What counts as domestic violence?
Domestic abuse covers a wide range of behaviour between people who are or have been intimate partners or family members. It includes physical violence, but also emotional abuse, controlling behaviour, financial abuse, sexual abuse, and threats. The abuse does not need to be physical to be taken seriously by the courts.
The legal definition applies regardless of gender or sexuality. It also covers young people aged 16 and 17, recognising that teenagers can be victims of abuse in relationships.
Domestic abuse often involves a pattern of behaviour rather than isolated incidents. Courts and support services look for these patterns when assessing risk. Coercive control, where one person uses tactics to dominate and restrict another, became a specific criminal offence in England and Wales under the Serious Crime Act 2015.
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When parents separate, the family court often considers that children benefit from having a relationship with both parents. However, this is not automatic. The court must consider any risk of harm to the child or the other parent.
If there are allegations of domestic abuse, the court will apply Practice Direction 12J. This sets out how judges should handle cases involving abuse. The court will consider whether the abuse happened, what impact it has had, and what risk it poses going forward.
Contact may still be ordered in cases involving domestic abuse, but with conditions. These might include:
- Supervised contact at a contact centre
- Indirect contact only, such as letters or video calls
- Handovers in public places or through a third party
- Conditions that the abusive parent complete a behaviour change programme
In serious cases, the court may decide that direct contact is not in the child's best interests. Each case is assessed individually, taking specific circumstances into account.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Evidence the court may consider
If you are raising domestic abuse in a contact dispute, the court will want to see supporting evidence where possible. This might include police reports, criminal convictions, medical records, text messages, emails, photographs of injuries, or statements from witnesses.
Physical evidence is not always required. The court can consider your account and decide whether it is credible. A fact finding hearing may be held to determine whether the alleged abuse occurred before the court makes decisions about contact.
If you have a non-molestation order or occupation order in place, this will be relevant. The court will also take into account any findings made in previous family proceedings.
Legal aid may be available if you are applying for a protective order or if you can provide evidence of domestic abuse. The evidence requirements include medical reports, letters from domestic violence support services, evidence of a protective injunction, police reports, or confirmation from a multi-agency risk assessment conference. Full details of acceptable evidence are set out on GOV.UK.
Getting help and support
If you are experiencing domestic abuse, or have experienced it in the past, there are organisations that can help.
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, offers free and confidential support 24/7 on 0808 2000 247. They can provide advice, safety planning, and help you find refuge accommodation if needed.
Citizens Advice can help you understand your options regarding housing, benefits, and legal matters. Many local areas also have specialist domestic abuse services that can support you through court proceedings.
If you are going to court and are worried about seeing the other parent, you can ask for special measures. These might include separate waiting areas, screens in the courtroom, or giving evidence by video link. You can make this request through the court or ask your solicitor to do so.
For men experiencing domestic abuse, the Men's Advice Line provides support on 0808 8010 327. The Galop helpline supports LGBT people on 0800 999 5428.
If you are in immediate danger, call 999. If you cannot speak safely, stay on the line after dialling and press 55 when prompted. This is part of the Silent Solutions system and lets the operator know you need emergency help.
Family court proceedings involving domestic abuse can be difficult. Getting legal advice early, even if only an initial consultation, can help you understand what to expect and how to present your case. Many solicitors offer a free or fixed fee first appointment.
She where taking holiday without permission from me
actually on 2 October 2020 she did apply for non domestic molesting order due my poor English I was supposed to go to the court to defend myself I did not go because on the paper did say the court is sitting it was not specified I was supposed to attempt
Couple months ago I did apply C100 and the case is on the first November 2021
I heard in this few days she again take the child out UK without permission can she do this? I do not know if still need a permission of me or she can go in holiday without permission
In either case what I can do?
There has been extreme violence between his ex-partner and her boyfriend.
The boyfriend has been arrested and despite his behaviour they are still together.
My son wants to ensure the safety of his daughter and wants to know if he can issue a court order against this man which will protect her from being around him.
I'm trying to find legal information regarding my children witnessing a physical fight between my ex and his new girlfriend. There was smashing up of possessions, kicks and slaps. I am drafting an email to him today but was looking for credible legal based links to highlight how this behaviour must desist or I will take further action. I have, fruitlessly, been trawling the
Do I call the police, I am worried she will make my kids suffer for it.
I’m lost
Trying to prove her lies was impossible and she used the courts and police to get court orders snd stopped me seeing my daughter got 3 yrs.I begged people to see that she was the abuser and they laughed at me.6 yrs later and my daughter aged 10 has been beaten,bruised,lost hair,raped by her mother’s nephew (all kept from me) and social involvement throughout again without my knowledge.My daughter ran away snd when she felt safe told the truth about the years of abuse.My daughter now lives with me full time,is now at the correct weight and excelling at primary school.........Mother has contact when she can be bothered.....
Not all abusers are men......
He then got in contact the month I was due. I allowed him at the birth and I was kept in hospital for a week, where he also stayed to support us. Once I returned home, he would visit as an when he wanted to but over the weeks this became less and less. In a total of 11 weeks he has spent 16.5 hours with his son. I am exclusively breastfeeding and have been since birth and he has asked me to give this up so he can see him without being in my home. I don’t want to do this as breastfeeding has always been something I wanted to do. It has turned very bitter and he stopped visiting because I wouldn’t allow him to take my newborn baby away. I decided to register my son at the very end of the 6 week period as I wanted to base my decision on the effort that my ex partner has put in. He would regularly not turn up to visits, he would always make excuses, saying he was bed bound ill but then be seen out. He missed hospital appointments regarding our sons health despite promising to be there. I chose to give our son my surname. I decided to not put his details on the birth certificate purely down to the fact I don’t trust his intentions / judgement. And certain behaviour had shown he could not be trusted and was irresponsible. During the first two weeks of my son being born I had to call the police on him whilst he was visiting due to him being verbally abusive and then pushing me whilst he had my son in his arms. I have also had to report him to the police for slandering me on social media, writing Incorrect information about me and the situation.
I also have found out he is doing cocaine.
He has not paid or contributed towards his son at all since he has been born, not 1 penny.
Since leaving me, he has no fixed address. He has been staying with a friend, as well as his new girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with).
I have received an email from a mediation company (where josh has told them I’ve refused mediation) that he is taking me to court for 50/50 custody. Our baby is 11 weeks old on Thursday. As stated, I am exclusively breastfeeding. Should I be worried, does anyone know what the outcome is likely to be?
Thank you
He did the job well, my child was removed, and soon enough, as he wants to control my relationship, as i had explicitly implored to the judge he would, he reported suggested mute behaviour, after contact- it has been nearly over a year. Social workers, due to them delaying seeing my child, start to say i cannot have it unsupervised. The dv, was well recorded, and can be presented. Can i take action? For the first time in my childs life, they have had turned a new age, and i have not been able so much as speak to them. I believe psychological dv, is not being acknowledged. Are you able to contact a experienced barrister. Can we see a way parental alienation, attitude to contact be revoked. Through huge working history, of historical risk.
Can i do this as im worried for the girls emotional well being
Despite my violent controlling ex
Failing 4 drug and alcohol tests
Admitting 10 accounts of domestic violience, 2 physical ( there were more) 8 instances of manipulation coercion and control
He is seeing our 2 year old tomorrow under supervision
I have PTSD symptoms. No emotional support
Its ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.
I applied for a court order in November 2018 so I could get access to my youngest child as the mother would only give me access to my other two children.
She then tock it back to court in March trying to change and cut my contact but the courts didn’t allow this and I gain a extra night with the children.
I have found myself coming under a lot of verbal abuse from herself and her mother constantly and the children are witnessing this as it’s everytime I collect or drop off to her.
I have my children asking to stay with me and does not want to go home. It’s my youngest child that is more happier to go back to her mum as she is the youngest and her mothers favourite child so I can see that my other children are being pushed out.
I can’t afford legal assistant and I had to go to court on my own which I was very nervous about but would do it again for my children.
I have reported to police and social services so many times on her behaviour and the effect that she is having on our children.
Is there anyway that I can take this back to court and how and what can I do about her verbal abuse towards myself and is having a big effect on the children I do not know who to turn to and I don’t know what to do as it feels like am on my own and no one is listening to me.
Any reply’s would be helpful
Many thanks
His dad is on his birth cert which means he has parental rights.
My question is 1 do i have sole custody or do i need to apply for it
And 2 if i want to move countrys with my child can his dad stop me?
I'm currently in a situation where I have recently broken up with my partner (daughters mum) because she was violent to me over the space of 18 months and on 3 occasions she assaulted me while she had hold of my daughter, aswell as controlling to the point were I was made to stop seeing my family and my daughter wasnt allowed near them, and if I contacted them it would lead to me being assaulted, and recently I stood up for myself and rang the police on her because she had held a knife over me because I had taken my daughter to see my mum, police have bailed her on a common assault charge with it being classed as domestic violence, social services aren't much help because it seems like they're on her side because she has mental health issues, I agreed to supervised visits for my ex with my daughter, but social are now saying she has the right to anything she wants, and they're making demands of me all the time and I feel like I'm still being controlled, is there anything I can do because Its my daughters safety and well bein I'm worried about, by being around my exs emotional state, her violence, aswell as her parents being alcoholics, violent and emotionally abusive towards my ex, aswell as them trying to take over how we raised our daughter
I just want some advice on where to go now.
They agreed at first, but then the health visitor commented that if the father had PR could we refuse to divulge the address. I suggested that the father could not insist that Social services reveal the address, but would have to apply to the courts to have that information. At that point the victim could point out to the court why she doesn't want her address to be known.
Can someone clarify and perhaps direct me to this information so I can print it out and take it to the next meeting
From the interviews they conduct, the reporter will determine two things: whether there should be contact allowed, and, if so, how much. It’s a measure of how important the Cafcass recommendation is that the court will almost invariably adhere to it.
My (ex) still husband move raised court action against me ...
He was abusing mentally verbally and emotionally for over 8 years
He has narcissistic personality and I will do everything I can to protect my child .
I want supervised contact
He always abused me in front of my child by how I can prove it ?
How I can safe my child...
Hi I have been divorced from my ex and have a decree absolute in 2014. My son who is 6 years old lives with me with no contact with his dad for the last 5 years as we separated due to domestic violence on child and myself and the father lives in another country. My divorce application mentioned that my son will live with me and my ex didn’t contest this. I am worried that I don’t have a legal document which mentioned that I have custody. Also in case his father tracks us and takes him away from his school . Could you please advise what I should do.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar in 2015 following PND, discharged from the community metal team in 2016 and no meds (I manage my moods and full aware of my triggers - emotionally abusive ex to myself and my daughter). I have NEVER been diagnosed with Schizophrenia.
Short story - my 14 daughter (his step daughter) found weed and cocanie, my daughter confronted him, he threatened my daughter, I asked him to leave, he wouldn't go so I called the police. He collected our 3 yr old from nursery and refused for me to see him for 3 days and them produced a Step court order to have my little boy removed from my care.
A solicitor has written to the courts with evidence. Proof of drugs which have been reported to police, doctors notes on diagnose, Social Services report from 2015 to say I am no danger to the kids.
A non molestation intention has been serviced to my ex and this will be added to the hearing on the 4th.
I have some voice recordings of how he abuses us and police reports of domestic, but how do I prove the rest?
The reasons for this is that her new partner has a conviction for social and domestic violence and also for assault. I am now thinking about fighting her for the custody of my children due to concerns over there future welfare. Where do i stand in a court of law . I know I have to try mediation first but need to know where I stand.
He seems to have brainwashed my ex into the fact it was all a set up and he's not the bloke that he's being portrayed as .
Advise please
I have (for approx. 6mths or more) been allowing an over night stay once a month - (because being forced to by him), but even then both boys are not comfortable and always both come home very emotionally upset and usually hungry and thirsty. I have always permitted regular access; he sees them every Wednesday after school and every Saturday though (due to my boys reactions & changed behaviours) have never been 100% comfortable with even this. I am mindful of trying to do the right thing & law states contact should be regular with both parents.
Threatening language and behaviour towards me unfortunately has not subsided at all and this has been witnessed on many occasions by both boys even now over 6 year's on. He has said he now wants regular over night stays and is taking me to court to get this. I don't however believe this is in the boys best interests at all.
My questions are these please:-
1. Is there any way now to prove or highlight my ex husband was emotionally and psychologically abusive ?
2. If not, given the time that has passed and the fact that I didn't report anything when I was with him or ever since (I've just wanted to move on with my life and block him out but do the best by my boys) what is the likely outcome re over night stays ? Also will courts take into account he hasn't has over night stays for 6 years or will this just go in his favour?
3. Is there anything I can do to prevent having to see him altogether? But if my children want to see him, they can do (sometimes they do want to see him but they are never upset if they don't see him)
Many thanks
1) if it was emotional abuse towards spouse and the police got involved, would the police tell the abuser the reason why they were being kicked out of the house?
2) if the victim claimed this to a social worker without any evidence, would the social worker have the right to take the children?
3) if a 2 yr old said to the victims family that she heard shouting, is this classed as evidence?
4) would emotional abuse give you the right to go into protective custody?
His dad thinks it's acceptable behaviour. Said , it's what the schools do ! Obviously said by his gf who supports children academically in one.
Ive arranged mediation as courts wouldn't take us back in when child's dad tried last time. Said mediation if issues. I can't go again because he might be granted more contact again. They are getting married . She will be moving in , in
2months or more. Still house , where she lives 3 hours away.
Post separation abuse is also very well known but ignored so the direct victims are also put back at risk and for what? For the sake of the abuser's "rights" with no consideration for victim's rights to not be controlled or abused any more. If the abuser wishes to use their kids as a method of control they can and will with full blessings from the messed up laws that insist on contact no matter what AND by forcing victims to gain permission to do things with their children, including holidays and moving abroad to be safe. You get advised to move away from your abuser to keep yourself and your kids safe and then the same law system will force you to hand over the keys to your life, wellbeing and happiness to your abuser any way. It's not a wonder so many people stay until they are murdered.
There is no true freedom when you have kids with your abuser. They get to move on and rebuild their lives and tell whatever lies they wish to, often with backup from family who are blinded to their true selves and keep their victims under their thumb and even work to have their children removed out of revenge and spite.
Social services will even use dv against victims as proof 'they' put children at risk, not the abusers. Abusers get to pick up and drop their kids on a whim and can even abandon them for years but as soon as they feel like exercising their parental rights, however temporarily, BAM they get exactly what they want. The victim's mental health will also be used against them. Suffer depression even if you take medication and have therapy? BAD PARENT. Suffer PTSD after your abuse even if you've sought help? BAD PARENT. You'll even get additional "illnesses" stacked against you by professionals on their pay roll if it will help social services prove your a bad parent and maybe have your kids removed. But there's hope! Be an abuser and no matter what you'll get access to your kids AND your victim too.
The whole system around dv/contact/rights is fudged up beyond belief.
We left due to dv and him hitting my son bruseing his face
Went to police about this but he got away with it due to lack of evidence
My question is will be be aloud to see them he has serious anger issues and my some is scared of him
Split up with partner when baby was born,he was violent towards me previously then after baby was born. I have my concerns as he put baby in danger but says it was because of being upset. He wont be on birth certificate but I have said he can still see baby with our family members. Father doesn't want any involvement unless he is on birth certificate. Is this blackmail? Would he have equal rights if on birth certificate even though he has a history of violence?
He has seen his mum 3 times in a year supervised from a distance by his dad at a McDonald’s restaurant.
He is 13 and does not want contact with his mum she has moved house and won’t tell him where she lives has told him she’s driving again after being banned but not telling him what car she drives. She has indirect contact through messages and phone calls but these have recently became abusive and manipulative much like the house move and driving, when he doesn’t answer his messages she contacts his friends is there anything that we can do to stop this behaviour as it is really disturbing my stepson to the point he is scared she is going to go to his school as this is what she has told him along with telling him to “get over “ what she has done to him.
Police say they can’t do anything we can’t afford to go to court as earn over the legal aid minimum but have no spare money really as we had to start everything from scratch shoes clothes coats etc .. when he came to us
Please, can anybody give me some advice on what to do now, when the court and cafcass have clearly failed to follow these recommendations...
The courts however are under great strain with so many cases and it appears the time isn't there for these type of cases. My ex uses the courts to continue the abuse, using a regular pattern of time to make yet again another application to court. A lot of the cases don't link so the behaviour is not recognised. You usually don't get to see the same judge and you are lucky if they have the court notes in front of them, often mislaid. I've asked yet again for a section 91 (14) in the hope I can move on with my life with my child. Where there is psychological and emotional abuse more attention needs to be given to the detail and the pattern of behaviour needs to be observed by the court.
If you are reading this, please I cannot strongly advise you to get support around you. Get a good solicitor/barrister, my ex often self represented and out shone my first solicitor. You need a solicitor who can deal with domestic abuse, acknowledge the pathological behaviour and not fall into the traps. If you have lived with this type of abuser you know how you had to manage the behaviour living with it - it doesn't stop afterwards. You do get a peace of mind by not living in it 24/7 but your child will be living with it and will be punished. My child is made feel responsible for my ex's happiness and wellbeing, it's psychological warfare. I know she is being abused but because it is looked at as "inappropriate behaviour" there is nothing I can do but support her when she turns to me! Even when he stripped her of her clothes outside our home, first time all her clothes were removed, 2nd occasion she was left keep on her underpants as he had provided her with those ones - this was regarded as "inappropriate behaviour" rather than using our child as a tool to torcher me and in turn abuse our child.
This type of abuser can manipulate a court and other professionals. The system claims to be under pressure, but this is no excuse. There is no excuse for abuse. Yes a child should have the love from both parents but healthy love. Our child has to deny herself the right to see certain family members and friends because of the consequences, she is clever and is managing in her way. However, she suffers from anxiety due to the behaviour of her father, we are working on this but it is impossible with the abuse is like a continuous dripping tap.
Unless both parents agree you cannot get support for you child unless you get it ordered through the court. This is not an easy process as I've discovered. Again it depends on the judge you see, and they do vary greatly in their understanding of a
My partner has become progressively more verbally abusive over the last 2 years.
He is now smacking the children at least twice a week for issues like dropping yogurt on the floor and putting bubble bath in the bath when he told the 5 year old not to in those 2 instances it was around the head.
Recently he smacked the 2.5 year old child on the leg because he wriggled when having his nappy changed. I heard the nose of the smack in another room. It left a red mark which faded before I had an opportunity to photo it.
He has become quite violent with me shaking me and threatening to punch my teeth out.
He is verbally abusive to me in front of the children and be-littles me all the time.
This week I moved away from him in London to my parents in Nottingham with the children for our wellbeing. I am starting a new job in Nottingham and have organised a new school for them.
He is saying I should not have taken them and wants them to go back to London and denies everything telling the 5 year old that it was my entire fault for borrowing his things meaning the washing machine and household goods.
We have arranged mediation for next week which he has agreed.
But he is demanding to see the children whenever he wants.
What should I do and can he take the children back to London.
Many thanks
Emma
Thank you in advance
My ex the father of my 1 1/2 year old son has always been controlling a lazy parent nit paying much attention to his son and only pays alot of attention to him when his parents are down to visit. His always had a drinking problem and has continually been abusive towards me using words and threatening me with social services accusing me of being a terrible mother yet I do everything for our son. He was drinking and he smashed up my house and dragged me around my sons bedroom by my hair whilst our son was in my arms and smacked me in the face a few time the police were called and he is being charged for criminal damage but not for the assault against me as I didn't write a statement as everything happened so fast but a family member did. Now I was wondering if there is a way to only let him see his son under supervision? If I could stop him having him overnight as he has money idea how to get him to sleep or what he eat? And as his threatened to take my son and go to Scotland where his family live if there was a way I could stop him from taking our son out of England? I any help would be much lying appreciated as I'm at my wits end!
1st q: they ask not to be alone with him as they are frightened of him (they are 6 and 9yrs) I feel his behaviour is volatile when around them and he frequently criticised them and shouts at them even when I'm not with them. I don't have much evidence other than what I'm hoping to gather from a couple of people that he has been verbally offensive to when the kids were with him so they witnessed it. How likely is it that a court will stipulate supervised access? Obviously I'm concerned that the court will go with unsupervised access and fear for their well-being.
2nd question: he is insisting that I allow them contact with him now and that I return them to his care in the family home. I am terrified that I will be made to do this (by lawyers/police?) even before it goes to court... can this happen?
3rd question: I've been told by social workers that I mustn't allow him to speak to the children on the phone as he could manipulate them and upset them. Am I within my right May to do this while we are waiting for legal decisions?
Last question: I've been told by solicitors that it is illegal for me to change their school but I've also been told by social workers that it will be seen as negligent of me not to change their school as in their current school he has rights to collect them and take them into his care: thereby I would be allowing a dangerous risk seeing as I have concerns of his fitness to care for them without supervision.. what is the right thing to do??? I don't want to do anything illegal but at the same time I need to do everything possible to safegaurd their well-being.
My husband is current on bail and charged with abuse and resisting arrest whilst our 5 (2 mine and 3 his) children were present. He has never been physically violent with me or the children just verbally abusive when he had too much to drink. He is an alcoholic and is due to be admitted into rehab in the next few days. My problem is that due to the bail charges I am unable to contact him and it is breaking my heart - I love my husband and all I want is for him to get sober and come home - any advice is greatly received.
Two months ago I moved in with my partner J. He has a daughter who is 6 and she was here the same weekend as my two (they are with their dad every other weekend but that was not arranged through court and he pays maintainence calculated through the CSA based on this arrangement.
Ten days ago J and I had an argument and the police were called by me. He had shoved me but not hit me and he was taken by the police and came back a few hours later. No further action was taken and after social services spoke to both me and his daughters mum they are satisfied that no one is at risk. The kids went to their dads at the time of the incident and I have only been allowed to see them twice since. We have agreed I will move out am I am looking for somewhere. Since then N and his parents have been extremely obstructive in allowing me to see the children and have been poisoning them against me and he is now refusing to confirm when they will be allowed to come back and live with me. I have always been resident parent, they are registered at school at this address, he pays maintenance based on our own custody agreement and he is refusing to let them return to this address or let me know when I can have them back - he will not confirm once I have a new property that is when they can live with me again. Basically no external agency is concerned about my or my children's welfare and I have taken all the steps they and my family have asked but I am not getting much help from them and if I were to bring them back to this house and J stays with his parents does their father have any right to take me to court over it? I am entitled to legal aid due to a MARAC letter from a charity I've been in touch with and I am not saying I won't move out (even if I didn't police and SS have no concerns) but I cannot be kept away from my children any more, my son is very upset and when I speak to them on the phone it is clear they feel unable to tell me anything as their dad is listening and monitoring when I call them. He said he had a sore throat but when I asked him yes or no questions he said he misses me and wants to come back or at least be able to see me. This has been going on for ten days now and I am starting to take legal advice tomorrow and am "allowed" to see my children on Tuesday. I would like some advice on the possible action he could take if I bring them back to our usual permanent address based on the facts that they are not even at risk, I have a child protection officer who is a friend and she has said he would be laughed out of the door taking me to court because of the fact myself and J had an argument! Thanks in advance.
I have issues with my daughters dad, he has been emotionally abusive to me for a long as I can remember, whether or not its been down to something as little as wearing a certain top or makeup or wishing I died in labour or throwing a plate at me when I was pregnant.
Since splitting up I have accepted that he has moved on with another lovely girl, however now I am 'dating' someone the abuse has returned. He is saying things like he 'hopes I die', 'hopes i get raped' threatening to 'smash' the guy I am datings 'head-in'.
I feel trapped, I worry he will try and take my daughter away - not return her after his weekend. I don't know where I stand, I don't know what to do.
Please can you give me some advice on this? I feel so trappped by the situation - like there is no way out.
Is it too late.
I thought better I send it again and refute to my query rather than type it out and post it a second time.
Kind regards
Emma
My ex husband and I have young children, and he has access to them at the weekends.
At start, agreeing to the amounts of custody we both had over the children was an issue and one we couldn't resolve.
Because of this my ex husband decided to apply to the courts for full custody of our children.
In the mean time I fell pregnant and gave birth to my partners and my first child together, and now will soon be giving birth to our second.
My new relationship has been a rocky one at times, mainly due to the amount of stress we get from my ex husband. Clearly his nose is still out of joint and he is hell bent on repenting, because by now he clearly hates me for what I did.
Things got particularly stressful a few months back, due to the stress of this custody battle and loosing my employment, which ended up in a huge row between my partner and myself which became a case of domestic violence.
My partner lost his temper and ended up hurting me, something he had never done before and has not done since.
However the cps took my partner to court on the charges of domestic violence, one which he held his hands up and pleaded guilty for. My partner narrowly escaped a prison sentence as I had hoped he would, he had never been violent to me in the past and this is what I told the judge in my letter defending him at the time.
Because of what happened between us at that time, my ex husband then chose to use it against us in his fight towards full custody of our children.
Because our children were present at home when the domestic violence occurred (but did not whiteness with their eyes and ears) we now have social services on our backs telling us we must do this and must do that and that I could loose my children.
Social services also said that my partner had to leave until this custody battle was over, he could only return on their say so, and if they say so.
We have stuck to the instructions that have been given to us, attended all appointments, and done what is expected of us listed down on my child arrangement order that was issued by the court.
My partner has not been living here with me and our child for months now, this I feel is totally not fare at all. I want him home, he wants to come home, and our child misses him terribly. I need him here, I am pregnant with our child and need him home supporting me.
During these meetings with child services there has been talk clearly indicating that things are in my ex husbands favour. It feels like it is all rather one sided with them more 'on his side' favouring him against me and my partner. I feel like I am about to loose my children at any moment and can barely sleep or eat with worry. Last week I was presented with a section 8, Child arrangement and prohibit
I was in a controlling relationship for 4 years.
My many attempts to terminate the relationship always failed, she would always sit in front the door to prevent me from leaving the apartment, after moving out she should repeatedly drive from east to west London, Park in front my residence and refuse to leave While begging me to come back home. After many attempts she managed to get me to move back in (foolish of me). I left my job in west London at her request to find work closer to her place in east London. I was out of a job, little money and no savings. She started begging for a baby. I continuously refused and make it clear that I can't afford to have a baby and that the relationship was not good between us. My many attempts failed and she went off the pill to get pregnant. After the baby was born the arguments started again only this time she didn't mind me leaving so I left. I have parental responsibility and our son has my last name. I was completely cut off from our son, was not allowed to see him and not allowed to visit at day care. I called her father for help in resolving these problems but instead he insulted and made threats towards me. I contacted a lawyer who arranged mediation, she never showed up and made excuses. The matter went to court where she then made very serious false accusations about emotional abuse. She even questioned my legal stay in the UK. It is now clear to me that she will stop at nothing to punish me and keep me away from our son. I habe lots of image and video proof that I was a good father to our son. She is a very talented actress and I'm in fear of never being able to see our son again. There are many more disturbing facts that I did not mention . Can someone please help? I have spent over 7000£ in legal fees do far and I feel like this is going nowhere. We live in a society where people usually believe the woman. I'm in fear that no o e will believe me.
So I was hit at the weekend by my mother after a heated arguement, my son was at a family members house at the time, I spoke to a friend about this and she has said that if my son has contact with mother then he will phone social services as it is a sign I am neglecting my child as my mother looks after him, where do I stand on this?
Well this past weekend he constantly went on at her to have the child and wouldn't let up she gave in out of fear and stupidity now he is refusing to bring him back saying falsely that she is neglecting him. How can she get him back and then get a court order put in place that he can only see him in a contact centre as we can't be sure he won't do it again?
CAFCASS as an organisation is not fit for purpose and the father is at an immediate disadvantage.
It is also a falsity to think family Courts take failure to comply with court orders seriously
We as a country are decades behind the developed world in our care of children in the midst of acrimonious divorces
Anyway she is still seeing her partner and allowing her partner to see the baby with her all the time and in no contact centre..
I am worried about the baby and I don't know what to do next
Anyway, he and the wife split within a year of being married and she moved abroad. But ive just been told shes coming back and they are going to try again. Im obviously very concerned about this. Is there any way i can stop her having any contact with my child? Am i legally aloud? Or what can i do to protect my child? Thanks
Him upside down by his legs, called him names, held him under the shower and petrified him.
He also used to hit me and say it my fault I had made him angry. He had worn me
Down so much that I believed
Him. I was pregnant by this time and unsure what to do so I stayed with him. He used to hit me whilst I was pregnant. Take my phone and go through my messages to make sure I hadn't told any body what he was like.
Last year he hit my shortly after my baby was born and he was arrested. I didn't press charges as I was petrified of him and his family. He is an alcholic and known to social services for the attack on his previous partner and myself. I have refused contact with the baby as I don't trust him to care
For him and know he will more than likely be violent around him. If he were to take to me court contact do you think this would be granted being as he has attacked two women in front of their children and hurt my other son?
Thank you.
Our daughter is the result of an affair we had (don't judge please) and since it all came to light, his partner is worse than ever with him. She has also been texting me abusive messages.
He is asking to start taking our daughter home and I am extremely uncomfortable with this, given how I know his partner behaves. I genuinely believe my daughter would be at risk and I believe the only reason he is asking to take her home is because his partner is demanding it for control purposes, so she knows exactly where he is and that he isn't with me etc.
What can I do?! I don't want to put my daughter at risk but I want her to spend time with her Dad.....Thanks.
A year and a half we were together until he left me for someone else.
The start of the relationship was great and he treat my 2 children like his own, he also has a child to a previous relationship whom I also loved to bits and treat as my own.
He told me that his previous relationship was awful and his ex partner was abusive to him, which made me feel so sorry for him and love him even more.
After about 3 months into our relationship things started to change, he started calling me names, telling me I was a useless mother and started to take control of all the finances.
I became pregnant with my 3rd child and he questioned me about who the father was, knowing full well it was him.
From this point things got worse, he would cause arguments everyday over silly little things.
One day my sister and her son was present as he started being abusive and violent, he threw a glass across the room while all the children were there, it scared everyone.
He used to say I was texting other men n stopped me using Facebook.
He'd call me a Slag and say I was being horrible to him all the time when really it was the other way round.
He would grab me, push me, pick me up and throw me, put his hands around my throat and pull my hair, then blame me for it all and would make me beg for forgiveness.
This all happened during my pregnancy with my daughter but she's here and I'm lucky to have her.
My eldest child would write letters to me , saying he was scared and that he was going to go and live with his nanan.
My daughter just would stay up in her room crying and asking why he was always so angry and horrible.
I went to the doctors as it made me feel so down and ill but I couldn't go alone as he wanted to make sure I didn't say anything about him.
The doctor gave me anti-depressant pills and put it down to post-natal depression .
Although I was hurting so much inside I still loved him dearly and prayed that the man I fell in love with would reappear one day.
He stopped me going out, he took control over all the money and I wasn't allowed to spend any, he put all the finances together in a joint bank account, I lost all my friends and he even made me leave my job of 16yrs.
I was isolated from everyone , even my family, I was stuck at home with my children and a dog he got me for my birthday to tie me down also.
My sister was the only one who had any sort of idea what was happening but even then she didn't know the extent of it all.
I eventually found out he cheated on me and he left and didn't come back, he just said it was all in my head.
It was all true and within a couple of months they had booked a wedding which is due to take place in lapland in the next couple of weeks.
During the time of our separation he still kept coming back and playing with my head saying he is sorry and wants to come home.
He never came to see his daughter and I refuse to let him take her
We fell in love and got married 5 months later then his true colours came through he was abusive when drunk hit me pushed me around controlled me isolated my friends etc
In 2008 we moved to England from Wales his drinking cheating and abuse carried on
In 2009 on Christmas Day he turned up at my work still drunk from night out where he didn't come home grabbed me demanded car keys threatened co workers who were trying to protect me the police were called and arrested him and presses charges he got a 12 or 24 month suspended sentence and had to see a parole officer after 3 months he was begging me to take him back and he had stopped drinking
I did in 2013 I got pregnant he did grab my wrist and shout at me while pregnant and sober and I thought omg he's violent without drink and thought what the hell have I done
Well we broke up in oct as he got angry with our daughter
I've let him see her under my supervision for her safety I've got stronger and would not let him harm her hence why ending it then
And since that time he has been out drinking he said he won't be doing it again but in time I know he will
I messaged his mother to let her know and for her to look out for him
And got nasty messages back and then a phone call off him being angry that I had done it and he threatened seeing a solicitor to get visitation without me I'm happy if it's supervised
But will a court take into account his past and what happened the day he left ?
We have looked after his son on alternate weekends for 3 years and he has looked after his son every weekend for 6 years prior to that and no harm has ever come to him and we never have a cross word in front of him.
Would a court order go against my husband? Can she use the evidence the police used to inform her about what happened to me?
How long can we expect surprised visits by her , before we can apply for access?
It was a one off incident and we are fine together and I have no fear, my husband is very remorseful but unfortunately his son has been the casualty in this . Please advise
Primary carer parent (my ex) is now complaining that contact is not strictly being adhered to but given the circumstances changes, it's virtually impossible for my partner to be present at all times.
What punishment can my ex attempt to.impose on my partner for any intentional (due to safety of her own baby) breach of her undertaking?
My point is this. She has said that if I find out where they live, go to our son's school, rejoin and attend our gym or continue to call/text to talk to or ask about our children, she will go to the police with a stalking/harassment claim.
How on Earth can wanting to be a committed and loving father who needs to see his children leave me subject to a stalking/harassment charge?
1: the dad knocked his sons top front teeth out with an air hockey puck and lied and said he banged his chin and so in turn his teeth hit his bottom ones.
1.1 - Lie, he had no bruise or any sort of Mark on his chin nor did he have any teeth on his bottom half as they fell out.
2: not long ago the dad locked him and his brother (3) in the car and went into a shop to which he was gone for a while.
2.2: now it's my understanding you're not legally allowed to lock children in a car and leave them for any length of time.
3: while over his dads my step sons brother (3yrs) woke my step son up at 5am and told him he wanted something to eat/drink so my step son being the big brother obliged and they went downstairs to the kitchen, upon being down there the youngest wanted bread and butter to eat so he done him bread and butter. Now all is fine up until the youngest got a very sharp knife out and ended up cutting his fingers and there was a lot of blood (my step sons description) and my step son thought the youngest had cut his finger off. All while this is happening the dad and his girlfriend are in bed and not supervising the young children at all.
His dad also calls him names all the time like poof and spastic, he's in denial there is actually something wrong with him (to which doctors think he's autistic and is getting tested)
Now my question after all that gruelling statement,
Can my wife legally stop the dad seeing his son on the grounds of safety......Physically and mentally.
I was with a very violent man for four years. I actually moved to Spain with him. Before we left he was incredibly violent towards me using a kmife on me and beating me black and blue and then imprisoned me. A friend rescued me and I reported him to the police however I dropped the charges as he promised he would never do it again and I stupidly believed him.
We went to Spain to live and were there four days before he got violent but by this point I was trapped as my family disowned me. For a further three years the violence got worse and worse with his using knifes regularly to slice my legs etc. I fell pregnant snd the violence continued until the very end of my third trimester where he seemed to turn nice and once again i stupidly thought it was a turning point. Four days after my emergency c section he beat me up kicked me in tje stomach and told me I had failed as a mother as I hadnt managed a natural birth.
For the next few weeks the violence got even worse with him even beating round the head five times with a broom handle with my 4 week old in my arms. He put a knife into the back of my head and I honestly thought he was going to kill me until I was rescued by the police. I was then flown back by the british embassy.
He has now followed me back and the courts and granted me a non molestation order and prohibited steps order however he is contesting it. He is claiming he is a good father and he wants access.
I have police documents from uk and spain as well as photographic evidence of wjat he did as well as several witness statements.
Please tell me he wont be able to get access or custody? Even having to face him in court terrifies me and I am adamant my son does not need him in his life.
I was married to a man, who I did not realise emotionally and financially controlled me for nearly 10 years. It was quite text book really, he stopped me going back to my job after our first born, made me stop contact with my family, then with held money from me. He told me on a daily basis that I was silly and stupid, and accused me constantly of having affairs, so that in the end I avoided any contact with other men. He would shout in my face and if I tried to escape to another room he would follow me. I couldn't even hide in the bathroom as he disabled the locks.
I did eventually find the courage to end things - after a particularly vitriolic outburst where he called me the most horrendous things and accused me yet again of having an affair.
I have 2 children with him, but 2 years later I still get abuse - on my doorstep in front of the kids, and a year ago he physically attacked me in my own home. Police were called but I stupidly didn't press charges.
I feel worn down by it all - I thought he'd get over it by now but he persists - calling me a pathetic excuse of a woman etc. I am tired of dreading him turning up for the kids - it is never amicable, and I have to say, I do try to stand up to him.
Under these circumstances I know he uses the children against me. He has 2 children from a previous relationship who are now adopted by someone else as he stopped contact with them, even putting in that he didn't want them to contact him later in life.
Is there a legal way that I can ensure that I never have to see or have contact with him again? I know the children have a right to see him - I hope they will make their own judgements as they get older, but I am at the end of my tether and feel exhausted by the stress he causes.
I would appreciate any help at all.
Since the birth of the children, I have not worked and looked after the children. And because I have not worked (which was agreed by him as well), he is using the Wright v/s Wright judgement (which bears no resemblance to our situation) to reduce child support: "once children reach "Year 2" or age seven, there is an expectation that the primary caregiver will start part-time work and make a financial contribution" .
I will also like to add that my ex-husband is actually renting our joint matrimonial home without my consent, thus pocketing the rental income which is in fact financing child maintenance.
Could you please advise if the "Year 2" judgement is the law? I believed that this case was more about spousal maintenance.
So at the FHDRA hearing - which I thought would just be a quick hearing to list for Fact finding so I can have my say. I have evidence of a 5 yr diary, bank statements, recordings of arguments and witnesses YET despite all of this my solicitor failed to bring up anything in court, before the hearing telling this is just a directions hearing, and there will be time at the fact finding to do my statement! What a lie! The hearing was all about ex and unsupervised access and overnight access. All I heard in the court room was what he wanted, and the judge just acted like it was a normal divorce and because the contact centre reports (2hrs every week), came back wonderful, they wanted to move to unsupervised contact. Dispite my concerns raised to CAFCASS about the emotional and psychological damage my son would face with him and his family, as they are all very hostile towards me, even to this day one person told me how they are being nasty about me. I didn't get to speak to cafcass on the phone for the safeguarding checks but spoke at the court for all of 2 mins before the hearing. its been two weeks and I still don't have a court order. I applied for a residency order for my son back in April and I still have not got this and my sons passport is still not with me. The judge wanted to close the case saying no need for a fact finding (she had read my C1A application but that's just touching on issues), and said that it would only cause more stress. But throughout this, after fleeing the home to save my son, I still have not had my voice heard! its as if the abuser gets to get away with everything, manipulating the courts and the victim doesn't even get to have her say. I cried down at the phone to womens aid telling them not to tell people
So at the FHDRA hearing - which I thought would just be a quick hearing to list for Fact finding so I can have my say. I have evidence of a 5 yr diary, bank statements, recordings of arguments and witnesses YET despite all of this my solicitor failed to bring up anything in court, before the hearing telling this is just a directions hearing, and there will be time at the fact finding to do my statement! What a lie! The hearing was all about ex and unsupervised access and overnight access. All I heard in the court room was what he wanted, and the judge just acted like it was a normal divorce and because the contact centre reports (2hrs every week), came back wonderful, they wanted to move to unsupervised contact. Dispite my concerns raised to CAFCASS about the emotional and psychological damage my son would face with him and his family, as they are all very hostile towards me, even to this day one person told me how they are being nasty about me. I didn't get to speak to cafcass on the phone for the safeguarding checks but spoke at the court for all of 2 mins before the hearing. its been two weeks and I still don't have a court order. I applied for a residency order for my son back in April and I still have not got this and my sons passport is still not with me. The judge wanted to close the case saying no need for a fact finding (she had read my C1A application but that's just touching on issues), and said that it would only cause more stress. But throughout this, after fleeing the home to save my son, I still have not had my voice heard! its as if the abuser gets to get away with everything, manipulating the courts and the victim doesn't even get to have her say. I cried down at the phone to womens aid telling them not to tell peopl
preventing someone from having contact with your child and/or likewise requesting someone to have contact with your child i.e your parents. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. I hope this helps.
Last year I found out he was taking drugs and I arranged him to have contact supervised by his nan once a week. This worked for a while but they fell out and I had to supervise the contact once a week. Last month he was arrested and given community service and a suspended sentence because he got drunk in a primary school and threatened police officers etc. This led to me feeling very very uncomfortable with him around my son and I asked him to see him in a contact centre, this led to loads of arguments from his mum etc so I agreed him to see our son at his mums 2 hours every other Sunday, however we fell out today as she has continually lied throughout the whole process and been horrible to me. I told her he needs to sort it out through court/contact centre because I don't feel she would tell me the truth if anything happened. Now she is saying this is unfair/his rights etc but I don't know what to do. I understand he has rights but I really so uneasy letting my son go with them every other Sunday when there is no amicable relationship there. Please help what will happen if he goes to court in this situation? There was DV from him in our relationship 2 years ago also.
we have a one year old together who he dotes on.
in Dec 2015 we got in to an argument and he ended up slapping me and the police were called. he was charged with assault and given a 2 year suspended sentence and I agreed to take him back if he sought medical help and went to his probation meetings.
he was very sorry to begin with.
I'm now pregnant again, currently 30 weeks he threatens me with violence constably and verbally abuses me non stop and gets so angry so quickly. he raises his fists or comes at me but never hits me.
but i feel broken and I can't deal with it anymore.
he won't let me leave every time I try, he threaten's to take our daughter away from me and move back to scotland. I know I can't stop this because he has parental responsibility.
I don't know what to do.
My partner walked out when my daughter was months old. We go through periods of getting along and then something doesn't go his way so he threatens to cause me problems, calls me disgusting foul names and tells me to f off most messages. These are usually done via text etc so I have screen shots. He has already had a solicitors letter regarding verbal abuse and he now doesn't even know where we live so he can't come near, I have to drop my daughter off and pick her up.
He always threatens me to withdraw his money as it is an arrangement and because he gets an injury benefit but earns less than £3k a week! He would pay me £7 which is disgusting.
What do I do? I can't go through the next decade like this.
I do not want him around my daughter as he has a vicious temper & I fear for her safety (as a child) both physically & mentally & also mine. With contact, I fear my recovery will be reversed.
What can I do?? Please help me...
In the end what has happen is that I took my daughter to police station and reported my partner, she was arrested,
Later on police called saying they're releasing her and that I either take my partner home or I have to give my daughter away to my partner.
My partner is back home and is taking my daughter away and there's nothing I can do about it. Justice? Not for me and my daughter.
I am married to a guy who is withdrawing from alcholism. He has been emotionally abusive towards me and has stressed me out and emotionally scarred me. My 5 yr old has seen me stressed out and because of poor parenting on the dad's side, thinks he is a star.
Where do i stand if i was to seperate in terms of child custody? I am afraid he would have equal custody of the child as he has always threatened to take my child from me.
I have separated and now want a divorce from my abusive husband. He has been convicted, I have kept a log of all events after the arrest, phoned police multiple times, and had help from victim support and different domestic abuse agencies.. Also medical records to back up the physical stuff, although he has also been emotional abusive. Now, he did have access informally, until an incident that now involves the children. Going to court, but all I read about is contact with both parents being best. Has anyone got any examples where this wasn't the case, because I'm not really sure how much more this man has to do before the risk to the children is considered too? My children are saying they want to live with me, one saying they don't want to see him at all. What do I say in court to get my point across in a rational way?
He the began harassing me from prison leaving vile messages about what he would do to me if I left. So I took the messages to the police station and they said they would report it to the prison.
I had decided to move out of the house and back to the safety of my family. As I was sorting out belongings I found a gun hidden away. So I called the police to inform them and get rid off it.
He ended up being charged but denied it . It went to trial and I had to give evidence and he was found not guilty.
But still had to stay in prison to finish serving current sentence. I had to move out my family home and into a new one in a new area for protection. One day I received a call from the police saying that they have had reports that my ex had been over heard about what he would do to me when he gets out.
He had conditions that he is not allowed to contact me or my family directly or indirectly and was it allowed near my home or job when he was released.
I had a visit from social services as they was worried about his contact with his daughter and said I needed to take appropriate steps to keep her safe or they will intervin. They also showed me a long list of crimes that he had committed including of gun crimes, kidnap and battery and others.
Not long after his release there was trouble as he contacted my friend and wanted to set up a meeting between us. Around the same time a lady I did not know had made a report to the police that my ex tried to pay her to burn and stab me and take my child.
Once again he denied it even though the shelter he was staying at was right across from the ladies house. Anyway he got a caution as there was not enough evidence.
He soon broke his terms and went on the run. He was found and sent back to jailed
He recently got let out bit broke his terms and currently on the run again.
I am worried because his licence was reduced before he was set free and he is now allowed to contact and see me. I also had a visit from his mom. She came to my mom's house saying he wants acess and so does she, how can he have a cess if he is on the run? And where do I stand in regards to acess as I have read even men with criminal convictions have rights. Please help.
im worried about parental rights.
He is taking steps to gain access to our three children and is on the birth certificates of two. No orders have been put in place as yet, so my question is regarding his rights if I die. social services have been very supportive and have told me they have a very long list of red flags held on him (years worth). I am currently writing my will and considering guardianship. The children would not automatically be given to him to raise under the circumstances?
He was very abusive towards me, beating me when I was pregnant and also after giving birth.
One day, just after 2 weeks I had my baby, he beat me to the point of death but I survived and I decided to took overdoes in other to sleep off (and never wake up). I wake up in the hospital and the social service got involved.
My mother jumped in to look after myself and the kids(2 at that time). Social service came to conclusion that I tried to commit suiced because I was in abusive relationship and removed me from their book.
This guy left us to get married with another lady just 4month after leaving me to a British girl in other to get his stay( he did a sham marriage....deceiving the other lady he loves her).
After almost 5 years, I am now married with another baby. My three children only knows my husband has their daddy. My ex partner's marriage has ended and no stay given to him by UKBA. He now want custody of my child(his daughter) so he could stay in the country.
And also want to ruin my marriage because there is no way his teaching will not go against my husband's teaching for the child.
This guy has taking me to court, what can I do to win this case?
***pls ignore any typing error because I can't bring myself to read through again....
It was assigned by a juvenile court because babys father wasn't 18 yet.
Do I really have to ask for permission for him to be in the delivery room ?
What should I say to have it lifted ?
I called her and asked that our daughter has no contact whatsoever with him and if I found out he had been near him, i persue mediation and demand the same thing and if that didn't work, i would take legal action for court. She replied "she would cut all contact herself as she didn't want to risk her losing her children.
I have since found out, they are engaged and possibly even married. Where do i stand?
Just for clarity, I am not jealous i simply do not want my daughter being in the line of fire should he become violent again.
I have 2 children to my ex who was abusive to me. I never told anyone or reported it but still have scars from cigarette burns on my stomach and breast.
currently going through court for him to have access. Caffcass have been involved and are reassessing. There last report ordered access but there has been new ino so reassessing.
because he has hit my child on a few occasions and a load of other reasons. His wife is even more abusive kicks them tells them they are stupid and dumb plus more.
He promised me if I ever told anyone what he did I would pay.
I can't prove any of what he has done to the kids. I'm scared that if I tell the court what he did to me and he knows I've told someone. If they still order him access he will use the kids to get at me and god knows what he will do I'm petrified.
Will my scars hold enough evidence for them to believe me or will it just be another alligation?
We are not together anymore however is there anyway he could prove to me womens aid the counsil ( if they got involved social services ) that he has changed in the future only at the moment I dont want him back until I know for sure but how would we produce evidence of this if ever it did become the case as he has told me he would join any courses or do anything they suggest to prove he wouldn't , so far he has taken a big step in getting a job which isnt much to most but a big thing for him and I want him to prove to me and any other third partys his changed and is consistent
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