Legal Rights for Separating Parents

Author: Lorna Elliott

When the bombshell hits you – that you and your partner are separating – you might feel a whole tangle of emotions: upset, anger, hurt, bitterness and bewilderment to name but a few. It’s hardly surprising, then, that people who find themselves in this situation often spare little thought for their legal rights. Within a very short time, however, you may be involved in several legal battles so it is important that you know where you stand from the outset.

Fathers And Parental Responsibility

As you probably know, all parents have a legal responsibility to support their children, regardless of whether they live with them or not. If as a father you were married to the mother of your child or children when they were born, you will automatically have parental responsibility. It can get complicated if a father is not married to the mother. If your name is on the child’s birth certificate, you will have parental responsibility. If it is not, then you will need the mother’s consent to have your name added to the birth certificate. You can only do this if there is no other father already named on the birth certificate. In the last instance you may apply to court to get an order stating that you have parental responsibility – whether the mother consents to this or not.

Decisions About Your Child

Living apart from your children does not negate the fact that you have parental responsibility for your child. You are still able to have a say as to how your child is brought up, although the day-to-day decisions are made by the parent who lives with your child. You may wish to discuss major events in your child’s life with your partner, such as religion or culture, where they go to school, who needs to be consulted about health and medical treatments, where your child will spend their holidays and what would happen to your child if one of you became to ill too look after them.

Child Maintenance

There are in effect three ways to make financial provision for your child’s upbringing. These are:

making a private agreement (although this is not legally binding)
going through the CSA
using the courts to make an order as to maintenance payments

Each of these options is dealt with in detail elsewhere on this website.

Child Support Rights Checker

Answer a few questions about your situation and get a clear summary of your child maintenance rights and options.

Try our Child Support Rights Checker free, here on this site →

Your Will

If you do not have a will, now is the time to make one. If you don’t, then all of your assets, money and other possessions will be dealt with by way of the laws of intestacy in the event of your death. In practical terms, your assets may be distributed otherwise than in accordance with your wishes. If you do have a will, you may want to revise it now that you and your partner are splitting up. It is also important to consider appointing a guardian for your child in your will, in the event of your death. If you are the person with parental responsibility, this may be of particular significance to you.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

Divorce

If you and your partner are married, you may be considering getting a divorce. It is always wise to consult a divorce lawyer if there are assets in the marriage that are likely to be the subject of dispute. There are several legal reasons for divorce. These are:

Adultery
Unreasonable behaviour
Desertion for two years or more
Separation for two years or more (for which you need your partner’s consent to divorce)
Separation for five years or more, in which case you do not need your partner’s consent.

Your Home

If you own your home it is likely to be your biggest asset. Home ownership is often a hotly-contested issue amongst separating parents. Often, people think that they have to sell their home but this is not always the case. There are several options to consider:

changing the share that each of you hold in the home
delaying the sale until a future date
deciding how much of the money each of you will receive on the sale
deciding who will pay the mortgage

Things can get complicated if the property is in only one person’s name, but both parents have contributed to the upkeep of the property, or the mortgage or other household commitments like childcare. If this is you, you must speak to a solicitor before you move out as things can get very complicated legally if you don’t.

Other Possessions

If you and your ex-partner lived together but weren’t married, the court generally applies principles to your possessions. If you paid for something, you own it, unless it was given to your ex-partner as a gift. If you bought something as a couple and paid equal shares, you own the item equally. If you bought something out of both of your money, but it is not possible to say who paid what, you both own the item equally.

You may be entitled to legal aid to help you with the costs of your separation, divorce or other family proceedings. People on income support, Job Seeker’s Allowance, Employment and Support Allowance or Guaranteed Pension Credit are automatically entitled to legal aid. You may also be eligible if you have savings or assets that are worth less than £8000, and your pre-tax earnings each month are less than £2,657. For more advice, contact a solicitor.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Child Support Rights Checker lets you answer a few questions about your situation and get a clear summary of your child maintenance rights and options. Try it now →

54 questions

Ask Child Support Laws a Question

Angel 28/05/2023 at 11:13 am

I have sent 3 requests for mandatory considerations - been told by the CSA that there is no point complaining - and when I asked about a case worker they said there wasn’t one.

By legal representation do you mean people have to pay solicitors to sort out arrangements and payment that the CSA have failed to do?

Are caseworkers provided by the CSA or are you meaning again a solicitor?

mona 22/04/2023 at 4:02 am

Hi Anna Easter were did you meet this dr… did he ask you for money? Thank you

Karl oscar 09/09/2021 at 11:03 am

With Robinson buckler, I was able to get him back, after 2yrs of total separation. During before that time I got him back…I have no life without him and can’t imagine myself laying into another man arms after I have already spend so much years in a relationship with my husband before we now finally got married with the help of Robinson buckler…and that was when I noticed, that we women, we are the cause of most of our problems. And I want to give you an insight prove for that…most of our ladies are lucky with good men who truly have love in their heart; and almost of them don’t value the gift of a good man. while others are showing love over a man who doesn’t love them. Pls, readers. If you read this comment and you have been facing sorrow with your love one’s, I want to tell you that, the end of that sorrow and misery is done. Robinson buckler, is the key you need to open every close doors of happiness, rejoice, love and satisfaction into that your relationship. I will help you by leaving his email below” contact him and cry to him for help. and let him help you to get out of that misery you don’t belong to email______________________{{ Robinson_buckler11 }} @ yahoo c o m,…………………

Semi 23/10/2020 at 2:42 am

Please help me. I am separated from my husband of 16 years of marriage but we have actually been together for over 25yrs. We have 3 adorable children. Reasons for separation are infidelity and having a child outside of our marriage, violence to name but few. I have asked for support from him many times but to no avail, so I decided to contact CSA. But my mistake was for him to pay me directly, which was granted. He paid for the first 2 months that was it, he has not paid for the last 6 months. I tried contacting CSA but they always asked me to send them a message about non payment which I have been doing since, I also asked them to change my method of payment to collect and pay, they asked me to send proof of non payment which I did send but never reply again after acknowledgment of my msg. But they will always contact me when he contact them for anything. They are not communicating with me about my missed payment. He works full time only to receive a message from them that he will be paying £13.00 for 3 children. They told me his income was over £500 a week and that he should be paying about £400 a month but now this. I tried calling them but they said in their msg that they only answer a call of a paying parent, but yet refused to communicate with me on the messages I sent. I don’t know what he told them. The child he had is not in this country so he can’t possibly pay CM for him. Even the small amount they asked him to pay he is not doing that. Please help there is more to this story. I felt I have not been listening to by the CSA and am not getting the support my children needed for no fault of theirs. I cry for help. Please help me on what to do next.

MP 16/08/2019 at 10:40 pm

My parents split up 6 years ago and when they split up my mum didn’t know anything about her rights and my father made us both leave the house they bought and ever since then my mother was never allowed to go back into the house. He promised my mother that he would put the house in my name as soon as I turn 18 and I am going to turn 18 in a few months. However my father has now got 2 other children I would like help to find out what rights I have to this house and if his other 2 children and his girlfriend have any rights to the house

Justme 24/07/2019 at 1:22 pm

My son was separated from his wife. She was pregnant. Father questionable. Although he has paid maintenance said child was never in his life until recently. Was wondering could this child have been registered in his name without his presence? As mentioned they were at time separated so he did not attend registry office.

Logan 05/11/2018 at 9:45 pm

Hi wife and I split up this weekend. She’s asked me to leave for a few night last as she couldn’t be around me. Now she’s saying I can’t come back as I decided to leave and that it’s best for for our 7 yr old daughter if made that clean break. This is not what we decided when we discussed a theoretical separation a while ago. What are my rights? We jointly own the house. Many thanks

Joe 17/08/2018 at 10:40 pm

I have four children with my wife. We live together but I do work away. She has recently contacted Child Maintenance telling them I have moved my address and that we are no longer living together couples, which is untrue. We still share table and the bed. Children Maintenance Service contacted asking me to make payment to my wife. I wrote a letter to CMS in Feb/2018 disputing the claim. I have not had any response despite many telephone calls. Through telephone conversation CMS demanded for evidence of me living in the same address. I provided my bank statement and medical card. Recently, she has swore affivavit to changed her maiden name to be my surname. I have forward this evidence to CMS. But CMS went head to do attachment of earning forcefully taken money from salary. Recently she has informed that she pregnant with me. I have told her I don't the baby but she said she wants to keep it. I told CMS. CMS are supporting her claim and money is deducted from my salary month. She not used for full benefit of the children.
I paid rent, buy food stuff and other needs for the house.

I made to complaint to CMS. They have not responded to my complaint.

I feel i have not been treated fairly in this case. This is affecting my performance at work and have decided to stop work. I have had couple of accidents recently due this problem.

What should I do?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 10/08/2018 at 12:09 pm

The link here may help answer your question. If your partner is the sole owner, you may have no rights to remain in the home if you are asked to leave. However, if you have children, you can ask a court to transfer the property into your name. The court will only do this if it decides it is in the best interests of your children. It is usually done for a limited period, for example, until your youngest child is 18 years old. You will also be able to claim child maintenance for your children. It is worth you paying for some professional legal advice in the first instance, or Citizens Advice can help.

Bee0805 07/08/2018 at 10:37 pm

Please help - unmarried but living together with the father of my three children for 24 years
I have tried to leave on several occasions where I have walked away with nothing due to his threats and emotional and physical abuse - but have returned due to being unable to cope alone financially and again his emotional blackmail
My youngest child is now 15 and I NEED to leave - it’s an unhealthy environment for my children and now grandchildren but have been told several times that I am entitled to nothing
I work 25-30 hours a week - I have my name on a couple of the household bills and I am the main beneficiary of his will . I have supported him while he has built his business and always been the main child care provider
We live in a million pound property he has rental properties and drives a 100k car plus runs a property development business
Does the law say he has to provide myself and my daughter with a home while she is still in full time education ?
Do I have any rights at all ?
Because I work he leaves the fridge empty and leaves me to pay for more and more for my daughter because then he knows I am unable
To save anything and will remain dependant on him
Please help

ChildSupportLaws Editor 18/06/2018 at 2:27 pm

If you feel your children are someone else's and not yours, you can request your wife gets a DNA test as proof, If the children are yours, , which shows you what options you have.

Tommo87 17/06/2018 at 3:42 pm

I am married but my wife now wants a divorce. She has an 8 year old son who’ll for the past 5 years I have supported financially. My wife does not work. We also have a 2 year old daughter and she is pregnant again. She is now claiming my daughter and the unborn baby are now biologically my children. I don’t know if she is doing this out of spite to hurt me or whether she’s been lying to me just to have access to my moneys etc. She now wants me out the house and wishes I was dead. She also says she will move over 4 hours a way to be with her parents.

If my daughter is mine and the unborn baby is mine where do I stand in terms of seeing them and also preventing them moving so far away?

If neither are my child what options do i have?

Bee 16/05/2018 at 1:43 pm

Goodday, I need assistance please asap. I need advise URGENTLY! My ex fiance and I broke up a few months ago I have 2 daughters which one is his. We lived together 4 years where I supported him and looked after him while he completed his trade. Our daughter is turning 3years old. We were basically forced to leave after mental and physical abuse. were I have been trying to get back onto my feet and support my children. I have the car which is payed off but on his name but him himself has a bakkie aswell. He now wants to take the car away from me a second time which leaves myself and kids without transport. Ive asked that he be considerate as my kids need to get to school ect. Until im able to get a vehicle of my own. After supporting and caring for him for years ive been left with nothing. I want to know please how I can handle this matter and my rights and what I need to do.

neverland 14/05/2018 at 5:51 pm

My ex-partner of 14 yrs (never married) moved out in Jan 19. We're not married and there is not formal custody agreement in place. He's moved into a commercial unit (has a double room and desk space, with shared kitchen and bathroom) which he shares with 4 other adults (who I've only met once or twice). The premisses only have commercial planning permission and I am concerned that this makes them automatically unsuitable for children to live there full time. Is there a way I can find out whether this is a reasonable request from my partner and that is ok for my children to move into that property to live 50% of the time? I'd really like to clarify this before I can move on with custody negotiation with my partner. Also, would the local authority (council?) rule on this? or is there a different body I should approach for advice on this matter? Many thanks!

ChildSupportLaws Editor 12/04/2018 at 12:55 pm

If your child's father is registered on the birth certificate, then he still has parental responsibility, If you wish to apply to have PR removed, then you would have to go to court. However, there is no guarantee a court will remove PR, it has to have good reason to consider it. You may wish to take further legal advice if you wish to see whether you have a case.

Spoony 11/04/2018 at 10:47 pm

I have not been with my child’s dad now for 2.5 years and he has not seen her or given me any money toward keeping her
Social services stored him from seeing my child
Could you tell me if he still has any parental rights to my child as she does not know who she is thank you

ChildSupportLaws Editor 10/04/2018 at 12:56 pm

If you were in receipt of child benefit (when you had residency of your children), then you would have a case. The person who is in receipt of child benefit is generally considered the primary carer of your children. Your only recourse would be to challenge your ex's claim in court. Likewise, if you had shared-care to date (and your ex received child benefit) then the court can order that shared-care remains in place and in which case not child maintenance would be paid. However, as in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. If you cannot afford legal representation in court, you can self-litigate, Our Separated Dads forum can help with extra advice if needed and you may also wish to seek professional legal advice.

Jimbo 10/04/2018 at 3:29 am

Hi, last year my wife of 15 years cheated on me for the 3rd time in 4 years but this time left the family home leaving myself and 3 boys.
The 1st few months of the separation the boys were crushed and seldomly what to spend time with there mother. I work full time but managed with understanding grandparents and employer to get by.
Now when my ex wife and I were together a lot of debt was accrued so I've had that to deal with as well but this has impacted our way of living drastically so I've taken the decision to sell the family home.
After a few months after the separation Nd a lot of discussion with my children especially the oldest the boys started to stay with there mother again and we agreed 50/50 dual responsibility. One week id have them Friday to Monday then Friday to Tuesday and the boys settled onto this routine.
Then my ex occasionally started dropping the boys off on a Thursday until recently it was never a problem because of have my boys every minute of every day if I could but recently I'd made plans on a Thursday not expecting the boys that night then my ex rang saying the boys wanted to stay to which I refused.
All hell broke loose and unknown to myself my ex contacted the CSA and basically lied about the care plan we have in place.
There demanding I pay 1/5 of my annual salary to which my property will be repossed of I don't sell up in time but what's more infuriating is I'm still having custody of my children more than there mother.
I've always had an extremely strong bond with my boys and they've been through tough times this past year but after contacting child maintenance I'm feeling very deflated and concerned with the lack of rights a loving father has as the maintenance team have more or less taken the word of my boys mother.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 09/03/2018 at 3:44 pm

Much depends upon whether there is a court/contact order in place. If there is, then you will breach the order if you keep the children at home without the other parent's consent. Otherwise, it is negotiable between you. If you are unhappy with the current arrangement and you cannot agree between you, then mediation may be an option for you to consider, in order to try to resolve the situation via a third person.

Jo 09/03/2018 at 12:31 pm

My children's father is constantly doing overtime when he is suppose to have his children. Does this mean I have the right to keep my children at home if he is not responsible for them at his home

Karca 07/01/2018 at 9:18 am

Hi i need advice, i left my husband 2 months after i born our son for domestic violence.. but no proof from police, no doctors, just from HEAT Proof about it. We are still merried, we Are not living more than 2 years together and i want divoce, my husband see my son niw 1xper week...And from his 1 Year started pay maintance. I am on benefits. And where can i get advice with divorce coz it coast 550£ and i cant pay it. Thank you.

cocker 24/11/2017 at 2:14 pm

Hi, my daughter is 12 in December this year.
I got a divorce over 5 years ago now and my ex husband pays me money each month into my bank only because there is a court order out to do so from when we got divorce
We actually split up over 8 years ago and it wasn't nice my daughter hardly seen him for a good months
Only from years of pushing my daughter to see him they use to see each other every other weekend, she has never wanted more cause this is how she has grown up seeing her daddy and that is enough for her.
Now she is starting to see him less cause I feel its her choice, no particular reason just doesn't want to go but he is making a massive issue of it and jut pushing her away even more.
I have made sure for years she has seen him but now I am not pushing her as much as feel its up to her.
The dad isn't happy about this he hasnt seen her and she hasn't slept there since July
Now he is refusing to help pay say towards her new school being first time in high was this Sept, so new things like Piano lesion and school lunch and now he has always paid half towards her birthday celebrations and isn't - can he do this? The money he always pays isn't enough to cover everything

Also I have heard there is a new law out this year where it is the child decision whether they see there parent or not or less from the age of 12? please can you advise me on this?
Thanks

Basil 21/11/2017 at 3:40 pm

Hi my ex and I have been separated for approx 5 years. My son is 11. My ex and I agreed not to go through CSA, so he pays matience monthly into my bank.
Now after all these years he has been causing trouble....he is buying extra presents for my son etc so now my son wants to go and live with him...I have reluctantly agreed to a trial.my ex is now asking for half of this month's maintenance back because of this. I'm reluctant to give him any because I always pay my bills at the beginning of the month and other things my son may need. Do I have to pay this money back...he keeps harrising me sending messages to pay him.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 14/11/2017 at 10:15 am

If you are unhappy with your access arrangements mutual discussion is always the best way to try to resolve issues. If you cannot resolve them between you, then you should suggest mediation to your ex. Insisting you want a better relationship with your son is not out of order, if you couch it in such a way that it doesn't lead to an inflammatory situation. You can rationally say you will take the matter to court if the situation doesn't improve and if she won't attend mediation. If you cannot afford the hefty legal fees of hiring a solicitor, you can self-litigate, Many fathers do this now with good success. Litigants in person must be treated equally before the law and have equal access to justice. Judges have a duty to ensure a fair trial by giving them due assistance to achieve this. The courts also do want fathers to have a good relationship with their children. If you are on a low income, you may also get help with court costs, However, court is always seen as a last resort and trying to resolve this amicably between you is always the preffered approach.

Dave 13/11/2017 at 6:18 pm

Hello, I'm seperated from my now ex-wife of 13 years. We have a 2 year old son together that I lived with till he was 20 months but moved out as living with his mum was unbearable with her controlling behaviour and no longer loved her. I pay a sum of money weekly through a mutual agreement but she seems not have our sons best intentions and is controlling when and when I can see him. I can't afford legal help and not elegible for legal aid as i work full time. What can I do? Thanks

Me 06/11/2017 at 12:53 pm

Hi me and my ex have split up my ex rang up saying can't afford to feed the child to.pick him up. I've had him now for over four weeks I don't claim for him the ex does and now she's demanding him back now bit she always has a house full off people all taking drugs and I dint want my little lad there round it all she's not bothered with him never been to see him or texted about the child only when it suits her so I really don't no what to do she wants him back tonight she texted what is the best way. Really I need to sort a resident order foe him. She doesn't do anything with the kids she has a child from previous relationship the kids don't go any were or do anything there both in bed early so her new bf can go round don't no if there living together or not bit she's on single parent claiming benefits just need help please thanks inadvance

ChildSupportLaws Editor 24/10/2017 at 2:34 pm

There are no laws to say his ex can or cannot make these requests. But if the child's mother is struggling financially and cannot afford to feed her children, then quite naturally one person she is going to ask for help will be the children's father. This is an issue they would really have to sort out between them while keeping the best interests of the children in mind.

Spike 24/10/2017 at 9:18 am

Hi my son has split from his partner he lives in the house with the children, his ex keeps demanding that he takes the kids to see her and pick them up, also demands he takes food for them as she has no job, no money because her money was stopped when he claimed for the child benefit money can she demand this from him

Joe 26/08/2017 at 1:46 pm

Hi, I have a 3yrs old daughter and i and her mum have been separated since she was 18months she moved to another environment different from where we used to stay together . I tried to beg her to stay, I spoke to my ex 'a dad and sisters to talk to her but she refused after 1yrs I meet another lady who adored me. We started living together and this lady has a baby but am not the father.
Immediately my ex heard I have another relationship she begged to come back but I refused cos it was too late for me to take her back. Ever since I pay child support or child maintancar every month ( I set a direct debit on my acct) and I go see my daughter every month because where my ex stays is 3 hrs drive form my place. Have been trying to make my daughter come spend weekend with my every now and then but my ex refuse I can only go see her and come back to my house that same day but I need to spend more time with her but my ex refuse.
Pls what can I do and what am I right?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 07/07/2017 at 10:49 am

I'm afraid not. Every non-resident parent is legally responsible for paying the resident parent towards the financial upkeep of their child. This is regardless of whether the paying parent approves of what the non-paying parent spends the money on. Unless your ex agrees to the specific family-based arrangement you are suggesting, then you would have to continue to pay her directly.

Ben 06/07/2017 at 2:55 pm

I split from my ex before my son was born in march of this year. I pay maintenance even tho she refused to put my name on the birth certificate and refuses to let me see him.
She an alcoholic who has lost her license for drink driving and has been arrested on another occasion for drink related offence, social services are involved with her as well now so my question is, do I have to pay maintenance if there's a very good chance the money or at least part of it is going on alcohol? Can I not open a separate account for My son and put the money in there?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 01/06/2017 at 1:35 pm

I'm afraid there is no clear answer to your question, you would have to seek legal advice. Much also depends upon the age of your daughter and whether she is under 18. Please see CAB link here which should help answer your question further.

Manda 31/05/2017 at 11:31 pm

Hi could you advise me please x
My ex partner and me split after21 years, we have a daughter together who resides with me,we were never married but had a joint mortgage for 15 years. My ex moved out of our home a year ago but now due to financial hardship I can't afford the mortgage and can't buy him out, he is trying to buy me out failing that we will sell our house. I want to know if I am entitled to half the equity or slightly more than half due to our daughter living with me, bearing in mind when we move I will have to buy fridgefreezer, wardrobes, tv etc x would appreciate any advice x thanks

Lindz 06/03/2017 at 8:25 pm

Hi me and my ex have.been separated for long time and.we have a 7 year old she lives with him but I live 4 hours away he saying that I done nothing

ChildSupportLaws Editor 09/12/2016 at 11:24 am

Your husband is going through a very tough time currently and obviously it will be upsetting if he is removed from his children. You say 'my' children in your comment, but your children are both yours and your husband and each has the right to see your children when each chooses, meaning he has equal rights and responsibilities governing the care of your children. If both parents have Parental Responsibility and one parent is keeping the children against the other's wishes, the police cannot help, even if the children do not normally live with them. It is very rare this happens, but if you are genuinely concerned then you would have to take the matter to court in order to apply for a residency order, which is usually considered by the courts when the resident parent is in fear of the non-resident parent taking the children and keeping them without consent. It's a tricky situation, as from what you say, you are separated because of illness and not choice. I can only suggest you try to communicate with your husband directly, as putting barriers up and telling your husband what he is not allowed to do regarding both of your children will invariably create friction. Being supportive and thinking of ways around the situation may help you to get through this tough time, but keeping him away from the kids is going to cause anguish all round. Speaking to his mum and trying to negotiate a way forward mutually, as a family should also help. However, if you feel the situation is untenable, then please see gov.uk which

Me 08/12/2016 at 8:46 pm

My husband is currently extremely unwell with ptsd and I have asked him to stay at his mums as I feel his behavior is no doubt effecting our children. He has agreed but expects to see the children every day although he is a good dad I feel this may be too much as he needs to concentrate on getting well. He has started to tell me he will see the children when he wants and I'm concerned as he has pr too that he may not give me my children back. Where do I stand on this. Thank you

Lyn 11/11/2016 at 3:32 pm

Hello, i want to ask about my right as a single mom. My daughter wants to stay with her father while i'm working here in abroad as domestic worker.. she is 11 years old, but we were not married with her father and got separated 3 years ago.my x has no permanent job.. is the cuatody mine? She is presently living with my parents.thanks

Nick 24/09/2016 at 9:29 pm

Hi, I need advice please. Me and my ex split a couple of years ago, we have a 4 year old daughter together, after we split he said he was afraid that I would take our daughter away from, which I never said I'd do or ever stopped him from seeing her, he asked if she could live with him, agreed with one condition, that everything remain equal, since then, he claims everything for her, she stared school and we had her half the week each. I live a bit further away from the school, I don't drive and there isn't a bus in the morning, it's an hour walk, he lives around the corner from her school, so when she started going everyday for half a day, I couldn't take her, only if she was in full time could I get a taxi paid for, to take her to school. So we agreed that he would have her week days when she is in school and I have her weekends, until she's in full time, it's been almost a year now, she's just started full time, the months coming up to it, I've been trying to talk to him about it but he's never given me a straight answer or ignored me, now he's saying that she can't be with me. All year I've been having haven't her just weekends thinking that we would swap at the end of the year and he's completely gone against it, now I don't know we're I stand, what rights do I have as her mother? Can I just keep her here? Any advice would help, I thought about mediation, but at the moment I am pregnant and very emotional over all of this , I don't think I'd be able to cope with that

ChildSupportLaws Editor 16/06/2016 at 12:32 pm

Unless shared-care is agreed either via the parents or court, then as a rule one parent is classed as the primary carer (resident parent), which is the term to describe the parent who has most parenting time with the children after separation. The primary carer is awarded 100% of the child benefits. The non-resident or secondary parent is the person who does not live with the children on a permanent basis, but instead has access rights. The NRP is also the paying parent. I hope this answers your question.

DIXIE 15/06/2016 at 2:38 pm

Hi,my question is this,split nearly a year ago and my ex is being awkward every step of the way,she says her solicitor says she isn't the resident parent despite ourbtwo daughters living with her,child benefit paid to her address and the girl's home address for school and Dr's records being the same as the mother's address,so therefore in my eyes she is resident parent, or is it called something else these days,TIA

Viv 16/04/2016 at 12:10 pm

Hi I have question, my boyfriend has a baby with his ex partner (name in birth certificate) they split up before she was born, me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and we have his daughter every other weekend and he pays maintainace money each month an amicable agreement they set up since her birth, myself and the mother has had a couple of heated arguments never physical just by text message , and now refuses to let her daughter see me and saying awful things to her about me , she is threatening to get a court order against me seeing her daughter, however for the last three years I have helped finacially support her daughter I have loved her as if she was my own never been in any harm or danger to her no criminal records, I don't drink I don't do drugs have always protected her and been a good step mom and we have the best relationship and enjoy our time together and make the most if it doing family day trips etc, what can I do to prevent this happening and can she do this when I do nothing but love her child as my own , all because she doesn't like me being with the father of her daughter , surely it is a waste of court time and money ?

Worried 14/04/2016 at 8:38 pm

Hi. I recently have seperated from my ex and have a 12yr old outta marriage w said ex . He pays a min. Child support as he says he cant afford any more and he makes good money. I live in a home w my now new boyfriend. Can my ex.sue me for main caretaker custody and take my child. I have always been main caretaker of our children even while we were marreid and in the home . He hates the fact that he has to fork money over to me to help w the welfare of our child .and say if i sue him for more child support, he will go to court and sue me for custody. Well the state has taken the child support into their hands and are petitioning him legally. Can he take my child if he gets mad . Im a very good caring mother . Never into trouble but god help him if he takes my child. And while visiting said father can he keep my child and not give him back legally w/o a custody order.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 23/03/2016 at 12:17 pm

This is a complex situation and one that your partner would need to seek legal advice on. I'm sure there must be a way around it, especially if both partners are not physically involved in the conception of their child i.e where after IVF embryos from one partner are transferred into the other partner who then carries the child.

HJ 22/03/2016 at 4:21 pm

Hi there,i got a few issues my new partner(lesbian couple) and i are trying to get some answers!My partner left her wife in August last year and is about to file the divorce now her ex wife still wants to go through with ivf will she automatically be the second legal parent?She does not want to have any legal connection to the child but her ex is not willing to wait for the divorce before going through ivf.The fertility clinic has said that even if they divorce before the childs birth she would still be legally responsible for the child because the treatment took place whilst they where still married!
Any help or advise would be great full appreciated

ChildSupportLaws Editor 18/06/2015 at 10:49 am

@7gk - I am really sorry to hear about this and it must be particularly hard given her baby is so young. If your daughter's ex is registered on the birth certificate then he has 'parental responsibility' which means he has automatic rights to his child. This may be why is is difficult for the police to get involved. I assume you have spoken to a solicitor, who will advise the best course of action and who can work on your behalf. A trace can be put on the child through the courts to find its whereabouts. The court won't take lightly to the father taking the law into his own hands and running off with a very dependent child without firstly applying for residency, so I'm sure that will work in your daughter's favour. The most difficult aspect is finding the father, her child and bringing the case to the courts quickly. I hope you manage to get this matter resolved soon, I can't imagine the anguish your daughter must be going through.

7gk 16/06/2015 at 8:56 am

Hi my daughter had a baby 6 weeks ago and having gone through abuse felt she had to end the relationship. She admitted she still had feelings for an ex and spent a weekend with her grandparents..a lot of upsets and anger were felt and in the end to keep things ammicable she agreed the father could see the baby gor a few hours on her return..little did she know that he had emptied their flat of every single item belonging or to do with the baby..the father has aggressive attitude drinks and smokes cannabis done little to help with the baby and has done a bunk....police are powereless to do anything ss seem to not care...the emotional stress on my daughter being apart from her baby is unbareable although she is being rational and strong..where does she stand in getting her daughter back? The father was esvorted from a hospital for stamping on my daughters foot due to him not wanting to go to a hospital further away for my daughter to be induced...my daughter does not smoke or take drugs and drinks rarely.

Staceylaura 11/06/2015 at 10:51 pm

Im 5 months pregnant! I was with the babys father for 7 months i didnt think i couldnt have kids and i fell pregnant i havent been with the babys father since before i found out he knows about the baby and he will not leave me alone! I dont want to be with him at all and it wont stink it ! He is mentally ill he has PTSD from the arm and he is an alcoholic and need to know what rights he has as he wants the baby over night when the baby is born and i dont ! What can i do ?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 03/06/2015 at 9:43 am

@sally - I am sorry to hear this. Please read the article, When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichYour son will have to go through the process laid out, in order to get access. I hope this helps.

sally 31/05/2015 at 12:10 am

my sons partner left him without warning taking their 4yr old son. After 3 weeks she is still refusing contact for my son to see the child, refusing mediation and demanding maintenance via child maintenance service. What rights does he have?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 09/04/2015 at 12:21 pm

@MD - I am sorry to hear this, but I am afraid I cannot predict what will happen here. However, if the child has been bought up with his mother in a happy, stable home life, the important fact to remember is that, in the majority of cases, the father will not be granted custody of the child by the courts unless the circumstances are exceptional. Exceptional circumstances may include; if the mother has a history of addiction to drink or drugs or an extensive history of binge drinking, or if the mother has a repeated criminal record. Other circumstances may include if the mother might be considered physically or emotionally incapable of raising a child either through disability or emotional instability. The plus for your daughter is that Social Services has decided not to investigate (I presume they have thought there is no reason to or are not concerned that your grandson is coming to any harm?). The courts will ultimately decide on what is in the best interests of the child and if the child has had a happy home life, then there really shouldn't be a case. I understand it is an emotionally traumatic experience for your daughter to have to go through. I hope this helps.

MD 07/04/2015 at 12:47 pm

My daughter has a 4 year old son- the father of the child (they were never a couple) took my daughter to court and has my grandson friday and saturday nights alternate weeks- shes now recieved a letter from social services saying shes an unfit mother and the father is taking her to court and he wants full custody so social services are not investigating - shes an amazing mother but is a nervous person and the court terrified her last time. Where does she stand?

Layla 07/02/2015 at 7:16 am

I'm single mother separated from my ex husband and we have two kids 3yrs and 9months after my ex not having interest to my kids for about 1yr suddenly now he wants to spend time with my kids I said no so he got court and trying to scare me with court ,becouse off not beying confident about him taking them and not trusting him what can I do to stop that .thank you

mj 05/02/2015 at 12:32 am

please advise me:I have been separated from my husband for 5 yrs. I deal with all aspects of my children's lives. they see their father regularly. however he wants to have them over night, they are old enough to make that diction 12 & 14 however he is now threating to take me to court if I don't let them stay on their own with his new partner/ let her take them out on her own, where do I stand, can I stop this from happen or do I have to go to court.

Gio 02/01/2015 at 11:37 am

Hi

I really need some advice.

I divorced my husband 3 years ago and we have joint residence for the 2 children.

One child is 16 and the other is 14.

My ex-husband is moving to brunei in two mnths and I am worried he is trying to convince my 16 year old to go with him.

I am really scared because he is very vulnerable and unhappy in this period. He's been drinking alcohol, taking drugs and failing at school. He keeps on going from my house to his father's but not happy anywhere and I'm worrie he will be easily talked into moving with his father as he is promising heaven to hime.

I need to stop him and make sure he finishes his education and then decide what he wants to do.

Asa mother I don't know how to protect him.

Thanks

Giovanna

Ask Child Support Laws a question

Ask our editorial team a question and we will reply with our advice. Tell us as much about your situation as you can: the more detail you give, the more useful our answer can be.

You do not need to use your real name. Please do not include your full address, phone number, email address, or the names of other people. We may edit or remove identifying details for privacy and legal reasons.

Comments are moderated before publication.

Child Support Rights Checker Tool The Different Types of Contact Orders

Child Support and the Family Law Act 1996

Child Support and the Children Act 1989

Child Support and the Human Rights Act 1998

What Are Parents' Rights on Separation?

Seeking Child Support Representation