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Domestic Violence and Contact

By: Abigail Taylor - Updated: 19 Jul 2021 | comments*Discuss
 
Domestic Violence Abuse Abuser Children

The Government defines Domestic Violence as "Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality."

Domestic abuse is rarely a 'one-off' incident. Abusers generally demonstrate a pattern of abuse. In March 2013, the Government extended their definition of Domestic Violence to include 16 and 17 year olds as 'adults' within the definition. This was in recognition of the increasing number of teenage girls who suffer domestic abuse at the hands of (an often older) sexual partner. This change has also been marked by a TV campaign highlighting examples of emotional abuse, to raise awareness amongst younger people.

In times of economic recession, domestic abuse often increases, and this year is no exception. In 2013, the Citizens Advice Bureau reported an 11% increase in the number of people seeking help from them for domestic violence related matters.

How do you prove Domestic Violence in court?

"Hi, I am a single mother of 2 children who are both under the age of 5. They have been through too much emotional and physical damage during the past 2 years due to the separation of me and their father. He has been physically violent towards me and verbally abusive towards me in front of the kids. They're very traumatised; also their behaviour has regressed since this situation has started. The paternal family dispute all of this in front of a social worker who has now placed the children on the CPS register and are holding a conference this week Wednesday. How can I prove his abusive conduct in court?"

There are obvious problems in trying to prove domestic violence in court:

  • a) Domestic violence is often disputed by the perpetrator's family and friends. Sometimes this is a malicious attempt to derail an ex-partner's case, but more commonly, it is because it is hard to believe someone you know and love could be an abuser (particularly when the perpetrator will often act differently around others).
  • b) Domestic violence usually happens behind closed doors, when there are no witnesses. Perpetrators will act differently around others and will often only abuse their victims when there are no witnesses. Perpetrators are often very clever to hide any evidence (for example ensuring that any bruises are in areas not seen by others).

Courts will always prefer concrete evidence (written documents or photographs) for the simple reason that these are hard to refute. In the case of domestic abuse, it is not always possible to get this kind of evidence, so how can you prove abuse in court?

  • 1) Take photographs (preferably time-dated) of any injuries. If possible, also attend your local doctor's surgery as they can formerly record any injuries, and may be able to suggest a possible cause for these at a later date to the court.
  • 2) Record any abuse in a diary with dates/times/location etc all detailed.
  • 3) Where any incident is clearly against the law, report it to the police so that they can provide a report to the court.
  • 4) If any neighbours heard anything, ask to provide a witness statement. They will probably not be allowed to give evidence of what you have told them (as this is hearsay), but can give evidence as to what they saw/heard themselves.

Is Domestic Violence a barrier to contact?

"My daughter has an 11month old boy and the father is on the birth certificate. However, he physically abused her and smashed the house up, and only served a few months for this. He has history of threatening behaviour and also assaulting his own mother and brother. My daughter is worried that he may be allowed access to his son. Surely this cannot be right with his history."

Under Section 8 of the Human Rights Act 1998, everyone has the right to private and family life. Numerous researchers have also found that children are better to have contact with both their parents. Parents therefore both have a right to contact with their children, even if they have committed crimes in the past. This right does not change, even if one parent has committed domestic abuse, or any other crime, and whether they have been imprisoned or not.

Clearly in some cases (particularly those where one parent has a tendency towards violence), contact with children will cause concern. However just because a parent has a right to contact, does not mean that they have a right to simply take their children anywhere they like for a period of time; restrictions can, and will, be placed on contact between an abusive parent and their children (provided that abuse such as a tendency towards violence can be proven).

Types of contact

There are several types of contact:
  • General contact (free and unrestricted). This may also include overnight stays.
  • Contact with the assistance of a Children and Family Support Centre (usually to "hand-over" children so that parents do not have to meet)
  • Supervised contact (fully supervised contact at a Family Support Centre which neither the child nor the parent is allowed to leave during the session)
  • Indirect contact (such a letters, telephone conversations, email, Skype)
In cases of proven violence (such a physical domestic abuse to the other parent), the abusive parent is likely to only be allowed supervised contact.

This means that at a pre-arranged time (for example once a week on a Saturday morning from 10-12), you would take your child to a local Family Support Centre. You can then choose to stay in a different room, or leave your child with the centre and return to pick them back up. The abusive parent would attend the centre at the pre-arranged time and be allowed contact with their child / children in a large room, overseen by one of the Support Centre workers. Centres often have various toys etc, so contact usually takes the form of playing a game/colouring etc together.

The abusive parent would not be allowed (in cases of fully-supervised contact) to leave the centre with the child/children, and a centre worker will be present in the room with them at all times.

It is in extremely rare circumstances when contact would not be allowed.

In ordering contact, the court must consider the child's welfare. One factor considered will be the child's ascertainable wishes and feelings. However these are unlikely to be given much weight until the child has a suitable level of understanding (usually at about 14 years old). The court will also be careful to ensure that any wishes expressed by your child, are not your imposed views, but rather their own decision. Your child will usually be interviewed by a specially trained CAFCASS officer who will report back to the court in this regard.

Can I refuse to allow contact?

"Hi my husband and I split up nearly 2 years ago and we have a five year old daughter. He's never paid any child support for her but still had access to her whenever he wanted. Recently I refused him access until he accepts responsibilities as her father but he's threatening to take me to court. At the end of our relationship he was very abusive and violent and got arrested a couple of times for beating me up which my daughter witnessed so social services were involved. Every chance he gets he tries to poison my daughter against me and my partner. Where do I stand in refusing to allow him contact?"

If no court order has been made in relation to contact, and your child resides solely with you, you can refuse to allow the other parent contact with their child. If they wish to challenge this however, they can take you to court and you would have to explain your reasons to a judge, with evidence. If they are not satisfied by your reasons, they will order contact to take place. It is therefore always best to be reasonable. For example, would indirect contact resolve your concerns, or could contact take place supervised, at a relative's house?

If a court order is made, you can physically prevent contact, however, to do so would make you in contempt of court. The punishments for contempt of court range in severity from a small fine to imprisonment. However also bear in mind that the court does have the power if it considers it appropriate, to reverse a residential order, giving your former partner custody of your child, and you contact/visitation rights. Whilst this is unlikely in domestic abuse cases, it is worth bearing in mind that the courts do not take failure to comply with orders lightly.

What restrictions can be put on an abusive parent?

One worry for many parents who have been abused by a former partner is that in allowing them contact with your child/children, you retain a link with them, that will lead to them constantly pestering/harassing you. Even if you do not speak to your partner directly to arrange contact (using a Family Contact Centre so that you never see them face-to-face), young children can quite easily reveal where you live (often not understanding why you would not want their other parent to know). If you have problems as a result of allowing contact or contact being ordered, you can seek some protection from the courts:

Non-molestation Order
This order prevents your ex-partner from using or threatening violence against you (which of course is against the law anyway), and also stops them harassing or pestering you. [Note that breach of a non-molestation order is now a criminal offence, as well as an act that can be dealt with by the civil courts.]

Occupation Order
This can be used to regulate who lives in your family home (and remove an abusive partner). However it can also be used to prevent the abuser entering the area surrounding your home, in order to keep them away from your home.

Restraining Order
This order prevents someone from carrying out a particular, specified action. A non-molestation is a type of restraining order. However you may also be given other types of restraining orders if necessary (one usual example I have seen is the use of a restraining order to prevent one party giving out the other party's new phone number to third parties, after he had given their previous number to over a dozen cold-calling companies and advertised it as a "sex-chat line" on the internet.

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Me and My ex wife on 2018 it was an order in Italy regarding the kids basically allocated to her and responsible both on education wishes and she shouldme updates progess or non but if one of Us need to go on holiday needs permission of the other part non of this as been done She where taking holiday without permission from me actually on 2 October 2020 she did apply for non domestic molesting order due my poorEnglish I was supposed to go to the court to defend myselfI did not go because on the paper did say the courtis sitting it was not specified I was supposed toattempt Couple months ago I did apply C100 and the case is on the first November 2021 I heard in thisfew days she again take the child out UK without permissioncan she do this? I do not know if still need a permission of me or she can go in holiday without permission In either case what I can do?
Gio - 19-Jul-21 @ 8:11 AM
My son has contact and shared parenting for his 5 yr old daughter. There has been extreme violence between his ex-partner and her boyfriend. The boyfriend has been arrested and despite his behaviour they are still together. My son wants to ensure the safety of his daughter and wants to know if he can issue a court order against this man which will protect her from being around him.
Grandma - 21-Jun-21 @ 12:13 PM
I left my abuser 3 years ago.i have 8 children with him.he beat me whilst I was holding our baby daughter in front of my other kids.my then 10 year old son grabbed my baby off of me.that was my breaking point I honestly think he would of killed me that day and my daughter.i found out he was cheating again and he went crazy.my social worker at the time put me in charge of supervised visits resulting in assaults and verbal abuse.the final day I let him in he smashed my house up and beat me.my sons stepped I'm resulting In them being assaulted.that was 2 years ago.now he said he is taking me to court for access.i have had police out on numerous occasions as he has damaged my car, sent his girlfriend here to threaten us as he has spread around we are homophobic and racist.i can't have him in my kids livess he is unstable violent and has a drink problem
Mummy9 - 5-Jun-21 @ 12:22 PM
Hi, I'm trying to find legal information regarding my children witnessing a physical fight between my ex and his new girlfriend. There was smashing up of possessions, kicks and slaps. I am drafting an email to him today but was looking for credible legal based links to highlight how this behaviour must desist or I will take further action. I have, fruitlessly, been trawling the
KMD - 5-Feb-21 @ 1:42 PM
I don’t know what to do. I left my family home 2 years ago because my wife was getting progressively worse in terms of mental and physical abuse. The lies and manipulation she has carried out has caused so many people issues. Because I am am man initially people didn’t believe me. She now has a mother partner for around 2 years and is now doing the same to him. My kids are witnessing it every day! Last night she cut his leg with a broken glass, he spent Christmas Eve in his car. I think he is trapped babies he has rented his house out and has no where to go. Do I call the police, I am worried she will make my kids suffer for it. I’m lost
Daveyboy - 6-Jan-21 @ 4:38 PM
I was with my ex for 9 years snd was consistently accused of Dom abuse by her. Trying to prove her lies was impossible and she used the courts and police to get court orders snd stopped me seeing my daughter got 3 yrs.I begged people to see that she was the abuser and they laughed at me.6 yrs later and my daughter aged 10 has been beaten,bruised,lost hair,raped by her mother’s nephew (all kept from me) and social involvement throughout again without my knowledge.My daughter ran away snd when she felt safe told the truth about the years of abuse.My daughter now lives with me full time,is now at the correct weight and excelling at primary school.........Mother has contact when she can be bothered..... Not all abusers are men......
Andy - 3-Jan-21 @ 10:08 PM
My ex and I split up two years ago. He has been verbally abusive constantly and makes things really difficult. Police have been called by my neighbours because they have heard the abuse and my son is 7 and he’s constantly listening to it and /or his family constantly slagging me off and pulling me down. It’s not good for his mental health and it’s really dragging me down and don’t know what else to do
G - 27-Dec-20 @ 2:18 PM
My husband was found to be physically abusing children (my 2 girls and his son he had contact with), I left him and moved on in 2018. He hasn’t had contact since then but he has now applied to the court for contact. Cafcass have just recommended that my eldest girl live with her dad when he applied for residence due to my husbands abuse and stating I didn’t recognise the abuse was happening even though I left him. So where does this leave my youngest daughter with her dad as he’s now applying for contact? Cafcass know he abused my girls, the court are aware but I am afraid they will recommend dad has contact. Thanks.
Emsie15 - 30-Sep-20 @ 9:40 PM
Mother verbally abused her kids and husband ,threats to hurt even to stab her husband,threats to punch and smack het children ,this woman is supposed to take medicine duloxetine but never takes them.,her husband put up with a lot of abuse for the love of his kids.what is the best route to take
Red - 9-Sep-20 @ 9:25 PM
If a mother / wifeverbally abuse her kids and husband .blaming all everything on her husband accusing her husband shouting at the kids ,age six and four, what can the husband do about this as if she found out this got reported the husband will be kicked out.
Jo - 9-Sep-20 @ 8:26 PM
My ex partner was cheating on me whilst I was pregnant and when found out he blamed it on PTSD (he is a firefighter) he blocked me meaning I went through the remaining months of my pregnancy alone. To give a bit of background information, since splitting up I have noticed my ex displays narcissistic behaviour and it has come to light that not only did he cheat, he financially abused me and emotionally abused me. Gaslighting me into thinking I was crazy over certain events that had occurred. I also found out he was in thousands of pounds of debt and also had ran someone over fracturing their hips and hospitalising them. He then got in contact the month I was due. I allowed him at the birth and I was kept in hospital for a week, where he also stayed to support us. Once I returned home, he would visit as an when he wanted to but over the weeks this became less and less. In a total of 11 weeks he has spent 16.5 hours with his son. I am exclusively breastfeeding and have been since birth and he has asked me to give this up so he can see him without being in my home. I don’t want to do this as breastfeeding has always been something I wanted to do. It has turned very bitter and he stopped visiting because I wouldn’t allow him to take my newborn baby away. I decided to register my son at the very end of the 6 week period as I wanted to base my decision on the effort that my ex partner has put in. He would regularly not turn up to visits, he would always make excuses, saying he was bed bound ill but then be seen out. He missed hospital appointments regarding our sons health despite promising to be there. I chose to give our son my surname. I decided to not put his details on the birth certificate purely down to the fact I don’t trust his intentions / judgement. And certain behaviour had shown he could not be trusted and was irresponsible. During the first two weeks of my son being born I had to call the police on him whilst he was visiting due to him being verbally abusive and then pushing me whilst he had my son in his arms. I have also had to report him to the police for slandering me on social media, writing Incorrect information about me and the situation. I also have found out he is doing cocaine. He has not paid or contributed towards his son at all since he has been born, not 1 penny. Since leaving me, he has no fixed address. He has been staying with a friend, as well as his new girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with). I have received an email from a mediation company (where josh has told them I’ve refused mediation) that he is taking me to court for 50/50 custody. Our baby is 11 weeks old on Thursday. As stated, I am exclusively breastfeeding. Should I be worried, does anyone know what the outcome is likely to be? Thank you
WRL - 25-Feb-20 @ 6:09 AM
My ex partner was cheating on me whilst I was pregnant and when found out he blamed it on PTSD (he is a firefighter) he blocked me meaning I went through the remaining months of my pregnancy alone. To give a bit of background information, since splitting up I have noticed my ex displays narcissistic behaviour and it has come to light that not only did he cheat, he financially abused me and emotionally abused me. Gaslighting me into thinking I was crazy over certain events that had occurred. I also found out he was in thousands of pounds of debt and also had ran someone over fracturing their hips and hospitalising them. He then got in contact the month I was due. I allowed him at the birth and I was kept in hospital for a week, where he also stayed to support us. Once I returned home, he would visit as an when he wanted to but over the weeks this became less and less. In a total of 11 weeks he has spent 16.5 hours with his son. I am exclusively breastfeeding and have been since birth and he has asked me to give this up so he can see him without being in my home. I don’t want to do this as breastfeeding has always been something I wanted to do. It has turned very bitter and he stopped visiting because I wouldn’t allow him to take my newborn baby away. I decided to register my son at the very end of the 6 week period as I wanted to base my decision on the effort that my ex partner has put in. He would regularly not turn up to visits, he would always make excuses, saying he was bed bound ill but then be seen out. He missed hospital appointments regarding our sons health despite promising to be there. I chose to give our son my surname. I decided to not put his details on the birth certificate purely down to the fact I don’t trust his intentions / judgement. And certain behaviour had shown he could not be trusted and was irresponsible. During the first two weeks of my son being born I had to call the police on him whilst he was visiting due to him being verbally abusive and then pushing me whilst he had my son in his arms. I have also had to report him to the police for slandering me on social media, writing Incorrect information about me and the situation. I also have found out he is doing cocaine. He has not paid or contributed towards his son at all since he has been born, not 1 penny. Since leaving me, he has no fixed address. He has been staying with a friend, as well as his new girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with). I have received an email from a mediation company (where josh has told them I’ve refused mediation) that he is taking me to court for 50/50 custody. Our baby is 11 weeks old on Thursday. As stated, I am exclusively breastfeeding. Should I be worried, does anyone know what the outcome is likely to be? Thank you
WRL - 25-Feb-20 @ 6:09 AM
My ex partner was cheating on me whilst I was pregnant and when found out he blamed it on PTSD (he is a firefighter) he blocked me meaning I went through the remaining months of my pregnancy alone. To give a bit of background information, since splitting up I have noticed my ex displays narcissistic behaviour and it has come to light that not only did he cheat, he financially abused me and emotionally abused me. Gaslighting me into thinking I was crazy over certain events that had occurred. I also found out he was in thousands of pounds of debt and also had ran someone over fracturing their hips and hospitalising them. He then got in contact the month I was due. I allowed him at the birth and I was kept in hospital for a week, where he also stayed to support us. Once I returned home, he would visit as an when he wanted to but over the weeks this became less and less. In a total of 11 weeks he has spent 16.5 hours with his son. I am exclusively breastfeeding and have been since birth and he has asked me to give this up so he can see him without being in my home. I don’t want to do this as breastfeeding has always been something I wanted to do. It has turned very bitter and he stopped visiting because I wouldn’t allow him to take my newborn baby away. I decided to register my son at the very end of the 6 week period as I wanted to base my decision on the effort that my ex partner has put in. He would regularly not turn up to visits, he would always make excuses, saying he was bed bound ill but then be seen out. He missed hospital appointments regarding our sons health despite promising to be there. I chose to give our son my surname. I decided to not put his details on the birth certificate purely down to the fact I don’t trust his intentions / judgement. And certain behaviour had shown he could not be trusted and was irresponsible. During the first two weeks of my son being born I had to call the police on him whilst he was visiting due to him being verbally abusive and then pushing me whilst he had my son in his arms. I have also had to report him to the police for slandering me on social media, writing Incorrect information about me and the situation. I also have found out he is doing cocaine. He has not paid or contributed towards his son at all since he has been born, not 1 penny. Since leaving me, he has no fixed address. He has been staying with a friend, as well as his new girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with). I have received an email from a mediation company (where josh has told them I’ve refused mediation) that he is taking me to court for 50/50 custody. Our baby is 11 weeks old on Thursday. As stated, I am exclusively breastfeeding. Should I be worried, does anyone know what the outcome is likely to be? Thank you
RLW - 25-Feb-20 @ 6:07 AM
I have a child with a negerian my son he is 2 years i need advice what can i do his father stopped supporting his child Everytime when i asked him to support his child he always abused me with words he want to take a child away from first this child is 2yrs i tried so hard to make sure my son get what he need but when i ask for a small help like please can you help with R200 i need to buy for his cresh or we short of something the answer i will get it's words bad words now i don't know what to do this person he do this because he knows from my side know one will fight for me that why please advise me what should i do
Nompumelelo - 20-Jan-20 @ 8:37 AM
This article is grossly miss leading. Women need NO EVIDENCE at all to prove domestic violence. All they do is tick a box on their solicitors sheet. An hey presto you are now wife beater of the week. Domestic violence claims are now the quickest and easiest way for solicitors to resolve family court cases. It's the easiest way for solicitors to secure a goverment pay out. Women get free legal aid if they claim DV. Solicitors love this. It's the most reliable check. So solicitors now advise women how to make DV claims against their partners. That's right. Solicitors regularly prompt women to lie in family court cases. This is why we have seen a spike in DV accusations. Family court cases rarely amount anything other than a witch trial and unless men take on debts of tens of thousands of pounds they are not likely to see your kids again. The court system and judiciary is riddled with femanist activists and they do not believe in Father's rights. They believe in a woman's right to choose. Which ushually is to choose no daddy for their kids.
God - 28-Nov-19 @ 2:07 AM
I dont think that i and the real concens,contact stopping, and the prev acknowledged concens, were fairly represented to court as to a weak insight to the long standing history.I was looked at, by the suggestion, implicated, as to any reason child did not have contact, by a uninterested father, was i 'held' a 'grudge against him. Cafcass, personally took a liking. And conducted assessment to suggest patental alienation. He did the job well, my child was removed, and soon enough, as he wants to control my relationship, as i had explicitly implored to the judge he would, he reported suggested mute behaviour, after contact- it has been nearly over a year. Social workers, due to them delaying seeing my child, start to say i cannot have it unsupervised. The dv, was well recorded, and can be presented. Can i take action? For the first time in my childs life, they have had turned a new age, and i have not been able so much as speak to them. I believe psychological dv, is not being acknowledged. Are you able to contact a experienced barrister.Can we see a way parental alienation, attitude to contact be revoked. Through huge working history, of historical risk.
Shutout stand alone - 1-Nov-19 @ 9:06 PM
My son has been put under a child protection plan or safeguarding after an argument between me the father and my girlfriend the mother after she threw water in my face I pushed her and this has been classed as domestic violence by the socail worker me and the mum both regret this and want to be a family to safe guard my son they have told me to leave basically and I can see my son in a contact centre ...is there anyway we can be a family again as it was a stupid argument and we both love each other also I havent seen my son for over 2 weeks and am still waiting for socail services to start up the contact centre I miss my son and my girlfriend any advice
Back with the family - 18-Oct-19 @ 10:32 PM
My ex partner she gets one night alternate weekends she is taking me back to court for more access but has constany undermined my role as resident father parent sayi g lots of negative things about me to the kids ,today i received court papers her taking me to court for more access .theres currentlya court order in place but due to the childrens wishes not to see the mother this saturday due to her malicious emotional abuse im thinking of breaching the contact order and suspe ding contact until the court hearing case in 6 weeks time Can i do this as im worried for the girls emotional well being
Kev - 10-Oct-19 @ 10:29 PM
Hi there Despite my violent controlling ex Failing 4 drug and alcohol tests Admitting 10 accounts of domestic violience, 2 physical ( there were more) 8 instances of manipulation coercion and control He is seeing our 2 year old tomorrow under supervision I have PTSD symptoms. No emotional support Its ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.
Holl - 17-Jun-19 @ 3:06 PM
Looking for help on what I can do. I applied for a court order in November 2018 so I could get access to my youngest child as the mother would only give me access to my other two children. She then tock it back to court in March trying to change and cut my contact but the courts didn’t allow this and I gain a extra night with the children. I have found myself coming under a lot of verbal abuse from herself and her mother constantly and the children are witnessing this as it’s everytime I collect or drop off to her. I have my children asking to stay with me and does not want to go home. It’s my youngest child that is more happier to go back to her mum as she is the youngest and her mothers favourite child so I can see that my other children are being pushed out. I can’t afford legal assistant and I had to go to court on my own which I was very nervous about but would do it again for my children. I have reported to police and social services so many times on her behaviour and the effect that she is having on our children. Is there anyway that I can take this back to court and how and what can I do about her verbal abuse towards myself and is having a big effect on the children I do not know who to turn to and I don’t know what to do as it feels like am on my own and no one is listening to me. Any reply’s would be helpful Many thanks
Damo - 6-May-19 @ 5:07 PM
I am a victim of Domestic Violence, my husband left 10 years ago leaving behind our 3 children, with no help financially.In 2012 he was ordered by Court to pay Child Support, and I haven't received any support.I can't work because I'm afraid yo even leave my home, always afraid he's there to finish me off. I want a Divorce but I can't afford it, and I'm living with my in-laws because they have always helped out with my children. I need help, I want to be in my own house, but I don't believe that will ever happen. Please help me, I'm lost and don't understand why I'm not receiving help from what the court told him to do. Thank you for your time, God Bless
Mandy - 18-Apr-19 @ 7:59 AM
My X partner got put in jail for assault on me and my 15 year old daughter shes not his child, We do have a 5 year old child together he's named on birth certificate do i have sole prenatal care of my daughter, he hasnt seen her in 1 year since being released from prison, can i stop him having a say in her life thanks any advise were not married
Val - 11-Mar-19 @ 4:00 PM
I have a child arrangement order which states the child has to live with me. His mum. There is a supervision order in place so dad can see him at a contact center with a social worker at pre aranged times and date. But he hasnt been turning up. He also doesnt pay anything maitince. His dad is on his birth cert which means he has parental rights. My question is 1 do i have sole custody or do i need to apply for it And 2 if i want to move countrys with my child can his dad stop me?
Cal - 28-Dec-18 @ 11:07 PM
Hi there, I'm currently in a situation where I have recently broken up with my partner (daughters mum) because she was violent to me over the space of 18 months and on 3 occasions she assaulted me while she had hold of my daughter, aswell as controlling to the point were I was made to stop seeing my family and my daughter wasnt allowed near them, and if I contacted them it would lead to me being assaulted, and recently I stood up for myself and rang the police on her because she had held a knife over me because I had taken my daughter to see my mum, police have bailed her on a common assault charge with it being classed as domestic violence, social services aren't much help because it seems like they're on her side because she has mental health issues, I agreed to supervised visits for my ex with my daughter, but social are now saying she has the right to anything she wants, and they're making demands of me all the time and I feel like I'm still being controlled, is there anything I can do because Its my daughters safety and well bein I'm worried about, by being around my exs emotional state, her violence, aswell as her parents being alcoholics, violent and emotionally abusive towards my ex, aswell as them trying to take over how we raised our daughter
Dan1989 - 17-Dec-18 @ 11:42 PM
I have had an on and off relationship with my nearly 4 year old daughter’s father for 5 years. Over the time he has been very controlling, threatening and physically abusive. Just recently he has been cautioned for threats to kill. I have witnesses that heard me shouting I couldn’t breathe etc from a physical attack but he wasn’t convicted of abuse (annoyingly). However 6/7 months ago he was violent to me in front of our daughter and she notified her nursery key worker of this but I never took t further due to fear. Yesterday he tried to suffocate me but because there is only light marks on me the police say it’s my word against his. I am applying for a non-molestation order but don’t really know where I stand on future child access? Personally I don’t want him anywhere near our daughter because he has been violent in front of her, verbally abusive to me in front of her and threatens to kill me and actually tried to suffocate me until neighbours intervened. I just want some advice on where to go now.
A2A14 - 2-Dec-18 @ 11:35 AM
Hi I fell pregnant with my daughter back in 2017 and I didn't no I was in a abusive relationship till sadly after my daughter was born I have been hurt numerous amouts of time by him but his name on her birth certificate so I no he can take her anytime he wants. I have moved back home after the last case of physical abuse.i could take was that bad as I was holding my daughter in my arms and I just had to hope he didn't hurt her the police no about this but just told me to stay away from him and no contact and go to domestic counciling but now he wants to see her cause it's her birthday coming up and I'm so scared of him and his family turning up at my house again as last time they did I was almost attacked again. Police have been informed every time. But how can i keep her safe?
Vicky - 9-Nov-18 @ 8:46 PM
I am supporting a lady currently who is also supported by social services. She has fled a domestic abusive relationship and has asked social services not to reveal her new address They agreed at first, but then the health visitor commented that if the father had PR could we refuse to divulge the address. I suggested that the father could not insist that Social services reveal the address, but would have to apply to the courts to have that information. At that point the victim could point out to the court why she doesn't want her address to be known. Can someone clarify and perhaps direct me to this information so I can print it out and take it to the next meeting
Support worker - 24-Oct-18 @ 4:56 PM
Hi I was moved to a different city by social services as my ex partner was extremely violent he’s on the birth certificate and my child has he’s surname my children are subject to a child protection plan because ov the seriousness ov wat was happening over a year ov abuse n physical violence but have recently been advised he is trying for access is he likely to get access?
Claire - 14-Oct-18 @ 11:59 PM
Hi can anyone help me,me & my ex partner split up 4yrs ago.He got a court order to see our daughter about a year & half ago.starting off with contact at a center supervised then went onto get her every other weekend & 6 weeks out of the school holidays.He was extremely violent throughout our relationship & when my daughter stays at his it's just going from bad to worse with his violence to his girlfriend who he now has a son with plus her daughter living with them.police have been called numerous times (even on the weekends he has our daughter)& they have been threatened with social services.I said to him I don't think it's safe for our daughter to go to his home anymore but was told by him if i didn't send her he would get me arrested for breaching the order.who am I best contacting to get a stop to her having to go.I just feel helpless & even tho his girlfriend knows she's in a violent relationship & may lose her kids she's not willing to admit anything to anyone official as she doesn't want to lose her children
Kel - 1-Oct-18 @ 7:54 PM
I have a 7 year old daughter that is under the care of a social worker and pastoral care due to her father emotionally and psychologically abusing her. Her father keeps accusing my husband of physically hurting my daughter then makes her lie to the police and social workers who have now become aware that her father is manipulating her to do this. She is a very confused little girl that needs help due to her father's tactics. I have a child arrangements order but have ceased contact until our next court date which I applied for. I believe I am protecting my daughter from further potential harm, even phone calls and Skype he harassed my daughter and she comes off the phone/Skype confused. I need a helping hand as I feel out of my depth.
Emsie - 18-Sep-18 @ 8:36 PM
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