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Shared Care of a Child

Originally written by , updated by the editorial team on 30th March 2026
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Shared Care of a Child

Although it is often the case that child support cases refer to the parent 'with care', or the 'non-resident parent', there are in practical terms many other domestic arrangements that do not fall into these two definitions. One such situation is 'shared care', in which more than one person looks after a child or children, but those people live in separate homes.

Who Can Share Care?

For the purposes of child support laws, 'shared care' does not include people who live under the same roof and share the care of a child. However, the following people are classed as having shared care: a person with care who is treated as though they are a non-resident parent (child in his/her care for at least 104 nights a year) – this could be a grandparent; a non-resident parent who looks after the child for at least 52 nights each year; or a child who is sometimes in the care of the local authority.

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The CSA's/ CMS's Decision

The CMS will, in deciding cases in which there is an issue of shared care, consider all the circumstances of the arrangements. The evidence to support a shared care application should be provided in writing but may be given orally if both the parents consent.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

Who Receives Maintenance Payments?

There may be a question in shared care circumstances as to who should receive maintenance payments. If two people share responsibility for a child on a day-to-day basis, either one of them may apply to the CMS, on the condition that either both of them has parental responsibility or neither of them have parental responsibility. If one person does and the other person does not, it will be the person with parental responsibility who is entitled to apply for child maintenance.

If parents share care, the one who has the majority of the care will be the one who is entitled to child maintenance. If the shared care is entirely equal, it is the person who is in receipt of child benefits who can apply to the Child Maintenance Service (CMS). If both parents make competing applications for child benefit, the person who applied first will take priority.

Calculating the Rate Reduction

As we have already seen, a non-resident parent who looks after a child for at least 52 nights per year qualifies to have 'shared care' of the child. Although there are a number of variations and some exceptions, the following information reflects the general effect of shared care on CMS maintenance calculations.

If a non-resident parent has care of a child for between 52 – 103 nights per year, maintenance payments will be reduced by 1/7. For 104 – 155 nights, this fraction increases to 2/7. For 156 -174 nights, there will be a reduction of 3/7 and if the child spends 175 nights or more with the non-resident parent, maintenance payments will be reduced by ½.

The overnight care does not need to stretch to a 24 hour period, but must be overnight. If a child is in boarding school, with a babysitter, staying with a friend or is in hospital, the person who would otherwise have had care of the child during that period is considered to be the person with care.

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215 questions
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Laura 21/05/2021 at 3:57 pm
My e, husband has residence of our daughter and i currently pay him maintenance. I am now having 50/50 shared care of oir daughter, including school runs etc. Do I still have to pay him Child Maintenance or not?
Singledad 17/11/2020 at 5:09 pm
I've just been given 50/50 in the family court.
I am fleeing dv and child benefit been in my name since 2009 which I am told is good because its a gateway benefit ?

Anyways ex claims carers allowance and dla for 1 of our children as they have a serious disability.

I have asked for half the monthly payments as its shared care , but I doubt this will happen and ill need to go back to court once again.

I tryed to.keep it simple and fair over money and 50/50 even knowing children wanted to live with me full time but I strongly believe my goodwill is getting me walked over.
Cab73 20/03/2020 at 11:19 pm
My ex used to be a fantastic dad who never missed his time with his daughter.
2 years ago he met a new lady and since then he rarely picks his daughter up.
No Court order in place.
He rang Child Maintenance and claimed he had Shared Care... they gave him a reduction. I've appealed and it's been declined. I was set to go to tribunal then found out i had cancer... and things changed quickly.
In past 15 months my daughter has been to her dads 11 nights. He goes months without speaking or seeing her.
6 months ago... to add more insult to injury... he claimed he came every weekend and was awarded a Petrol allowance!! I told them he doesn't even come to pick her up... but it was granted anyway!
It's now 5 months since he has seen his child... yet gets shared care... and petrol allowance ... amounting to a £28 reduction each week!
I have had no help in past 5 months.... chemo and radio... weak and sick... Spleen removed. Yet Child maintenance won't and anything.
It's so so unfair.
Just applied again for a change and it's been rejected.
Not once had he provided a shred of evidence to support his claims.. yet he gets everything awarded and I struggle.
Thank you.
Giorgio 10/03/2020 at 5:43 am
I get maintenance at the moment for my child who was on childcare now my child has come to live with me 24/7 and my ex-wife is still turning maintenance that we have shared care I get the child benefit tax credits and maintenance only for childcare maintenance people have said because there is no court order in place they have decided as I'm not entitled to have any more maintenance from my ex-wife because my ex-wife if he's lying to them I thought what if you didn't have an agreement in place they would have Ward one day to my ex-wife and give me the rest of the maintenance this is what I was told when I first applied for it it there would not be a problem as I get all the benefits but now they closed the case and said no you get nothing only for Shared Care in yet I pay all expenses for my son can somebody tell me if this is right or wrong as I was told there would be no problem for me getting it for my ex-wife I was in the right
Joe 08/03/2020 at 4:46 pm
I have a court order that states I will have my daughter around 75 nights a year. Some of them nights it will be my wife that looks after my daughter at our house if I'm away with work, but CMS claim that I have to pay more (the rate for 52 nights or less) because I'm not in the house some of them nights even though myself and my wife provide for my daughter for the 75 nights we have her, can anything be done about this?
Ems 12/04/2019 at 5:53 pm
I have recently agreed (begrudgingly) to have equal shared care for my children with my ex husband. He has time 3 nights a week and me 4 and then we rotate it each week. The children seem happy with the arrangement but I still have issues with holidays ect. I resigns the child benefit and relieve no CM anymore which I understand but how would I go about changing the situation?
Mills 12/04/2019 at 8:38 am
Ad - Your Question:
Myself and my child's mother have 50/50 care. We don't just have him over night we also carry out the day to day care. On my days we do the school drop off and pick ups.We also pay for my child's after school clubs, uniform hair cuts ect. I don't understand why she should be claiming foe my child from the government when she can easily work full time and yet I also have to pay her maintainace when my child is with me equal. Surely this isn't right?
Our Response:
The only recourse you have to resolve such issues is via mediation, as there is no cut-and-dry rules or laws. However, if one parent is working and the other not, then the parent who is not working is eligible to receive extra financial help from the parent who is.
ChildSupportLaws - 5-Jun-18 @ 3:26 PM

The law very clearly states that equal shared care should prevent a calculation being made, however, in practice if a mother asks for a case to be opened then no amount of protest or evidence from the father will prevent a case being opened, then the only option is a tribunal, my experience is that the tribunal will look for any way to side with the mother.
Sadly I am not aware of any cases of the law being upheld with regards to mothers providing misinformation to the CMS, if a father is prevented from seeing a child, gains a court order for 50/50 shared parenting, the mother still has access to the benefits available, he has no access to help financially whatever his circumstances are, it is wrong that a mother be rewarded for providing misinformation for financial gain with no consequence, whilst a dad struggling to make ends meet to provide a balanced parentage is penalised and given no option but to attend a tribunal where CMS representatives and a judge will look to uphold whatever ‘decision’ that has already been made,
it’s a very sad situation.
CK1 24/03/2019 at 9:38 am
Me and my partner split up and I remained in the house, whilst he moved out. For 1 year he has often visited the house to keep things civil and for the child. I feel I did too much to involve him in stuff for the child’s sake that he started to think that things were back on track. I started dating, and told him about it. Unfortunately this has back fired a lot. He moved back into the house whilst I was out (house jointly owned) however, we do not get on in a living arrangement basis and wouldn’t of been a good environment for our daughter. So although not legally forced out, emotionally I felt like I had to move out.

Our daughter is now severely confused, she classes her original home as her home, not where I live now. He is being very difficult, and believe it is all out of spite as I have decided to move on with my life.

Does this give him an advantage of child custody?

He wants to buy me out of the mortgage, but I want to sell?

He was always the breadwinner in the family, and I had to postpone my career for childcare. Would he have to pay family maintenance? As I can’t afford to live on my own now. Where as he has remained in the house, has the main family salary so he’s set. Just feel I’ve been abused in all of this.
Kaykay1 24/03/2019 at 9:29 am
My partner has our child for 3 days a week, approx 156 days a year. However, they have probably not stated to CMS that they frequently, knowingly work away and therefore the child would either come back to me, or stay with my ex’s parents. Should this be considered and their days reduced? This has obviously effected my CMS. I feel they what these extra days purely to reduce the CMS.
Alli 07/10/2018 at 4:02 pm
Hello,
My ex and i have 2 children. He does take them on holidays (max 10 days in summer) but during the year his work is more a priority than his children. He does take them 1 night/wk but not every weekend. If these days don't add up to 52 nights/yr is it still shared? He's only disputing it to get a 1/7th discount on his already arranged maintenance.
Lemonmum 23/08/2018 at 8:43 pm
Hi
Me and my husband have recent separated, I have a 13yr old and a 5yr old. If they were to stay with me for 4 nights and with ex for 3 nights a week. I’m currently in a private rented property and receive benefits. He’s looking for a place but can’t afford anymore than a studio, which isn’t practical for the kids to stay. How would that work my universal credits payments? Also would my ex receive help as well? Thanks
ChildSupportLaws Editor 10/07/2018 at 11:35 am
If your eldest child stays with you currently and goes to the same school, you can claim child maintenance for your child, if you have your child the majority of the time. You can also ask your ex to transfer child benefit to you for your resident child. You can either come to a mutual financial agreement between you, through mediation, or via court if your ex will not agree to the change in residency of your eldest, It's worth also speaking directly to CMS to ask what your options are under the circumstances.
T 09/07/2018 at 2:57 pm
Hi, I have 2 children with my ex-wife the eldest being 16 at the end of August and the youngest is 12. My ex-wife recently moved away and my youngest child had to move too as she got him into a new school. My eldest child stays with me 90% of the time as he still goes to the same school he went to before his mother moved away. My youngest child, due to school, stays with my ex-wife 80% of the time as he stays with me on my weekends off which is only 2weekends out of 5 and stays with me more regularly on school holidays. My eldest child has informed his mother that when he turns 16 he will officially move in with me. My ex-wife earns more money than I do and still demands child maintenance. Do I still have to pay child maintenance or could this be considered shared child care.
Ramsey Editor 18/06/2018 at 1:48 pm
@Panda - much of the time it's based on if the other person claiming child benefit is not earning regarding who can claim child maintenance. But you are right, this silly law needs changing and if both parents have shared-care then child benefit should be split and not just paid to one person which makes the whole system bias towards the parent who rushes to claim child benefit first. If you are joint parents, then child benefit should be paid jointly as it also means PR isn't equally distributed between parents. Best of luck!
Panda 17/06/2018 at 7:42 am
My partner has his daughter 50% of the time. The appeal and mandatory consideration were in favour of his ex for the simple reason she gets the child benefit and is named at the Drs and Dentist...thats it. My partner can take his daughter to either of those any time. We are currently waiting for a first tier tribunal date. The 1991 act states that if care is proved to be equal then the case should be closed under the special consideration part of the act. No-one seems to know about this clause including the CMS! Surely if it's equal shared care and one parent is still having to pay this would make them the main parent so they should claim child benefit.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 05/06/2018 at 3:26 pm
The only recourse you have to resolve such issues is via mediation, as there is no cut-and-dry rules or laws. However, if one parent is working and the other not, then the parent who is not working is eligible to receive extra financial help from the parent who is.
Ad 05/06/2018 at 9:09 am
Myself and my child's mother have 50/50 care. We don't just have him over night we also carry out the day to day care. On my days we do the school drop off and pick ups .We also pay for my child's after school clubs, uniform hair cuts ect. I don't understand why she should be claiming foe my child from the government when she can easily work full time and yet I also have to pay her maintainace when my child is with me equal. Surely this isn't right?
Joshua72 06/05/2018 at 4:54 pm
Hi.

Based on your article it seems like even if there is a court order in place which clearly shows equal shared care ‘lives’ (overnight & daytime) and both parents have been sharing this routine for 3 years that just because one of the parents is in receipt of child benefit that they then become default primary resident parent and will automatically be entitled to child maintenance?

Is that your advice?

Regards

Josh
ezzmo 24/04/2018 at 4:13 pm
Hi my partner has been paying child support for past 3 years. He has the children (now aged 15) twice a week or whenever they ask to come. His ex is saying because he doesn’t take them on set days she’s not agreeing he has them to CMS and he doesn’t get a discount for the days he has them!
The CMS say they have to take the mother’s word and not his? Can’t they ask the children.
She is trying to fleece him for everything and gets away with it. Free legal aid etc.
He’s paying half the mortgage as well and now they say he has arrears and due over 2k so his weekly payments will be £119 a week plus £60 mortgage as she refuses to sell the house and he can’t afford a court order to force the sale.
He earns just under £300 a week!
Any help would be appreciated
ChildSupportLaws Editor 20/04/2018 at 12:13 pm
There is no time-scale, he would just have to have them overnight, regardless of where they stayed. However, if you wish to decide between you what the best arrangement might be, then making an arrangement via mediation may work.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 12/04/2018 at 1:52 pm
It is highly unlikely a court will award your ex residency of your child if he has had only limited contact with his son. A court will not attempt to stop you getting on with your life, which includes moving away. Only if the court sees that you are deliberately moving away to get away from your ex would the court ty to prevent the move. If you are still willing to allow your ex contact with his child, then the court is likely rule in your favour. However, it is always impossible to predict what a court may decide, so you may wish to seek legal advice.
J 10/04/2018 at 10:46 pm
hi i have a 6 year old son, his fathr has had little contact for the first 2 years of his life and then he moved abroad for 2 years with no contact with my son, I then made arrangements for my son to see him which we got back into a relationship for 5 months , I soon learned id made a mistake and split up as my son witnessed domestic abuse. He has had no contact for another 12moths since we split. I am now wanting to move aborad with my new partner to NZ. I put an order into court for permission to leave with my child and now My ex has no put an order in for my son for full custody to try stop me moving to NZ. With him having so little contact with my son so far and any contact he has had has been violent towards me which is on police records. Can the court stop us from moving on with out life NZ is an amazing country for my son to be brought up in ?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 10/04/2018 at 12:10 pm
Any change to the order would have to be agreed mutually, or if not referred to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Apologies, if this answer is a little vague. However, it is impossible to anticipate how a court will decide. Your ex wont be punished for renting different properties and having different jobs or girlfriends. However, if you can prove that your children are late into school when he drops them off etc, then you can use this evidence to build up your own case - should the matter go to court.
Sophie 09/04/2018 at 7:57 pm
Hi
I separated from my ex husband 4 years ago and the legallly drawn up separation order agreed 75% custody to me. We divorced a year ago and again 75% was stated in all documentation and again on the clean split order. He applied via CMA to pay minimal child maintenance allowed. For the last few months he has struggled to pay on time and I keep having to wait. He has introduced ten women to my kids in one year and in 4 years has rented 5 different properties and 3 different jobs. Doesn’t wash their clothes can’t get them from school as he doesn’t get home till 7 and leaves at 7.30 in the morning. I have bought my own home, have had the same relationship for 3 years and am now getting married. My children are happy safe and secure and I have opted to work from home for 4 years and continue to do so in order that I can take them to school and pick up.
He is now manipulating the kids to try and get them to change to 50% of the time with him and says if they yes he can just do it? Please can you advise what my legal situation is. I am opposed to 50% for the reasons mentioned plus much more. Thank you
ChildSupportLaws Editor 09/04/2018 at 12:52 pm
The fact he is having his daughter overnight counts, not where he his having her overnight.
Jayne14 07/04/2018 at 5:03 pm
Hi, im after some advice pls...i want to go through the CSA for my ex to pay support for his 2 children. He says that he would try and pay the minimum he would say that he could have them 3 nights but would arrange for them to stop at his parents if he was wrking. Does the nights have to be set/arranged nights as he wrks shifts and also if he has them overnight he will literally have them frm 8pm n then drop them at mine at 8 in the morning so he has them JUST whilst they sleep? Is there a time scale (eg 24 hrs) for it to comply? Many thanks
Hm 07/04/2018 at 4:33 pm
I need some advice. My ex partner is going to start having over night stays with my girl every other friends and sat and also some holidays. However he is going to be staying at a aunt and uncles house and not at his own address. Will this still count towards payments? Thanks
ChildSupportLaws Editor 05/04/2018 at 12:47 pm
Unfortunately, only the primary carer (the parent who has most of the day-to-day care and who is eligible to claim child benefit) can claim benefits associated with being a primary carer of a child.
stemar1 03/04/2018 at 11:20 pm
Hi there. I was just wondering if I was entitled to any help. I have my son every friday to Sunday & 50/50 on school holidays. Would I be able to claim for anything?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 29/03/2018 at 2:48 pm
I am sorry to hear this. If there is a court residency order then the police can intervene and return the child to the parent who the court has ordered to look after the child. Your brother does not have to sign any benefits over to his ex. If the police refuse to intervene, then it would be the remit of the courts. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. In most cases the child is returned to the parent who normally looks after the child. If your brother remains in hospital and his ex is refusing access, then your mother would have to apply to the court for rights. She may also wish to seek legal advice regarding this matter, as there is no guarantee she would be awarded access or temporary residency. Much depends upon the situation of those concerned.
Confused 27/03/2018 at 9:35 pm
Hello, I am looking for advice in regards to custody rights. My brother has custody of his son and it was decided through court that his son would stay with him 4 nights a week and with his mother 3 nights a week. My brother has became critically ill and is currently in hospital his ex partner said she would not mind looking after their son whilst my brother is in hospital. But she is now saying that after 21 days she will have gained full custody of my nephew and that she wants all benefits to be given to her. She is also refusing visits for my mother with whom my brother and nephew live with and whom also cares for my nephew.
I would like to understand better the legal stance on this situation and if my mother has any rights as she cares for my nephew jointly with my brother as he works.

Many thanks
Dazmorg 06/03/2018 at 4:43 pm
I,

My ex partner and I split due to domestic violence towards me, I was put into emergency
temp accommodation whilst I was assessed for council housing, I was given a 2 bed flat, she made it as hard as possible for me to see my 2 children ages 2 and 4 and did not see them for 8 weeks, then we reconciled for 7 weeks until we split again and now I have to go to court to gain access to them which has now been 4 weeks since I have seen them.

I am applying for 50/50 access with one week at mine and one week at hers. I am on ESA and PIP, can the child benefit and child tax credit be split or would the court sort that out.

Thanks in advance
ChildSupportLaws Editor 05/03/2018 at 3:14 pm
Every biological non-resident parent is responsible for having to pay child maintenance regardless of the situation. If you are caring for your child on a day-to-day basis, then you are classed as the primary carer and therefore are entitled to claim.
Jen 02/03/2018 at 11:42 pm
My ex partner has my daughter 2 nights a week and she is at home with me for 3 she stays with her grandmother for 2 as I work evenings. Am I still eligible for child maintenance off her father? He is refusing to pay as she is only at home for 3 nights the nights she is at my mum's I stay over after work. Please help as I'm a bit stuck.
Thank you
ChildSupportLaws Editor 02/03/2018 at 10:36 am
If you leave the family home, you then become the non-resident parent. This means your wife will become the primary carer of your kids, unless you decide to have shared-care of your children. You would also be responsible for paying child maintenance. In situation such as this, it is important to consider your kids first and what would be best for them should you separate. Trying to come to an agreement through mutual negotiation is always best, especially if you have to consider finances and where you both would live. You may wish to suggest mediation to your wife if you cannot agree between yourselves.
Marting123 01/03/2018 at 5:26 pm
Me and my wife are currently not getting on. Whilst I want to sort it out she doesn't I want to cohabittate in the hope working it out or so we can both still help with the kids. She's not Will it to agree to this. In a custody battle if one of us left the family home would it go against us?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 06/02/2018 at 2:41 pm
If both parents have Parental Responsibility then the police cannot intervene to take the child off one parent and give them to the other; the police cannot choose between parents, that is the remit of the courts. It means your only recourse would be to apply to the courts to have your children reinstated via a child arrangement order. Whilst the police cannot take a child away from a parent with PR, they are able to intervene and remove a child if there is a real risk to life. If you are concerned about a real and immediate threat to your children's safety, speak to your local police force and social services. If you are unsure about your rights, speak to a solicitor (there will be a cost attached) or local Citizens Advice Bureau who will be able to provide you with free assistance.
angelpie82 06/02/2018 at 1:35 pm
My husband has been emotionally abusive for the last few years. He has locked me out of the house, taken my keys away, hidden my bank card and taken all of the money from the joint account. Last week I hit rock bottom and tried to harm myself to get away from the situation, in the process, I accidentally caught his finger with the knife and he started bleeding. As a result he called the police who insisted I went to hospital as I was so upset. He then took my children away and will now longer speak to me. I'm concerned for their welfare as I know they have been removed from school. I don't know what to do as he has informed social services I was violent to him. surely his actions of not making me aware of my children, their location and welfare this is also emotional/psychological abuse?
Hatton 03/02/2018 at 5:50 pm
Hi is was wondering what forms of evidence are permitted by the child maintenance services in respect of extra shared care
ChildSupportLaws Editor 16/01/2018 at 12:00 pm
I am sorry to hear this. You should agree between you what you both think is in the best interest of your children, putting them first and foremost. There are no set rules, some parents prefer shared-care, some prefer a primary carer/access arrangement agreed betwen you. If you cannot agree between you, then family mediation would be the next option to consider
Torn 15/01/2018 at 2:05 pm
I just found out my husband has been having an affair - he does not want to try and make things work, but we want to keep things as amicable as possible for our daughters' sake.
We have a 15 month old and a 3.5 year old - 50/50 doesn't seem appropriate for care as the girls receive most of their care from me (especially the 15month old, who I still breast feed). I'm also not sure psychologically for them what is appropriate.
Is there a guideline on the percentage of care to be shared when the children are so young?
Thank you
Knightrider 02/01/2018 at 3:49 pm
I have recently separated from the mother of my 15-month-old son, there wan argument over the christmas period and I am on bail for domestic assault. Given I am going to plead not guilty to the fabricated allegations it is likely to go to trial. where do I stand with seeing my son in the interim? Prior to the incident she asked me to have the child overnight and since the event she has text a family member in the meantime saying I am a loving father etc?

Could I possibly get supervised access through a contact centre until the criminal charges have been assessed etc? Just dont want my son missing out while she uses him as a weapon
Paris Editor 04/12/2017 at 12:44 pm
@G - much depends upon whether there is an inequality in your income. If you both earn the same income and are contributing the same towards the upkeep of your child, then usually it's agreed between you whether one parent pays maintenance or not. If all things are equal, then the answer is usually no.
G 02/12/2017 at 3:44 pm
Hi,

My wife and I are separating and sharing custody of our child. She is staying in the family house and I have taken savings to set up on my own, we plan to sell the house in 2 yers and then share the equity evenly minus what I took from savings to make an equal share. We both earn the same salary. Will I be expected to pay maintenance?
Pdav 23/11/2017 at 5:34 pm
Hi, I have two ex partners that I pay maintenance to. I have two of my children for a minimum of 52 nights a year and my other three children for at least 52 nights a year too, so combined it is more than 104 nights per year as I don't yet have them all together, mainly due to the size of my house and one of my children having severe autism.
How would this effect my shared care? Can I claim over 104 nights of shared care or can I still only have the 52 nights claimed?
Thank you in advance
ChildSupportLaws Editor 03/11/2017 at 9:48 am
Any issue that you cannot agree on, really should be dealt with mutually, or dealt with via mediation. Mediation is when two or more parties meet to resolve problems before the matter reaches court. It is most often used in family proceedings. It is a formal negotiation and courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval. Mediation takes place in front of a neutral third party. The mediator has no pre-conceptions and will not force you to make an agreement. They will assist the two parties in taking turns in the conversation, and helping you reach a decision that you are ready to agree with. Mediators do not pass judgment or offer guidance; they are there, in effect, to facilitate conversation between the two sides. However, where you can, mutual agreement is always the best process. With regards to the financial side of things, it's important to estimate who is the primary financial supplier of all the things your daughter needs and wants. If your daughter has gone back to live with her mother, then yes, you should contribute towards your child's day-to-day needs. If neither parent can agree on a workable solution, and if you cannot agree via mediation, then the only alternative is to take the matter to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
matt 02/11/2017 at 2:44 pm
Hi my ex wife and i split up 2 years ago, we agreed between our selves that we would share custody of our daughter.I moved out as i can just mange to take care of my self in the finace siide of things.. I left to to get any help se was entitled too .. she got her flat payed for , council tax payed for tax credits .. and i gave here £50 a week to look after our daughter .. after 4 months she got an everning job so i had my daughter 6 nights a week , in this time she also went to thailand for 3 month ( she is thai) she has been working of an evening for 15 months while i have my daughter, I have never asked for any help and she has continued to get all the benifits,, Her job has just finished an now she has taken my daughter back and expects me to give here money.. what should i do ,, realisticly would like custody of my daughter, but i am looking for some sound advice .. many thanks matt
Tadant 28/10/2017 at 6:47 pm
My ex and I recently had a baby who is now coming up to his 6th week. we are not married and we don't live together. I knew about the pregnancy two weeks after we broke up. We never met for the entirety of the pregnancy until two weeks before she had the baby from which time I supported her in every way she needed. Completely taking charge of any expenses except household bills. Although I didn't move in with her , she asked me to stay with her for the two weeks of paternity leave I took from my job. In the 5 weeks since before my son was born, I spent around £3718 buying everything needed in her house from baby stuff to grocery to so many other things which made the house more comfortable for her and the baby. This is in addition to taking her 5 year old daughe from a previous relationship to and from school. I even covered the house work to save her paying for a cleaner/ a nanny.
Almost soon after the birth of the baby, she started getting aggressive and disrespectful and would simply start sulking without any apparent reason. I offered to speak about any problems before things got worse. She became uncooperative. One day , while we were returning from a day out , she got aggressive and started to abuse me. I was shocked and pleased with her to stop calling me names on front of the children. I was driving. When she refused , I just got drawn into the abuse. We had planned to go for a meal when this happened but we ended up parting company straight after the row. The argument was not about anything to do with our child.
For a third week now , I haven't been able to see my son. I live in a different place so I don't have the right of access to her house. I'm living a nightmare consequently. I phoned and texted her apologising even when she was the aggressor. I spent the last three weeks trying mediation from her father and step mother. No results in the way of seeing my child. They seem reluctant to help always being polite with me but constantly deferring the time to speak to her. Recently I got a call from them suggesting that this was about money. That she was struggling to make ends meet and asking if I am helping her financially. Up until she stopped me seeing my son , I bore the burden of paying for all domestic costs in her household save the utility bills. What's more , I keep contacting her offering to give any help she needed. She refuses to do so.
I guess my questions are :
1. Can all the costs I covered up to now be factored in when child maintenance is calculated ?
2. How can we make it legally binding if we agree to settle for a child maintenance mechanism without involving child maintenance office ?
3. Considering there are long standing trust issues , what can I do to check my paternity to the child ?
4. Given the age of the baby ( 6 weeks ) , what are my chances of getting shared care as I would like to spend more and more time with him ? Or is this too early to start applying for ?
My preference is to tie e
ChildSupportLaws Editor 17/10/2017 at 4:09 pm
You may wish to speak to Child Maintenance Options, you are entitled to claim
ChildSupportLaws Editor 17/10/2017 at 2:43 pm
Much depends upon the circumstances. In the first instance, the social work department or the police will first make initial enquiries and decide to either take no action or offer support to the family. If the referral is serious, a formal investigation will begin. If any investigation finds that action is required to protect the children, a case conference will then be held.
Es 13/10/2017 at 3:16 pm
My daughter as just been given 50pre cent custody of her kids and the same as gone to social services what does this mean
Smartblonde 13/10/2017 at 9:55 am
I split from my partner 2 years ago. We stayed in the house for 1 year whilst selling and have liver separately for 1 year. I was not married to this man. We have 2 boys together aged 7 and 13. My ex-partner initially wanted full custody and dragged my name through the mud but all his allegations were false and any cases he tried to raise were quashed. He suggested shared care as an option for the children as wanted to avoid paying maintenance at all costs. As time as gone on the boys spend less and less time at their Dads and on average spend less than 2 nights a week with him. I would like some facts on where I stand challenging this as the day to day costs fall on me and it is financially crippling. We both work fulltime. The child benefit is paid to me and I also receive a small amount of child tax credit
ChildSupportLaws Editor 10/10/2017 at 12:12 pm
Where an agreement cannot be made between parents and if your children cannot convey their wishes directly to their dad, then you should think about trying to resolve the issue via mediation in order to be able to come to a workable compromise.
Any 09/10/2017 at 4:38 pm
I have been divorced for 6 years and my ex partner has always had 8 overnight stays a month for our 2 children. As they are getting older they don't want to stay there overnight as much. I want to reduce it to 4 overnight stays a month but he is refusing (I think because he will have to pay me more via CSA). Any advice how I can reduce my children's overnight stays please? Thanks
ChildSupportLaws Editor 25/09/2017 at 10:31 am
I am sorry to hear this. Firstly, child maintenance and child access are two different issues and are not dependent upon each other. Regardless of whether your partner sees his child or not, he is still responsible for paying child maintenance towards the day-to-day care of his daughter. Likewise, his ex cannot stop him seeing his child purely for financial reasons, this would never stand up in court. Unfortunately, your partners debts are not taken into consideration when determining what the non-resident parent should pay with regards to child maintenance. There is a standard fixed rate as a percentage of his earnings (which applies to every non-resident parent across the board). If he is paying child maintenance and he is on the basic rate, the amount he will pay is dependent upon the number of children he is being asked to pay for. If he is paying for one child and the child stays with the resident parent all the time, then he will pay 12% of his gross weekly income. As you can imagine, it would be unfair if all non-resident parents were treated differently with regards to whether they were in debt or not. In fact, it would encourage some NRPs to incur debt in a bid to avoid paying child maintenance. This means his ex is within her rights to approach CMS for financial support. With regards to child access, if the issue cannot be resolved via mediation, then your partner's option will be to apply to court. Once a court order is in place, your partner's ex would have to stick to it, or risk being in breach. If your partner cannot afford to be represented by a solicitor, then he can represent himself in court. If he self-litigates, the judge has a duty to ensure he is not at an unfair disadvantage by not having legal representation. While it is possibly not the answer you wish to hear, I hope this fully helps answer your question. If your partner needs help with his financial concerns, the likes of National Debtline may be able to help with advice
Sid 24/09/2017 at 10:03 am
My partner's ex is making his life hell by constantly playing games with him seeing his 7mth old daughter. He does not want to go to court and has since done mediation for the mother to agree to the times for him to see his daughter. They currently agree that he would pay her £200 plus buy any bits the baby needs. They also agreed to not involve CSA because they wanted my partner to pay £400 based on his earnings but that amount is too much to pay as my partner is also in alot of debt and could even loose his home due to his debts. My partner's ex has now fallen out with him because he refuses to get back with her and as a result she has stopped him from seeing his child again and threatened to go to the CSA for him to pay child maintenance for his child that he can't see. My partner has no problem paying but how can he explain to the CSA that despite what he earns because of his debts he's unable to pay £400 And how can you get to see his daughter without the mother having any control because every time he doesn't see his child he sinks into depression and anxiety. Please help me help my partner.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 18/09/2017 at 3:10 pm
Whoever is the non-resident parent, by law has to pay the resident parent child maintenance towards the day-to-day care of their child regardless of what the resident parent earns. If you both agree to 50/50 residency of your child, then you will agree whether you should pay child maintenance or not. If mediation fails and you cannot agree, then your only recourse would be to apply to court for shared-care and the court will also decide whether you should pay child maintenance.
Toves13 16/09/2017 at 9:20 am
Me and my ex partner split up 5 months ago, we have a 4 year old together.he owns the home we lived in together and kicked me out and made me homeless , he has since told me her got promotion and now earns over £50,000 a year. He is now claiming the child benefit and is asking for child maintenance from me even though he only lets me see our son for 2 hours a week. We are starting mediation which will hopefully result in 50/50 custody. Will I still have to pay him maintenance even though he earns what he does (I earn £15000 pa) and he receives the child benefit?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 29/08/2017 at 10:24 am
If you have 50-50 shared care, then both parents have equal rights to care for your son. I can only suggest you seek legal advice as it would be up to a court to decide if you cannot agree between you and/or you cannot agree through mediation (if the child benefit office decides in his favour and you wish to challenge this). However, please note that if you have shared-care and as you have parental responsibility your ex cannot move your child away out of the area without your consent.
Bobs 27/08/2017 at 7:02 am
My expartner is made a claim to take the child benefit from me. We have 50/50 shared care. I look after all my sons medical app and well being including docs dentist's hospital ect. I received a letter stating that they except we have 50/50 shared care and it goes down to who as him most throughout the day. It works out that he as him due to the times we agreed on pick up and work etc. I only work 3 days per week and may be losing my job in the next couple of mths. I have also reported my ex for domestic abuse and sent child benefits the letter also. I has said if he get the child benefit then he will use that control to move my son away from me to another school. Am very ill at the moment with anxiety depression and bad nerves. Can anyone help me please
ChildSupportLaws Editor 25/08/2017 at 11:27 am
If the child is officially living with you; the grandparents, then you would have to claim from both parents. CMS will not unfairly claim from just one parent.
Spark 24/08/2017 at 11:34 am
Can Grandparents claim CMS and if so which parent do I claim it of as I don't won't to upset my daughter so was only going to name my grand daughters father if i do this will i also have to claim against her mother( my daughtet)
Anon2521 16/08/2017 at 10:16 am
I split with my partner 18 months ago and since the split we agreed on shared custody of my 4yr old daughter. I have her 16 nights a month, which is more than her mother, and I also have her half sister for 12 nights a month as her mother works nights and so I agreed to help out.
I do not pay any maintenance and this was something we both agreed upon as I have her so much.
My question is to whether I am able to claim any benefits rather than my ex as me and my current partner do all the driving (28 miles per trip) to collect the children plus we provide all meals as they are fed breakfast and dinner each day from us and schools provide their lunches.
Also, which is the best way to have all of our arrangements put down in writing so none of the parties can go back on the agreement.
Mjm99 14/08/2017 at 3:08 pm
Hi, my ex only has our children for 20 nights of the year meaning he doesn't qualify for shared care under the cms rules, at the moment on our cms agreement he is down as having 'shared care band a' as that is what he used to have. I have spoken to him about this and he has refused to agree that he now has the children less. From what I have read the cms need agreement from both parents to change the shared care band or you need to provide evidence. What kind of evidence would they need as I'm not sure what I could provide to prove he has them less. Thanks
Hugz 07/08/2017 at 12:46 pm
Hi there could you help me with some advice please. I have share custody with me daughter of 8 years old and have done for a number of years which was agreed between us as parents. I have always payed for my daughter every week by bank transfer (standing order) from my account to her mothers never missing any payments even when I was out of work. Even though I am the ones that buys her new clothes constantly and taking her out on day trips etc. I have my daughter a minimum of 3 days a week and at most 5 days a week sleep over ( I keep records in Callander).The passed few weeks things have turned sour between us and my ex! 3 weeks ago we agree over txt messages ( which I have saved) that I won't have to pay weekly maintenance for my daughter anymore and she agreed to. In my eyes i pay and do everything I can for my daughter by providing everything she needs with out paying her mother a wage to. Also me and my partner of 4 years have just had our baby girl of 5months I am not claiming no benefits at all I never have I am a hard working farther. Now the ex is now going back on our agreement of joint custody and wants me to pay maintenance weekly again and threading me with CSA. Can she do this???? And is she actually entitled to CSA?? My ex claims all benifits there is to claim child, housing etc etc. Also works """part time""" hint hint. I have Always keep records of the agreements we made between us as parents. Days my daughter stay over on a weekly basis. Bank transfer records. What can I do am getting sick of these ideal threats about money??
ChildSupportLaws Editor 03/08/2017 at 2:26 pm
You would have to seek legal advice about taking the matter to court. The fact you are the mother, doesn't automatically award you the role as the primary carer of your children. Each parent with parental responsibility has equal rights to bring up their children. Neither is your ex entitled to give you money. In fact, your ex will be entitled to claim child maintenance from you if he is the primary carer. You may be able to seek some free legal advice from Citizens Advice here .
Charlie 02/08/2017 at 7:39 pm
Me and my expartner spilt up tryed live together forsake of children. We have two girl plus his son always lived with us. I asked him to leave he refused as he wanted to keep all 3kids together as his son wanted to stay with his dad. Things got really difficult to point where I had leave the house and my girls. Council got me 2bed flat in same village where my children are,3 weeks later. I asked my expartner if my girls can come and live with me he had already put claims in for child benefit n child tax. He allows me to have them 3days but I want to be there lives with school etc. I carnt afford to do things I wanna do with them as iam on low income he won't give me money.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 31/07/2017 at 1:40 pm
There are no laws to specify this, this should be agreed between you.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 31/07/2017 at 11:17 am
I am sorry to hear this. If you have a letter regarding child maintenance, then by law every non-resident parent has to financially support their children, if they are earning. will tell you all you need to know. You can also see more via the CAB link here about what happens to your home if you separate. I hope this helps.
Jane89121321 30/07/2017 at 5:47 am
My ex is currently paying child maintenance for the children. He is refusing and has refused even prior to going through the csa to provide clothing during their 2 overnight stays every other week.

Is there currently any legal obligation for the receiving parent of csa to have to provide the ex with clothing during their overnight stays?
Me 28/07/2017 at 1:53 pm
Hi,
I left the marital home end of May because of an abusive and controlling husband toward me and my 3 boys (17-14 and 11). I am getting divorce for domestic abuse.


Recently my husband has put all my belongings (clothes) in bags, We have a joint tenancy agreement and my Landlord does not reply to my text .He refusing me to see my children and they are not replying to my texts. Today I received a letter as he ask for Child Maintenance. Do I need to pay? How does it work?
Thank you
ChildSupportLaws Editor 14/07/2017 at 12:38 pm
If calculated via CMS, then no as the payments are averaged out across the year. If the agreement is family based, then it is to be negotiated between both parents as to what you think is in the best interests of your child.
Pantsnvests 13/07/2017 at 9:17 pm
If my child whom I care for 6/7 days a week goes to stay at their grandparents for a fortnight during school summer holidays does the non resident parent have the right to stop the maintenance payments for this period?
Mitch1 08/06/2017 at 11:10 pm
Hi me and my ex have got 50 50 shared care with the 3 boys. I have bipolar and sometimes struggle with it. That's why we went 50 50. I'm I entitled to csa. Also do I get to keep all the benefits aswell.
Nick 27/05/2017 at 8:35 pm
My ex REFUSES to give me bank details I have been asking for years, she keeps saying she doesn't have a bank account.......i know for a fact that is Bull. She just keeps wanting it in cash. I don't want anything to do with her, she is a manipulative drug addict and I know she uses the money for drugs and not for the kids. I have spoken to the csa but they kept saying it doesn't matter as she is legally entitled to the money. Can I give the children the money directly?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 25/05/2017 at 12:11 pm
You would need to seek legal advice regarding this as much depends upon whether you will be charged or whether the charges will be dropped. If you have had your son for the past 10 years, then you have a good solid relationship with him and a court will take this into consideration. However, much depends upon why your ex stopped contact and what the results of the investigation will be.
fozzy 24/05/2017 at 11:39 pm
i have not been able to have my son alfie and stopped from contacting him at all..for last ten yrs i hav e had him every weekend since birth and helped during the week if needed and school holidays as his mum started back at work...i tried making contact after first few weeks by going up to see if my son was playing out...i was seen and after a few times she had police come and arressted me for harrassment...its still under investigation so i not been charged. it does mean i have not contacted her since in fear of being arressted again..im on his birth certificate and im desperate to see him and have a strong bond...im not sure how to go about this lee
Exhausted 13/03/2017 at 12:04 pm
Hi, does ex-husband's assets / lifestyle / court ordered maintenance arrears matter to the CMS? Does the fact that he now has children 50 percent of time, equal in proportion to the time my gorgeous wee ones spend with me, matter to the CMS at all? Care is fully shared, divided exactly in half, not only by number of nights, but also by day-to-day care. Ex is in almost £7000 of court ordered child maintenance arrears and has now applied to CMS who have assessed that I should pay him £9000 per year because he is not working and I am? He lives in 5-bedroom mansion, owns 3 luxury cars including a Porsche, luxury holidays, extravagant teacher gifts, private lessons for children. I live in tiny terraced house, 10-year old second hand car. Key point though is that he bought dozens of court orders over the last 6 years paying his legal team over £1million to ensure care is shared completely 50/50 (where I had friends help me / represented myself). And now that he's been fired, and hasn't paid court ordered maintenance in almost a year, I now have the CMS telling me I need to pay maintenance to him?? I thought the UK family court system was dismal, terrifying and bullying, but at least I thought it couldn't get any worse. I thought it was over and he couldn't take any more away from me. In walks CMS, and oh how wrong I was.
Overwhelmed 12/03/2017 at 6:09 pm
I have two children who live with dad I have limited income and pay my maintenance as is legally required dad is haply for one of my children on shared care but financial I cannot afford him to stay that long without starving myself and going without things I need is dad responsible to provide for child who is staying with me if he is claiming benefits and I cannot provide what the child needs due to my own financial situation and if not is it classed as neglect of the child
Me 08/03/2017 at 5:25 pm
My ex has been living with his gf for months and has lied to cms saying he lives with his mum. His mum has the children 2 nights a week and he visits them. Cms have agreed he is living with his mum when he isn't. He said he doesn't want them anymore. So reducing payments. I cannot prove otherwise, apart from asking the children which they won't do. Help please
ChildSupportLaws Editor 27/02/2017 at 12:09 pm
Unfortunately, I'm afraid there is little you can do to force your ex to see or play a larger part in your son's life if he doesn't wish to. If you are struggling with this issue, you may wish to see your GP to see if there is any respite services in your area. Please also
Jojo 26/02/2017 at 4:05 pm
I'm a separated mum to two children my son is being diagnosed with ADHD and his dad lives back with his parents,I'm struggling to cope with my son alone and was wondering where I stand does he have to see him just on a Saturday for four hours as he thinks he does or is there something I can do to Make him have him more.Any thoughts grateful received.
Moonbeam77 17/02/2017 at 2:21 pm
Hi
I split up from my ex husband over a year ago. I left our seven year old son with him in the marital home as I felt this was best for continuity and his well being. i moved into my mums which is not very far away - practical for school, etc. I tried to discuss finances before I left but he was having none of it. We ended up at mediation but it failed so we ended up in court and finally agreed shared care. My ex has my son 4 nights a week, I have him 3 nights a week and we split the holidays in half. My ex approached the CMS and I pay based on this arrangement but as he would never discuss money I feel this was a bullying tatic using the services to gain financial benefit. I signed over the child benefit willingly but then realised I can't claim the working tax credits because he immediatley put a stop on the joint claim and put his own claim in without prior discussion. I'm entitled to nothing because he has our son one more night a week than me. It just seem right that I'm paying out twice... working two jobs to make ends meet but if i do over time will I end up paying my ex more in CMS payments?
Bluie 17/02/2017 at 12:11 pm
I have shared care of my son, 3 nights one week and 4 nights the following week. I would like to know what I have to pay his mum each week as we are miles away in agreement
ChildSupportLaws Editor 16/02/2017 at 1:41 pm
This is an issue you would have to resolve between yourselves. As there is no particular law regarding such disputes, if you cannot come to an agreement between you, your only recourse would be to suggest mediation.
Anon123 13/02/2017 at 10:46 pm
I have 2 children, I receive the benefits and so am the main carer. Their dad has them 3 nights a week and so pays the lowest amount of maintenence. He has them from Wednesday at 6pm - Saturday at 4pm. However I pay for our youngest's childcare on those days and look after them after school until he picks them up at 5/6pm. Also, if one of them is ill, or its a school holiday, I take the day off work or pay for them to go to childcare. Does this sound fair?
My understanding was that he pays lower maintenence as he incurs more costs from having them more. However, he's not spending any extra for childcare, sports clubs, clothing or anything on those days. Just dinner and a bed to sleep in over night on 3 nights and a daytime on the Saturday.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 10/02/2017 at 10:00 am
You would have to speak to the CMS directly regarding this matter.
Confused Mama 09/02/2017 at 3:23 am
Yesterday i received the annual review letter and I got a little confused.
Yes my son daddy does have him 52 night of the year.
Underneath this I read Local Aithority Care for (child) is 1 night per week.
I have read it Over and over and it still says the same thing.
My son is not and has never been in LA care.
Can anyone please tell me why it's on paper and where CMS might have got this information from?
Any replies would be much appreciated.
Thanks
A confused Mam
Batgirl78 04/02/2017 at 12:57 pm
Hi I left my husband 5 days ago as it was unbearable to live with him anymore unfortunately I left my 2 children with him.I am trying to find out what my rights are and how I can get 50/50 shared care of my children
My husband is telling me I have no rights at all to see the children as I was the one that walked out and that I need to pay him £250 per month and I need to sign over child benrfit and he will allow me to see my kids we'd night and stay and Friday night and stay and sat this is the first week ad he's already changed it and said kids can't stay he's also quizing me about my money I have been back to the house and he's hidden the kids passports and birth certificates and demanded the child benefit

What can I do and is he right
Drahcir 27/01/2017 at 4:24 pm
"The overnight care does not need to stretch to a 24 hour period, but must be overnight. If a child is in boarding school, with a babysitter, staying with a friend or is in hospital, the person who would otherwise have had care of the child during that period is considered to be the person with care."

The CMS says no! I am trying to find it in the 2012 and 1991 act
ChildSupportLaws Editor 25/01/2017 at 2:54 pm
If you have agreed with your ex that you have shared care and you don't have to pay child maintenance then theoretically yes. However, in a practical sense, the parent who is in receipt of child benefit etc is considered the primary carer, while the other other parent the NRP (non-reisdent parent) who is also classed as the 'paying' parent. This means if you both disagreed over your current agreement, then you 'may' be liable to pay child maintenance if the matter went to court. However, if you currently have a shared care arrangement, the chances are a court would rule to continue this in which case your 'shared-care' status would then become 'official'. I hope this makes sense.
Dugsta 25/01/2017 at 12:40 pm
I have my daughter 3 sometimes 4 nights at my house or grandma house does this mean shared care and don't have to pay maintenance although willing to do so.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 24/01/2017 at 11:04 am
If your ex is considered to be the resident parent/primary carer, then he will receive the benefits directly, meaning what he gives you is discretionary. It means there is little you can do here to make a claim. You may wish to speak to CMS directly here to see whether you may be entitled to child maintenance if he is working and you are not.
Danielle 23/01/2017 at 1:11 pm
Hi all, looking for some help and advice my son is 13 years old and has been staying between me and his dad now for a few years one week here one week there his dad claims all entitlements for our son has done always we set up an arrangement where he would give me £50 a month more than fair considering I have him the same amount of time over 2 years ago this stopped and has put it off coming up with excuses i dont no what to do I'm currently on maternity so don't have a big income paying bills and feeding 3 kids is a huge stretch recently.
Thankyou in advance
Grumpy 01/01/2017 at 6:40 pm
My 15 year old daughter stays with me three nights a week Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday but her mum keeps changing nights or adding extra nights without any notice. Is it possible to have something formally drawn up that dictates what the nights are and don't change. I don't mind the odd time with notice as everybody has to make changes but my ex abuses our agreement. Also she goes away on holiday 3 separate weeks in the year and generally never says but expects me to have our daughter on those occasions.
Any help or advice appreciated
Thanks
ChildSupportLaws Editor 10/11/2016 at 10:53 am
This is a touch confusing. As a rule, payments are made by the 'non-resident' parent to the primary carer and is not only calculated by the NRP's earnings, but also by the amount of nights the NRP has the children overnight. This, of course, wouldn't apply if he is resident under the same roof, as effectively he is still a 'resident' parent. If he thinks the calculations are unfair, he would have to complain or appeal, please see gov.uk whichHe may also wish to seek some independent professional advice. There are organisations such as NACSA that can help, but will charge.
Carolina 09/11/2016 at 2:08 pm
Hi, my partner is still living under the same roof as his ex-wife and children whilst he completes a court application for the ex-marital home to be sold. He mostly cares for his children overnight whilst she stays out drinking. The CSA have assessed him for child maintenance on the grounds that she has full-time care of the children, the reason that the CSA have given is that she receives the child benefit and is claiming she is the full-time carer. He has been presented with a huge bill totalling over £5,000. How can this be justified??? Please offer advice on how can they base their calculation with him living in the house and basing the decision purely on child benefit. How can he prove he is the primary carer? Thank you very much indeed.
Shellshocked 22/10/2016 at 6:01 pm
Hi, my wife left me a couple of days before Christmas last year, I have my son for a minimum of 3 nights per week, she earns pretty much the same as I do, I pay for as many out of school activities as she does, I do homework with him, buy clothes for him, pay similar rent on a property so he has his own room, cook healthy meals for him, I spend the majority of my holiday days with him. All this on top of paying the full amount the csa calculator spewed out.I cannot find anywhere a definition of what 50/50 shared care is, I feel I am doing enough to qualify, and this way I could have more to spend on him than I currently do.
Any advice appreciated
Thanks
Devastated 15/10/2016 at 12:02 am
How do I get my partner removed from guardianship of our grandson. We have dual guardianship but for reasons I can not disclose, I wish to be the sole guardian.
Jplonthorne 08/10/2016 at 7:25 pm
I have my son twice a week overnight and I have claimed for shared care, my child's mother is now saying that this will stop all of her benefits is this true ?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 03/10/2016 at 2:22 pm
Usually if residency is joint then child maintenence is usually cancelled out, especially if you are also in receipt of tax credit and child benefit and this is not shared mutually with your ex.
Mummy 02/10/2016 at 11:38 pm
Hi my son spends 3 over nights one week and 4 over nights the following at his dads. So it works 50/50 custody should I be receiving maintenance?? I receive tax credits and child benefit
marko 30/09/2016 at 3:01 pm
I pay maintenance to my ex partner and have my daughter every other weekend and usually Thursday nights as well. My Ex partner is getting married this weekend and they are going on honeymoon for three weeks so I will have my daughter for that period (with the help of my parents when Im working etc).
Am I still required to pay maintenance for the three weeks that my daughter stays with me as this seems a bit unfair that I will be paying for them to be on holiday whilst also paying to keep my daughter.
Also (Long shot I know but only seems fair) Could I claim maintenance from my ex partner for the three week period?
Wendyjg 23/09/2016 at 6:08 pm
I receive maintenance through the cms for my son. During the past year I said to them that his father was having him overnight once a week (this has never happened because my son won't stay overnight at his fathers for reasons unknown). I didn't inform the cms to see if things changed but they haven't. At this years review I have informed the cms that my son doesn't stay overnight. Can I still claim this although it's his choice not to stay at his fathers.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 09/09/2016 at 10:50 am
Yes, unfortunately you would have to apply through court. However, before you do it is worth seeking legal advice in order to weigh up your options. It is rare a court will consent to shared-care if the resident parent is against it, so you'd need to see whether you have a case.
A_Dad 08/09/2016 at 1:27 pm
I have an informal arrangement with me ex about access to our son.
I have him 3 nights per week and would like to make that 3.5 nights per week. This would entail me sending him to school from mine on one extra day rather than taking him to his mum's the night before, once per fortnight.
I pointed out to his mum that if I did that we would have 50/50 care and she has refused because she knows if we do that she will get no maintenance and I will be entitled to claim child tax credit to help me with childcare costs.

It seems she is only refusing for this reason.

He is 8 but as he gets a little older, perhaps 10 I had assumed we would switch to one week with each of us at a time, which would be 50/50, obviously now she knows the significance of that one evening a fortnight I think she will refuse that too.

Is there anything I can do about this?
Would I need to apply formally through court in order to get 50/50 care simply cos she refuses to do it voluntarily?

Any advice would be grateful.
Kizzy118 01/09/2016 at 1:08 pm
Hi, i ws looking for clarification on the 'overnight' rule. My ex has our 2 children one night a week and every other weekend. For the last 3 years i have paid childcare afterschool and school holidays for all 5 days of the week as we both work full time. I am now wondering wether he should cover the childcare from end of school on his evening that week and one day in the holidays. I.e a 24 hour period for the 'overnight' as i get a reduced CSA amount as he has them 104-150 Days a year. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 18/08/2016 at 11:17 am
Who your ex leaves her child with as part of her shared-care is at the discretion of your ex; i.e the parent with parental responsibility.
coverpoint 17/08/2016 at 2:09 pm
Hi, I could do with clarification regarding 'overnight care'. My ex is claiming 'shared care', but is often with her new partner on nights when he is supposed to have her daughter. He leaves her with his grandmother or her aunt on these occasions. Does he not have to be at the same address overnight for it to qualify as overnight care?
becky17 13/08/2016 at 12:22 am
My sons father has him four hours every fortnight at the moment i have notified csa several times he is in arrears as far as i know aswell but i keel getting letters every few months telling me they are reducing the amount to when he used to have him two nights every week which he no longer does as he has supervised contact i have a contact order from court i have residency the best hell will get is one night every fortnight with him supervised by grandparents can i use this court order as evidence not his word against mine
Walshy 07/08/2016 at 10:29 am
Partner's 5 yr old son used to stay with us at weekends. 6 mths ago his mum decided she wanted to change to having him weekends, him living with us 5 days a week. We applied for tax credits / child benefit. Now she says she wants to revert as she misses the money. What are our rights? Can she keep changing arrangements to suit her? Oh, btw she lives in a mum & baby hostel, pregnant with another child.
Gilly 29/06/2016 at 2:17 am
Mm. why would the paying parent still contribute to the receiving parent for a roof over the childs head evening meals and breakfast and utilitys when they have them over night?

If i was contributing to home and feed my child 7 nights a week why would i still pay for 7 nights a week if i had them for 1 of those nights?
Nicky2008 25/06/2016 at 7:51 pm
I have a 13 week old son. His father has only seen him for 13 days. I was wondering what rights does he have to visitation as he doesn't do any day to day care, overnight stays, doesn't provide any money and has often declined to see him. His parents also want access but I live 2 hours away and can't always make the travel
Mm 23/06/2016 at 10:18 pm
Can someone please tell me why the paying parent gets a reduction on child maintenance when he has them overnight? What is this for?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 23/06/2016 at 11:28 am
Comments are never deleted unless they are inappropriate or they may have been too long and the comment space ran out, or they are undecipherable. I suggest you post your comment again. However, while we try and answer as many comments as we can, we cannot get to them all as we have many sites to moderate.
marevag 22/06/2016 at 2:45 pm
Hi dear, on Monday 20th June 2016, I posted my comment on here and was hoping for some help. But it appears that my comment is not showing anymore :(
would you please let me know why?
Regards,
Cassie22 15/06/2016 at 3:22 pm
I have twins and my ex pays for 1 of them now (as the other one decided over a year ago didn't want to go anymore), I notified the csa who adjusted the case. He hasn't had him anywhere near the 52 nights in just over a year that he says he was. After all this time I contacted the csa to tell them of a change, which they always tell you to and was told they would check with him. They rang me back to tell me he said he does. Apparently all the records I kept in my diary are not acceptable proof, how come his word can just be taken over the phone and what can I do?
Mojo 10/06/2016 at 5:09 pm
My ex has our two children one night of the week despite promising that this would increase to two nights when her and her partner moved out of flats and house shares into a big enough house. They moved into to a 3 bed house over a year ago but I was told that she would still be having them only one night a week. We agreed in mediation on 2 nights and a week in the summer yet this has never happened. Do I have any legal options?
Thanks
ChildSupportLaws Editor 10/06/2016 at 12:55 pm
Child tax credits and child maintenance are always paid to the primary carer by the non-resident parent. It means the non-resident parent cannot claim for either. Your ex may be able to claim a reduction in the amount he pays, due to the amount he has your child overnight, please see CMS calculator here .
chan 09/06/2016 at 9:24 pm
My ex has.my son stay over 3 nights a week and is trying to make a claim for csa against me he also wants to see if he can get some child tax credits, has he got the legal rights to do this and if so could my payments be reduced and if so by how much?
JJ 28/05/2016 at 3:51 pm
My wife and I are getting divorced. We have two children aged 10 & 13. We have an equal care arrangement which sees us share child care 50:50, including overnight stays and holidays. We also share costs such as school uniform, activities and events. My wife and I agreed as part of our family arrangement for the finances that my wife would be the sole claimant for Child Benefit. On top of this I currently pay a fixed sum as "maintenance". I have been advised that due to that we share child care equally and share costs, I am not required to pay a monthly payment as well. Is this correct?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 19/05/2016 at 12:32 pm
It depends on who is considered the primary carer as the benefit will be awarded to the 'resident parent', which is quite often the mother. If your husband is 'recognised' as having his child more, then he would have to take this up directly with his ex to re-negiotiate who is 'officially' considered the primary carer, then he may be able to claim.
Meme 18/05/2016 at 6:25 pm
We have my step daughter 4 nights a week 208 days a year where as her mother only has her 3 nights a week isn't it legally right my husband reviewed the child benefit ?
Jmum 14/05/2016 at 6:22 am
When we worked out our maintenance payments in summer 2013 I'm fairly sure that the wording was if the child stayed with his dad for 'more than 52 nights a year' (ie 53)there was a reduction in maintenance.
Now it appears to say 52 nights or over. My ex has our son for 2 nights a fortnight the equivalent of 52 nights a year and pays me full maintenance with no reduction.

Could you please advise if and when the wording changed.
If this means he's been over paying since the wording changed? Not
Am i required to pay 1/7th of the maintenance I have received back?
Please reply I'm struggling to find any reference to this anywhere. Although the more than 52 nights quote seems to be a generally accepted truth.

Thank you.
Jmum - 3-May-16 @ 7:21 PM
ChildSupportLaws Editor 12/05/2016 at 2:32 pm
If the father takes on the role of primary carer of your son and your son lives with him, then understandably your ex would not have to pay maintenence to you. In fact if you are working, you may have to pay maintenance to your ex for the day-to-day care of your son and the two days would be deducted as overnight stays. You can see how much you could be paying here.
Katy 12/05/2016 at 12:32 am
I have had parental responsibility of my son for 12 years and father has always paid maintenance. Father has now given option for him to live with him which for him is looking good as son seed grass greener .. I don't think this will last however if it was to and I was the one to have him at weekend firstly would I have to pay maintenance and would I still receive from father?? I am worried not only that my son shouldn't have even been given this option and could take it as financially I wouldn't be able to keep the house that we have without the help of the maintenance ok more concerned about my son right now but also the financial side could anyone Offer any advice on this please

Thanks
ChildSupportLaws Editor 06/05/2016 at 2:42 pm
I am sorry to hear this, being both physically compromised and being made to pay bedroom tax must be very difficult for you. I can only suggest accessing the site Turn2Us, here which may be able to help.
Jmum 03/05/2016 at 7:21 pm
When we worked out our maintenance payments in summer 2013 I'm fairly sure that the wording was if the child stayed with his dad for 'more than 52 nights a year' ie 53 there was a reduction in maintenance.
Now it appears to say 52 nights or over.
My ex has our son for 2 nights a fortnight the equivalent of 52 nights a year.
Could you please advise if and when the wording changed. And if this means he's been over paying since the wording changed?
Thanks
Browny69 29/04/2016 at 2:44 am
I split with my wife 3 years ago. We have 2 children together age 5 and 7. I haven't worked for the last year due to an accident and I am having an operation soon. For the last 12 months I have had my children split 50/50. I'm living in rented accommodation which I have to pay bedroom tax on. Is there anything I can do to get more help. I sometimes go without food just so I can heat the house when my kids are at mine. I can't work at the moment because I've broke my back and shattered a disc but have always worked beforehand and always paid my csa when I was working. She is so selfish is there anything I can do?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 28/04/2016 at 12:57 pm
Yes, there is no reason why he can't (if his ex is earning). He would be advised to talk to the CMS first, Whether is ex is entitled to pay for the older child depends on whether he/she has left school or not. Every parent has the basic responsibility to provide for their child up until the age of 16, when they are legally allowed to leave school and get a job. After this age, it depends what the child chooses to do. If they continue in full-time non-advanced education not higher than A-level equivalent, for at least 12 hours a week, then maintenance payments will continue until the child finishes the course, or until they turn 20. I hope this helps.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 28/04/2016 at 11:28 am
You don't say whether the matter is going to court. If it does, then Cafcass will get involved, please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. The courts will make a decision based upon the information in the report and what it thinks is in the best interests of your child. I hope this helps.
cat 27/04/2016 at 6:09 pm
My partners ex has just made a claim for maintenance for their 9 year old son after she walked out and left her 15 and 17 year old children with him. She has no contact with the elder 2 children and my partner has the 9 year old over night every weekend. He is not disputing the maintenance claim. But does he now put in his own claim against her for the older children?
SLR 27/04/2016 at 11:05 am
I recently left my partner after he turned violent towards me and my 8 month old baby, he never actually hit us and so when arrested he was released without charge.
As he is just a baby will he be allowed access on his own? When my baby cries a lot my ex partner gets really angry so I am really concerned about his welfare and obviously he cant talk yet so he wont be able to tell me if he was hurt.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 12/04/2016 at 2:43 pm
I am sorry to hear you are stuck in such a dreadful situation. Firstly, there is help out there and you do not have to leave you daughter with your husband or family if you are concerned for her welfare. You can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808 2000 247. This is run by Women's Aid and Refuge and is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It offers confidential advice, support and information to victims of domestic abuse, and can help with referrals to women's refuges for women fleeing domestic violence. The helpline can provide access to interpreters in a range of languages, please see Shelter whichIf you go to a woman's refuge both you and your child will be taken care of. Regardless of your husband being a lawyer (the court will take this on board and make allowances accordingly). Also, if you have suffered domestic violence, you will be allowed to apply for Legal Aid, please also see CAB link here which should give you all the information you need. Generally women are seen as the primary carers of their children and fathers as the non-resident parent. Just because your husband is a lawyer it doesn't mean he will win. I suggest you make sure you keep and gather as much evidence as possible regarding his actions which will help you in court. Your GP records will also help prove this if you have been treated for injuries resulting from domestic violence and the court would never rule to place a child in such an environment, regardless of your husband's profession.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 12/04/2016 at 2:07 pm
Please see gov.uk link herehere regarding Child Arrangement Orders which will explain the process you will need to go through.
Cassie 12/04/2016 at 12:48 pm
Hi I am enquiring on behalf of my step daughter. She and her ex partner have a 4 year old daughter and they have "shared care". The ex partner claims the child benefit and the tax credits and housing - this was organised via his mother and my step daughter was strongly encouraged to accept this as the best outcome for everyone. My concern is what my step daughters legal rights are ................is he classed as the main carer and if so what detrimental effects could this have on my step daughter ie. could he at any stage take her daughter away? If she was to apply for the child benefit and he contests this and the tax credits what will she need to prove to re-gain control over the benefits?

Any advice greatly appreciated.
Bee 11/04/2016 at 11:10 pm
Good evening,

I have been married for 6 years now. During this marriage I have encountered a lot of physical,emotional and mental abuse. I have been to my GP and logged physical abuse 3 times. This included bruising, carpet burns and marks on my neck left due to strangulation. Police have also been called to my home and my mother in law sent them away, saying nothing is wrong.

My dilemma is that my spouse and his family are lawyers. They appear to be decent members of society, they are educated and would not fall in to the typical category of domestic abusers.

I would like leave my husband but am apprehensive due to child custody. As my husband has clearly stated he will want full custody of the child.

My fear is this that my child has not really bonded with her father as he has never spent time with her, she doesn't really see him as her father and if she is in his company she will constantly ask for me. He has never financially provided for the child or had any experiences with her. I feel if he gains custody my child will be psychologically damaged as she struggles to cope without me. This prevents me from moving on.

I would be most grateful if you could take some time to review my situation, and tell me what is the likelihood that I will get custody of my daughter. Also I understand my husband does have the right to see his daughter but what sort of access will that be and what sort of time scales. I understand each situation varies and is dependent on when you actually go to court. However I would really like a rough idea.

Thank you for your time

Kind regards
Gosia 11/04/2016 at 8:00 pm
Hi there
My husband ex girlfriend signed paper that she give up parental rights to their 11 years old son and asked us to take him. How we can make that paper legal?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 11/04/2016 at 10:21 am
You don't say whether your husband's ex has a partner. If she is single it can be more difficult to cope with a troublesome child and she may assume your husband may be able to have more of a constructive influence. However, there are no rules to say who should be the primary carer of the children and it should be agreed between the parents when and where possible. If you feel you cannot cope then the issue may have to be dealt with either through mediation or as a last resort through the courts. Hopefully, once his ex has some time to re-assess the situation and may miss her son living at home, you may be able to come to an agreement and work at caring for him between you. A child is the responsibility of both parents and a shared-care agreement may be the most beneficial way forward in a situation when one parent finds it difficult to cope.
Gosia 10/04/2016 at 12:48 am
Hi there
My husband have a 2 children from previous relationship. He was paying maintenance regularly and see kids over the weekends. We have a 3 years old son together as well. Lately his ex give up on his 12 years old boy and she wants him to live with us because his behaviour is bad. He is 5 years behind at school, he lies and still from the shop. We both working full time and our son spending more time with the childminder then with us. His son need to attend special school because of his problems. I wonder if his ex is not a good mother why she can still have their daughter and give up parental rights on son. What choice we got ? And what we could do if we take him but then understand that we can't coupe with him ?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 01/04/2016 at 10:55 am
I can only suggest Mediation if you can't agree between yourselves, and you think he should contribute to the cost above child maintenance payments, if he pays. Mediation is when two or more parties meet to resolve problems before the matter reaches court. It is most often used in family proceedings. It is a formal negotiation and courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval. Mediation takes place in front of a neutral third party. The mediator has no pre-conceptions and will not force you to make an agreement. They will assist the two parties in taking turns in the conversation, and helping you reach a decision that you are ready to agree with.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 31/03/2016 at 12:44 pm
If you cannot agree between you regarding your financial split then you may wish to suggest mediation. Mediation is when two or more parties meet to resolve problems before the matter reaches court. It is most often used in family proceedings, Contact Orders, residence agreements and divorce. It is a formal negotiation and courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval. Mediation takes place in front of a neutral third party. The mediator has no pre-conceptions and will not force you to make an agreement. They will assist the two parties in taking turns in the conversation, and helping you reach a decision that you are ready to agree with. Mediators do not pass judgment or offer guidance; they are there, in effect, to facilitate conversation between the two sides. If mediation fails, then you would have to take the matter to court, especially if you and your ex can't agree. In the meantime, I suggest you take some legal advice to see what your options are.
Felly 31/03/2016 at 8:45 am
Good morning
Could someone please advice. I currently have an arrangement with my children's farther that he has the children alternate weekends Friday,Saturday, Sunday evening. During term time this is not an issue as we use the school. as a dropping off and collection point. However during the holidays their farther wishes for me to use a childcare provider as our dropping and collecting points but frefusses to share the cost of this. What can I do to make this equitable?
Wally 30/03/2016 at 1:25 pm
Hi I'm after some advice my wife has commuted adultery we have two children And are currently separated but both live in the same house . If I went for a divorce on the grounds of adultery how are things worked out ? We own our house and I've said I want her to buy me out and give me half the equity ? . I know I will have to pay child support but she's stating that I won't be entitled to half the house . My wife's a community nurse I just work at night behind a bar so currently I work in the evenings and my wife works during the day but I'm looking for a job during the day which means she will have to change her hours at work . To look after the children . I don't want to give up my kids but will find it difficult to continue doing what I currently do now .
I'm not sure how things are going to turn out but I don't want to be in the situation as it is now listening to her incoming messages all the time and knowing what she doing . And I just want out of the situation now .
ChildSupportLaws Editor 22/03/2016 at 12:54 pm
If you feel you are being treated unfairly, I can only suggest you complain via whichespecially if, as you say, you have been awarded shared-care.
Victim 22/03/2016 at 3:11 am
Help, I am confused and was hoping for an explanation. I am involved in a bitter relationship in which the court have acknowledged that I have my child 50/50.
I obviously pay for all my child's wants and needs when he is with me and my ex the same when he is with her.

As revenge she has now gone to the CSA. Who have now stated that I have to pay 50% of her daily costs.
I am baffled as to why this is the case. Especially when she earns more than me and is in a far better financial situation.

This would now mean I pay for 75% of my child's maintenance. So in what crazy word is this fair???

To top it off she has lied to the CSA who are not interested.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 17/03/2016 at 11:48 am
You would have to contact the CSA/CMS directly regarding this, as with regard to shared-care, Child Maintenance Service makes a deduction to the weekly child maintenance amount based on the average number of ‘shared care’ nights a week.
Roscoe 16/03/2016 at 7:35 pm
Please could someone give me advice about my situation. I have a shared residency order for my son which means my ex and I share his time completely 50/50 including nights over. My ex receives all of the child maintenance and a monthly CSA payment from me. Surely this shouldn't be the case given the situation? I also pay half towards a childminder every month, this is to cover occasions when he is with the childminder, pre and post school. My question is should I have to pay all of the above as this really doesn't seem fair given the situation?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 22/02/2016 at 12:56 pm
Your ex cannot apply to take you to court unless Mediation has been considered first. Mediation is when two or more parties meet to resolve problems before the matter reaches court. It is most often used in family proceedings, such as contact orders. It is a formal negotiation and courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval.
Mediation takes place in front of a neutral third party. The mediator has no pre-conceptions and will not force you to make an agreement. They will assist the two parties in taking turns in the conversation, and helping you reach an agreement. Mediators do not pass judgment or offer guidance; they are there, in effect, to facilitate conversation between the two sides. If your ex suggest Mediation and you refuse, then he will have to option to apply through the courts. You may wish to suggest Mediation to your ex yourself, if you can't agree between you. I hope this helps.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 22/02/2016 at 11:38 am
If you do not agree with the way the shared-care arrangement is operating, then in the first instance you should arrange to resolve these disputes via Mediation. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If these issues cannot be solved via Mediation, of the mother refuses to attend Mediation, then you would have to apply through the courts. Court should only be seen as a last resort when the process of negotiation has broken down.
haaaaay. 21/02/2016 at 5:11 pm
I need some advice please. my boyfriend (father of our son) has said that he wants to take me to court when we just had an argument. I have never said he cannot see his son infact i'm the one who is always asking him when he wants to see him and at a reasonable time which he said ok but that hasn't happened. he asks to take our son to his mum's but she kicked me and our son out in just our pjams in the freezing cold and put her hands on me while i was holding the baby pushing me with such force i could of fell and my son would of been hurt so i have said he isn't allowed to see her or go to the flat, the flat also is moldy and has mice (new block building) there is alot mord but this is just to give you an idea. what do you think i should do?
Spacey 21/02/2016 at 12:42 pm
My husband and I have my stepson from Sunday 5 o'clock to Wednesday one week and then the following wee we get him at 8 am on Saturday to Wednesday 5 o'clock. It's a shared care which works ok. However his mummy is ruining him and we want to go for full custody and give her visiting rights instead or weekends. She's only there for the benefits she receives as being a single parent but due to the way the shared care is I don't think shes even entitled to the benefits (lone parent , child tax credit, housing benefit and we also pay her £40 a month maintenance!) can we dispute this and in doin so chase her away as such? We also have 3 kids ourselves and we are breaking our hearts seeing his behaviour get worse and worse as time goes on due to mummy being more worried about herself!! School have asked us to do all homework as she doesn't do any she doesn't go to parent teacher meeting etc she just doesn't care at all..
ChildSupportLaws Editor 16/02/2016 at 10:07 am
The CSA/CMS take into account a payment reduction only if a child stays 'overnight' - and as specified in the article, depending on the number of nights a child stays with you, the amount you would pay is reduced. . If your ex is going through a child support agency then you can see how much you will be paying, based on your salary via the calculator here. I hope this helps.
J234 15/02/2016 at 3:39 pm
Hi, looking for a bot of advice, would be very grateful. I split up with my sons mum 3 years ago. She has gradually reduced my time with my son over this period. She only allows me to see my son one night a week overnight, occaisonally two but i uave to take days off work during the week for this, she refuses to gove me him two nights at the weekend unless she has plans. We have had an agreement of an amount of money i pay her every month aswell as me contributing to clothes and any other things that crop up but she has now said this isnt enough and wants more. When i refused she hs said she is going to csa. I have my son one night at the weekend and all the next day, i also pick him up after work two nights a week and have him for dinner. When im allowed i also pick him up on a friday from school because i finish early. Any info i find online only talks about over night stays affecting how much i need to give her, do they not take into account the time i have him during the week, he cant stay overnight because i work early so i drop him off at bedtime. Any info would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Andy 12/02/2016 at 10:58 pm
Hi

My brother has a 16 month old son with his ex.

She is being very difficult with giving access to his son and is now refusing to let him see him.

She has threatened legal aid to get custody, in her words 'he will never see his son again'

I know my brother, he is a good father to his son. His ex is being very nasty to him over the way things ended between them and seems to be using their son against him.

What's the odds the court will rule in her favour and he won't see his son anymore?

It would break his heart and also my parents who my nephew adores greatly.

I can't see an easy way out for them over this matter, I've never known a more nasty, horrible woman in all my life.
Mac Editor 11/02/2016 at 1:53 pm
@DaveB - I've been through similar myself even though in theory the courts are looking to help fathers gain more access (although it may now always seem this way). So much rests on how obstructive our ex's are and how much they want to put up a fight.
DaveB 10/02/2016 at 11:33 pm
I have the exact same issue as Charly c who commented on 6th Feb. I'm currently in the process of arranging mediation as my ex partner is being very uncooperative. She's doing this purely for financial gain and not considering our sons welfare as far as I am concerned. I'm am an extremely hands on dad and it seems the 'system' is designed to support the difficult party.
Cw 09/02/2016 at 5:21 pm
Hello, I'm after a bit of advice please.
At the moment I have two children, 5 and 7. They're with me 4 nights a week and their dad 3 nights a week. He pays 40 pounds a week maintenance, I claim the benefits as I'm a working single mum. He lives with his fiance. He has now proposed we go for informal joint custody so he has them for one week, I have them for one week, and so on. This means maintenance will stop according to him, even though this is never paid on time and always late.
Also he has said he is going to claim half my benefits which isnt good because I need them to live off. I'm worried if I agree to this, I'll lose out on what's rightfully mine. Like I said he has two solid incomes going into that household and I have one, does the tax credits go on amount per household? Should I agree to this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you :)
Charly c 06/02/2016 at 11:50 pm
Please advise as I am getting conflicting information from CSA/CMS. I have been to court re set days for my kids. I wanted 50/50 but my ex worked the system a treat to advantage.Over a 2 week period I have 6 over night stays and my ex has 8.On my long week I pick up my 2 children at 4pm from school on Wednesday and return them at 7pm on Sunday night . I wanted to have them overnight on Sunday and that would be an exact 50/50 shared care ,My ex objected for no other reason than money.long story short I now have to pay £260 a month to her. I have supplied various evidence to support that I have day to day care of my children ,all credible however they have informed me that my ex has contested it and that they believe her and not me, pure and simple.My ex cheated on me, been with several new partners and police involved several times. I pay all my girls activities , school trips , clothes holidays and everyday living costs, i get around £1700 month . My ex has a salary , tax credits and child maintaince, I feel this is no where fair or proportionate I'm happy to pay but the calculation they have told me to pay I have issues with. I'm now contesting their decision , I'm I wasting my time has anybody went to a tribulal and had any success , thank s
ChildSupportLaws Editor 04/02/2016 at 2:48 pm
I'm afraid we cannot predict what a court may decide. However, the fact you are breast-feeding will be taken into consideration.
unsure 04/02/2016 at 5:14 am
Hi I have a newborn baby and my ex has taken me to court wanting shared cared she is breast fed and he doesn't think there's an issue with him taking her but breast fed babies are fed on demand. Is shared care right for such a small young baby?
Anjibanji 20/01/2016 at 8:07 pm
My ex partner has parental custody of our 6yr old, not through the courts but à verbal agreement through ourselves. I have my daughter every week-end fri-sun. The past few months Ive missed à few fridays due to starting new jobs, but all in all I' ve had her more fridays than not. I am no longer working due to ill health, my daughter does not go without when shes here.The situation now is he has been contacted by csa asking what the arrangement between me and him reguarding our daughter staying with me at week-ends and he is
denying the friday nights because I missed à few. I have just been signed of sick for
the next 2mths I dont grudge him any
money. I just want to know where I stand
reguarding this. I know through csa that
some circumstances if your on benefits, if
your child stays overnight one or two
nights then you may not need to pay any child maintance, is this true?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 11/01/2016 at 2:09 pm
Have you thought of asking your ex to attend Mediation if you are unhappy with the financial arrangement? Mediation takes place in front of a neutral third party. The mediator has no pre-conceptions and will not force you to make an agreement. They will assist the two parties in taking turns in the conversation, and helping you reach an decision that you are ready to agree with. Mediators do not pass judgment or offer guidance; they are there, in effect, to facilitate conversation between the two sides. However, if your ex refuses Mediation, then unfortunately the only other option is to apply through the courts.
mb1977 10/01/2016 at 1:22 pm
I left my husband nearly 2 years ago and we both have shared care over our 3 children (3 nights one week 4 the next) but he gets all the benefits for them yet I'm still buying their clothes (he agrees to paying for school uniform) but when I've asked for half or even some of the benefits he laughs at me. I tell my kids if they need anything they are gonna have to ask him to buy it as I can't afford it but they won't so I either have to struggle or they go without. I'm fed up of struggling and need advice
ChildSupportLaws Editor 07/01/2016 at 2:43 pm
I'm afraid there is no rule book here. Some mothers refuse their ex's contact with their children and they have to fight through court to get it. Other fathers are offered contact and are lazy about it, and some fathers or mothers do not wish to see their children at all. I'm afraid it depends upon the couples involved and what mutual agreements they can come to. There is no court ruling to say that your ex must see your daughter. Although you could suggest mediation to him if you can't resolve these issues between yourselves. If you are unhappy with the CSA/CMS you can complain
SE 06/01/2016 at 11:12 pm
Hi I am confused. My ex (never married) has our daughter every other weekend. But has been on holidays with his girl friend so some weekends he has not had my child. Surely my daughter should be entitled to more than 5.24 a week? He is in full time work showing up with new car, bragging about promotions so why does my child get so little? Who can i get to really look i to this case as CSA keep saying they have done all they can.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 06/01/2016 at 12:42 pm
You can work out if you should be paying anything via the CMS calculator here. I hope this helps.
Anon 05/01/2016 at 5:22 pm
Me and my ex both work full time, have our 2 children equally, she earns £1600 a month and gets the child benefit of £130 a month, I earn £1800 a month and then pay her £100 even though I have the kids just as much. Is this fair? My children are 8 and 5
ChildSupportLaws Editor 21/12/2015 at 10:14 am
There has been a lot of controversy over shared benefits, because as specified in the article, the entitlement to child-related benefits is awarded to the main carer in separated families. Even in cases where the care is equally shared, HMRC will assess who has the main responsibility based on specific criteria. Unfair? Many think, yes, but at the same time Gingerbread has put out a leaflet on shared care in seperated families which explains the whys and wherefores of such decisions, I hope this helps answer your question.
BattlingDad 18/12/2015 at 3:26 pm
My wife and i have separated and have agreed a 3 4 night split during the week but i have him from Friday after school till Monday morning aswell after two evenings and an additional afternoon so at least 50% of the time. Ive agreed to pay my wife half of all child related benefits but my wife has now decided she wants to claim all the benefits and not split them but still expects me to give 50% of the care. Can shevdo that?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 23/11/2015 at 11:59 am
It is entirely up to you. If there is little discrepancy in your earnings, then it would be pointless to set up an agreement where you paid each other. However, if one of you is earning less, then the other may want to give some support. This is usually encouraged through a family-based agreement, where you decide mutually. However, if both of you are content with your current set-up, then you need not change the arrangement at all.
ejelg 22/11/2015 at 11:42 am
I'm divorced we have 2 children between us. 1 child lives with her other lives with me. We see other child equal amounts. Though she's down by a few nights due to work commitments which I'm fine with. Do we need to pay child maintenance to each other? Or is the set up equal?
Bella 03/11/2015 at 7:04 pm
Hi there my husband currently pays his ex wife for one child he is now 13 he has been in boarding school for over 12 months now and spends little time at home, his mum is in the military but she is moving over seas for 3 years now how does that stand as he would not be living with her and would only see her in the holidays but we would be sharing those holidays we basically need to know is she still entitled to the payments as she would not be in the same country and we would rather he got the money directly to support him any advice would be good
Tony 26/09/2015 at 9:32 pm
If I have shared care of my children, will i have to pay child Maintainance to my ex Partner even though they are with me half the time? Also am I able to claim additional expenses such a rent, bills, petrol to pick the children up? And will these recalculate my child Maintainance rate or will they be paid as expenses in order to support me seeing the children?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 08/09/2015 at 12:07 pm
I'm afraid as it is a family-based arrangement, it is something you will have to resolve between you. However, as many parents decide to share the care of their children, if your children spend some time with you, the paying parent, this will reduce the amount of child maintenance you would pay, please see Money Advice Service whichI hope this helps.
smithy 07/09/2015 at 3:26 pm
Hi help needed please.

I have 2 children with my ex 6 and 2. They live with my ex but due to working on shifts I have them every night for tea every other week when on earlys and when im on lates I have my youngest in the mornings the 3 days hes not at nursery. I also have them both to stay at weekends. Early shifts fri night, all day sat they go home sat night then I have them most of the day sunday. Late shifts I have them all day sat, sat night and all day sunday. We share custody although they live with her. Me and my new partner also buy them clothes when they need it, £5 pocket money each week and half of the school uniform costs. I give my ex £100 a month for the kids but they always come to me with clothes that are tatty, old and stained. If we have spare time then we have the kids extra and during school holidays. She is now trying to say I need to give her more money. I love my kids and never want them to be without but I feel shes being unfair demanding more when she doesn't look after them properly as it is. She has also just had a new baby with someone else and I don't want to be giving her money for my kids when shes spending it on the new baby. Its not my fault shes self employed and her partner barely works any hours.

Sorry for the rant the maintenance calculator doesn't seem to help anything but the basic details.
anon 18/06/2015 at 11:49 am
my partner has not been able to see his son for a few yearsl. he was making regular payments but the mother stopped them and moved away. He now knows which area they live in and wants nothing more then to see his son. we have been looking for where to start but all this information is confusing and we are unsure of how to approach the situation, any advice would be helpful thank you
ChildSupportLaws Editor 19/06/2015 at 11:31 am
@Big mutha - as specified in the article, if the children come and live with you, your partner would be paying a reduced rate, i.e if the child spends 175 nights or more with the non-resident parent, maintenance payments will be reduced by ½. Some families agree a family-based shared-care arrangement whereby no maintenance is paid, but each parent contributes jointly to their childrens' welfare through mutual negiotiation. However, it doesn't sound like this would work in your partner's case. I can only suggest you/he talks to Child Maintenance Options via the link here and see what they have to say about the matter. I hope this helps.
big mutha 17/06/2015 at 9:30 am
Hi, my partner has recently moved in with me and we had to recalculate his maintinance payments to his ex to accommodate the new situation as we have a baby together and I have a child from previous, he has to pay for 2 children we calculated on the csa gov website. She has now decided she wants him to be 50% responsible with time and money she has said and has sat the children down and told them this. We obviously can't afford much more with some of the ridiculous demands with our own bills and what we already pay her maintinance, and he has his children regular where we provide clothing and general day to day costs when they are with us, so what does she mean as when she is asked she keeps ranting, and if she wants us to have his other 2 children 50% we will need a bigger home for their comfort which we can ill afford?I'm confused?? Sorry for the long winded comment just want to make sure all the children are catered for fairly and equally by all.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 09/06/2015 at 1:55 pm
@Sophie - you would really have to get in touch with Child Benefit directly to ask this, via whichI hope this helps.
Sophie 07/06/2015 at 7:24 pm
My partner is officially claiming child benefit but I'm the primary carer and have left work to look after our baby. How can I challenge this as he claims he will sort it out but hasn't - it's been many months now.
Debs Editor 02/06/2015 at 2:00 pm
@Anti nowhere punk - by the time she gets to 16, she will be able to make her own decision about where she wishes to live.
Anti nowhere punk 29/05/2015 at 9:08 pm
My step children are part of a shared care order with the father and my wife were they spend weeks with each parent alternatively, but the eldest is approaching 16. Her father keeps trying to pressure her into moving in with him full time once she turns 16, is this legal or does the shared care order last till the children are 18. She will be in full time education till she is 18 if that makes any difference?
ChildSupportLaws Editor 01/06/2015 at 11:02 am
@Fonzie - I'm afraid you would have to go direct to the CMS for this question to be answered, as we couldn't comment on whether your ex's earnings were legitimate or not or whether he is paying the correct amount, which I presume has already been worked out by the CMS on the basis of the information he has given. In many cases self-employed people, if they have a good accountant, can find ways of making it look as though they are not earning very much. Unfortunately, there is little you can do, unless you can prove that he is earning more then he is letting on.
Fonzie 27/05/2015 at 5:19 pm
We have shared care of our 2 children, them staying at his every other weekend Fri - Sun evening. I have asked for Child Maintenance to be paid and they worked it out that he pays approx £54 per week for both children. He didn't make his first payment and clearly demonstrated that he had no intention of paying any CM and has now presented them with evidence of low earnings, declaring an income (self-employed) of £245 to HMRC for 2014! He has a new baby with his g/f and her child also lives with them, so he will be in receipt of CTC and CB for their child and her child too. The CM agent I spoke to agrees that nobody can live on £245 pa as an income. His g/f is self-employed too and gets CM for her daughter from her ex. Makes no sense that if he's in receipt of CTC and CB for his child that he cannot afford to spend money on his other children? Are these benefits not included in the calculation as they are meant to be for the children that live with him full-time and not our 2 children? He could easily be earning over £30k due to his qualifications, but chooses to live off the benefits that are meant for his children.
ChildSupportLaws Editor 21/05/2015 at 12:00 pm
@Sue - I am sorry to hear this. Currently, the resident carer is the only parent that is entitled to claim benefits for the children. If you get awarded residency in court, then of course you will be the one that is entitled to claim.
Sue 17/05/2015 at 8:58 pm
My two children (aged 3 & 5)
Live with their father I have them every 2 weeks fri night sat all day/night and Sunday till 4pm
I also have half the school holidays
At present he takes all the benefits available for both children am I I titled to anything?
We are at present going to court over the children as he snatched them but has equal rights so court have said that for now he can keep them :-(((((
Pater 27/03/2015 at 7:41 pm
I have been married to my wife for 19 yrs we have two children one is 16 and the other is 14, we are in separating and selling our home and splitting the equity, see is keeping our car and have all our possessions, we are going to get our own places to live And share the time of looking after our children equally. I earn a good income but my wife only works part time, how much maintenance would see be entitled too. Can anyone help as I'm concerned about what I can afford to live on.
tasha 06/01/2015 at 3:40 pm
i have recenlty got joint custordy of my 6 year old, meaning my ex and i have our child the same amount of time working onn a two weekly rota however, in the school holidays when i collect my child from my ex i collect him at 1pm and return him at 6pm meaning my ch8ild is with me for longer. My ex recfieves cb and ctc, i am currently debating wether to make a claim for cb and ctc myself as i have to pay for transport to get my son to school, i still buy him clothes and if i was to go back to work which i would like to do i wou8ld have to pay childcare out of my own pocket. I am also a student at college hoping to go to university this year and i would somehow have to fund child care on the days that i would attend uni and have my child. Do i have a leg to stand on if i make a claim?
LIZZY 25/11/2014 at 1:28 am
My ex and I separated 6 years ago - he took me to court and was awarded 40% of property and just CSA payments. Our son was diagnosed with autism last year - my ex has been promoted to Head teacher yet i am struggling to increase my hours as I have the children 6 days a week and need to be there to take him to school and collect. I also need to provide lots of after school activities as he struggles in social situations? Can I claim more maintenance because of this diagnosis. My Ex refuses to accept this diagnosis and constantly blames our son's behaviour on my poor parenting. Any advice?
Would I be able to have reduction in his share of property? His career is thriving and mine is stunted.
lynn 21/11/2014 at 9:45 pm
i am a single mother with 2 girls who has shared residents my x husband has the child tax credit for the 2 of them also one child benefit for the oldest he doesn't give me any money at all , he has them 4 nights i have them 3 nights. It is so unfair has i have them Friday till the Monday drop them of at school have them back on Wednesday from 3 till 8, holidays it is to be week about . Have you any advice please
Masuma 10/11/2014 at 6:40 pm
Hi
I am pregnant now is. 6months I came in London as a student
After few years I go back bangladesh for two months in the mean time I meet
With my boyfriend we stay together for one week
And then I come back london I find out I am pregnant now my boy friend
Ignore me . I can't. Do anything I can't tell my parents about that
In this condition what should I do how can I service with my child .
suki 20/10/2014 at 7:01 pm
my question is I have shared care with my husband he pays me child support we have 5 kids and he makes a lot of money. I have not made that much money and always qualified for school lunches and material fees. Now that I'm married state took my new husbands income and we did not qualify for free school lunches and material fees. My ex husband refuses to pay for the kids meals on his weeks and says that's what he is giving me child support for. In our divorce decree we are each required to pay 50% of all school activities sports exc. But he says that he does not have to pay for the school lunches because that is what child support is for. How do I handle this ? 5 children that's 50 a week. After paying for bills , groceries and other expenses. I'm broke
Pink bow 19/10/2014 at 11:22 pm
My sister has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and has two children one 24 and 9 year old daughter she has been in an on off relationship with the father who has a drink problem his mum lives next door and has basically taken over as a mum in the 9 year olds life the partners mum is on medication for depression and other illness I am concerned that my sister is being now I feel manipulated into getting married to the father of the child to put my neice in their sole custody and for him to have a right to their inheritance where do I as an aunt of the children especially the 9 years old upbringing or the financial implication of the 25 years old inheritance
Daddy paddy 25/09/2014 at 9:47 pm
I have 2 boys 11,and 14. 6mts ago after my divorce settlement (which my ex got £50,000 more than me because she had both boys with her and I had no where for them to stay with me) I bought a house with my new partner and her 3 children aged 13, 16,in school, 19 year old off work long term with illness ( major opp on spine/ spinal cord wont be back to work for some time) There father pays them £100 per mt allowance, notting to my partener, As soon as we moved in my oldest moved in with us more than 5 mts ago now end April, so I let my ex claim for them both until he was sure he wanted to stay with us, we now need the money so im going to inform tax credit and child benefit of the changes, I also have space for my younger son who stays every other weekend and comes for tea at least one evening a week I earn 26k my partener 15k and the ex is about 18k doesn't have a partner living with her but has a fiance in turkey.my question is, will I have to pay any moneys to my ex ? If anyone has any facts on the matter it would be appreciated, many thanks
CSA Suck 04/02/2014 at 2:59 am
Parent with care - Why am I paying ?250 per month since August 10 2013 for my son who has been detained under a Section2/3 of the Mental Health Act 1983 -Therefore not living with the PWC since this time. My Son is not in the care at all of the PWC but under the Mental Health Act Restrained against his will in Mental Health Hospitals. To deal with the Trauma of ur own Son being incarcerated against his will for his own Health is bad enough, but to Pay the CSA/ PWC at the same time is Deplorable and in my mind Unfair- Unjust and Illegal as he is Not in the Care of the PWC?
Appreciate any constructive advice on a way forward with an Agency that will not take the facts of this Case in to Account! Shame these Pen Pushers don't go though the same Trauma ! Any advice greatly appreciated.
A 26/01/2014 at 11:27 pm
I've been married for nearly 10yrs,we have a 4yr old child together,he kicked me out on Christmas day because I confronted him of cheating on me,he admitted to it all.so I'm living with my parents at the moment and have applied for CB,CM,Income support because I've got no job my ex partner employed me.He has been visiting our daughter and she stayed over at his house but was feeling uncomptable with out me. But his not sticking to his word and we have had a lot of arguments about our daughters visiting arrangement so I told him if he wants to see her he should apply for custody do it properly ang legally.What share do you think I should have from the family house were we lived? Because there is 2 of us and 1 of him. Please someone I need some advise.thanks.
stepmammy-1 13/05/2013 at 1:12 pm
Chucker, if you are over 25 and work over certain hours you can claim working tax credit regardless of how often you do/don't have your children. You don't have to have children to claim WTC.
chucker 28/04/2013 at 10:01 pm
Can I claim working tax credit when I share custody of my children half the week as I live on my own and its not cheap caring for them
M 12/02/2013 at 6:20 pm
To Furnace:
The CSA is to be changed but they will apply similar/ same rules. They are governed by legislation and will enforce this. This is similar to say the Police. They work on overnight stays. So you therefore would have to have your child on a regular pattern of say 3 overnight stays per week. If you have this you are close to shared care but not quite there. She may not want to give more time than this because the new rules suggest shared care and no maintenance to be paid. My advice is to go to court and apply for a shared care order which outlines the arrangement in place and if granted you have equal access. I have already done this and been through the process. However each case will have its own circumstances. Your application maybe harder/ same/ easier than mine. I self represented and came through with a positive result. It takes time, so be patient. The system says the is no gender inequality but from my own experience I felt I had to prove myself as a father. I have no regrets.
Means tested, I don't believe would occur, but I do feel the use of the maintenance is for here and now and this is recognized. All she would do is say it goes on this that and the other. Easily explained by her. A court may look at the financial side but only if it was relevant to the case. It primarily goes on the parent with care, who receives Child Benefit. Child Benefit is often the key to who is the primary carer and the person that can apply/ have child maintenance. Another would be to apply for the Child Benefit if she is above a £50000 to £60000 income as this is now means tested. You can directly apply for Child Benefit and they will look at the circumstances and if refused you can apply to be heard via a tribunal so your individual circumstances may change the outcome. As a parent you could apply for Tax Credits via HMRC, as you are under the threshold and she possibly can not claim these if above £58000 income. Child Benefit and Tax Credits are HMRC and the CSA is under the DWP. The above is not guaranteed but worth a try.

Hope this is of help!
M
furnace 04/02/2013 at 5:28 pm
I have a seven year old son who stays with me 12 nights out of a four week cycle and also has equal days split over holiday periods.I have consistantly requested equal access rights to my son ,however his mother has refused.There are no reasons I can see for her to do this other than spite.With regard to maintance I provide my son with a home,Which I rent,food(this includes paying for his school meals),clothing,activities and holidays.I am on a low income and my ex has just got the csa involved and is asking for more.She herself is an extremely wealthy woman whose income is provided by a large portfolio of stocks and shares and she also owns property to a value of around 800,000.At a recent mediation session she declared her income as approx 9000 per year.She also made clear that any monies recieved from me would be put into a savings account for my son until he was eighteen.Though I would give my son my last penny if need be I wonder where I stand in terms of payments to the CSA as it is my beleif that the CSA takes the money for the childs day to day living.I feel that any extra I would have to give would in fact be taking away that which I am currently able to provide for my son.I wondered If my ex partner will have to be means tested and also what the situation is with regard to her not revealing her true income to mediation or the CSA.Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.
M 02/02/2013 at 11:32 am
......forgot to also add, I searched this - maria miller mp announces 50-50 shared care

See what you come up with makes interesting reading. Dated the 2nd July it is in the wording.....

Work and Pensions Minister Maria Miller said:

“Parents’ responsibility continues post separation, particularly when it comes to financial support. We are determined to support, encourage and- if necessary- enforce parental financial responsibility. It is right that those claiming benefits make a greater real contribution towards their children’s upbringing. Our wider welfare reforms will ensure that working to support your family is always a better option than dependency on benefits.”

The changes announced today will help ensure that all non-resident parents make a meaningful financial contribution to the welfare of their children and offer a fairer deal for parents who share the care of their children.

A widely resented Child Support Agency rule will be scrapped for clients of the new scheme. This required some parents to pay maintenance even though they share the care of their children on a 50-50 basis. In the future, no maintenance will need to be paid in cases like these where care is shared exactly equally.

Hope this helps!

M
M 02/02/2013 at 11:05 am
Hi All,

I have been doing some research and I have found that since October 2012, it appears that parents who have exactly shared care - 50/50, have a much fairer system for paying maintenance. It may not be guaranteed (disclaimer) but the link below is a Government Department displaying in the public domain, information to support "Equal Shared Care".

The Child Maintenance Service (part of the Department of Work and Pensions). CMS I understand, are taking over the previous CSA with a new system and method for maintenance from October 2012 and I found on a web site as a guide for MP's for their constituents, so they can no doubt dispense advice.

I came across an MPs guide to child maintenance and this had a part on page 33 that indicates the new changes.

It indicates there will be no child maintenance liability when the day-to-day care of a child or children is shared exactly equally between both parents. Both parents will be required to show evidence that the day-to-day care is shared exactly equally.

As long as you can support this by way of evidence, such as Shared Residence Orders, structured arrangements etc particularly ones with structures in place for a good period of time, should hopefully allow some equality.

For me, I will always provide for my son, irrespective of the above, but I strongly feel from my experience this provides a fairer way for me to bring my child up by my own efforts.

Good look all!

M
madmike 25/01/2013 at 2:26 pm
Is'nt the situation dealt with through the reduction in payable child support due to shared care, ie 3/7ths or 1/2 according to the number on nights spent ?

I do agree that although the current trend is toward "shared care" or in legal terms "joint residence" the child benefit regime needs to catch up with reality.

We still get the feminists on their high horses claiming themselves to be the primary carer as if that gives them divine right to make all the decisions about the child and leave the father in the dark.
cp 17/07/2012 at 10:33 pm
Hi Gary, i'm afraid not. I'm no solicitor but i'm in the same position and as she got in there first thats the way it goes. I have to pay csa money too and we have equal split of our daughter. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
gary 09/07/2012 at 9:27 pm
i have split from my partner we have 4 children. She has moved out and we are sharing the children equally.She currently receives child tax credits and child benefits.If i am having equal custody and responsibility should i not receive half the payments for the childrens food, clothes etc, at this moment in time she will not hand share any of the benefit payments, is there anything legally binding that can be done ?
BeeKay 13/06/2012 at 6:35 pm
I have split with my partner of 9 years, we have two kids. She is moving out and we are sharing care of the kids, me Monday after school to Friday morning, her from Friday after school then dropping them at school on Monday. She currently receives child tax credits etc.

If i am to have equally shared custody and responsibility should i not receive half of the payments for things like school dinners, clothes etc. etc. She is saying she will send me half of the payments that currently go to her but she cannot be trusted to do this so i would like to know if it can be split between us or legally set up or is the system not flexible enough for this. I know that if its left to her to pay me when she is short of cash any time she will withhold the payment and never pay it. Is there anything legally binding than can be arranged?
hats 12/04/2012 at 2:52 pm
me and my ex partner have joint custody and shared access of our child but i certainly do alot more parenting in the terms of school and clubs, driving etc. and pay 4 the majority. during the holidays he is leaving our child in the care of his girlfiend who has already got a child that has been put up for foster care by social services. what are my rights when this goes to court? and what are hers
jodie 21/02/2012 at 7:57 pm
i lost my partner a couple of years ago. an it was agreed that id let my boyfriends parents would always be apart of our daughers life. we went to court an go joint custody. they have the child benifit number an i cant get any help etc working tax credit housing benifit. i work part/full time im really strugglin what can i do?
oldman 09/02/2012 at 2:11 pm
i pay maintenance for my girls, i also have them 10 nights a month these are week days too. my ex wife gets tax credit, childbenefit and csa from me, my Question is i get no financial help when it comes to; child care and paying for school meals. As i still have to work, to support me and the children and wanted to know my rights around this as i believe this is totaly unfair as i feel i pay for this already with my csa payments. would love some feed back on this thankyou.
jimster 08/02/2012 at 9:15 pm
How can this be right, if it is exactly joint shared custody why do i still have to pay her maintenance, why dont she have to pay me anything for me looking after the children?
gr8dad 02/11/2011 at 5:13 pm
Rachel is so wrong! this is THEIR child. how can 1 parent have more rights than the other? both parents deserve equal rights with their children. shutting people out of kids lives that love them is devious and cruel and can seriously backfire when the child learns the person isnt bad and the mother shut him out for personal reasons of jealousy and malice
gr8dad 02/11/2011 at 5:08 pm
My new girlfriend is wonderful with my sons. My ex is a devious child destroying so and so, try not to hate and be jealous. very hard I know but it affects the children involved, honestly from experience.she might be a great person with your son
rachel 17/07/2011 at 8:50 pm
Make sure that you only sign his birth registration. If you are not married and he didn't sign the birth register, he has no rights to custody.
Jade 05/06/2011 at 12:47 pm
I am currently 26 weeks pregnant. The father of my baby seperated from me when I was about 22 weeks pregnant for another woman. I am more than happy to give him access to see his son anytime while I am there. I also wouldnt mind him having his son overnight a couple of times a week so long as his new partner isnt around. If he takes me to court for custody will his new partner have any rights to spend time with our son?

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