When the bombshell hits you – that you and your partner are separating – you might feel a whole tangle of emotions: upset, anger, hurt, bitterness and bewilderment to name but a few. It’s hardly surprising, then, that people who find themselves in this situation often spare little thought for their legal rights. Within a very short time, however, you may be involved in several legal battles so it is important that you know where you stand from the outset.
Fathers And Parental Responsibility
As you probably know, all parents have a legal responsibility to support their children, regardless of whether they live with them or not. If as a father you were married to the mother of your child or children when they were born, you will automatically have parental responsibility. It can get complicated if a father is not married to the mother. If your name is on the child’s birth certificate, you will have parental responsibility. If it is not, then you will need the mother’s consent to have your name added to the birth certificate. You can only do this if there is no other father already named on the birth certificate. In the last instance you may apply to court to get an order stating that you have parental responsibility – whether the mother consents to this or not.
Decisions About Your Child
Living apart from your children does not negate the fact that you have parental responsibility for your child. You are still able to have a say as to how your child is brought up, although the day-to-day decisions are made by the parent who lives with your child. You may wish to discuss major events in your child’s life with your partner, such as religion or culture, where they go to school, who needs to be consulted about health and medical treatments, where your child will spend their holidays and what would happen to your child if one of you became to ill too look after them.
Child Maintenance
There are in effect three ways to make financial provision for your child’s upbringing. These are:
making a private agreement (although this is not legally binding)
going through the CSA
using the courts to make an order as to maintenance payments
Each of these options is dealt with in detail elsewhere on this website.
Your Will
If you do not have a will, now is the time to make one. If you don’t, then all of your assets, money and other possessions will be dealt with by way of the laws of intestacy in the event of your death. In practical terms, your assets may be distributed otherwise than in accordance with your wishes. If you do have a will, you may want to revise it now that you and your partner are splitting up. It is also important to consider appointing a guardian for your child in your will, in the event of your death. If you are the person with parental responsibility, this may be of particular significance to you.
Divorce
If you and your partner are married, you may be considering getting a divorce. It is always wise to consult a divorce lawyer if there are assets in the marriage that are likely to be the subject of dispute. There are several legal reasons for divorce. These are:
Adultery
Unreasonable behaviour
Desertion for two years or more
Separation for two years or more (for which you need your partner’s consent to divorce)
Separation for five years or more, in which case you do not need your partner’s consent.
Your Home
If you own your home it is likely to be your biggest asset. Home ownership is often a hotly-contested issue amongst separating parents. Often, people think that they have to sell their home but this is not always the case. There are several options to consider:
changing the share that each of you hold in the home
delaying the sale until a future date
deciding how much of the money each of you will receive on the sale
deciding who will pay the mortgage
Things can get complicated if the property is in only one person’s name, but both parents have contributed to the upkeep of the property, or the mortgage or other household commitments like childcare. If this is you, you must speak to a solicitor before you move out as things can get very complicated legally if you don’t.
Other Possessions
If you and your ex-partner lived together but weren’t married, the court generally applies principles to your possessions. If you paid for something, you own it, unless it was given to your ex-partner as a gift. If you bought something as a couple and paid equal shares, you own the item equally. If you bought something out of both of your money, but it is not possible to say who paid what, you both own the item equally.
You may be entitled to legal aid to help you with the costs of your separation, divorce or other family proceedings. People on income support, Job Seeker’s Allowance, Employment and Support Allowance or Guaranteed Pension Credit are automatically entitled to legal aid. You may also be eligible if you have savings or assets that are worth less than £8000, and your pre-tax earnings each month are less than £2,657. For more advice, contact a solicitor.
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Are caseworkers provided by the CSA or are you meaning again a solicitor?
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Karl oscar - 9-Sep-21 @ 11:03 AM
Please help me. I am separated from my husband of 16 years of marriage but we have actually been together for over 25yrs. We have 3 adorable children. Reasons for separation are infidelity and having a child outside of our marriage, violence to name but few. I have asked for support from him many times but to no avail, so I decided to contact CSA. But my mistake was for him to pay me directly, which was granted. He paid for the first 2 months that was it, he has not paid for the last 6 months. I tried contacting CSA but they always asked me to send them a message about non payment which I have been doing since, I also asked them to change my method of payment to collect and pay, they asked me to send proof of non payment which I did send but never reply again after acknowledgment of my msg. But they will always contact me when he contact them for anything. They are not communicating with me about my missed payment. He works full time only to receive a message from them that he will be paying £13.00 for 3 children. They told me his income was over £500 a week and that he should be paying about £400 a month but now this. I tried calling them but they said in their msg that they only answer a call of a paying parent, but yet refused to communicate with me on the messages I sent. I don’t know what he told them. The child he had is not in this country so he can’t possibly pay CM for him. Even the small amount they asked him to pay he is not doing that.Please help there is more to this story. I felt I have not been listening to by the CSA and am not getting the support my children needed for no fault of theirs. I cry for help. Please help me on what to do next.
Semi - 23-Oct-20 @ 2:42 AM
My parents split up 6 years ago and when they split up my mum didn’t know anything about her rights and my father made us both leave the house they bought and ever since then my mother was never allowed to go back into the house. He promised my mother that he would put the house in my name as soon as I turn 18 and I am going to turn 18 in a few months. However my father has now got 2 other children I would like help to find out what rights I have to this house and if his other 2 children and his girlfriend have any rights to the house
MP - 16-Aug-19 @ 10:40 PM
Hello,
My wife has left me and moved to her mother’s home with our 7 month old baby 2 weeks ago. She accused me of shouting, ignoring her, rude to her mother. When I asked when did I behave bad like she accused, she has no answer. She agreed one day that she was hormonal and depressed when she accused of above but kept on saying how great her mom was and asked me to apologise her mom. I refused to do that as I didn’t say or do anything to apologise. She keeps coming with new issues retrospectively to find faults. She kept me in a limbo for 6 weeks with coing to our rented flat on and off. Last week when I asked her if she is going to come back and does she still love me, she said she is not sure when she wants to comeback. I said this is more like a emotional blackmail by not telling what she is thinking and how long will she be away as I can’t figure out why she was doing so. Also I miss our 7 month old baby desperately and want to sort out things. I told her my mom is suffering with what’s happening as she was visiting from India to see her granddaughter and I would like to leave to India to drop her as I don’t like her to suffer between us. I also told her my future decisions would depend on what she wants to do as we live in a rented flat. Today she said she doesn’t love me anymore and shouted on phone accusing me of blackmailing which I never did! She said she doesn’t want to see me when I said we can sort out things by talking.
My question is what rights do I have on my 7 month old baby? Can I take my daughter with me for couple of days a week?
Rev - 31-Jul-19 @ 10:11 AM
My son was separated from his wife. She was pregnant. Father questionable. Although he has paid maintenance said child was never in his life until recently. Was wondering couldthis childhave been registeredin his name without his presence? As mentioned they were at time separated so he did not attend registry office.
Justme - 24-Jul-19 @ 1:22 PM
Hi wife and I split up this weekend. She’s asked me to leave for a few night last as she couldn’t be around me. Now she’s saying I can’t come back as I decided to leave and that it’s best for for our 7 yr old daughter if made that clean break. This is not what we decided when we discussed a theoretical separation a while ago. What are my rights? We jointly own the house. Many thanks
Logan - 5-Nov-18 @ 9:45 PM
I have four children with my wife. We live together but I do work away. She has recently contacted Child Maintenance telling them I have moved my address and that we are no longer living together couples, which is untrue. We still share table and the bed. Children Maintenance Service contacted asking me to make payment to my wife. I wrote a letter to CMS in Feb/2018 disputing the claim. I have not had any response despite many telephone calls. Through telephone conversation CMS demanded for evidence of me living in the same address. I provided my bank statement and medical card. Recently, she has swore affivavit to changed her maiden name to be my surname. I have forward this evidence to CMS. But CMS went head to do attachment of earning forcefully taken money from salary. Recently she has informed that she pregnant with me. I have told her I don't the baby but she said she wants to keep it. I told CMS. CMS are supporting her claim and money is deducted from my salary month. She not used for full benefit of the children.
I paid rent, buy food stuff and other needs for the house.
I made to complaint to CMS. They have not responded to my complaint.
I feel i have not been treated fairly in this case. This is affecting my performance at work and have decided to stop work. I have had couple of accidents recently due this problem.
What should I do?
Joe - 17-Aug-18 @ 10:40 PM
Bee0805 - Your Question:
Please help - unmarried but living together with the father of my three children for 24 years I have tried to leave on several occasions where I have walked away with nothing due to his threats and emotional and physical abuse - but have returned due to being unable to cope alone financially and again his emotional blackmailMy youngest child is now 15 and I NEED to leave - it’s an unhealthy environment for my children and now grandchildren but have been told several times that I am entitled to nothing I work 25-30 hours a week - I have my name on a couple of the household bills and I am the main beneficiary of his will. I have supported him while he has built his business and always been the main child care provider We live in a million pound property he has rental properties and drives a 100k car plus runs a property development business Does the law say he has to provide myself and my daughter with a home while she is still in full time education ? Do I have any rights at all ? Because I work he leaves the fridge empty and leaves me to pay for more and more for my daughter because then he knows I am unableTo save anything and will remain dependant on him Please help
Our Response:
The link here may help answer your question. If your partner is the sole owner, you may have no rights to remain in the home if you are asked to leave. However, if you have children, you can ask a court to transfer the property into your name. The court will only do this if it decides it is in the best interests of your children. It is usually done for a limited period, for example, until your youngest child is 18 years old. You will also be able to claim child maintenance for your children. It is worth you paying for some professional legal advice in the first instance, or Citizens Advice can help.
ChildSupportLaws - 10-Aug-18 @ 12:09 PM
Please help - unmarried but living together with the father of my three children for 24 years
I have tried to leave on several occasions where I have walked away with nothing due to his threats and emotional and physical abuse - but have returned due to being unable to cope alone financially and again his emotional blackmail
My youngest child is now 15 and I NEED to leave - it’s an unhealthy environment for my children and now grandchildren but have been told several times that I am entitled to nothing
I work 25-30 hours a week - I have my name on a couple of the household bills and I am the main beneficiary of his will . I have supported him while he has built his business and always been the main child care provider
We live in a million pound property he has rental properties and drives a 100k car plus runs a property development business
Does the law say he has to provide myself and my daughter with a home while she is still in full time education ?
Do I have any rights at all ?
Because I work he leaves the fridge empty and leaves me to pay for more and more for my daughter because then he knows I am unable
To save anything and will remain dependant on him
Please help
Bee0805 - 7-Aug-18 @ 10:37 PM
Tommo87 - Your Question:
I am married but my wife now wants a divorce. She has an 8 year old son who’ll for the past 5 years I have supported financially. My wife does not work. We also have a 2 year old daughter and she is pregnant again. She is now claiming my daughter and the unborn baby are now biologically my children. I don’t know if she is doing this out of spite to hurt me or whether she’s been lying to me just to have access to my moneys etc. She now wants me out the house and wishes I was dead. She also says she will move over 4 hours a way to be with her parents. If my daughter is mine and the unborn baby is mine where do I stand in terms of seeing them and also preventing them moving so far away? If neither are my child what options do I have?
Our Response:
If you feel your children are someone else's and not yours, you can request your wife gets a DNA test as proof, please see link here . If the children are yours, please see link here, which shows you what options you have.
ChildSupportLaws - 18-Jun-18 @ 2:27 PM
I am married but my wife now wants a divorce. She has an 8 year old son who’ll for the past 5 years I have supported financially. My wife does not work. We also have a 2 year old daughter and she is pregnant again. She is now claiming my daughter and the unborn baby are now biologically my children. I don’t know if she is doing this out of spite to hurt me or whether she’s been lying to me just to have access to my moneys etc. She now wants me out the house and wishes I was dead. She also says she will move over 4 hours a way to be with her parents.
If my daughter is mine and the unborn baby is mine where do I stand in terms of seeing them and also preventing them moving so far away?
If neither are my child what options do i have?
Tommo87 - 17-Jun-18 @ 3:42 PM
Goodday, I need assistance please asap. I need advise URGENTLY! My ex fiance and I broke up a few months ago I have 2 daughters which one is his. We lived together 4 years where I supported him and looked after him while he completed his trade. Our daughter is turning 3years old. We were basically forced to leave after mental and physical abuse. were I have been trying to get back onto my feet and support my children. I have the car which is payed off but on his name but him himself has a bakkie aswell. He now wants to take the car away from me a second time which leaves myself and kids without transport. Ive asked that he be considerate as my kids need to get to school ect. Until im able to get a vehicle of my own. After supporting and caring for him for years ive been left with nothing. I want to know please how I can handle this matter and my rights and what I need to do.
Bee - 16-May-18 @ 1:43 PM
My ex-partner of 14 yrs (never married) moved out in Jan 19. We're not married and there is not formal custody agreement in place. He's moved into a commercial unit (has a double room and desk space, with shared kitchen and bathroom) which he shares with 4 other adults (who I've only met once or twice). The premisses only have commercial planning permission and I am concerned that this makes them automatically unsuitable for children to live there full time.Is there a way I can find out whether this is a reasonable request from my partner and that is ok for my children to move into that property to live 50% of the time? I'd really like to clarify this before I can move on with custody negotiation with my partner. Also, would the local authority (council?) rule on this? or is there a different body I should approach for advice on this matter? Many thanks!
neverland - 14-May-18 @ 5:51 PM
Spoony - Your Question:
I have not been with my child’s dad now for 2.5 years and he has not seen her or given me any money toward keeping herSocial services stored him from seeing my child Could you tell me if he still has any parental rights to my child as she does not know who she is thank you
Our Response:
If your child's father is registered on the birth certificate, then he still has parental responsibility, please see link here. If you wish to apply to have PR removed, then you would have to go to court. However, there is no guarantee a court will remove PR, it has to have good reason to consider it. You may wish to take further legal advice if you wish to see whether you have a case.
ChildSupportLaws - 12-Apr-18 @ 12:55 PM
I have not been with my child’s dad now for 2.5 years and he has not seen her or given me any money toward keeping her
Social services stored him from seeing my child
Could you tell me if he still has any parental rights to my child as she does not know who she is thank you
Spoony - 11-Apr-18 @ 10:47 PM
Jimbo - Your Question:
Hi, last year my wife of 15 years cheated on me for the 3rd time in 4 years but this time left the family home leaving myself and 3 boys.The 1st few months of the separation the boys were crushed and seldomly what to spend time with there mother. I work full time but managed with understanding grandparents and employer to get by.Now when my ex wife and I were together a lot of debt was accrued so I've had that to deal with as well but this has impacted our way of living drastically so I've taken the decision to sell the family home.After a few months after the separation Nd a lot of discussion with my children especially the oldest the boys started to stay with there mother again and we agreed 50/50 dual responsibility. One week id have them Friday to Monday then Friday to Tuesday and the boys settled onto this routine.Then my ex occasionally started dropping the boys off on a Thursday until recently it was never a problem because of have my boys every minute of every day if I could but recently I'd made plans on a Thursday not expecting the boys that night then my ex rang saying the boys wanted to stay to which I refused.All hell broke loose and unknown to myself my ex contacted the CSA and basically lied about the care plan we have in place.There demanding I pay 1/5 of my annual salary to which my property will be repossed of I don't sell up in time but what's more infuriating is I'm still having custody of my children more than there mother.I've always had an extremely strong bond with my boys and they've been through tough times this past year but after contacting child maintenance I'm feeling very deflated and concerned with the lack of rights a loving father has as the maintenance team have more or less taken the word of my boys mother.
Our Response:
If you were in receipt of child benefit (when you had residency of your children), then you would have a case. The person who is in receipt of child benefit is generally considered the primary carer of your children. Your only recourse would be to challenge your ex's claim in court. Likewise, if you had shared-care to date (and your ex received child benefit) then the court can order that shared-care remains in place and in which case not child maintenance would be paid. However, as in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. If you cannot afford legal representation in court, you can self-litigate, please see link here . Our Separated Dads forum can help with extra advice if needed and you may also wish to seek professional legal advice.
ChildSupportLaws - 10-Apr-18 @ 12:56 PM
Hi, last year my wife of 15 years cheated on me for the 3rd time in 4 years but this time left the family home leaving myself and 3 boys.
The 1st few months of the separation the boys were crushed and seldomly what to spend time with there mother. I work full time but managed with understanding grandparents and employer to get by.
Now when my ex wife and I were together a lot of debt was accrued so I've had that to deal with as well but this has impacted our way of living drastically so I've taken the decision to sell the family home.
After a few months after the separation Nd a lot of discussion with my children especially the oldest the boys started to stay with there mother again and we agreed 50/50 dual responsibility. One weekid have them Friday to Monday then Friday to Tuesday and the boys settled onto this routine.
Then my ex occasionally started dropping the boys off on a Thursday until recently it was never a problem because of have my boys every minute of every day if I could but recently I'd made plans on a Thursday not expecting the boys that night then my ex rang saying the boys wanted to stay to which I refused.
All hell broke loose and unknown to myself my ex contacted the CSA and basically lied about the care plan we have in place.
There demanding I pay 1/5 of my annual salary to which my property will be repossed of I don't sell up in time but what's more infuriating is I'm still having custody of my children more than there mother.
I've always had an extremely strong bond with my boys and they've been through tough times this past year but after contacting child maintenance I'm feeling very deflated and concerned with the lack of rights a loving father has as the maintenance team have more or less taken the word of my boys mother.
Jimbo - 10-Apr-18 @ 3:29 AM
Jo - Your Question:
My children's father is constantly doing overtime when he is suppose to have his children. Does this mean I have the right to keep my children at home if he is not responsible for them at his home
Our Response:
Much depends upon whether there is a court/contact order in place. If there is, then you will breach the order if you keep the children at home without the other parent's consent. Otherwise, it is negotiable between you. If you are unhappy with the current arrangement and you cannot agree between you, then mediation may be an option for you to consider, in order to try to resolve the situation via a third person. Please see link here.
ChildSupportLaws - 9-Mar-18 @ 3:44 PM
My children's father is constantly doing overtime when he is suppose to have his children. Does this mean I have the right to keep my children at home if he is not responsible for them at his home
Jo - 9-Mar-18 @ 12:31 PM
Hi i need advice, i left my husband 2 months after i born our son for domestic violence.. but no proof from police, no doctors, just from HEAT Proof about it. We are still merried, we Are not living more than 2 years together and i want divoce, my husband see my son niw 1xper week...And from his 1 Year started pay maintance. I am on benefits. And where can i get advice with divorce coz it coast 550£ and i cant pay it. Thank you.
Karca - 7-Jan-18 @ 9:18 AM
Hi, my daughter is 12 in December this year.
I got a divorce over 5 years ago now and my ex husband pays me money each month into my bank only because there is a court order out to do so from when we got divorce
We actually split up over 8 years ago and it wasn't nice my daughter hardly seen him for a good months
Only from years of pushing my daughter to see him they use to see each other every other weekend, she has never wanted more cause this is how she has grown up seeing her daddy and that is enough for her.
Now she is starting to see him less cause I feel its her choice, no particular reason just doesn't want to go but he is making a massive issue of it and jut pushing her away even more.
I have made sure for years she has seen him but now I am not pushing her as much as feel its up to her.
The dad isn't happy about this he hasnt seen her and she hasn't slept there since July
Now he is refusing to help pay say towards her new school being first time in high was this Sept, so new things like Piano lesion and school lunch and now he has always paid half towards her birthday celebrations and isn't- can he do this? The money he always pays isn't enough to cover everything
Also I have heard there is a new law out this year where it is the child decision whether they see there parent or not or less from the age of 12? please can you advise me on this?
Thanks
cocker - 24-Nov-17 @ 2:14 PM
Hi my ex and I have been separated for approx 5 years. My son is 11. My ex and I agreed not to go through CSA, so he pays matience monthly into my bank.
Now after all these years he has been causing trouble....he is buying extra presents for my son etcso now my son wants to go and live with him...I have reluctantly agreed to a trial.my ex is now asking for half of this month's maintenance back because of this. I'm reluctant to give him any because I always pay my bills at the beginning of the month and other things my son may need. Do I have to pay this money back...he keeps harrising me sending messages to pay him.
Basil - 21-Nov-17 @ 3:40 PM
Dave - Your Question:
Hello, I'm seperated from my now ex-wife of 13 years. We have a 2 year old son together that I lived with till he was 20 months but moved out as living with his mum was unbearable with her controlling behaviour and no longer loved her. I pay a sum of money weekly through a mutual agreement but she seems not have our sons best intentions and is controlling when and when I can see him. I can't afford legal help and not elegible for legal aid as I work full time. What can I do? Thanks
Our Response:
If you are unhappy with your access arrangements mutual discussion is always the best way to try to resolve issues. If you cannot resolve them between you, then you should suggest mediation to your ex. Insisting you want a better relationship with your son is not out of order, if you couch it in such a way that it doesn't lead to an inflammatory situation. You can rationally say you will take the matter to court if the situation doesn't improve and if she won't attend mediation. If you cannot afford the hefty legal fees of hiring a solicitor, you can self-litigate, please see link here. Many fathers do this now with good success. Litigants in person must be treated equally before the law and have equal access to justice. Judges have a duty to ensure a fair trial by giving them due assistance to achieve this. The courts also do want fathers to have a good relationship with their children. If you are on a low income, you may also get help with court costs, please see link here. However, court is always seen as a last resort and trying to resolve this amicably between you is always the preffered approach.
ChildSupportLaws - 14-Nov-17 @ 10:15 AM
Hello, I'm seperated from my now ex-wife of 13 years. We have a 2 year old son together that I lived with till he was 20 months but moved out as living with his mum was unbearable with her controlling behaviour and no longer loved her. I pay a sum of money weekly through a mutual agreementbut she seems not have our sons best intentions and is controlling when and when I can see him. I can't afford legal help and not elegible for legal aid as i work full time. What can I do? Thanks