( although I do not have any evedience to support any of my claims) and would feel extremely uncomfortable leaving my child in the same house as him. Do I have any rights at all to stop this from happening? Any advice would be much appreciated.
Bailey14 - 7-Apr-18 @ 2:11 AM
Upsetmother - Your Question:
I have just ended a relationship with the father of my children due to how controlling and how unhappy we all are we have mediation soon but he's tried asking me to stay a few times which I have refused as I don't love him in that way anymore and I want my kids to be happy and see us happy. But everytime I say no he is hitting me with I'm having the children live with me etc. I've just found a property and told him he's not the roof and told me I'm not taking nothing because apparently I never paid anything there and I'm not taking the children as it is now we have a joint mortgage he stayed with a relative for a few weeks and as soon as I said there was no going back he moved backcin this is why I made the decision to go instead but now he has told me I am not allowed to take my children and has applied for a court order and id have to bring them back. He knows he can hurt me this way by involving my children it's absolutely disgusting the way he is acting where I have been more than fair and left him have them 3 nights a week but still not good enough he wants to take them off me all together. Am I able to move with my children it's about a mile not even that away I can't go if my children can't come with me he is trying to drive me to a breakdown I can't cope. Any advice would be helpful? I don't want him to stop seeing the children and would never do that but I expect it from him also and I need my children to stay with me I'd have nothing otherwise and may aswell not be here ????

Our Response:
Have you thought of suggesting mediation? Generally, the person who has the day-to-day care of the children is the person who continues this role and therefore becomes the primary carer. However, if you cannot agree between you, then mediation is the next option. If you cannot agree through mediation then it will be up to a court to decide. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. The least amount of upset is always the preferred option, which is why the chidlren are usually permitted to stay with the primary carer. You can see more via the link here .
ChildSupportLaws - 5-Apr-18 @ 2:43 PM
I have just ended a relationship with the father of my children due to how controlling and how unhappy we all are we have mediation soon but he's tried asking me to stay a few times which I have refused as I don't love him in that way anymore and I want my kids to be happy and see us happy. But everytime I say no he is hitting me with I'm having the children live with me etc. I've just found a property and told him he's not the roof and told me I'm not taking nothing because apparently I never paid anything there and I'm not taking the children as it is now we have a joint mortgage he stayed with a relative for a few weeks and as soon as I said there was no going back he moved backcin this is why I made the decision to go instead but now he has told me I am not allowed to take my children and has applied for a court order and id have to bring them back. He knows he can hurt me this way by involving my children it's absolutely disgusting the way he is acting where I have been more than fair and left him have them 3 nights a week but still not good enough he wants to take them off me all together. Am I able to move with my children it's about a mile not even that away I can't go if my children can't come with me he is trying to drive me to a breakdown I can't cope. Any advice would be helpful? I don't want him to stop seeing the children and would never do that but I expect it from him also and I need my children to stay with me I'd have nothing otherwise and may aswell not be here ????
Upsetmother - 4-Apr-18 @ 5:42 PM
my baby is 8 weeks old and has been brought up solely by me. When he was 7 weeks old I tracked down his father as I wanted him to be apart of our sons life. He was not interested in th baby throughout my pregnancy or the first few weeks of my sons life and it was me that instigated the relationship to begin. He is not on the birth certificate either and has no PR. He smokes weed regular and has started to be very harsh towards me demanding overnight access immediately and to have my so. Every single weekend? I am so stressed, surely this can’t be right? What are my rights? I have agreed to a couple of evenings a week for a few hours so as they can develop a bond but at the moment as it stands I do not know this man from Adam and I cannot just hand my baby over to him for overnight access because he is his biological father. What’s my rights and what rights is he able to get ? I’m super upset .
Lisaa - 31-Mar-18 @ 11:00 AM
Fedup - Your Question:
My ex sees our daughter each weekend Friday at two till Sunday at six however she spends most if that time with his parents in ever stop her going ,he as now been to a solicitor saying I need to go for mediation for more access.it is so his parents can see more of her.they are trying to take my daughter and he makes things really difficult in all aspects of my life please advice I want to just stop the contact.

Our Response:
If you stop contact, then your ex will have the option to suggest mediation as a way of trying to resolve the issue. If you refuse, then your ex will have the option to apply to court. If your ex applies to court, then the court will make a decision on yours and his behalf regarding what it thinks is in the best interests of your daughter.
ChildSupportLaws - 29-Mar-18 @ 3:07 PM
So long one but will cut it down I'm single mum of 3 not by my choice My ex and dad to youngest two kids (3 & 1 yrs old) does wish to see the kids but only on his terms and conditions and if I refuse he refuses to collect the kids at all He had kids 6 weekends then one week no access (Fri eve to Sunday eve) he won't commit to any set holidays and advised he will be removing kids from nursery for holidays as cannot have them during school holidays I wasn't to fussed on holiday aspect. I advised I was going to lawyer to draft up our agreement and this was fine until day after id seen lawyer he messaged me to say he will now only have kids 3 weekends then one off and if I Dont like it tough. I advised him to let lawyer know as should get letter in next few days and until we sort it all out properly we will continue with his access as it was so as not to upset the kids but he refused and hasn't seen the kids for three weeks now. So yes men can push to see kids but where do I stand as mum on having an input to the agreement as it impacts my life my other child's life as well as my two kids I have with him. He emailed lawyer to say he wants it reduced as he also has another child (13yrs) but his one bed flats too small for them all to stay at once so my kids never see their sibling as he will jit have all Tyree together. Is this a valid reason? I've agree md via lawyer to reduce to 3 weekends out of 4 but with one midweek night added so give the kids stability and for him to be part of their education by doing nursery and school run. As well as statng access is still open until resolved. I'm awaiting a response. If he is displaying and interest and wants kids would a judge rule on fair access in interest of kids or can my ex dictate that?
Unicorn - 29-Mar-18 @ 1:34 AM
So long one but will cut it down I'm single mum of 3 not by my choice My ex and dad to youngest two kids (3 & 1 yrs old) does wish to see the kids but only on his terms and conditions and if I refuse he refuses to collect the kids at all He had kids 6 weekends then one week no access (Fri eve to Sunday eve) he won't commit to any set holidays and advised he will be removing kids from nursery for holidays as cannot have them during school holidays I wasn't to fussed on holiday aspect. I advised I was going to lawyer to draft up our agreement and this was fine until day after id seen lawyer he messaged me to say he will now only have kids 3 weekends then one off and if I Dont like it tough. I advised him to let lawyer know as should get letter in next few days and until we sort it all out properly we will continue with his access as it was so as not to upset the kids but he refused and hasn't seen the kids for three weeks now. So yes men can push to see kids but where do I stand as mum on having an input to the agreement as it impacts my life my other child's life as well as my two kids I have with him. He emailed lawyer to say he wants it reduced as he also has another child (13yrs) but his one bed flats too small for them all to stay at once so my kids never see their sibling as he will jit have all Tyree together. Is this a valid reason? I've agree md via lawyer to reduce to 3 weekends out of 4 but with one midweek night added so give the kids stability and for him to be part of their education by doing nursery and school run. As well as statng access is still open until resolved. I'm awaiting a response. If he is displaying and interest and wants kids would a judge rule on fair access in interest of kids or can my ex dictate that?
Unicorn - 29-Mar-18 @ 1:33 AM
My ex sees our daughter each weekend Friday at two till Sunday at six however she spends most if that time with his parents in ever stop her going ,he as now been to a solicitor saying I need to go for mediation for more access .it is so his parents can see more of her .they are trying to take my daughter and he makes things really difficult in all aspects of my life please advice I want to just stop the contact .
Fedup - 27-Mar-18 @ 6:56 PM
Sars - Your Question:
Hi I have three kids with my ex partner and I would like him to have the kids over the weekend but he always comes up with excuses. He only takes 1 of my kids to stay at his grandmas house but leaves my other 2 boys with me, iv spoken so many times with him because I would like a bit of free time but we just end up arguing all the time plus my ex always harassing me calling me and messaging me inappropriately, iv thought so many times of calling the police but I don't want my kids to get effected by all this.I have blocked his number but keeps calling me on private. What can I do?

Our Response:
You can see more via the link here . You cannot force your ex to have his children if he does not wish to. A court would not force your ex to have the children either, as it would not be deemed to be in the children's best interests.
ChildSupportLaws - 23-Mar-18 @ 12:25 PM
Hi I have three kids with my ex partner and I would like him to have the kids over the weekend but he always comes up with excuses. He only takes 1 of my kids to stay at his grandmas house but leaves my other 2 boys with me, iv spoken so many times with him because I would like a bit of free time but we just end up arguing all the time plus my ex always harassing me calling me and messaging me inappropriately, iv thought so many times of calling the police but I don't want my kids to get effected by all this....I have blocked his number but keeps calling me on private. What can I do?
Sars - 22-Mar-18 @ 7:36 PM
Nelson - Your Question:
The problem is that system is all in favour of mothers! When it should look at each individual case. My ex has taken my daughters from me for no good reason (she is unhappy to find out that I'm in a new relationship, although she has been in relationship for past 6 months). I'm looking for advice because I'm been to see a mediation team and she refused to attend, but hard to see all this one sided advance as if men don't go through the same struggles. Shame.

Our Response:
If your ex has not attended mediation, then you can apply for a child arrangement order, please see link here. If you cannot afford legal representation you can self-litigate, please see link here.
ChildSupportLaws - 22-Mar-18 @ 3:27 PM
The problem is that system is all in favour of mothers! When it should look at each individual case. My ex has taken my daughters from me for no good reason (she is unhappy to find out that I'm in a new relationship, although she has been in relationship for past 6 months). I'm looking for advice because I'm been to see a mediation team and she refused to attend, but hard to see all this one sided advance as if men don't go through the same struggles. Shame.
Nelson - 20-Mar-18 @ 7:12 PM
Scared mum - Your Question:
Where do I stand with stopping my ex husband seeing our 3 kids. He has beat me up on numerous occasions and just got off on a technicality for messing about with my daughter his step daughter. I don’t want him around our daughter for obvious reasons and I don’t want his temper around our sons

Our Response:
There is nothing you can do to stop your children's father from applying for access to see yours/his children. If he has a police record for the incidents you mention, then the courts will take this into consideration and Cafcass will get involved, please see link here .
ChildSupportLaws - 20-Mar-18 @ 12:21 PM
Where do I stand with stopping my ex husband seeing our 3 kids. He has beat me up on numerous occasions and just got off on a technicality for messing about with my daughter his step daughter. I don’t want him around our daughter for obvious reasons and I don’t want his temper around our sons
Scared mum - 19-Mar-18 @ 9:24 PM
Lovewins - Your Question:
What rights do I have for stopping my husband seeing our kids now that wev split? He walked out of his job stopped providing and smokes ALOT of weed. He becomes short tempered and verbally abusing to me and our kids. I don’t want that around my kids but what rights do I have?

Our Response:
Both parents have rights to be in their children's lives. If you cannot agree between you, then mediation is the next option to consider to see whether you can both attempt to resolve the issues you disagree on. If you do not consent to discussing access via mediation, then your ex will have the option to decide. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 15-Mar-18 @ 2:36 PM
AaronH1991 - Your Question:
Hi,Me and my ex have a daughter together, she is 3. We split up when she was 1. Prior to splitting up I lived with my ex and my daughter. I took paternity leave when my daughter was born, she has my surname, I pay money to her directly through the CSA and I am also on the birth certificate. My ex is now making it very difficult for me to spend time with my daughter. Saying that I can only have access to see her round at her house, whilst she is in. She currently lives with her new partner and my daughter and I live with my new partner. One of the reasons I can’t have overnight access, or even access to take my daughter on days out is because the mother doesn’t want my new girlfriend seeing my daughter. My girlfriend has a child of her own and is perfectly fine to be around my daughter in my opinion. Can someone shed a bit of light on the situation as to my rights and what I can do to sort something out? As it’s really frustrating and I feel as though she holds all the cards as the residential parent and there is nothing I can do about it. Thanks :)

Our Response:
If your ex is restricting access, your only options are to suggest mediation and if she refuses, take the matter to court, please see link here . Unless there is a very good provable reason why your current girlfriend should not have contact, then the court would allow contact. If a regular contact order is put in place, your ex would have to adhere to it. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. If you have had regular contact with your child to date, it is highly likely the court would continue to allow this.
ChildSupportLaws - 15-Mar-18 @ 1:55 PM
Hi, Me and my ex have a daughter together, she is 3. We split up when she was 1. Prior to splitting up I lived with my ex and my daughter. I took paternity leave when my daughter was born, she has my surname, I pay money to her directly through the CSA and I am also on the birth certificate. My ex is now making it very difficult for me to spend time with my daughter. Saying that I can only have access to see her round at her house, whilst she is in. She currently lives with her new partner and my daughter and I live with my new partner. One of the reasons I can’t have overnight access, or even access to take my daughter on days out is because the mother doesn’t want my new girlfriend seeing my daughter. My girlfriend has a child of her own and is perfectly fine to be around my daughter in my opinion. Can someone shed a bit of light on the situation as to my rights and what I can do to sort something out? As it’s really frustrating and I feel as though she holds all the cards as the residential parent and there is nothing I can do about it. Thanks :)
AaronH1991 - 13-Mar-18 @ 10:36 PM
What rights do I have for stopping my husband seeing our kids now that wev split? He walked out of his job stopped providing and smokes ALOT of weed. He becomes short tempered and verbally abusing to me and our kids. I don’t want that around my kids but what rights do I have?
Lovewins - 13-Mar-18 @ 6:05 PM
I’ve had enough. My son and I have a great relationship, we laugh, play, learn and enjoy each other’s (little but) quality time together. My Son is now 7 years old, and I spent the first two years of his life fighting accusations in court by his mother trying to keep me away. We had an awful relationship, where there was emotional and physical abuse present and I was also classed as a domestic violence victim. She has always struggled with a cocaine addiction yet at that time of going through court, the court was not willing to do any tests on her, instead jumped at all of the accusations made by her and tested me for everything she said (which she knew would delay court preceding and stall contact) court found nothing from accusations, I was granted contact order with the meanings of naturally progressing contact as it had to start in contact centre giving my sons age at the time and the fact he didn’t know me after a involuntary 2 year absence. This contact has never progressed. He now asks me for sleep overs and that he wants spent more time with me. Yet since I’ve relayed this back and asked for additional time or change our every Sunday arrangement, to every-other full weekend stays, they’ve responded by saying that he doesn’t want to change the days and times and that I should stop pressurising him (which I haven’t) I’ve only ever supported his wishes and never plotted to alienate him in anyway against his maternal family (even though I do hate them) I constantly feel frustrated that they don’t respect my patrental responisbility and have never consulted me on any of the decisions they have made for him I.e his religious school, his after school clubs etc etc. Instead I get comments like “we allowed you to take him away on holiday last summer and let him stay for 3 days over Christmas” this kind of thing makes my blood boil and makes me want to do something drastic like not take him back after contact. The only reason I haven’t is because I don’t want to upset my boy and don’t feel he should be subjected to this kind of thing going between his parents. His mother is a bully and abusive and I fear for him regularly knowing what she is like and how bad her temper is! But what am I to do? How do I make them realise that I’m a equal parent who should be apart of all of these decisions made. I also know that they actively block him calling me and speaking to me whilst with them. I’m sick of the constant alienation and am at my wits end. What do I do?? Please help
Desperate dad - 10-Mar-18 @ 7:32 PM
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