Home > Related Laws > Your Legal Rights as a Parent

Your Legal Rights as a Parent

By: Anna Martin - Updated: 20 Jan 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Parent Child Parent With Care Non

Losing full-time contact with a child is a difficult and painful outcome of any separation or divorce. The parent who retains day-to-day care of the child may not experience as much separation anxiety as the non resident parent, but they will however become more financially minded.

Maintenance payments from the non resident parent will help ease the financial pressure of raising a child, but unless parents agree to shared care or regular access and visits there may be other problems to overcome too.

Parenting Plan

A custody court order will include a parenting plan or visitation schedule which parents must adhere to. This plan is more likely to affect, and/or restrict, the non resident parent, particularly if the parents are not able to communicate effectively. Understanding and accepting that there will be imposed changes that will affect a non resident parent’s relationship with their child in some way, may enable the parent to consider expressing views openly prior to the custody order being finalised.

Many parents are able to make private arrangements that put the child’s rights and needs first. Joint custody or shared care will enable both parents to have regular contact with their child, and to contribute equally to the emotional, physical and financial aspects of child raising.

Making Modifications

A non resident parent may have a court order but may still experience problems enforcing it. Being flexible about re-arranging a visit keeps communication open. However, the parent with care must acknowledge the non resident parent’s rights.

If problems persist, threatening to withhold child support is not a good idea. If a parent has to go to court to enforce visitation any threats to stop child support payments will be held against them. Modifying maintenance is only acceptable if the parent with care has an increase in income whilst the non resident parent’s income has decreased, or a parent’s expenses have increased considerably through illness etc.

Parent And Child Rights

On the whole, the law allows parents to bring up their children in accordance with their own beliefs and values. This gives parents the right to make decisions about the child’s upbringing, provided the child’s well-being is never put at risk. Parents must accept that wanting their own way however, is not the same thing as exercising a right. Although parents have the right to set limits they do not have the right to enforce views.

A parent has the right to determine their child’s name, religion, form of education and healthcare. They also have the right to accompany the child outside the UK and agree on emigration issues. Parents who have a joint custody agreement share rights and parental responsibilities. If the child’s parents are divorced, however, the mother generally has charge of parental responsibility, although the father’s opinions can be expressed and documented.

A child’s rights state that a parent must ensure their child is safe from harm, has somewhere to live, has food, clothing, medical care and education and is financially supported.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
Hi, I'm just seeking advice on my current situation with my ex. We split up when our son was 6 months old (June 2016). We made arrangements on when the dad should see him and all that was working out fine and he stuck to his days/times with the odd day he would have to rearrange due to other plans. These were 2 weekday evenings for about 3 hours as he would have work until 5 and Sundays 1-7pm. However, a year later he met someone else and all this changed, he'd miss days to see his son especially on the only full day which mattered the most. Sometimes he'd let me know last min...this is like an our or 2 before he's due to pick him up. One time he made up an excuse of having a bad stomach and said he's unwell to get out of the house but I seen him in town with his gf. This was an ongoing issue having all these excuses. He has Never had him overnight because he would always refuse and say until he has his own place but added he'd still have to think about it then. It went from 3 days to that one day a week Sunday. About October time he went 3 weeks without seeing his son and I just told him not bother coming next week because it wasn't fair because It was frustrating. Bearing in mind all these days and times were what he picked from the beginning, I had no say in it and went along with it to avoid arguments, stress etc. He has not shown any interest in him whatsoever. He's moved out of his parents house to live with his girlfriend and cut ties with them and his family/ friends because he does not want to hear what they have to say about his behaviour. So come December I am planning my son's 2nd birthday party, I asked if he was going to come or see his son and he said no, he will be away (he has not seen his son since October) he was messaging his mother asking her to ask me to unblock him because he wants to see him. I did that and he refused to compromise with me, I asked him to have him overnight every fortnight and the Sundays as normal. The last message was basically saying don't message me again, I set the CMS payments back up (which he had stopped) asked me not to speak to his family unless they wanted to see my son (did not mention him seeing him) and that there should not be any other reason for me to ever contact him again. I replied with 'how about seeing your son' I Never got a reply and I was blocked. Not heard anything from him since. Christmas Day, he did not ask to see him, all his family wanted to see their grandson/nephew so I took him to their house myself. My son's birthday was a few days after and all his family came apart from the dad. He has made it clear he doesn't want anything to do with his son, his family are aware and have said they are ashamed of him and are not happy. They have also ran out of ideas on this and have decided to leave him to it. He is now expecting another child with his girlfriend which I find bizarre because how can you possibly have another child when you can not look after the on
CTCx - 20-Jan-18 @ 3:17 PM
KB - Your Question:
Hi.I'm seeking some advice as I'm worrying myself silly.Basically, my ex left me with 2 children in early 2005. We weren't married. My DD was about 15 months and DS was 1 month old. He moved away for work and met someone else. He came to see the children twice, the last time being November 2005. He has not seen them since and has not ever attempted to initiate contact. He does not pay any maintenence through the CSA or otherwise. In 2008 I contacted him seeking permission to change the children's surname to mine (he has PR of DS born in Dec 2004, but not DD born in Oct 2003). This was very stressful (there had been violence/threatening behaviour towards me during our relationship and its aftermath, the police were involved, etc, it was horrible) but he agreed to the name change. We have had no contact since, he's not interested in knowing the children at all.Fast forward to now- my children are 13 and 14 and keen to go on school trips abroad, so I've finally got around to applying for passports for them. I feel awful that it's taken this long but I'm very anxious about it and probably been sticking my head in the sand. Will I need my ex's permission to get a passport for my son? Will I have to provide the school with specific permission from my son's father in order for DS to go on the ski trip? I'm near tears just at the thought of having to contact him just so that my DS can enjoy this opportunity. It sounds stupid but it's really upsetting me. I'm married now and day to day, week to week, the children's biological father doesn't even feature in our thoughts, obviously the children have no memory of him. I can't believe he could hold this power over us. Thanks in advance.

Our Response:
If your ex has PR of one child, then you will need to seek permission from your ex to allow this child to leave the country, this includes applying for a passport, please also see link here .
ChildSupportLaws - 19-Jan-18 @ 3:48 PM
Hi. I'm seeking some advice as I'm worrying myself silly. Basically, my ex left me with 2 children in early 2005. We weren't married. My DD was about 15 months and DS was 1 month old. He moved away for work and met someone else. He came to see the children twice, the last time being November 2005. He has not seen them since and has not ever attempted to initiate contact. He does not pay any maintenence through the CSA or otherwise. In 2008 I contacted him seeking permission to change the children's surname to mine (he has PR of DS born in Dec 2004, but not DD born in Oct 2003). This was very stressful (there had been violence/threatening behaviour towards me during our relationship and its aftermath, the police were involved, etc, it was horrible) but he agreed to the name change. We have had no contact since, he's not interested in knowing the children at all. Fast forward to now- my children are 13 and 14 and keen to go on school trips abroad, so I've finally got around to applying for passports for them. I feel awful that it's taken this long but I'm very anxious about it and probably been sticking my head in the sand. Will I need my ex's permission to get a passport for my son? Will I have to provide the school with specific permission from my son's father in order for DS to go on the ski trip? I'm near tears just at the thought of having to contact him just so that my DS can enjoy this opportunity. It sounds stupid but it's really upsetting me. I'm married now and day to day, week to week, the children's biological father doesn't even feature in our thoughts, obviously the children have no memory of him. I can't believe he could hold this power over us. Thanks in advance.
KB - 19-Jan-18 @ 2:45 PM
lloyd - Your Question:
My new partner has a child with his ex girlfriend whose 15 months old, unfortunately me and her do not get on. she has told my partner that he can not take his daughter back to his or anywhere else because she doesnt trust him because of me seeing his daughter a few times without her 'knowing' even though I was told she was fine with me being around the little girl,before she wanted me to look after her daughter whilst she went to the shops to which I agreed (24 November) up until now she has said he can only see his daughter at a contact centre so she knows I wont be around or he goes to her house which he doesnt want because he has the parental rights of spending the time with his daughter and decides what he wants to do with her (his words), i've told her I wont be at his when he has his daughter for the weekend or whenever they agree and she still wont allow it. can she stop him taking their daughter to his house?

Our Response:
Your partner would have to either suggest mediation to his ex in order to try to resolve this matter. If his ex refuses to attend mediation, he would have to refer the matter to court under a 'specific issue order'. You don't say whether there is a court order in place to allow your partner to have access to his child. However, his ex has no right to dictate who he should have in his child's life. If he has parental responsibility, he has the right to decide who his child sees or doesn't. If his ex continues to refuse, then he should think about applying to court. His ex would have to have a good provable reason from preventing your partner from allowing the child to see you. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 16-Jan-18 @ 11:43 AM
Tricky - Your Question:
My grandchildrens parents have broke up.father won't give mother his new address where children will be staying every other weekendMum does not feel this is right and wants to know address

Our Response:
Where parents cannot agree, mediation is the next option, please see link here . There are no rules that say one parent has to give the other the address, as there may be varying reasons for the other parent not wishing to do so. Therefore, mutual negotiation is the only way to resolve this, or as a last resort court under a 'specific issue order'. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is of the best interests of the children in question.
ChildSupportLaws - 16-Jan-18 @ 11:24 AM
Tasha - Your Question:
Hi all just looking for a bit of advice. I split with my child's gather when my son was less than 1yo. At 19 months he went to live with dad as I had asked because I was suffering post natal depression and at the time seemed like the best to ensure my child was given the love he needed. However, dad got a residency order which is currently in place that he stays with dad 3 nights and me 4. Just after Xmas 17 dad and I had a disagreement and he stopped my son from seeing me. On 10th of Jan, my son absconded from school to come and see me and has remained with me as per court order of 3 nights. However, the day has come to take my son back to his dads and he is playing holy hell adamant he's not going back and that he just doesn't want to be there. Dad has changed his number so I not anyone else can contact him. What do I do as I don't want to get in trouble for breaching the order. But at the same time I don't want to force my son whilst he is kicking and screaming. Any advice please

Our Response:
You don't say how old your son is? The older your son - the more say he will have regarding the issue, should the matter be referred back to court. If you keep your son without the other parent's permission - then this will give your ex the option to take the matter back to court. You would be better to try to discuss the matter mutually with your son's father if you can. Or through mediation - or refer the matter back to court yourself for re-consideration if your son is old enough and if the court will allow this.
ChildSupportLaws - 15-Jan-18 @ 3:12 PM
My grandchildrens parents have broke up.father won't give mother his new address where children will be staying every other weekend Mum does not feel this is right and wants to know address
Tricky - 15-Jan-18 @ 2:36 PM
My new partner has a child with his ex girlfriend whose 15 months old, unfortunately me and her do not get on.. she has told my partner that he can not take his daughter back to his or anywhere else because she doesnt trust him because of me seeing his daughter a few times without her 'knowing' even though i was told she was fine with me being around the little girl,before she wanted me to look after her daughter whilst she went to the shops to which i agreed (24 November) up until now she has said he can only see his daughter at a contact centre so she knows i wont be around or he goes to her house which he doesnt want because he has the parental rights of spending the time with his daughter and decides what he wants to do with her (his words), i've told her i wont be at his when he has his daughter for the weekend or whenever they agree and she still wont allow it.. can she stop him taking their daughter to his house?
lloyd - 15-Jan-18 @ 2:18 PM
Hi, I have a residential order for my two boys, as I spend some time overseas for my work (posted worker) and he refused to give me leave to take the boys. In the court order the father has a spends time with order of 6 times a year, two in the country I am posted to, he has filed for a reduced CMS payment in line with this travel, but has not actually traveled, and is out n out refusing to travel, which is a breach of the court order, normally I would not have been especially bothered and in the first year I used to drop the boys almost on his door step as I was in the area, so the claim was unjustified and a bit of a shock to say the lease, but now I am refusing to go out side of the court order, as he now has two years of backdated reduction, with no evidence, applied by the CMS. Where do I go from here? I think it's important that they spend time with him, but I can't force him to spend time with them and If I do the travel, he's still claiming the reduction. CMS won't listen to me, they stated that there is doubt that he does travel, but they are following the court order.
YOGI - 14-Jan-18 @ 8:49 PM
Hi all just looking for a bit of advice. I split with my child's gather when my son was less than 1yo. At 19 months he went to live with dad as I had asked because I was suffering post natal depression and at the time seemed like the best to ensure my child was given the love he needed. However, dad got a residency order which is currently in place that he stays with dad 3 nights and me 4. Just after Xmas 17 dad and I had a disagreement and he stopped my son from seeing me. On 10th of Jan, my son absconded from school to come and see me and has remained with me as per court order of 3 nights. However, the day has come to take my son back to his dads and he is playing holy hell adamant he's not going back and that he just doesn't want to be there. Dad has changed his number so I not anyone else can contact him. What do i do as I don't want to get in trouble for breaching the order. But at the same time I don't want to force my son whilst he is kicking and screaming. Any advice please
Tasha - 13-Jan-18 @ 11:08 AM
Hi iv put my 1 year old daughter in care with my mums cousin n her partner they have day to day care was only suppose to be temperaly they went behind my back after telling me I can see her 2 times aweek and drop it down to onece a week visits now due to me reading what els they said in their fake statement they gone behind my back and gone to my daughter lawyer and I havnt received any letter stating or confirming that my mums cousin has to find out from lawyer if it OK for me to visit her non of what I'm hearing from my mum isn't making sence
Joel - 1-Jan-18 @ 3:12 AM
Hi. My husband and I separated in Oct 2016 I have kept the house but cannot afford to buy him out. He pays no maintenance as his income doesn't allow now he is renting. He says he can dictate who I have in the house despite not contributing at all since February this year when he moved out. Is this correct? Obviously I would never have anyone in the house who would cause my son,aged 14, any harm and his happiness and safety are of paramount importance to me.
Mum - 27-Dec-17 @ 12:54 PM
I have a 3 yr old daughter who us registerd to my x girlfriend's address but I have what she says is equal arrangements on who has her I never actually agreed to her terms but felt for my daughter's state of mind I see how it goes baring in mind I knew around certain events threw the yr it would break down as my x who I split with 6 mths ago constantly threatens to stop cut down or change days to suit her I'm on birth certificate and live only 200yrds from her but her constant arguing and what ever goes on in her household is traumatizing my daughter and now when I have her she gets very upset at going home time iv logged many issues on advice about her behaviour got hundreds of messages vile and even my daughter sending voice clips to me . Iv recorded her visits as she constantlymakes me out be bad one my daughter frequently screams no when she appears now Christmas eve was my night but she said she wants her home with her family no arguments and I'm to get her midday next day I was opposed to this but when got to Yasmin my daughter's level and hot her opinion she want stay but mummy said home to hers I said ok and in the day Xmas eve Yasmin was tuning temp coughing and exhausted eventually early evening she slept and weather being cold I told mum but abuse starts I nursed her till 5am and at 7am she awoke and I took her when dressed to mummys but she's denied her coming back to me as I did last night on purpose can I get her legally somehow
Phil - 25-Dec-17 @ 3:36 PM
Elvis - Your Question:
How old has your child got to be before they can decide which parent they want to stay with. my daughter is currently 15 and I dont think I have parental rights as she was born dec 2002. does this also affect where she wants to stay.

Our Response:
Yes. If you do not have parental responsibility, then the parent with PR can contact the police to have a child returned to them. However, if you wish your daughter to live with you and your daughter has also expressed this as a preference, but the child's other parent disagrees, then you can apply for court for parental responsibility and a residence order, please see link here . The older the child is, the more their preferences are considered. However, as in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 22-Dec-17 @ 11:02 AM
How old has your child got to be before they can decide which parent they want to stay with. my daughter is currently 15 and I dont think I have parental rights as she was born dec 2002 .. does this also affect where she wants to stay ..
Elvis - 21-Dec-17 @ 6:20 PM
Hi. I split with my ex when my daughter was 18mths old. She is now 14. She has always lived with me and we always had a very close relationship . I was a aingle mother for the most part. The father and i always had a very amicable relationship. We shared parenting and communicated very well. She spent every other weekend and holidays with him. More if needed.There was never an issue with finances. Last Xmas I was informed that his girlfriend really dislikes me. They moved in together shortly after. Unfortunately my daughter experienced bullying which affected her mental health.She asked if she could live with her dad for a fresh start to get away from bullies. I agreed but was promised that nothing would change. As soon as she moved in I received messages from the gf stating that this was now her family and I would play by her rules and see my daughter when they said. I repeatedly asked for meetings to discuss and this was denied. The father refused to read the messages I was sent and did not pass on my requests for meetings. My daughter was taken in to hospital a few months ago and i was not told for a couple of days. Following this we agreed that we would communicate better (whilst in the presence of mh professionals). I have received minimal contact from both my daughter and her father. Contact from my daughter has diminished. I had a minor argument with my daughter on the phone recently and she stopped talking to me. I am repeatedly asking for communication from the father about her mental health and requesting meetings so that we can discuss parenting. He says he will phone to talk but doesn't and if he texts he tells me very minimal info about her welfare. I am confused about my rights as a mother. Please advise.
Betty - 19-Dec-17 @ 11:19 PM
Stuck - Your Question:
I have a residency order , my ex is refusing to return our 11year old child. They have got our child to say they are happy and they don't want to see me. The school are siding with my ex and don't seem to offer any relevant advice. My solicitor suggested an emergency court but I can't afford the upfront fees. Surely as I do not agree to the change in residency my child should be with me?

Our Response:
If you have a residency order through the courts, the police may be able to intervene and return your child to you, as your ex has breached the court order and a residency order specifically decides the parent with whom the child should live. Any changes to a contact order must be agreed by both parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. If they wish to do so, they will need to refer the matter back to the courts. If the police can do nothing to help, then unfortunately your only option would be to refer the matter back to court.
ChildSupportLaws - 18-Dec-17 @ 10:16 AM
I have aresidency order , my ex is refusing to return our 11year old child. They have got our child to say theyare happy and they don't want to see me. The school are siding with my ex and don't seem to offer any relevant advice. My solicitor suggested an emergency court but I can't afford the upfrontfees. Surely as I do not agree to the change in residency my child should be with me?
Stuck - 16-Dec-17 @ 3:10 AM
Caring dad - Your Question:
Hi there, I separated from my ex partner when my daughter was 2. After 3 seperate court orders and many many court cases, I now have shared residency and my daughter is benefiting from this. I have always been involved, committed, and some form of visitation to my child. However I have had a few issues, the shared residency order was made in February this year (it was a long difficult battle for myself) my ex had accused and slandred me of everything pretty much. And obviously only over a period of time and effort on my behalf was it proven to be nonsense and lies. However my child has approached me in confidence stating that her mother has been telling her to call her new husband "daddy" (whereas she has always called him by his first name) and to call me by my first name (daughter has always called me dad/daddy) if my daughter does not do as her mother asks she gets "told off" and "sent to her room" I asked my daughter if she knew who her dad was and she said yes it was me. She feels uncomfortable about this and does not know what to do. My ex has also approached the school and told them to refer to me as my first name to my child, despite me writing to them preciously asking them not to and having a meeting last year about this they are once again supporting mum by calling me my first name and her husband dad (completely not allowed) I have a letter from the chair of executives dated last year stating this would not happen furthur. My ex is also not allowing me y time with my daughter over Christmas despite the order stating I am entitled to 7 nights over the Christmas period she is only offering me 5 and refusing anymore, even dictating dates and times leaving me no choice. I previously stated I could not adhere to her dates and times. She preciously booked her wedding and holidays on my days and does not care. Why book an event your daughters not available for? Instead she just takes my days away from me. What can I do in regards to the alienation my child is suffering and is concerned and asking for my help about? What can I do about my ex breaking the court order? My ex will not communicate with me only being abusive and aggressive, we communicated through my mother but she has just thrown lots of abuse at my mum and told her to shut up and get lost and blocked her. So now we have no communication at all, which to be honest my family are deliver for it has been nothing but abuse and insults for both reason as we only ever communicate about dates/tines for holidays. And most are dated because she is like this so the court had to sit there and put times, dates and everything. Seems a bit silly everyone is running rings around this abusive, selfish manipulative person and she's getting away with it. I'm concerned my child is suffering as a result of her mothers actions. Any advice or referring to other people/agency's that may be able to advise would be appreciated. I believe my only option is court but last t

Our Response:
Any changes to a contact order must be agreed by both parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. If they wish to do so, they will need to refer the matter back to the courts. However, the courts' guidance states that unless a breach is regular and intentional, they will not usually take action to enforce the order or punish the breach. Further it is important to consider the needs of your child first and so some flexibility may be needed on occasion. A solicitor's letter reminding your ex of the terms of the contact order and the repercussions if she breaches it can help. With regards to the issues over your child not calling you dad, then your only recourse is to suggest mediation as a way of attempting to discuss/ resolve the issue, if you cannot agree on the matter between you.
ChildSupportLaws - 15-Dec-17 @ 12:56 PM
Melanie- Your Question:
Hi, my ex partner and I split 11 years ago. My daughter has not wanted to see him for the past 2 years I have always been the one to deal with everything. On Monday she got in trouble at school and because she had been grounded over the weekend for doing a wrong thing a week before she has messaged dad out of the blue and said she wasn’t coming home! My ex partner is now refusing to bring her home to chat about the situation (my daughter doesn’t like rules being set) and is also trying to get school to stop me from collecting her from her high school.He has sent a message saying if I Collect her from school he will take her out of the school and also change her school, I will not know where she lives or what school she is at. Is there any legal way to deal with this? I have been informed that I am not intiteld to take a residency order out as we have had dealings with social services and had a 6 week program ran on us as a family against false allegations. I’m so lost my daughter isn’t home I don’t have a address to go and talk to her and my ex partner is not allowing me to contact her or see here when she has lived with me since day one! (She is 13 now)

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, if both parents have Parental Responsibility then the police cannot intervene to take the child off one parent and give them to the other; the police cannot choose between parents, that is the remit of the courts. However, whilst the police cannot take a child away from a parent with Parental Responsibility, they are able to intervene and remove a child if there is a real risk to life. If you are concerned about a real and immediate threat to your child's safety, speak to your local police force and social services. If you are not concerned for her safety, your only option would be to apply to court. As your daughter is now 13, her opinions will be taken into consideration. However, as with any court case, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order regardless of her personal preferences. On another note, it may be something that will calm down once the novelty has worn off and the heightened emotions have settled, especially if your daughter is being prevented from speaking to you. If your daughter has a will, much depends upon whether she wishes to leave with you from school. While you can arrive at the school to pick her up, you cannot force her against her will to come with you. Sometimes, not rising to the bait of your ex may also work. At least you know she is currently being cared for, your daughter with her pre-teenage emotions may decide this new situation of living with her dad isn't quite what it's cracked up to be once she starts missing you, which in all likelihood she will. Seek legal advice, speak to the school (who can help if they are aware of the situation - they can at least talk to your child and attempt to reason with her) and put forward mediation to your ex, but I'm sure this situation will resolve itself soon.
ChildSupportLaws - 15-Dec-17 @ 11:49 AM
Hi there,I separated from my ex partner when my daughter was 2. After 3 seperate court orders and many many court cases,I now have shared residency and my daughter is benefiting from this. I have always been involved, committed,and some form of visitation to my child.However I have had a few issues,the shared residency order was made in February this year (it was a long difficult battle for myself)my ex had accused and slandred me of everything pretty much.And obviously only over a period of time and effort on my behalf was it proven to be nonsense and lies.However my child has approached me in confidence stating that her mother has been telling her to call her new husband "daddy" (whereas she has always called him by his first name)and to call me by my first name (daughter has always called me dad/daddy)if my daughter does not do as her mother asks she gets "told off" and "sent to her room" I asked my daughter if she knew who her dad was and she said yes it was me.She feels uncomfortable about this and does not know what to do.My ex has also approached the school and told them to refer to me as my first name to my child,despite me writing to them preciously asking them not to and having a meeting last year about this they are once again supporting mum by calling me my first name and her husband dad (completely not allowed)I have a letter from the chair of executives dated last year stating this would not happen furthur.My ex is also not allowing me y time with my daughter over Christmas despite the order stating I am entitled to 7 nights over the Christmas period she is only offering me 5 and refusing anymore,even dictating dates and times leaving me no choice.I previously stated I could not adhere to her dates and times. She preciously booked her wedding and holidays on my days and does not care.Why book an event your daughters not available for?Instead she just takes my days away from me.What can I do in regards to the alienation my child is suffering and is concerned and asking for my help about?What can I do about my ex breaking the court order? My ex will not communicate with me only being abusive and aggressive,we communicated through my mother but she has just thrown lots of abuse at my mum and told her to shut up and get lost and blocked her.So now we have no communication at all,which to be honest my family are deliver for it has been nothing but abuse and insults for both reason as we only ever communicate about dates/tines for holidays. And most are dated because she is like this so the court had to sit there and put times,dates and everything.Seems a bit silly everyone is running rings around this abusive,selfish manipulative person and she's getting away with it.I'm concerned my child is suffering as a result of her mothers actions.Any advice or referring to other people/agency's that may be able to advise would be appreciated.I believe my only option is court but last t
Caring dad - 14-Dec-17 @ 8:01 PM
Hi, my ex partner and I split 11 years ago. My daughter has not wanted to see him for the past 2 years I have always been the one to deal with everything. On Monday she got in trouble at school and because she had been grounded over the weekend for doing a wrong thing a week before she has messaged dad out of the blue and said she wasn’t coming home! My ex partner is now refusing to bring her home to chat about the situation (my daughter doesn’t like rules being set) and is also trying to get school to stop me from collecting her from her high school. He has sent a message saying if I Collect her from school he will take her out of the school and also change her school, I will not know where she lives or what school she is at. Is there any legal way to deal with this? I have been informed that I am not intiteld to take a residency order out as we have had dealings with social services and had a 6 week program ran on us as a family against false allegations. I’m so lost my daughter isn’t home I don’t have a address to go and talk to her and my ex partner is not allowing me to contact her or see here when she has lived with me since day one! (She is 13 now)
Melanie - 14-Dec-17 @ 4:22 PM
Kim - Your Question:
Hi, I split from my9 year olds Dad when he was 18 months , he has always had access every other weekend and paid via Csa, I have always been very accommodating to when he went on Holiday and couldn’t keep to his dates , he remarried had another child and then divorced and meet someone new and had 2 more children the last one in August , since then he keeps trying to change our arrangement and asking me to bring my child to him rather than him pick him up, we live 30 minutes apart so the journey isn’t far, he never makes plans to see him more in school Holiday and I remind him, recently I received a mediation letter to attend a meeting with him but this was out of the blue as our arrangement has always been the same , I declined to go as we an arrangement , I would like to know what my rights are should I get a solicitor to reply to him or let him take the next step , I gave him extra access and told him to email me about new dates but he never does so I think it’s financial he wants an agreement where I share driving or petrol costs on his every other weekend , would this go to court if a good arrangement is already in place , thanks in advance

Our Response:
If you declined to go to mediation, then your ex will have the option to apply to court. As a rule, a court would rule that both parents share the drop-offs and pick-ups as this is deemed fair if both drive. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 14-Dec-17 @ 2:27 PM
My partner has a 3y/o with his ex they have 50 50 parenting but resides at his ex's. We have been trying to split the nursery and gave been given the 30hours funding however because she has signed a contract for 3hrs per day 5days a week they can not be flexible with splitting the nursery with our local one. She never consulted him before signing this contract for the nursery.Is there anything he can do?
Chant3ll - 13-Dec-17 @ 6:50 PM
Hi, I split from my9 year olds Dad when he was 18 months , he has always had access every other weekend and paid via Csa, I have always been very accommodating to when he went on Holiday and couldn’t keep to his dates , he remarried had another child and then divorced and meet someone new and had 2 more children the last one in August , since then he keeps trying to change our arrangement and asking me to bring my child to him rather than him pick him up, we live 30 minutes apart so the journey isn’t far, he never makes plans to see him more in school Holiday and I remind him, recently I received a mediation letter to attend a meeting with him but this was out of the blue as our arrangement has always been the same , I declined to go as we an arrangement , I would like to know what my rights are should I get a solicitor to reply to him or let him take the next step , I gave him extra access and told him to email me about new dates but he never does so I think it’s financial he wants an agreement where I share driving or petrol costs on his every other weekend , would this go to court if a good arrangement is already in place , thanks in advance
Kim - 12-Dec-17 @ 5:23 PM
Concerns - Your Question:
I have a 2 year old daughter with my ex girlfriend, I pay regular moneys to her account and have never missed a payment(we have agreed an amount outside of court) it has never proceeded to court, however she is changing the days I am able to see her as she wishes to spend more time with her (she lives with her mother) but is with me on my days off which is normally weekends. Because she has asked this I will see her less and told me if I cannot change my days off to suit her wishes (which I can’t) I will have her less and pay more. I already make an 86 mile round trip each time I just go to pick her up and come straight home to mine, which naturally is killing me financially already, I’ve had to move further out as I cannot afford to live closer. I live alone and due to the break up I’m finding myself having to get back on my feet again and has left me struggling a little financially. I suppose my main concern is she is changing the days to suit her and get extra money I’m already struggling with. I’m not sure if it’s going to be beneficial for me to go through the CSA / court route to arrange payments because I’m not confident they will have any regard for my situation. I just want to see my daughter on the regular days we agreed and continue with the amount agreed.

Our Response:
Firstly, you can see via Child Maintenance Options what you would have to pay if the days were changed etc via the link here . If you do pay through CMS, in certain circumstances your travel can be taken into account, see link here. If you cannot agree a resolution between you, then you may wish to suggest mediation to your ex. Mediation is when two or more parties meet to resolve problems before the matter reaches court. It is a formal negotiation and courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval. This allows an objective onlooker to work with you both and find some common communication. Trying to work around the situation mutually is always the best course of action - but if you cannot and you obviously and understandably wish to maintain your relationship with your child, then some form of agreement and compromise is necessary. You don't say whether your ex works and whether she has limited access to the time she spends with your daughter at weekends which is invariably the 'fun' and relaxed time.I'm sure you will be able to sort this matter out between you. There is also always a chance you could request flexible working, please see link here , which may be another option to consider.
ChildSupportLaws - 11-Dec-17 @ 10:21 AM
I have a 2 year old daughter with my ex girlfriend, I pay regular moneys to her account and have never missed a payment(we have agreed an amount outside of court) it has never proceeded to court, however she is changing the days I am able to see her as she wishes to spend more time with her (she lives with her mother) but is with me on my days off which is normally weekends. Because she has asked this I will see her less and told me if I cannot change my days off to suit her wishes (which I can’t)i will have her less and pay more. I already make an 86 mile round trip each time I just go to pick her up and come straight home to mine, which naturally is killing me financially already, I’ve had to move further out as I cannot afford to live closer. I live alone and due to the break up I’m finding myself having to get back on my feet again and has left me struggling a little financially. i suppose my main concern is she is changing the days to suit her and get extra money I’m already struggling with. I’m not sure if it’s going to be beneficial for me to go through the CSA / court route to arrange payments because I’m not confident they will have any regard for my situation. I just want to see my daughter on the regular days we agreed and continue with the amount agreed.
Concerns - 9-Dec-17 @ 8:13 PM
SOPHIE - Your Question:
I separated from partner whilst she was pregnant, mutual. It was acrimonious soon after as she got a new partner and said would refuse me access to our child. Since then she's had our son but refuses to add me to birth certificate, won't send me a photo and says I cannot have contact without going to court but knows I cannot afford court.I cannot qualify for legal aid as am just earning slightly too much, however I cannot afford court costs.She knows all of this but still insists on me going to court and will not entertain mediation.What can I do? She holds all the cards. I am missing out on knowing my son who us now 4 weeks old ??

Our Response:
If you cannot afford legal representation, you can self litigate. If you are on a low income, you may be able to get a reduction in court costs, please see link here.The process you would need to go through can be seen via the gov.uk link here .
ChildSupportLaws - 7-Dec-17 @ 2:25 PM
Kandy22 - Your Question:
I am married to my children's dad and after domestic violence and more damaging emotional abuse, I left. He has had little and sporadic contact with our daughters (2 and 4) since splitting up. He only seems to want to see them when he is in a relationship and wants to play the doting dad. He doesn't pay maintenance unless he feels like it. It's a constant headache and I find me and the girls are much happier and stable when he isn't involved as he just messes everyone around. He has seen the girls 3 times this year, Jan with a girlfriend, may without, and October with a new girlfriend. I invited him to our daughters nativity play as she has been showing signs of missing him. Said he could watch the play and take her out for a meal after for one on one bonding. Today I found out he's gone behind my back and booked 2 tickets for him and his latest girlfriend. The school say there's nothing I can do. And I know I may be coming across bitter but I think building a solid relationship with his daughters should be more important than playing happy families with every girlfriend he has. is there anything I can do or say? We have a child arrangement order in place. Which mentions contact with him but not all these different girlfriends.

Our Response:
Your only recourse would be to suggest your ex attends mediation if you cannot resolve this issue out between you, and in order to try to come to a mutual agreement. While you may have a point, you cannot really either dictate who your ex associates with or introduces your children to, unless that person's influence might be detrimental to your children's welfare.
ChildSupportLaws - 7-Dec-17 @ 12:24 PM
I am married to my children's dad and after domestic violence and more damaging emotional abuse, I left. He has had little and sporadic contact with our daughters (2 and 4) since splitting up. He only seems to want to see them when he is in a relationship and wants to play the doting dad. He doesn't pay maintenance unless he feels like it. It's a constant headache and I find me and the girls are much happier and stable when he isn't involved as he just messes everyone around. He has seen the girls 3 times this year, Jan with a girlfriend, may without, and October with a new girlfriend... I invited him to our daughters nativity play as she has been showing signs of missing him. Said he could watch the play and take her out for a meal after for one on one bonding. Today I found out he's gone behind my back and booked 2 tickets for him and his latest girlfriend. The school say there's nothing I can do. And I know I may be coming across bitter but I think building a solid relationship with his daughters should be more important than playing happy families with every girlfriend he has.... is there anything I can do or say? We have a child arrangement order in place. Which mentions contact with him but not all these different girlfriends.
Kandy22 - 5-Dec-17 @ 7:45 PM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments
  • CTCx
    Re: Your Legal Rights as a Parent
    Hi, I'm just seeking advice on my current situation with my ex. We split up when our son was 6 months old (June 2016). We made…
    20 January 2018
  • Sue
    Re: Child Custody Rights
    In my divorce we agreed that kids would reside with me and he would visit when work permitted. My ex has now moves to America and married and…
    20 January 2018
  • John Doe
    Re: Child Custody Rights
    Any examples of precedence for cases involving siblings and parents. I have a 11 year old daughter and her mother died a year ago and now the…
    19 January 2018
  • Mr e
    Re: Child Custody Rights
    hi I have 2 daughters with my x we split up over a year ago. I have the girls every other weekend and days in the week from school till 7. my…
    19 January 2018
  • FTurner
    Re: Child Custody Rights
    I have full custody of my son. I was granted this because the Mum wanted to move abroad. The Mum didn’t move abroad and now a couple of years…
    19 January 2018
  • Clarabelle
    Re: Your Top Child Support Questions Answered
    Hi my partner has a 20% share in our business partnership, I have the other 80% as the business was mine before…
    19 January 2018
  • 10985
    Re: What Rights Does My Ex Have With Regards to Our Children?
    My ex and I split up whilst I was pregnant and my child is now 2 and a half. We have an…
    19 January 2018
  • ChildSupportLaws
    Re: Your Legal Rights as a Parent
    KB - Your Question:Hi.I'm seeking some advice as I'm worrying myself silly.Basically, my ex left me with 2 children in early…
    19 January 2018
  • ChildSupportLaws
    Re: Child Custody Rights
    metaljac3 - Your Question:I was seeing a guy for short period of time fell pregnant to him and currently have another daughter also whos…
    19 January 2018
  • ChildSupportLaws
    Re: Who Has to Pay Child Support?
    Leigh - Your Question:I have recieved no maintenance for 12 years. Now my son may move in with his father, would I have to pay…
    19 January 2018
Further Reading...
Our Most Popular...
Add to my Yahoo!
Add to Google
Stumble this
Add to Twitter
Add To Facebook
RSS feed
You should seek independent professional advice before acting upon any information on the ChildSupportLaws website. Please read our Disclaimer.