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What Rights Does My Ex Have With Regards to Our Children?

By: Elizabeth Mugan BA/BSc, PGDipLaw, BVC, CIArb - Updated: 18 Nov 2017 |
 
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We get many comments and questions from you about child support. We've taken a selection of your comments addressing the issue of keeping contact with your children and the fear of your ex taking them from you - and asked our expert to give some comprehensive information and advice.

The traditional view of the family set up has become something of a minority in 21st century society and because of this, a broken down relationship can lead to complicated legal issues. Whether you are recently divorced and wondering about the role your ex-husband has in your child's life, or you have a child from a relationship that has broken down, but were never married, you need to understand your legal position when it comes to creating an amicable situation for your child to grow up in. Here we aim to dispel some of the myths about parental access and to give you the advice you need to rebuild your life and your children's lives.

Parental Responsibility

Parental responsibility (also known as PR) creates "responsibilities" rather than "rights" regardless of whatever the state of the parents' relationship, emphasising the view that each will maintain an equal, shared and continuing responsibility towards the child.

Where both the mother and the father have PR, they have the power to act alone unless there is a circumstance where, by law, each person with PR is to give consent i.e. in the case of adoption. In reality, holding PR gives the ability to make decisions in relation to the child's name, religion, school, consent to medical treatment and marriage etc.

Who has Parental Responsibility?

Below is a flow chart to help you determine if you have Parental Responsibility:

A mother always has PR. A father who is married to the mother at the time of birth will automatically have PR.

To clarify, for unmarried fathers, the situation is different. Unmarried fathers will have PR if:

  • They marry the mother after the child is born
  • They have jointly registered the child's birth with the mother i.e. their name is on the birth certificate
  • For pre December 2003 registrations, the mother provides a formal declaration of agreement that the father's name is to be added to the birth record and the father re-registers the birth to add his details
  • The court orders a residence order in favour of the father, although this will usually terminate when the resident order ends (generally age 16)
  • A birth parent has signed a parental responsibility agreement
  • A step-parent's PR agreement can be made by consent with all those already having PR for the child
  • By obtaining an adoption order from the court

Where a father has not automatically gained PR, the mother does not have to add the father's name to the birth certificate. However, this will not stop the father from being able to apply to the court for an order, such as a parental responsibility order, which may result in him acquiring PR.

Other family members

Other family members, taking grandparents as an example, do not automatically have PR. They would only be granted PR by a court if, for example, they were appointed as Guardian or were to adopt their grandchild for any reason. If a father with PR asks his parents to take care of the child, they can do so usually without the mother's agreement. However, the child would not be able to remain resident with the grandparents unless they had been granted a residency order by the court.

Voluntary access arrangements

If more than one of you has PR, then the best thing you can do for both your children and yourselves is to voluntarily agree to contact and access etc. If you can do this, then you are more likely to maintain a more harmonious relationship for the sake of your children. Additionally, it will prevent you from having to go to court and from having to pay court and solicitor's fees if you are unable to get legal aid.

Of course, this is the ideal scenario and not always a realistic one. If you cannot agree on residence and contact etc. then you may find that your ex will end up applying to the court for an order.

My Child has Been Taken Away From Me: What Can I Do?

Unfortunately in some circumstances, a father may take your child during agreed contact time and then refuse to bring them home again. If this happens and you are unable to negotiate with the father then you should call the police. However, the police may not be able to do anything. This generally comes down to whether or not the father has PR. If they do not, then the child is the mother's sole responsibility and the police may be able to take the child back to the mother. If the father does have PR, then in usual circumstances, they have the same rights as the mother to look after the child and therefore, so long as the child is not in any harm, the police cannot usually do anything about it. This can be understandably distressing for a mother. What can be done about it?

Residence Orders

A person can make an application for a residence order, whether or not they have PR. For example, a father without PR can make an application for and be granted residency but then he will automatically acquire PR at the same time. It is unusual for a father to be granted residency as well as a mother as this would result in shared residency, which is not always in the best interests of the child. As a result, it is usually the mother who would be granted sole residency.

If a child has been taken by their father and the police cannot do anything, the mother can make an application for a residency order. If the child was snatched or she believes that her child may be in danger, then she can apply for an emergency ex parte application. This is also known as a 'without notice application' i.e. the other party is not given notice of the application. If the mother cannot make an ex parte application then an application can still be made but the father can attend and make his case. At the end of the hearing, the judge will make an order.

There are lots of other orders which the court can make, including contact orders, prohibited steps orders and specific issue orders.

What Factors Will be Taken Into Account?

When reviewing applications, the court will take a number of factors into consideration with regards to the child or children's welfare. These are:

  1. What is best for the child and the feelings and wishes of the child. This is considered according to the child's age and understanding
  2. How capable the parents (and any other relevant people) are of meeting the needs of the child or children
  3. Any harm that the child is at risk of suffering or has suffered
  4. The likely effect of a change of circumstances on the child
  5. The age, background, personality, sex and any other characteristics that the Court believes to be relevant
  6. The child's emotional, physical and educational needs

Domestic abuse

If you have been subjected to domestic abuse, this would clearly be a very important factor for the court to consider when determining what will be in the best interests of the child. If the father makes an application to the court then you can oppose it by giving evidence as to why he should not be given the order. You can oppose any application in much the same way.

Reality Check

When you find yourself fighting to look after your own child your emotions can begin to take over. It is important when you begin to plan your child's parenting and the access of the father that you understand the law and how it might impact on your child's future.

Remember that if your child's father is on the birth certificate, or you were married and are now divorced, the father has the same access to the child as you do in the eyes of the law. If they take your child or even threaten to do so, the police can often be powerless to change the situation. The best advice is to seek mediation and organise access in a written agreement, give yourself something concrete to work from. If your ex is unreasonable then apply for a residency order to ensure that you keep custody of your child.

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[Add a Comment]
I have a court order stating I can see my kids once a forthright on a sat for a few hours, stating things need to progress. I asked my ex if I could bring the kids to my house to also meet my ex and she is refusing. We have been split for almost a year now and I need some support as to what I can and can’t do.
G - 18-Nov-17 @ 12:08 PM
HI just after some advice me and my partner split up 6 months ago she has just had kids age 1 and 3 taking away from her due to neglect and placed into my sister's care whIle social workers investigateI am not under investigation or either done an thing wrong can I be stopped from taking them into my care
cass - 18-Nov-17 @ 8:18 AM
Mumma of 3 - Your Question:
Hiya. Just after a little advice. So recently my ex has been obviously lying about where he’s living, and I’ve found out he’s moved in with someone out of the county that he meet on tinder. My question is. am I wrong in wanting details of where he’s living before I allow my son (age1) to go for sleepovers again. Contact hasn’t really been an issue between us and we normally get on brilliant but I feel very strongly on this.

Our Response:
There isn't very much we can help you with here, as there are no rules either way. If you feel strongly, then you should negotiate these issues directly with your ex, or through mediation in order to come to a resolution. If you cannot solve this disagreement through either of these methods and you stop contact, then your ex will have the opportinuty to take the matter to court. It will then be up to the court to decide on your behalf and what 'it' thinks is in the best interests of your child. Solving this issue between you, is the preferable way forward. If you have got on previously and you think your ex is a good dad, then you would have to ask the question whether you think your ex would put his child into a harmful situation. It may be that your ex isn't necessarily lying, but is being economical with the truth as he doesn't want it to cause any ripples in his relationship with you and/or his child. Most couples move on when they separate and accepting this is a part of moving on yourself. Hopefully, as you would pick a partner that you would trust with your child, so would your ex. Sitting down and discussing this mutually is the best way forward.
ChildSupportLaws - 16-Nov-17 @ 11:28 AM
Hello! I’m desperate and in need of help with regards to my daughter. I and the farther of my daughter are divorced but not officially yet as we are awaiting for the court order. We are both Bulgarian citizens with permanent residency in the uk for over 8 years. Our daughter is a British citizen with a British passport. About 5/6 months ago, we came to Bulgaria for holiday, however, after a serious conflict we got separated. And now, the farther does not agree and let our daughter to go back to the UK. I’m absolutely desperate because my daughter is only 1 year old and has missed 4 vaccinations. I have lost my job. I had to register my daughter to a GP here in Bulgaria so that she can be immunised but the doctor says that the different manufacturers of vaccinationshave different doses, and some of them are hard maybe even not possible to be found in Bulgaria. The farther is trying to do everything possible so that we cannot return to the UK, to that extend that he has arranged one of the vaccinations and apparently found the right one from the right manufacturer (which I really cannot trust). The rest of the vaccinations are not given in Bulgaria at all, according to the doctor. However, the farther is saying that he will find them. Now, my questions is: having in mind that the court assigns the parental rights to me and that my daughter is a British citizen, do I have the right to want to live in the UK or at least freely and regularly come to visit it? Of course I will let the farther see his daughter as much as the court decides. I do not think the border police has the rights to stop me as they have done so once when I tried to return to the UK. My daughter has entered Bulgaria as a British citizen and would exit it as such. I cannot get any help here in Bulgaria at the moment. Can I do something from the UK in order to return for the vaccinations at least. I’m very concerned about my daughter health. I really hope you can help.
Sisi - 15-Nov-17 @ 11:30 PM
Hiya. Just after a little advice. So recently my ex has been obviously lying about where he’s living, and I’ve found out he’s moved in with someone out of the county that he meet on tinder. My question is... am I wrong in wanting details of where he’s living before I allow my son (age1) to go for sleepovers again. Contact hasn’t really been an issue between us and we normally get on brilliant but I feel very strongly on this.
Mumma of 3 - 15-Nov-17 @ 3:38 AM
Tay16 - Your Question:
Hi, I would really appreciate some help. My 12 yr old son goes to his fathers house on a Friday eve till Saturday eve every weekend. I ended our relationship when my son was a baby, due to my ex being a cannabis smoker, with very paranoid behaviour & nasty temper. When my son comes home on a Saturday he smells of cannabis & cigarette smoke through his clothes onto his skin, always has a bad headache & by the Sunday morning complains of upset stomach & feeling sick, he looks drained & has missed school on more than a couple of Mondays due to being so ill, the school is on my back about his absence. I have in the past brought up the smoking (not cannabis as it gets nasty) & my son smelling when hes home, but I just get 'we smoke on the balcony not indoors' but him & his partner don't, as my son has told us how much they smoke around him, clean clothes I put in his bag alot of the time arent even worn & they stink. What do I do? I got married last July 2016 & my husband & I are very concerned how this is affecting our son. We have after this wkend told our son he does not have to go to his dads, but I know his dad will kick up. He is also on the birth certificate & my son has his dads name ( I was at the time under pressure from my ex to do this). Myself & my husband worried sick about our son & just do not know who to turn too. Many thanks.

Our Response:
Unless you and your ex can agree between yourselves, then you would have to request your ex attends mediation as a bid to try to resolve this mutually. There is no other alternative, other than it possibly ends up in court. In which case it would be left up to the court to decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child.
ChildSupportLaws - 14-Nov-17 @ 11:47 AM
Baxt - Your Question:
Hi I would like some advice on my rights and knowing where my children would be. My ex and I broke up over a year ago with domestic abuse and he has moved into a new house but will not give me the full address. With regards to this I have stopped contact until he can give me this information as I would like to know where my children are and that they are ok.Kind regards

Our Response:
There are no specific rules saying your ex should give you his address (he may have privacy reason why he doesn't wish to). Likewise, it is only natural that you feel uncomfortable about not knowing where your children are staying. In a situation where you cannot agree between you, your only recourse is to try to resolve the issue through mediation. If mediation doesn't work and you stop access as a result, then your ex will have the opportunity to apply to court. Once the matter goes to court, it is out of your hands as the court will then decide what 'it' thinks is in the best interests of your children. Therefore, it is always preferable to try to resolve any matter such as this any way you can out of court.
ChildSupportLaws - 14-Nov-17 @ 11:25 AM
Hi I would like some advice on my rights and knowing where my children would be.My ex and I broke up over a year ago with domestic abuse and he has moved into a new house but will not give me the full address.With regards to this I have stopped contact until he can give me this information as I would like to know where my children are and that they are ok. Kind regards
Baxt - 13-Nov-17 @ 7:32 PM
Hi, i would really appreciate some help. My 12 yr old son goes to his fathers house on a Friday eve till Saturday eve every weekend. I ended our relationship when my son was a baby, due to my ex being a cannabis smoker, with very paranoid behaviour & nasty temper. When my son comes home on a Saturday he smells of cannabis & cigarette smoke through his clothes onto his skin, always has a bad headache & by the Sunday morning complains of upset stomach & feeling sick, he looks drained & has missed school on more than a couple of Mondays due to being so ill, the school is on my back about his absence. I have in the past brought up the smoking (not cannabis as it gets nasty) & my son smelling when hes home, but i just get 'we smoke on the balcony not indoors' but him & his partner don't, as my son has told us how much they smoke around him, clean clothes i put in his bag alot of the time arent even worn & they stink. What do i do?. I got married last July 2016 & my husband & i are very concerned how this is affecting our son. We have after this wkend told our son he does not have to go to his dads, but i know his dad will kick up. He is also on the birth certificate & my son has his dads name ( i was at the time under pressure from my ex to do this). Myself & my husband worried sick about our son & just do not know who to turn too. Many thanks.
Tay16 - 13-Nov-17 @ 10:56 AM
Mommytoe&a88 - Your Question:
I need advice, basically had an agreement with my ex and it was working. Until my child had an accident there where she fell in a pond where no adults was around. Me and the ex had a argument over it and I told him he is not having my children as they are at risk. I have frequently contacted them telling him that he is welcome to see them at my property so contact isn’t lost.He is ignoring all my messages and messaging my child basically apologising to her and saying I’m stopping him seeing them and saying he is going to pick her up from school. With no contact telling me about it. He does has pr as on the birth certificate. Also he himself and had friends around his and my children that smoke cannabis. He has also stopped paying for them even though he hasn give me the correct amount for months.Am I within my rights to stop him seeing my children. I have a gut feeling him and his mom may take me to court.

Our Response:
There are two parents in every relationship, and two parents who in most cases deserve to have contact with their children. How you both agree to this should be organised mutually. If you cannot agree between you, you would have to consider mediation prior to any possible application your ex may make to court. If you still cannot agree between you, then your ex will have the opportunity to apply to court. Likewise, if you refuse to attend mediation as a way of attempting to resolve your issues, then your ex will be able to apply to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 10-Nov-17 @ 10:47 AM
I need advice, basically had an agreement with my ex and it was working. Until my child had an accident there where she fell in a pond where no adults was around. Me and the ex had a argument over it and I told him he is not having my children as they are at risk. I have frequently contacted them telling him that he is welcome to see them at my property so contact isn’t lost. He is ignoring all my messages and messaging my child basically apologising to her and saying I’m stopping him seeing them and saying he is going to pick her up from school. With no contact telling me about it. He does has pr as on the birth certificate. Also he himself and had friends around his and my children that smoke cannabis. He has also stopped paying for them even though he hasn give me the correct amount for months. Am I within my rights to stop him seeing my children. I have a gut feeling him and his mom may take me to court.
Mommytoe&a88 - 9-Nov-17 @ 6:38 PM
T - Your Question:
What about the other way around. I am a father to a 6 year old and my ex wont let me see my son more then 4 nights a month because she wants to keep the CSA payments high, she gets more money off me. I want to see my son a lot more then what I do, but she wont let me! what can I do?My name is on the birth certificate, so I am a PR and fully responsible parent. he prefers his days with me and cries his eyes out when ever he goes back to his mum.I just want to see my son more!

Our Response:
You should either request your ex attends mediation in order to try to resolve this issue, and if she refuses you will have the option to apply to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Child maintenance and child access are in no way linked through the eyes of the court. Therefore, the court will base any decision on what it thinks is in the best interests of your child. Standard access usually runs from one or two nights overnight stay every other weekend and one evening (either an overnight stay of non-overnight stay) mid-week. However, this is variable and based on the child's needs, not the parents.
ChildSupportLaws - 2-Nov-17 @ 12:20 PM
What about the other way around. I am a father to a 6 year old and my ex wont let me see my son more then 4 nights a month because she wants to keep the CSA payments high, she gets more money off me. I want to see my son a lot more then what I do, but she wont let me! what can I do? My name is on the birth certificate, so I am a PR and fully responsible parent. he prefers his days with me and cries his eyes out when ever he goes back to his mum. I just want to see my son more!
T - 1-Nov-17 @ 10:48 AM
When my son was born in 2006, I believed myself married to his father, whose name is on my son's Birth Certificate. 4 years later it transpired that (a). my 'husband' was in fact still married to a lady in New Zealand which therefore made my marriage bigamous; and (b). he'd lied about 80%+ of his entire life. As a consequence, our relationship ended 7 years ago and my 'ex' left the UK to live abroad (Mallorca and more recently USA). Subsequently I have had my bigamous marriage annulled in Court. My 'ex' is now up to his old tricks with a new woman in the USA who has contacted me via Facebook - his MO is the same and he's now conned her into a new marriage for what seems to be the purpose of a Green Card/residency in the USA. I'm sure she will not be the last in what is proving to be an ever increasing number of female 'victims' he's fraudulently conned for his own gain. My ex does not now respond to any contact from me and doesn't visit/contact his son. So, my question is, (a). My son (11 years) and I would like to change his surname to that of my new husband's and his step-children - can I do that with my 'ex's permission given he has PR; and (b). How easy is it for my to have PR removed from my 'ex' and given to my husband - who's been my son's day-to-day 'dad' now for 6 years.
jacksmum - 27-Oct-17 @ 4:38 PM
Hello. My partner & I registered our 26 day old daughter under his surname & not mine at the registrar. My mum is saying that if he wants to run away with the baby he can as he’s the only one on the birth Certificate & my surname is not on the Certificate. Please is what my mum is saying true? & can I add my surname to the birth certificate? Thank you.
Veev - 26-Oct-17 @ 8:49 AM
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fernandaz - 24-Oct-17 @ 4:08 PM
Taylor2 - Your Question:
Please I need help. My Ex husband has recently been sectioned under the mental health act. We have separated recently but he now wants to take our son away for 4 nights. I'm so against it. He was verbally abusive but worse towards me just before he was sectioned. He didn't care what impact this had on our son. For that reason I seperated. He has also refused medication as he feels that counciling is the best therapy. His family won't tell me anything about his treatment. I have been to a solicitor and they have told me that the decision is mine as I am our sons main care giver. But why do I feel I'm gonna have to let my son go. Please help.

Our Response:
You do not have to let your son go. Much depends upon how safe you feel with the arrangement. Many people suffer from mental health issues, but it does not mean they will harm the children. However, if you fear for your child's safety, then you really would have to make the decision that feels right for you and your son. If your ex wishes to challenge your decision and if you will not consider mediation in order to try to resolve any issues, then he will have the option to apply to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for a contact order.
ChildSupportLaws - 24-Oct-17 @ 2:19 PM
Please I need help . My Ex husband has recently been sectioned under the mental health act . We have separated recently but he now wants to take our son away for 4 nights. I'm so against it . He was verbally abusive but worse towards me just before he was sectioned. He didn't care what impact this had on our son . For that reason I seperated. He has also refused medication as he feels that counciling is the best therapy . His family won't tell me anything about his treatment . I have been to a solicitor and they have told me that the decision is mine as I am our sons main care giver. But why do I feel I'm gonna have to let my son go . Please help .
Taylor2 - 23-Oct-17 @ 10:12 PM
My ex doesn't know my child at all even she sees him she cry n she didn't have any contact with them because their said to me it not there child and my parents supported my 4 year old girl so I want them to know each other but when my girl is old enough to understand because his new girl friendsaid ahewill kill my girl.. So when is the wright time to let her know him?
Mazeth - 23-Oct-17 @ 9:09 PM
Flake - Your Question:
Me and my ex partner split around 18 months ago. We have a 6 year old who we have an agreement I have him 3 weekends a month and she has him the rest of the time. This worked well as she works 3 weekends and I work Monday to Friday. She is now on maternity leave from work and now wants 2 weekends a month. I have said no as she can’t change agreements when it suits her. I am due to take my son away for a few days this week which we both agreed to and now she is saying if I take him she will report me for abduction and stop me seeing him. What can she do legally? And what rights do I have to take him the days we agreed. I have text messages showing she agreed to this.

Our Response:
If you cannot agree between you, then your ex can stop you seeing your child and your only recourse would be to apply to mediation and/or if mediation is unsuccessful, apply to court. While both parents who have PR have the rights to equal parenting, if one parent restricts access against the other's wishes, these are the only options.
ChildSupportLaws - 23-Oct-17 @ 11:25 AM
Me and my ex partner split around 18 months ago. We have a 6 year old who we have an agreement I have him 3 weekends a month and she has him the rest of the time. This worked well as she works 3 weekends and I work Monday to Friday. She is now on maternity leave from work and now wants 2 weekends a month. I have said no as she can’t change agreements when it suits her. I am due to take my son away for a few days this week which we both agreed to and now she is saying if I take him she will report me for abduction and stop me seeing him. What can she do legally? And what rights do I have to take him the days we agreed. I have text messages showing she agreed to this.
Flake - 22-Oct-17 @ 10:18 AM
Became a dad recently, got thrown out after 2 weeks for not helping out enough, (apart from being there everyday and doing some nites and working). I pay over £1800k/month (thats what i agreed when we were together, with CMS i am obliged to pay £300) and i get too see our son an hour a week. I have pr. I am desperate to see little Dylan more, what can I do, what access can I realistically get as he is only 6 weeks old....
FathersforJustice - 21-Oct-17 @ 6:33 AM
Fgw - Your Question:
My ex partner is moving address my children are currently under social services on a child protection plan and she won't let me see the children is there anything I can do to stop this surely she shouldn't be aloud to move whilst being under social services?

Our Response:
Much depends upon where she is moving to and the reasons why she has chosen to move. I'm afraid your question is too ambiguous to answer properly. However, if your ex is taking your children out of the area and social services are not doing anything to stop the move, then you may be able to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order through court. A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent (with parental responsibility) from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. I hope this helps.
ChildSupportLaws - 19-Oct-17 @ 11:18 AM
My ex partner is moving address my children are currently under social services on a child protection plan and she won't let me see the children is there anything I can do to stop this surely she shouldn't be aloud to move whilst being under social services?
Fgw - 18-Oct-17 @ 3:19 PM
Mykids - Your Question:
HiMy ex husband is threatening to take my children out of school and keep them. he is their dad. Can I do anything about this?

Our Response:
If both parents have Parental Responsibility and one parent decides to keep the children against the other's wishes, the police cannot help, even if the children do not normally live with them.The police cannot choose between parents, that is the remit of the courts. However, if the parent does not have Parental Responsibility, the police will be able to intervene. If you fear your ex may do this without your consent, you can apply for a child arrangement order which will determine with whom your children should live, please see link here .
ChildSupportLaws - 16-Oct-17 @ 3:31 PM
Anon - Your Question:
My ex husband and I separated and divorced when our two children were 10 month's and one year. In that time we agreed he'd have the children at the weekend , however he was unhappy with this arrangement as I worked two jobs one at the weekend and midweek. He worked one job. I had a promotion which meant I moved from Yorkshire to Hampshire. And we agreed he would have the children in school half term, even though they were not at school. I'm now remarried and we live in republic of Ireland I have another child. The visits remain the same he comes to see the children and they stay with him in that period.the reason I had to move was of schools they were given two separate schools one in another county. I had to give up my job as I could not be at work on time finish in time to collect both children in time. Also he has paid his maintenance of the children of £260 a month. And no more. I paid my own rent , childcare bills myself and extra curricula activities.he refused to cover any extra for the children and told me to stop work and claim benefits.however I'd have been homeless as the house was private and didn't accept housing benefit. So jump a year I am happily in a healthy relationship and now married. I work part time and we relocated. The children are in a school together five minutes from our house.he is able to contact the children however the children do not want.to talk everyday so I informed hin.of this so we agreed to stick to certain day's. He won't do this and now emails me , Skype and.watsapp me around 6/10 times a.day I've asked could he not do this but he.won't listen. We have agreed on this outside of courts and I feel it can remain amicable but he won't respect my wishes.And he allows every member of his family to contact me at any hour. It feels like harassment. My husband the children's step father pays for everything for the children and he still only offers £260 and refuses to pay for their extra medical costs. How can I be co parenting when he only wants to do basic and no more. But be so demanding. Our children have never seen is in.a relationship so happily accept they see papa in.half term ?

Our Response:
I'm not quite sure what your question is here. However, child maintenance and child access have no bearing upon each other and your ex has no obligation to pay any more than his monthly payment. If you cannot agree on an issue between you, then mediation may be the way forwards. It sounds to me as though he seems pretty insecure currently, so is looking for reassurance. However, if you feel he is harassing you, you need to convey some ground rules of when he can contact you, which he should be urged to respect.
ChildSupportLaws - 16-Oct-17 @ 2:02 PM
My ex husband and I separated and divorced when our two children were 10 month's and one year. In that time we agreed he'd have the children at the weekend , however he was unhappy with this arrangement as I worked two jobs one at the weekend and midweek. He worked one job. I had a promotion which meant I moved from Yorkshire to Hampshire. And we agreed he would have the children in school half term, even though they were not at school. I'm now remarried and we live in republic of Ireland I have another child. The visits remain the same he comes to see the children and they stay with him in that period.the reason I had to move was of schools they were given two separate schools one in another county. I had to give up my job as I could not be at work on time finish in time to collect both children in time. Also he has paid his maintenance of the children of £260 a month. And no more. I paid my own rent , childcare bills myself and extra curricula activities.he refused to cover any extra for the children and told me to stop work and claim benefits.however I'd have been homeless as the house was private and didn't accept housing benefit. So jump a year I am happily in a healthy relationship and now married. I work part time and we relocated . The children are in a school together five minutes from our house.he is able to contact the children however the children do not want.to talk everyday so I informed hin.of this so we agreed to stick to certain day's. He won't do this and now emails me , Skype and.watsapp me around 6/10 times a.day I've asked could he not do this but he.won't listen. We have agreed on this outside of courts and I feel it can remain amicable but he won't respect my wishes.And he allows every member of his family to contact me at any hour. It feels like harassment. My husband the children's step father pays for everything for the children and he still only offers £260 and refuses to pay for their extra medical costs. How can I be co parenting when he only wants to do basic and no more. But be so demanding. Our children have never seen is in.a relationship so happily accept they see papa in.half term ?
Anon - 15-Oct-17 @ 12:32 AM
Hi My ex husband is threatening to take my children out of school and keep them.... he is their dad. Can I do anything about this?
Mykids - 14-Oct-17 @ 8:45 AM
numbers promising to let me talk to my children and apologizing for everything.Then doesn't call back for a year. Recently apologized and agreed to let me see my children by travelling to Seattle.Then ignored my messages when it came time. I have been stuck as I was manipulated into leaving the case so the father could cut me out of their lives as he has done by making me think we could be a family and that he loved and cared about me. When I called 911 which started everything, I found out he was cheating on me again.I'm unsure what I can do legally as I have no rights. Any advice? I miss my children.
Broken - 8-Oct-17 @ 4:31 AM
Andy - Your Question:
In Jan 2014 my wife left with my daughter and lived in refuges for nine months claiming domestic abuse.Private proceedings began In Aug 2014 judge urged that unless I was assessed as capable of caring for our daughter, she should go into care. In Sept 2014 my wife returned to the family home with our daughter. In Jan 2015 my wife left with our daughter and lived in refuges for nine months, then moved into her grandparents home In Nov 2015 I was asked by my wife to have our daughter live with me full time because she couldn't cope, I agreed. Jun 2016 residency order for our daughter granted in my favour. Oct 2016 contact final order granted. Nov 2016 my wife wanted to make a go of things. I agreed to us making a go of it but not to my wife moving back in with us until we had marriage counceling and Social Services agreed. Jan 2017 wife moved into a rehab to get help with alcohol dependence. Two weeks later informed me that she was pregnant. Since Jan my wife has been denied unsupervised contact with our daughter due to her admitting to emotionally and psychologically abusing our daughter, failed to turn up to contact with our daughter. Continued to ask if she can come home, petitioned for divorce, cancelled the divorce and then repetitioned. Our baby is subject to a child protection plan. Our baby is due in 10 days and my wife and baby will be homeless. I've been asked by social worker if I would be willing to have our baby live with me and our daughter. My response was that I believe our baby will be at risk of significant harm if he doesn't come to live with me. Social services have decided that baby should live with my wife at her grandparents until she gets herself sorted and if I want to have contact or residency I should get a lawyer. I don't understand why our baby can't be placed in my care from birth, I have everything ready and I'm more than willing!

Our Response:
I'm afraid this is beyond our remit to advise, give the complexities surrounding the case. The fact your ex is living with and has the supervision of her parents has meant that your new child will be considered to no longer be at risk. I can only suggest you ensure that you take the matter to court (if your ex disagrees with any proposals you make) to at least to gain contact for both you and your new child's sibling if a child arrangement order is not granted in your favour.
ChildSupportLaws - 26-Sep-17 @ 4:00 PM
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