The Law and Single Fathers

ChildSupportLaws Editor 06/06/2026 at 9:15 am

@David Hang in there, David. Worth knowing that CMS uses a set formula based on your gross income, how many nights your son stays with you, and any other children you support, so the amount isn't arbitrary. Overnight stays reduce the payment, so make sure those weekends are counted properly. Have a word with Citizens Advice and Gingerbread (they specialise in single parents and know the CMS process inside out). Don't sit with the mental health side alone either; your GP can help.

David 04/06/2025 at 10:08 am

I’m reaching out to ask for support as a single father going through a very difficult time. I care deeply for my 10-year-old autistic son and am doing everything I can to provide for him and make his life as stable and comfortable as possible.

I currently have him in my care for three hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and every other weekend from Friday evening to Sunday night. While this time means everything to me, the situation surrounding it has become increasingly stressful—emotionally and financially.

I’ve recently learned that my ex-partner is planning to go through the Child Maintenance Service (CMS), and I’m incredibly worried about the impact this could have. If CMS imposes payments I can’t manage, I risk losing my home. More importantly, I may no longer be able to afford the things my son relies on—sensory items, routine tools, and other supports that help him feel secure and function well day-to-day.

The weight of this situation is becoming overwhelming. I’ve been experiencing levels of stress and anxiety I’ve never felt before, and it's beginning to take a toll on my mental health. I'm reaching out not only for practical advice or assistance, but also because I don’t want to go through this alone.

If there is any support your organization can offer—whether it’s advocacy, financial advice, or simply someone to talk to—I would be incredibly grateful. Even being pointed in the right direction would mean a lot.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I truly appreciate any help or guidance you’re able to provide.

D 23/07/2022 at 9:56 am

Hello, my ex and I split a year ago april and have now been divorced for around six months. I pay maintenance inline with csa recommendations and due to being a shift worker see my children every third weekend for 3 days and two nights and every weds overnight into Thursday. I pick up and drop off the kids myself, and when divorced game up the house and all the money I put in to keep my children settled in their home. After also clearly £15k of debt that was majority hers I’m getting asked for more money and too take time off work for when the kids are I’ll which I might not get paid for. Meaning making maintenance payments around sofa surfing and paying my parents when I use their property to have the kids is even more difficult when I will have less money to do so. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Mal 14/01/2021 at 9:41 am

Hi me and my partner split up in January of last year I'm on UC and have to make payments to her for my 3yr old son I've seen him only 8 times over the past year and she is using him as a weapon I've tried contacting her with no response only once and she threatened me with the police I want regular contact with my son I didn't even see him on his birthday she won't even give me face time nothing they have moved and I don't know where and if he was in my care and God forbid something went wrong I don't know his doctor his school

Cj 01/07/2020 at 10:36 pm

Hi. Me and my ex, parents of two kids split three years ago. As the kids are staying with their mother I as the father paying maintenance monthly feel that my ex is misusing the funds for personal use and less on the kids whilst she's employed and earning a decent salary aswell. This i was informed by our own kids whenever we would contact or visit each other. She would constantly be complaining that there's little or nothing at her place and most of the time just shortly after payday of which we both get paid on the same day. We had similar issues whilst we were together back then and she could never come clean on what or how she spent her finances. Please advise on the matter as this is effecting the kids dearly coz we would argue harshly whenever the truth needs to be heard...

Scott 28/07/2019 at 6:17 pm

Hi. I've been a single father for the last two years to my 2 year old daughter. I have her every Saturday and Sunday for approximately 5 - 8 hours a day, her mother has her Monday to Friday. I'm listed on the Birth Certificate and went to the signing so I'm under the impression that I qualify for Parental Rights/Responsibility. I fear that she may attempt to use my child as a weapon against me especially as she now lives with her fiancé. In the past she has stopped me from seeing my daughter for an entire weekend due to me having mental health issues which in no way affects my daughter and has done this without consulting Social Services etc. and sometimes dictates to me how she should be raised, where she'll be sent to school etc. She is classed as her main-carer.

Is she able to do this legally or is this something I should be concerned about?

Meet 18/03/2019 at 4:55 pm

My ex-girlfriend and I split up about 4 years ago when she met someone new. She married the guy and now she tells my daughter that this guy is her father. My daughter lives with her grandmother but every time I call she won't let me have any communication with my daughter and did sign the birth certificate. What do you suggest I do, to get my daughter back in my life?

Trevor 10/03/2019 at 5:08 pm

Hi I have my daughter every Monday, Wednesday, Friday for 3 hours and every other weekend. I drive but my ex doesn't I have asked her if she could drop our daughter off at my mums on a Wednesday meaning a 30 min walk and she is refusing.

what rights do I have?

Am i being unreasonable to ask her to do this once a week?

JS87 29/12/2018 at 2:55 pm

Hello
I am seperated from my children's Mother and my 2 boys live with me full time by private arrangement, she has not seen them for 2.5 years, pays no maintenance and shows no interest in them.
My partner and I raise the children but are not yet married, though have been together for c. 5 years. How can I obtain PR for my partner. We do plan on marrying but are saving to do so, rather than rushing it just to obtain PR.

Chris78 13/11/2018 at 12:41 pm

I am currently in dispute with my wife over the payment of monies regarding our children. I have the children alternating Friday & Saturday's, sunday night & Wednesday night. I pay my wife a days maintenance as well as her collecting sll the benefits. I have long argued that my wife should be buying clothes & paying for school dinners, hair cuts & school uniforms. But she insists that on top of the money I pay I should also be paying towards all the items listed and more. Please can you tell me who is right, if at all either of us are.
Thsnks

Ajterry 22/10/2018 at 1:33 am

I am fortunate enough to have both my daughters in my full time care due to a useless mother. She does not provide for my 2 children or even send cards on their birthdays but social services are still will to pay for her to see her children knowing she is not providing or supporting them with anything and that I am still paying bills from a house that she kicked me out of and couldn't manage her bills to then be told by child matinece if I want to claim I would first have to pay out to get started and as me and their mother are not on speaking terms if she misses payments have been told I will have to pay a missed payment fee it's so one sided great job to all you dad's that are revolving your life around making time for your children and providing (probably for their mums luxury items and nights out while your in all weekend with your kids) equal rights I think us as men are now on the other side of unfairness against men

Carl 14/09/2018 at 3:50 pm

Hi, I've been separated from my daughters mother for 2 years. Access was initially 2 alternate weeks, one week my daughter was with me Friday and Saturday nights, the next it would be Thursday and Sunday, so we would each get a weekend to ourselves. Our daughter was in nursery, and everything worked fine.
I was required to work one Saturday morning a month, which slotted in no problem on one of my free weekends, my ex worked alternate weekend short shifts while I had our daughter. We would swap and change days around quite regularly to accommodate each others plans. This lasted well over a year.
My Saturday shift was then changed to every 3rd week, and the trouble started. My ex retorted with "that just doesn't work, she's with you every Saturday and Sunday now, that's it". And I went along with it, also seeing her for a few hours on a set weeknight. I have been attempting to build a relationship over the last 6 months with a new partner, but in that time have only managed one full weekend together, having to make do with a weeknight, where I'm up early for work, and a Friday where I'm either still picking my daughter up in the early afternoon, or working again first. This is always at her house, as she has a 5yr old son, who sees his dad once a week, and she works full time and employs childminders where necessary. It's been a struggle nonetheless, but I've done my best to not rock the boat with my ex, and put my daughter first.
My ex now has a new job, requiring her to work 1pm until 5:30pm. She has dictated that her mum will collect our daughter Monday to Wednesday at 3:15 pm, and myself Thursday and Friday from after school club at 5, her mum cannot do these pick ups as she already looks after her sisters children on those nights. She also wants me to now switch everything around, have my daughter every Friday and alternate Saturdays, and she can't stay out on a school night. We literally live 5 minutes walk from both each other and the school. I have tried to put forward options of rotas that still have me doing the lion share of weekends, but not every single Friday, and these are being flat out rejected.
My long-winded question is, can she do this? If I've presented other options, that are only being knocked back on her opinion that it's not in our daughters best interest to stay at mine on a weeknight, do I have any grounds to refuse? She has taken on a job without checking any part of it first, and expects me to just fall in line, and basically have no life of my own, while she has 6 of every 8 weekend nights free and works part time. That can't really be considered a balance can it? The sticking point is literally a 2 hour window on a Friday before she finishes work. Surely it's not unreasonable to say that can be covered by childcare? I'm offering to do some but not all Fridays, but along with weeknights so I still have my daughter twice a week. It's her stubbornness on that that's stopping any progress.

Any he

ChildSupportLaws Editor 22/06/2018 at 3:42 pm

I am sorry to hear this. whichshould tell you all you need to know.

Will 20/06/2018 at 9:23 pm

Hi,
My ex-partner and l split before our daughter was born (her decision). My ex deliberately kept me off the birth certificate and l have no parental rights even though lm not a criminal, l don't do drugs or drink alcohol to excess etc and have done nothing wrong. I have always paid child maintenance and never missed a payment. We agreed through mediation that l would see my daughter once a week but it was initially just for 1hr but now it's for 5hrs. My daughter will be 5 next month and lm hoping to ask for my name to go on the birth certificate. I also wish to increase my time with my daughter. Just wondering what l could do if she refuses the birth certificate or the increased access? Thanks.

Judeb Editor 30/04/2018 at 2:59 pm

@Brummie - it's the children who are put first by CMS not the mothers - it just seems like it's the mothers who are favoured as it's the mothers who generally still look after the kids.

Brummie 28/04/2018 at 11:14 pm

Is seems like the law is all in the mothers favour, emotionally n financially...unfair system..

ChildSupportLaws Editor 17/04/2018 at 11:47 am

If you are named on the birth certificate and have parental responsibility of your son, you can challenge this. Even if you do not have PR of your son, you can challenge your ex's decision through the courts. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.

Rod 16/04/2018 at 4:29 pm

My ex is dying of terminal cancer which is as sad as can be .but now she's told me that she's giving guardianship of our 15 year old son to her brother I see my son every weekend take him to football have no criminal record just wanted to know if she can legally do this

ChildSupportLaws Editor 26/03/2018 at 10:08 am

If you wish to apply for your child to live with you permanently and your ex disagrees, you would have to apply for a child arrangement order which will determine with whom your child should live. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. If your son is in school in the UK and you have had him for a while, plus his family is in the UK, then you stand a good chance of being awarded residency. Your ex has effectively given up her primary carer status if she has left him with you to care for your son for longer than what could be determined as a holiday.

Donn 24/03/2018 at 5:55 pm

Hi Im an unmarried single dad and sole supporting for my only son living with me temporarily this time because the mother is working overseas in the middle east but we have broke up cut our communications last two years ago and she's enjoying her single life out there with other man. Since the unmarried father is a "lose-lose priority" in the law when the mother goes home. How can I fight my right as a father aside from child support and visitation rights? Can she restricts me in having my son live with me since she haven't showed her support with us through the years.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 23/02/2018 at 12:41 pm

You can see whichwhich will tell you all you need to know about how to gain access. In the first place, a solicitor's letter outlining your rights as the father of your child may bring your ex to the table to negotiate access.

WaTiff 22/02/2018 at 10:49 pm

I had a girlfriend with whom we had a daughter. After jointly taking care of her for one and a half years, my girlfriend left for another man cut our communications. I have tried to reach her atleast to see my daughter and fulfil my paternal responsibilities but she never picks my calls. What should I do to bond with my daughter? I fear she might suffer without my awareness. I need to know how she's doing

ChildSupportLaws Editor 23/01/2018 at 12:59 pm

He can, but it is unlikely a court would allow this. You as the mother have the final decision on what surname you wish to call your child.

Emess 22/01/2018 at 11:38 pm

Hi
Can my unmarried baby’s father apply to the court to have our child bearing his surname?
Thanks

ChildSupportLaws Editor 15/01/2018 at 1:56 pm

I assume your ex is the day-to-day 'primary carer' of your child? Or do you have shared-care? Also, is your ex the one who claims child benefit? If so, then he is classesd as the primary carer. If as the primary carer, is is restricting access, then your only option is to request your ex attends mediation in order to establish some sort of weekly routine and care of your child. Your ex has no right to request that your new partner does not have contact. However, if he is attempting to forbid this and is restricting access as a result, then your only option is to apply to court in order to establish what the court thinks is in the best interests of your child.

JC19 14/01/2018 at 6:29 pm

Hi,
My question is a bit personal, so I won’t go into too much detail. I have a 6year old and a new partner. My ex won’t allow me to take my child out with my new partner or allow me to take them out on my own, for insecurity reasons. Now as the Mum I know I have rights, but I also know he has his rights as a father. I’m not interested in child maintenance, I work nights so he has more responsibility through the week while I’m at work. He doesn’t work so personally I think that works in his favour. What is getting to me and is effecting my life with my child is that he keeps throwing rules down and things I can and can’t do. It’s like I have to bow down to his rule when it comes down to our child. But I’m at a loss really. I don’t know the full ins and outs of it all. I know as the Mum I have full responsibility, and I know he has too being the father on the birth certificate. But I can’t seem to move on with my life without him stopping me from spending time with my child, weather it’s on my own or with my partner. I feel as though I’m living two lives and it’s not only unhealthy for me but confusing for my child. What makes it more difficult is that I have recently given up my rented home to save for a mortgage. So it makes my situation a little difficult.

Phil 30/12/2017 at 5:03 pm

I've got a 10 week baby and my ex hadn't let me see her for 4 weeks now . I was paying her money directly then she went to CSA behind my back the day before I got paid so now I'm liable to pay for the same month twice. I amicably asked for the money back then she cut contact saying she's seeking legal advice. Will it go against her when it reaches court as she's having none of it about mediation. All I want is access to my daughter and bond with her and I feel like she's using her a weapon and meal ticket.

Kind regards

Phil

George 20/12/2017 at 11:26 am

i split up with me ex when my 2 children were 2 and 9 months. the reason we split was because i found out she was doing cocaine. we never went to court for anything and agreed amicably on when i would see the children.
now she is trying to dictate when i can and cant see them, She is a stay at home single mum, i work full time. But would me mentioning the Cocaine make a difference in court, i don't want to get nasty and spiteful about it, but i want to see my children at least every other weekend, and she is trying to make it 1 weekend a month or every 3 weeks.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 08/12/2017 at 11:15 am

If you cannot agree between you, then you would have to arrange to try to resolve this issue via mediation. The last resort is court. It is never a good idea to take a child without the other parent's consent as this can backfire. You would need to come to a compromise. There are two parents in most families to bring a child up. If Saturday is your usual day of taking your child and has been previously, then the mother may expect you to work around this, as a primary carer would. You don't say what the situation is regarding why your ex requires you to take your child on a Saturday. But if it is a case that she has to work also, then it would be unfair to prioritise yourself as the one who needs to work first. Fair negotiation is needed here.

Callun 07/12/2017 at 1:10 pm

Hi,
I have been working on the railway for 4 months now and the work is not regular enough for me to arrange dates as to when I have my son. I normally work on a Saturday guaranteed and my son's mother knows this, but yet she insisted I have the day off to have my son and obviously I responded with "I cannot afford to take the day off" she told me then that I have blown my last chance at seeing him, I've let him down, I am a waste of space and plenty of other inappropriate things. I want to know is she allowed to restrict me from access or do I have the rights go and take him for a couple of days? Everything is settled between us and I am paying direct to her through CMS I also signed the birth certificate at the same time.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 04/12/2017 at 3:18 pm

You would have to speak to Department for Work & Pensions directly. Your ex should not be claiming for a child /children who do not live with her.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 04/12/2017 at 12:47 pm

You must get the permission of everyone with parental responsibility for a child or from a court before taking your child abroad. If your ex refuses, you would have to apply through the courts for a Specific Issue Order. Specific Issue Orders, much like the name suggests, are orders sought from the family court to determine a particular matter in connection with the exercise of parental responsibility. These orders can cover a wide range of issues that you and your ex-partner cannot agree on. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.

Jj 03/12/2017 at 9:17 pm

Myself and my ex split up along time ago we have a son whose 10, I have parental responsibility she has had my son and her other kids took off her under child protection plan, she is still getting her income support and other money's for kids and refusing to give me anything for our son, I'm not bothered about me getting the money but is she still in her rights to receive that money when only having our son 6 hours a week.?

Mike 02/12/2017 at 5:55 pm

Hi I'm a single father 2 children who live with me full time. They see their mum every other week end.I'm am looking to take them on hoilday to Australia their mum has said no. Am I alowed to take them on holiday with Me? And can she stop them from going they are 8 and 10.Kind regards Michael

Dave 19/11/2017 at 9:54 pm

Hi I I have had 50/50 split custody of my daughter for the past 2 years since I split from my ex when my daughter was about 18 months.
My daughter will be starting school September 18, I have recently found out my ex has taken it upon her self to enroll her in a school where she live with out consaulting me. I want watsbest firmy daughter and not being involved with this decision I was not happy. When I confronted her over this she told me she’s going to see someone over this and wants to go to court. Everything up till now has be amicable and verbale agreed only no Court orders. Where do I stand on this issues as I feel I should have be consulted on all matter from doctors to school, anything that involves my daughter? Please help many thanks

ChildSupportLaws Editor 03/11/2017 at 3:38 pm

Child maintenance and child access have no bearing on each other and should be treated separately. For instance, if a non-resident parent (ie father) is out of work, then it would be unfair to punish both him and/or your children by restricting access if he cannot pay. Therefore, these two issues should be separated. If your children's father is deliberately not paying child maintenance, then you should take this matter up with him directly, or via CMS who can attempt to extract the money from him. However, if you restrict access on the basis of him not paying, then he would be able to apply to court to have access reinstated. Children should not be used as financial weapons and a court would not condone these actions. Although, if was seen to be deliberately avoiding paying when he is earning a living and paying tax via HMRC, then a court can place a child maintenance order on him at the same time.

Lynne 03/11/2017 at 11:57 am

Does my x have the right to see my children if he is not paying maitence

JaKE Editor 23/10/2017 at 9:32 am

@C Davies - I had to comment on your post as what a difficult time this must be for you, especially as you have just got residency and to receive this bomshell out of the blue. Go and see a family law solicitor, mine was great as she knew every angle. I really hope this is a case of your ex telling an outright lie because she is hurt and angry. Do you think your son is your son? Have you ever had any doubts before? Does he look like you? If you are on the birth certificate and have brought your son up since birth and you now have residency then you should stand a good chance of being able to continue to bring up your child, but I hope it doesn't come to this.

C Davis 22/10/2017 at 12:36 am

Hi
I recently got custody of my son from my ex. Basically to cut a very long story short she left me for someone else took my son and then basically stopped sending him to school and generally wasn't putting him first.
So I got joint parental responsibility and residency she was seeing him weekend and collecting from school this all happened in June this year.
Then 3vweeks into the school holiday she takes an overdose. So now there are safeguarding issues so I stopped her seeing him on her own and made surecaomeone was with her when she saw him.
Now after 5 months she says he's not my son
My name is on the birth certificate and he's also got my last name.
I have practically raised him since he was born he's 6 now.
I'm going back to court to get the order changed but she's now saying she wants a DNA test.
My question is. IF he isn't mine how do i stand legally?
Could I adopt him as mine as my name is on the birth certificate and she basically signed him over to me when we went to court?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 06/10/2017 at 11:43 am

A non-association and/or place restriction order may be imposed where the court is satisfied that it is reasonably necessary to do so to ensure that the offender does not commit any further offences. However, this is an NZ law, and we are a UK-based site, so I'm afraid we cannot advise. You would have to seek legal guidance in your own country.

Chris 05/10/2017 at 3:27 pm

HI there me and my partner have separated and she has turn nasty on me and issued me with a non acosication order to my daughter and now I can not see her atm what is the best way to go about this because it's so frustrating that I can not see her please help

ChildSupportLaws Editor 19/09/2017 at 2:43 pm

In cases such as this, mediation is a good option here. It is understandable if your son is young and you may be breast feeding. Staggered access is not an unreasonable proposition. It is in both your best interests to let your ex have a good amount of time with your son and get to know him properly if it is going to build to more access in the future. Therefore, trying to negotiate a fair agreement will not be penalised by the courts.

Donna 17/09/2017 at 2:35 pm

Me and my baby's father have split. My son is 10 weeks old. He wants me to hand him over and let him have access to him away from me from a Friday to a Sunday every other weekend, so this inudes overnight stays. Would a court rule in his favour with my son being so small? I've offered him to come to my house every Monday and Wednesday evening and every other weekend for a few hours. And build contact up gradually. He has never got up to our son during the night so I'm reluctant to let him have him overnight just yet.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 24/08/2017 at 12:07 pm

As your son is now 15, the court will take his opinion on board (especially if your son is not your ex's biological son). Your ex doesn't really have grounds to force this issue. As a rule a court will treat all siblings the same where an ex is willing or wanting to continue to have contact with a non-biological child, especially when the biological children are continuing to see their non-resident parent and the NRP has brought the child up as their own. However, if your son no longer wishes to stay with your ex, then this should be made known in court. Citizens Advice will be able to help further, as may Child Law Advice here .

Mich 23/08/2017 at 1:13 pm

My ex partner and I separated in Feb 2013, we have children together and I have a 15 year old son from a previous relationship.
Our relationship lasted 6 and a half years before it ended.
Our relationship since it ended has been very hostile and so contact between us has been very minimal.

I have received a date to attend court regarding my 15 year old being forced to stay with my ex partner every Wednesday and 3 Saturdays a month.
Does he have any right to do this?
I have a separate hearing for our other children which I have been expecting.
But I am very confused as to why my ex believes he has a right to force my 15 year old to stay with him against his wishes especially with him not being his biological parent?
I have not tried to stop contact or limit it at all I always try to encourage my son to have contact with him but being a teenager I don't feel that he should be forced by anyone.

Any advice on this would really be appreciated.
I cannot afford solicitors costs and am not entitled to any help via legal aid and so I will be standing alone in court in 2 weeks time.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 04/07/2017 at 3:02 pm

If your child's father has parental responsibility, then you would have to ask his consent, for more information.

Clark 24/06/2017 at 8:29 pm

Me and my baby's dad split up when baby was 18 months old he is now 4 for the past years I've gave him more chances than ever. He would sometimes not turn up, or turn up high as a kite or pick him up for an hour ring me complain and bring him back.

For the last 9 months I've had no contact me or my son from him or his family his moved in with his new girlfriend (not legit) and her baby. He has paid me about £100 in the whole 4 years.
I've tried to take him to csa but because his not living with her legit and working cash it hand so tax man won't find him I'm on a nil rate from him which is a joke
Anyway long story short I want to change his surname because he don't pay or see his kid, he maybe 4 but he knows his dads a let down as he tells me ?? Is there a way I can do this without his consent because I know he won't let me

john 20/06/2017 at 12:19 am

I am looking for a group that advocates for dads to have shared custody of kids. I really need this for my emotional well being. I need a group that I can talk to help me make sense why a woman would take kids away from a devoted father.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 24/03/2017 at 2:54 pm

Your ex can use another name unofficially i.e through school and GP etc, without having to seek authorisation from you as their father (if you have parental responsibility). However, if she wished to change your children's name via Deed Poll, then she would have to seek your consent and if you refuse, apply to court. for more information.

Phill 24/03/2017 at 1:11 pm

Me and my ex partner separated many years ago and we had two children, we never married but the children are mine and had my name on there birth certificates. After not having any content with my children in 11 years I found out that my ex partner (there mother) has changed the kids surnames in to hers! Does she have the legal right to do so without my knowledge or permission? Because I'm still paying for CSA for children not in my name!
Any help would go a long way.

Ren 05/03/2017 at 10:04 pm

Hello. Me and my sons mother have been split up since he was three months old he is now six. I have always had regular contact and paid money dorectly to the mother without any problems. Although lately she has been cancelling me seeing my son last min if she decides she wants to something with him instead which i find distressing and upsetting. I have also been asking for my son to stay with me overnight which he wants to but the mother is always coming up with excuses and saying she is nervous about him staying overnight without giving me reason as to why. I dont know where to go from here as i feel like im hitting my head against a brick wall. Also her mother and father step in and are the ones to inform me when she cancels on me and i i know if i bring up the subject of speaking to a solicitor she will have her mum and dad do the dirty work of dealing with it rather than her!! Help

ChildSupportLaws Editor 28/02/2017 at 11:29 am

If you have Parental Responsibility, you have every right to speak to the school regarding this.

Dave 27/02/2017 at 3:18 pm

My wife and I divorced 4 years ago and did nt obtain any parental agreements from court. Slowly over the past years I have been seeing less and less of my daughter as her mother has said it was our daughters decision not see me so much. I have today been told by my ex that because I told her off last week that she does nt want to see me any more. She got upset in school and spoke with a mentor and has decided not to see me.
What rights do I have to speak to the school mentor and do I have rights to know what my daughter has been advised?

Tomcat 10/02/2017 at 1:10 pm

HI there, I wanted to know where I stand on something! I have two children now aged 15,17. Both me and there mother split many years ago after here running away with someone else. Since then I've never seen or heard from them! I have a postal address (which I believe is her mother's) but even when I send letters and cards I received nothing! My question is that does she have any legal right without my permission to change the childrens surname? I've recently found out my children have been raised and schooled up in her surname, yet it's my name on there birth certificates! I've also been amd still am paying the CSA for them! Any help or advice will go a long way

ChildSupportLaws Editor 24/01/2017 at 12:00 pm

I'm afraid we cannot predict whether your ex will be awarded parental responsibility (as a rule PR is generally awarded). However, PR does not guarantee parental access and it is here where you would have to convince the courts it is not in your son's best interests that access is awarded, should your ex decide to pursue the matter through the courts.

Katie 23/01/2017 at 3:18 pm

Hi, quick question. My son's father is not on his birth certificate and has provided very little for him financially, emotionally or physically. I have now had enough of trying to make him see he is a father and showing him how to take responsibility. My son is now 8 and this has been going on for the last 5 years and I'm at breaking point. He treats by son so badly and my son has a step father (my other 2 children's father) who has brought him up since birth and looked after him like his own. I want to now cut contact in hope that he does take me to court to fight for his son but knowing that he will not do this... the was I see it is that my son's emotional wellbeing is more important to me than this man that sees him one a month for 8 hours and refuses to be the father my son deserves. Legally can he just take me to court for assess and to gain parental responsibility? Would this be judge on the last 5 years of his actions?

Asdf 30/12/2016 at 2:46 am

Hi. Myself and my girlfriend of 6 years have recently split. We have a 3 year old son and we jointly registered his birth in England. I'm named on the birth cert. The split has, so far, been amicable. I'm Irish and my ex seems somewhat open to the idea of me moving back and taking our son. Is this possible? Is there a process that we need to go through?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 31/10/2016 at 12:01 pm

If you are the resident parent then it is up to you whether you grant access to your ex. If you refuse, and your ex objects to this, she would be able to apply to court. Whether the court issues her with unsupervised access will be dependent upon the circumstances and whether the court thinks it is in the best interests of your child. Before the matter went to court, Cafcass would get involved and write a report, From the interviews they conduct, the Cafcass reporter will determine two things: whether there should be contact allowed, and, if so, how much. It’s a measure of how important the Cafcass recommendation is that the court will almost invariably adhere to it. It’s their job to interview both parents in the case, as well as the children, and any others who might be needed, which could mean social workers, medical professionals, or relatives. If your ex does wish to pursue the matter through the courts, it may be worth you applying to the court for a residency order, which means the court will determine who your daughter should live with on a full-time basis, which is highly likely to be you, as it is rare the courts would take a child from one parent and hand them over to the non-resident parent (except in extreme cases). Therefore, if your child is happy and content, then this won't be an issue. A residency order in your favour will mean that as your ex has parental responsibility, she will not be able to refuse to hand your child back to you, if she decided she wanted to keep her (if she has PR and there is no residency order she could keep your child and the police could not get involved). As you explained, you excercised your own PR rights when you were concerned about your child's welfare and took her from your ex. I hope this helps answer your question. You may also wish to seek some legal advice.

DDDDD 30/10/2016 at 7:59 pm

Me and my daughters mother split up in august 2015. By september she had gone off the rails by taking drugs so i took my daughter to live with me. Her mother is hoping to have her at weekends but she still takes drugs, her family take and sell drugs, her house is rotten, she has been sectioned 3 times in 10 years under mental health act due to drugs use. My daughter, since living with me, has not missed a day of school, been punctual. Her teachers have noticed a marked improvement in her attitude, happiness, appearence. Social services are no longer involved as they was happy that she was with me and com0leted all relevant assessments. The told me i dont have to seek full custody unless my ex goes down this route. Where do i stand as a father with parental rights.

DD 30/10/2016 at 7:53 pm

Me and my daughters mother split up in august 2015. In september 2015 my ex was back into drugs so i took my daughter to live with me. My ex has been sectioned 3 times under mental health act over the past 10 years and still uses drugs as do her family. I was informed by social services that i do not need to seek full custody as they were happy that i had done the right tbing and that my daughter was in the right placr. Social servicrs are no longer involved. My ex is hoping she can have our daughter at weekends but i dont want this due to the drugs/people who frequent her home (again drugs) and the state of the house. My daughters school has noticed a massive improvement in her happiness, punctuality, appearance and education since ahe came luving with me and has also never missed a day of school. Where do i stand as a father with parental responsibility?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 28/09/2016 at 12:39 pm

Much depends upon whether you register him as the father on the birth certificate. If you do not, then he does not have any rights and should he choose will have to apply for those rights via court. If you do not register his name, then should he try to take yours/his child from you, the police can get involved. However, if he is registered as the father, it means he automatically is awarded parental responsibility and should he try to take the child, the police cannot intervene and you would have to take the matter to court to have your child returned (should for any reason he refuse to hand him/her back). Please be aware, it is 'extremely' rare a father will try to take the child and only in very isolated incidences does this happen.

Maddie 27/09/2016 at 1:16 pm

Hi,
I became pregnant by accident during a very short relationship which ended due to the father being very obsessive and can become verbally abusive when i rebuke his affections - something i have no interest in as we simply would not work as he scares me, this would not be a healthy environment for my first child. Had anyone got any advice as to my rights regarding surname and also whether he has the power to try and take my child from me? He has become very threatening because i have had to put my foot down as he wont allow me any space from him and i am only 3 months into pregnancy, the stress is causing me lack of sleep and stomach cramps.
Can somebody shine some light on my rights as everything ive looked into only refers to partners?
Thanks

ChildSupportLaws Editor 13/09/2016 at 12:20 pm

You would need to take the matter to court in order to apply for a child arrangement order, please see gov.uk link here which will determine who your child should live with. If you are now considered the primary carer then you can apply for child benefit directly.

Bobskie 12/09/2016 at 4:00 pm

I have full parental rights as a father yet my ex partner had gave my son to my sister on a temporary basis on which I now have him living with me and I've bn in his life for three years since his birth.his mother started to relapse on drugs and I'm just wanting to no what can I do if she ever try's to come to my house to take him because she is also very manipulative and plays the claim game ever so well.i have already recieved legal aid for a matter that happened months ago becausecshevattacjed me also in which I had to restrain her and the police were envolved.it was after that when she relapsed and now I have my son and I'm in the birth certificate so what rights do i have to keep her away and can I now claim for his child benefit thanks

ChildSupportLaws Editor 06/09/2016 at 2:21 pm

Yes, you should take the matter to court and apply for a child arrangement order which will determine who your child should live with, As your ex has parental responsibility she can legally keep your child if she wishes and the police cannot intervene. However, if you apply through the courts and you are granted the order, then the police can get involved and return your daughter to you, should your ex decide to try and keep her. I suggest you seek legal advice in order to explore your options.

jay3313 06/09/2016 at 2:16 am

Hi, me and my ex split 4 months ago, a few weeks after breaking up she called me screaming that she had `had enough and wanted our three yr old daughter to come and live with me and she was leaving her at her nans and i have to go and get her this really upset me because she has 2 other children and felt like she was singleing my daughter out because she was mine, i informed the socialservice and the council and she explained to them this is whatshe wanted, now my daughters living with me we decided she wud have her over night once a week. but after a disergrement she said she txt me sayin shes gonna get her back n make sure i never see her again. im now too scared too let my daughter stay with her. if she does decide to not give her back is there anything i can do or is there any sort of order i can get to stop her doing it or shall i say no overnight stays????

ChildSupportLaws Editor 30/08/2016 at 10:26 am

I am sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, we cannot really comment on this if Social Services are involved and it has put forward reasons why your child should remain with foster parents. I can only suggest you seek legal advice to see whether you have an options to challenge the decision.

HandE 29/08/2016 at 6:25 am

I found out earlier this year that I have a 4 month old daughter who has been in care from birth I've had a parenting assessment done which was good but because of my past they (social services) recommended to the court that my daughter not live with me which I have challenged but they are not changing their recommendation surly they should of at least tried to work with me to be a parent instead of wanting my child to be fostered they will have had 6 months to do so or do they have the right to not work towards keeping a child and father together?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 01/07/2016 at 12:43 pm

I am very sorry to hear this. However, if you do not have parental responsibility, then you theoretically have no legal rights. But due to the fact you have raised the children as your own, and have had a solid imput into their lives, you may have a case. Therefore, I suggest you seek legal advice.

bam bam 30/06/2016 at 6:16 pm

I met my partner when she had her children taken by the social services and was being put up for adoptshon. I helped her turn her life around .we won the children back I was allowed to go to contact with her the very first time I seen them I knew iwas in love with them we got them back when they was 7mounths old and since they could talk they have always been there daddy they are 6years old my partner said I cant see them no moore. can someone help me have I got any rights as a step farther

Worriedmoneydaddy 18/06/2016 at 5:56 pm

As a divorced dad, can I have access to my child's bank account although my ex-wife set it up in his name in her bank?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 03/06/2016 at 1:44 pm

All non-resident parents should pay maintenance so support their children, that includes mothers as well as fathers. However, if you have never made a claim you cannot claim for retrospective payments. You would have to begin a new claim and while your daughter is still in school you can do that. You may wish to give the CMS a call for some free advice

Armz 02/06/2016 at 10:48 pm

I have always been a single dad and have raised my daughter on my own, from the age of 7 my girlfriend and now my wife helped to raise my daughter and only recently, my daughter made contact with her paternal mother and wanted closure and a little more contact, this has been the case for the last 9 months but recently the novelty has worn off from her mother and my daughter feels the same, my daughter will be 16 in 8 months and in all those years gone by without her paternal mother I was never entitled to any financial support, is there a rule where the mother has to pay maintainance,.?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 19/05/2016 at 12:51 pm

If you are thinking of keeping your children without your ex's consent I strongly advise against this. If both parents have Parental Responsibility then the police 'cannot' intervene to take the child off one parent and give them to the other as the police cannot choose between parents, that is the remit of the courts. However, if you do not have PR, then the police can get involved and return your children to their primary carer. If either the matter has to go to court, or the police get involved this could backfire on you and your future access to your children. So, while it may seem like a good idea in the first instance, I advise you to think of the long term consequences of any such action. If you wish to keep your children for a longer period and your ex refuses, then I suggest you either speak to a solicitor, or apply through the courts for a Specific Issue Order. I hope this helps.

J20 18/05/2016 at 6:35 pm

Hi am i allowed to keep my chilren for upto 1 month

Dan 08/05/2016 at 8:35 pm

Hi I have a 4 year old lovely boy and love being a dad . I see him every other weekend I do everything I can to make his time special. He wants to see me more he tells all time misses me it breaks my heart when he goes home Sunday tea time. She won't let me take hhim on holiday in a caravan this year and hurting him so much. He has asthma as well I took him to a walk in centre to get a inhaler for my house and spacer cause his chest was bad. Lady nurse told me he needed it and on her screen it said last time given it was last June 2015. I'm brilliant dad on birth certificate work hard pay maintenance as well. Her mum's a p c s o officer I contacted her frequently to ask when I'm next seeing him and arrangements with my lad straight after we split. She has someone and I do now my lads in the middle and loves both new partners. I was whacked with a harassment order for 5 years from police nobody listened to my story just cause its easy today to stop a dad a good one with an order. What can I do its been 2 years just over we haven't been together. Been to court with her and have in writing just Sunday's but she's given me more . But didn't get choice in his school picking or how his health is I'm worried I'm 29 secure job good person and dads don't get listened to enough . Every drop offs with my lad my mum does and picks up as well only time I pick him up is from nursery on a Friday after work please someone help me my boys my world and cry striaght after when he doesn't wanna leave after lovely weekends thanks dan

Becca 23/04/2016 at 6:12 pm

Hello i was with my childrens father for 6 years. We recently split up as he has been cheating on me. He said his going to court to get full custody of the children because i smoke in the flat. Is he able to do that? Im not saying i will not let him see them but i dont want him to get full custody. He has scared me and i dont know what to do i love my children with all my heart

ChildSupportLaws Editor 22/04/2016 at 3:05 pm

The CMS calculator here will outline the amount you have to pay based on your earnings. If you can't sort your issues out via Mediation, then you will have to take the matter to court.

Chelseaboy18 22/04/2016 at 11:46 am

Hi There

I split up with my ex partner a few months back and we have a beautiful little boy together who i love and adore. Im Self employed with a basic salary of £400 a month and then commision based there after? I Have given her drips and drabs of money when i can afford it as i have my own 1 bedroom flat to sustain too, how much csa do i have to pay? some i have given her is cash and some bank transfer but i have refused to pay anymore until she allows me to see my son on agreed terms rather than her terms. She lives with her parents with our son. I work 6 days a week and always have and she is becomming more and more difficult on when i can see him. 9/10 she always made plans to go out with him on a sunday which is my only day off, she is now however getting better and making plans throughout the week. We are just starting mediation as i want something firmly in place to see my son every sunday from 10am-5pm and every other saturday for him to stay at mine. This is all i ask as a father so i get to spend quality time with my little boy. But at the moment if he sats at mine on a saturday night i have to have him home by 10am on a sunday... Now im not being funny i see him for like an hour or two the saturday night before he goes to sleep and for a hour or two on the sunday morning? i for one am not standing for this anymore as i believe its unfair... if i have him a sunday where he hasnt stayed at mine im only allowed to have him from 10am 3 pm as she starts work at 5?

I am well aware most fathers wouldnt bother after a break up but i am because i love my little boy. i have recently moved on and met a new partner and she is fully understanding but i keep receiveing nasty texts from my ex and like late at night whilst trying to settle my partners son... I'm really stuck guys and any help would be greatly appreciated

Many Thanks

ChildSupportLaws Editor 20/04/2016 at 1:54 pm

If the children are currently living with you and you are afraid your ex may take the children to live with her without your consent then you can apply through the courts for a child arrangement order, I hope this helps.

N/A 19/04/2016 at 5:41 pm

Hi! I have 2 kids with woman I didn't marry and I'm in full suport of the kids, now the problem is the mother is married to another man and they want to take the kids to their place..... Is it posible tht I can have my kids to my home?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 22/03/2016 at 2:41 pm

This type of question is always a tricky one to answer as it is taking a relationship based on trust to possibly creating discord. Is this something you could talk to your ex about? You could perhaps draw and agreeement up via mediation. Failing that, you would have to apply through the courts for a child arrangement order. As your ex has parental responsibility, then she could keep your son, please see link: What Happens If My Ex Keeps the Children Without My Consent? here. However, unless she has shown signs of wanting to do this, then you may have to base your relationship on trust.

Si 20/03/2016 at 8:23 pm

I would like to ask, I have had my son in my care now for over a year after my partner left me. She sees him roughly once a week for a few hours. She has admitted to me that she doesn't want to be a full time parent and is happy being there part time for him. I have evidence of all this via message screenshots etc.
My worry is that at any point she could decide to come back and take him off me and i don't want that at all. We have an amazing relationship and i give him the stability he needs. Is it worth filing for custody as it is a genuine concern that she could turn up out of the blue and take him from me.

gbj 20/03/2016 at 8:01 pm

Hi I have my daughter living with me full time, her mother has neglect her and not turned up to meet ect multiple times. Now she is demand to see my daughter. I have been talking to solicitor about residential orders but they keep telling me leave it for the moment. It's a worry for she has never had time for my daughter put herself first and do sent always show up. Is it possible to apply for a order without a solicitor

ChildSupportLaws Editor 01/02/2016 at 11:31 am

Legal Aid is not so easy to come by these days, and your ex would have to fulfil certain criteria, I'm afraid we cannot say whether she will be granted overnight stays. As you may know, if it goes to court then your case will have to go through Cafcass first who will conduct a report, which the court generally adheres to.

Daddy 31/01/2016 at 1:26 pm

Hi I have taken full care of my 2 children for 5 years now, my ex was on drugs and preferred to party than care for them. One year ago we went to court because she decided she want to come back into their lives. The court insisted on supervised visits at first progressing to 4 hours every other Saturday. The children have now built some sort of relationship with her now however she continues to let them down with false promises and lies. She is now saying she wants over night stays however her current boyfriend has a criminal record and their 2 year old was on a child protection order due to domestic violence 18 months ago . This is no longer in place but however this is still a concern for myself and the children's step mother. She doesn't contribute to the children's upbringing financially and is threatening to take us back to court to enforce this. She will probably get legal aid however we will not be able to. How do I stand? Will she be able to be granted overnight stays.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 04/01/2016 at 9:53 am

You can apply to the court for a Residency (Child Arrangement) Order, see gov.uk whichObviously your concern may be whether or not to let sleeping dogs lie, especially if your ex has little to do with your children. If your ex has Parental Responsibility, then she can at any time refuse to return your children when she has them in her care and there is little the police can do to help. However, if the court has allocated an order, then your children will be returned to you. Also, given you have current care for the children, then this will work in your favour. If your ex lives out of the area, then there is less liklihood any court would give an order to the non-resident parent if it involved moving schools etc. I can only suggest you seek some legal advice to help you with your options.

Single dad 03/01/2016 at 12:01 am

Hello I've been a single dad bringing up my two children on my own for the last year now. There mother has little to do with them. But in the back of my mind I keep having worries that one day she's just going to decide to be a mum again as because we never went through a court to arrange this I don't know wether she is going to be able to just walk away with the children and there would be nothing I could do about it

ChildSupportLaws Editor 14/12/2015 at 2:04 pm

You may benefit from the Men's Advice Line which is a confidential helpline for men experiencing domestic violence from a partner, ex-partner, or other family members. It's trained advisers can offer emotional support, provide practical advice and point you in the direction of specialist help, whichI hope this helps.

chad 13/12/2015 at 8:36 am

Hello. I am currently in a relationship with my gf of almost five years. We have a 2yr. Old son, and a daughter that should be here before xmas. My entire relationship has been filled with physical abuse by my gf. The abuse has happened an extreme amount of times, however I have never called the police as I did not want to ruin her life. Boy am I regretting being a great guy now. I am an iraq war veteran who has ptsd, and am currently attending couseling for 3 to 4 beers a night, and smoking cannibis, although it is legal here in wa. We have discussed this scenario many times, and she has made it very clear that if we break up she will do everything she can to keep me from my kids and make my life as miserable as possible. I have no paper proof against her as far as the abuse goes, but I do have multiple character witnesses, to include her best friend and some of her family. My question is can I do anything to help protect my rights as a father with this info? I understand the requirement of responsibility towards my children, both financially and emotionally. I want to be as big a part of my child's as possible. Any suggestions or help would be more than appreciated

ChildSupportLaws Editor 23/11/2015 at 11:54 am

I'm afraid there is little you can do, as each parent is liable to support their child, regardless of whether they see their child or not. If your salary has dropped, then you should contact the CSA/CMS to tell them of your change in circumstances and your payment will change accordingly. You may be able to get some help via benefits if you are on a low income, please see Turn2Us link here which will tell you what you may be able to claim. You can double-check what you should be paying via the Child Maintenance Options calculator here.

hank 22/11/2015 at 11:31 am

I met my ex (French, girlfriend) in Portugal in 1999 and we had a daughter born in 2000, she cheated on me shortly after the birth, with a south African, Portuguese man, which led to our separation and married him. She then divorced him having met someone else, while working on a cruise ship (Indian born) and having left our daughter with her now ex husband and moved to india in 2008 with her new partner, taking our daughter with her. I was only allowed basic communication by phone, which eventually turned to ignored calls and no reponse. I met my new partner now fiancé with 2 children and rebuilt my life from scratch and have moved back to the UK. My ex has since moved from india to the UK, without my knowledge until child maintenance contacted me through work, A child case was then filed against me through the Child services on a collect and pay basis. How can a father be ripped of his child, poisoned by her mother with no contact and then everyone side with the mother, who's only intention is to destroy and take money yet again. I have no support from anyone and cannot afford to pay the maintenance bestowed upon me. What rights do I have as a man destroyed by an ex who constantly does what she wants and people jump to her aid. I am in financial jeopardy and have no rights to see my daughter as she has been completely taken away from me, poisoned against me and as soon as she reaches age not to receive maintenance, will again disappear back to Portugal or where ever with her mother. This is a system used against an honest man who has no rights. My questions are? what am I entitled to, what can I get to assist me with my personal losses and what financial support can I expect from an otherwise bias system? I cannot even afford to support my own 2 children and have struggled over the past 8 months in trying to fight this decision which has put my current job in jeopardy and has led to a demotion at work and a substantial loss of income because I have been mentally effected by the way in which my own country has treated me. I have already seen a lawyer who has advised me that there is nothing I can do at this time and cannot afford to employ his services further to fight this case. Please help as I am in a very difficult situation which effects not just me personally but my relationship and my 2 sons who know something is happening, but don't understand yet because I am trying to protect them from this upset.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 20/11/2015 at 12:19 pm

You would really need to seek legal advice regarding this. Due to Social Services being involved and not knowing the situation fully we can't really advise, a solicitor would be able to advise better.

gaz 19/11/2015 at 5:13 pm

i was wondering if any one has advice i have split up with my ex gf who i have 2 small children with ie one is 2 and a half years old and a 1 and a half yr old as soon as she found out id met some one new straight away she stopped me seeing them every saturday but would phone me every day i want money social service or child service is involved she was made to sign a form to say she would not come to where i lived and that she would not allow me to go to where she lived but i never signed any thing yes i did go a few times to where she and my children lived to help her with shopping or what ever but now she has told them that we were seeing each other but id said wed never get back together because i did not want the kids taken in to care but she has told them we were back together but we are not ive moved on and just want contact with kids i am just wondering where to go with now,if what im told is right the child services people are saying there going for an order to take children off her,can i put in to court and order that i have the children

ChildSupportLaws Editor 05/11/2015 at 10:00 am

I am sorry to hear this and that the trust in your relationship with your ex has been destroyed. I can't say whether the court will see through her lies. Much also depends upon what is in the Cafcass report, as the court will generally take advice from this. However, the courts are aware that certain parents try to manipulate the situation and are wise to specific games. I hope the court manages to see through this and you get the access you deserve.

Marsk 04/11/2015 at 1:17 am

Hi,
I have appeared in court today due to my ex who walked out on myself and 10m old 18 months ago who currently has my boy 3 days each week, but has now decided that she wishes to have full custody. She now claims that I emotionally and physically abused her and her two other sons from a previous marriage, that I was not flexible with dates despite changing every date she requested and I have screenshots, plus claims that as I have previously had back surgery that I will not be able to bring up m y son! I have taken my boy to a dozen different zoos, safari parks, attractions and spend 100% of my 4 days teaching and playing with him and took him on holiday this year. Hardly not being able to physically look after him.
Anyway, I refused all of her demands and so the case has now been contested. But, she finished with she now feels vulnerable dropping my boy off at my boy off at my house and so it has to be at our local McDonald's which the judge decreed that I have to do! How can the law continue to back my ex with her lies despite being able to prove that she is a prolific liar and that none of the above is true?!
With the cold weather coming, my boy now has to be transferred between two cold cars as the distance between us is so short that the cars won't even get chance to warm up. Cafcass has been useless and are obviously biased towards the mum. Why is she being allowed to walk out on us, 18 months later have a guilt trip and legally get away with making up a lot of lies forcing stress on myself and my boy who will also suffer through this process? I should point out that everything was more than amicable before this even after she met her new partner within 3 months and got engaged very quickly afterwards. Convenient, maybe but I will never be able to act amicably now after these lies as she has destroyed all the Trust we had left.
In your experience, will the judge see straight through this as I have read many comments online of similar cases so is my ex being given normal run of the mill lies to tell in court as they are obviously not frowned upon?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 02/11/2015 at 10:42 am

You would have to apply for a Specific Issue Order through the courts. Specific Issue Orders, much like the name suggests, are orders sought from the family court to determine a particular matter in connection with the exercise of Parental Responsibility. These orders can cover a wide range of issues that you and your ex-partner cannot agree on. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Applications for a Specific Issue Order are heard before a judge and a representative from Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Services Officer), who is a qualified social worker.

Stevemo0 30/10/2015 at 5:42 pm

Hi Iv split up from my ex almost a year now I have two little girls with her who are almost 2 and almost 1 I have them every two weeks Friday at 4 while Sunday till 5 she has been saying she is gonna stop me having them over night if I take them to my new partners house who Iv been with about 5-6 months can she do this and how would I go about getting a court order so she can't stop me having my kids on the days we have agreed to?

paul 24/10/2015 at 8:35 pm

I have recently split from my partner my daughter is 2 and we have a very close bond.. I was there for registration and I'm on birth certificate!! Her mother has now stopped me seeing my daughter for over a wk!! Where do I stand on seeing her. ... Any help and advice would be great thanks.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 22/10/2015 at 12:58 pm

If your ex is demanding child maintenance, then she is entitled to apply for it if she is not content with a family-based arrangement, which is what you seem to have now. You can either arrange it between you informally, or if you can't agree, via mediation, see link Mediation - what is it and is it for me? here. Alternatively, if you can agree, but wish for it to be recorded officially as a family-based written agreement, you could use the likes of an agreement supplied by Net Lawman, link

Mango 21/10/2015 at 1:58 pm

Hi I have 8 year old daughter , got divorce last year & got contact Oder from court & over night stay fortnightly , I have been in regular contact with my daughter twice a week , I spend money every time I see my daughter . Now my ex wants child maintenance . Even I spend more money then the child maintenance is . Do I have to pay or if I keep all receipt for expense will be conceded as maintenance .
Pleas give some advice

ChildSupportLaws Editor 05/10/2015 at 12:09 pm

I can only suggest you take a look at the article,: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, link here and go through the process listed. Regardless of your bi-polar, you are still a father and someone who deserves to spend time with your child. Before it goes to court, the courts will suggest mediation, or you can suggest mediation before applying for the court order. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? whichIf your ex refuses mediation, then you can take it to court.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 05/10/2015 at 10:04 am

I am sorry to hear this. I have directed you to our partner article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, link herewhich will direct you step-by-step in the procedure you need to follow. I hope this helps.

Roaxy 04/10/2015 at 5:37 pm

Hi. I've not seen my 18month old for over a year. After we broke up I asked for access on a regular basis but visits became more and more infrequent so my requests for access became more persistent until she raised it with the police as unsolicited communications and they said if I want to see my son I'll have to go to court. I've never been violent and am a loving father. Are there circumstances where access would not be approved by the courts? I have bipolar and my condition has worsened this last year due to being forced out of my role as a father and being felt to be a criminal for wanting to see my son. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

dad 04/10/2015 at 1:02 am

HI, i have a 2 years old son, me and his mum are not married but my name is on our son's birth certificate. and we currently just broken up and i always make sure she get supplies and what ever my son needs every month until recently she was demanding if i can be paying her the money directly into her account refuse to pay her directly,i told her i always transfer money into our sons account which i made her aware and also made her an authorised user. so i told her if she needs any money she should withdraw it from his account she refuses to do so then she took me to child support which am currently paying now. at the moment she's stopping me from seeing my son, i tried calling her and i cant get through because she has blocked my number so i cant get through to her..
have been a very wonderful and loving father to my son and am still am.
the problem with her she wants to raise him herself and she wants him to follow her religion which i dont have a problem with but she doesnt want him to practice mine that why she is keeping him away from me.. please help me what can i do.

Sonya 03/10/2015 at 8:48 pm

Hi,
I live with my 5 and 7yr old and have been dealing with solicitors for over a year as my husband wishes to divorce. However he has changed solicitors so many times that we have no agreements formalised and he has not issue the petition yet.
We have not lived together as a family for three years now and he is becoming increasingly more difficult with contact arrangements - we had agreed he would have the children fortnightly for a weekend as he studied every other but he stopped early this year and has not increased contact time but instead started travelling abroad and missing contact times and insisting I be flexible yet on my son's birthday he insisted it was his weekend and I did not see him on his 5th birthday as he did not want to involve me at all - this weekend he insisted I drive the children to him and collect them but gave no reason - I suggested we meet half way as it would be a 3 hour return journey twice! He then started to threaten he would withdraw his 'voluntary support' if I did not bring the children to him!
We owe solicitors thousands but he refuses to release funds from our joint account, school fees are overdue and I rely on his few hundred a month to pay bills as I cannot work for the next 3 months whilst I wait for my son to start school.

Is it reasonable/legal that he withhold child support if I do not meet his demand to taxi the children to him all the way (I have done this in the past but this weekend I need to use the time to do house maintenance works myself which I cannot do whilst children are here)!?

I would appreciate any guidance before I contact my solicitor again who is unpaid now for over a year :/

ChildSupportLaws Editor 02/10/2015 at 2:36 pm

I am sorry to hear this. However, I'm afraid it is very difficult for us to advise on this matter when Social Services have become involved.

Emma 02/10/2015 at 12:15 pm

My 2 year olds father lives in single persons army accomadation 3 hours away army themselves state it is not suitable for children .I have said he can have contact anytime but daytime only . I do not feel that she is old enough to travel that distance weekly , nor in her best interest to stay in unfamiliar accomadation I.e hotel room . He states I am breaking the law refusing overnight stays and threatening court , he also states that when he takes her daily he does not need to inform me where in the country he is taking her unless abroad.
I am worried that she will be without a safe base to return too, I.e toilet training accidents . I have approached him regarding a contact centre , which he will not agree on .

Sue 02/10/2015 at 1:49 am

Hi,
My son has a 4 year old son who has stated that he wants to live with his daddy as this is where he is happiest due to domestic violence between his son's mother and her supposed to be ex partner. Both his mother and her partner have verbally abused my grandson, my son has been building a case on everything that has been going on, he has got the Social
Services involved, followed the law to the latter, has sought legal advice and finally submitted his c100 form to the courts. My son picked up his son from school the other day and informed the Social Services he would be keeping his son with him till the 1st hearing at court and the social worker said that was fine as she had already done an assessment in my home. My son took my grandson into school 2 days later and 3 hours later got a phone call from Social Services saying his mother had been and collected him from school. My son is now waiting for a phone call from the social worker to set up an immediate meeting for both my son and his ex partner to see what can be done as my grandson has quite clearly stated he is sick of his mummy and her partner always arguing. My son has attended mediation but she has kept making excuses for not turning up. Myself and my son are so distraught as to the effect this will have had on my grandson when his mother collected him from school. The emotional abuse my grandson has been put through is unacceptable. What I find disgusting is that the Social Services put verbal abuse as a low level safe guarding issue.

Arb. 29/09/2015 at 10:41 pm

Hi. I have two children aged 9 and 7 who currently live with me and my wife. My children's mother agreed that they would both be better off in my care and not hers through medical reasons. This was around 2.5 years ago. Since then their mother had been very unsettling for my children, and now I am getting the feeling she will try and get them back. I can't find any advice on where I stand with this, can I refuse?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 24/09/2015 at 2:25 pm

I'm afraid, even if you the father, has his name registered on the birth certificate, the mother still has the last word on your child's surname.

Nath 23/09/2015 at 8:12 pm

unmarried farther bout to a child. Mother is saying the baby will not have my last name and I want the child to have rather my last name or both of are last names where do I stand with this

ChildSupportLaws Editor 22/09/2015 at 1:49 pm

This is a tricky one as it is something you really need to sort out between yourselves as there are no rules here. Perhaps she feels uncomfortable with having someone she doesn't know taking care of your son, or would rather have your son herself on the occasions when you are unable to care for him. I can only suggest that you discuss it with her and say you will make sure the sitter has references and that she can meet the sitter if required. Hopefully, this will re-assure her that you are approaching this in a constructive and deliberate way.

Sxdave 21/09/2015 at 5:41 pm

I have my parental rights documents so I know I have my rights to my son. But the mother is saying that she won't let me get a babysitter for our son when he is my care, I want to know the laws on this and if she can tell me what to do like this, please let me know thanks

ChildSupportLaws Editor 10/09/2015 at 12:08 pm

As specified in the article, unless a single father has Parental Responsibility (if an unmarried father jointly registers the birth of his child he automatically has Parental Responsibility) he has few legal rights, regarding his children. If this is the case and you do not wish the father to see his child, then you can put a stop to his visitation rights. However, the father does however have the right to make a court application for both contact and PR. He also has responsibilities to his child, which mean it is his obligation to ensure his child is properly looked after and supported emotionally, physically and financially. The rest of the article should answer your question fully regarding his rights.

Sue 09/09/2015 at 10:05 am

Hi I trying to find out if a father of a child has any rights to see he's child as we are a unmarried couple and he has obligations already and don't want to know at he's baby/ child so I really need to know if he has any right to see this baby/kid

Worried_Dad 07/09/2015 at 10:57 pm

Hi there,

I separated from my ex wife 2 1/2 years ago and we were divorced in January. We have 2 daughters together whom are currently 6&7.

My new partner (of 2 years) and I are expecting a daughter on the 29th October.

Initial our contact arrangements were as follows: Overnight every other Saturday and I would take to school and pick up again on a Thursday then take to school on a Friday. This meant my ex wife was dropping the children off at 6:30 am on Thursday and Friday mornings with me dropping them off at her home Thursday teatime.

I felt this was not ideal for the children as they were getting woke up early. I therefore suggested that they stay over Wednesday and Thursday nights. My ex wife agreed and this has been the situation since 28 January this year. However nothing was done in writing or legally concerning the new arrangement.

This weekend she has sent a text message to say she has decided to go back to just every other Saturday.

I am not happy about this and wondered if I have any rights in stopping her from doing this? Does the fact I have had them Wednesday and Thursday nights every week for 7 months set a precedent of sorts? Would speaking to a lawyer and going to court be a valid course of action?

My children are happy coming and there is no question in the quality of care they get?

Your response will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

granma 02/08/2015 at 8:19 pm

hi i have to grand kids by my son and his ex i get to see my grandson 13 but not my granddaughter 4 she has been doin this to me since sh had her son everytime she fellout with my son or was just in one of her moods i never got to see them and thats when my son was still with her she seems to think she can control meand keep hurting me when i was late with my grandsonsbirthday she didn let me meet my granddaughter till she was 11months old thats the kind of person she is i am realy missing my granddaughter and i know she will be missing me what can i do as i cant aford a lawyer as i dont work as i have bad health

ChildSupportLaws Editor 05/08/2015 at 11:35 am

@Shaddy - given she has parental responsibility then she can. Should you object to this move, then you could apply for a Prohibited Steps Order or Specific Issue Order through the courts. A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain moves events or making specific decisions regarding their children without the express permission of the other parent. Specific Issue Orders are orders that parents pursue from the family proceedings court to resolve a matter in connection with the exercise of Parental Responsibility. These orders can cover a wide range of issues that you and your ex-partner cannot agree on. However, the courts may want to know the specific reasons why you can't take care of your child over this time.

Shaddy 02/08/2015 at 4:25 pm

Come across a difficult matter where my separated wife is going on an all ladies holiday for a week near Xmas. She asked me if I could have him whilst she's away but I refused because of work commitments so she's going to put our four years old son in the care of her boyfriend. Is she allowed to do it?

MT Editor 27/07/2015 at 12:42 pm

@mom :) - I'm afraid the judge can make a decision on how he/she sees fit. However, it seems a pointless decision to make if your partner does not have a relationship with his mother and if Cafcass has been involved then this should be put to his Cafcass representative. I find it odd that the judge is willing to wipe the case. most courts of law do their best to keep the father a constant in their child's lives. Occasionally, a judge will get frustrated if they think their time is being wasted.

Topdad 11/06/2015 at 11:07 am

Hi all, in January I won custody of my son through the social services (not courts) because he was being mis-treated and witnessed horrible things whilst living at his moms. The SS decided it would be better for him to live with me and my partner because we have stability but as it goes all the stress from fighting for him has took its toll on our relationship and we are splitting up, I would like to know what would happen to my son now? Will be be taken into care? Go back to his mom? Or can I apply for housing to find our own place as I'm sleeping in his room with him under the same roof as my ex at the minute?
Thanks

ChildSupportLaws Editor 11/06/2015 at 3:08 pm

@Rosa - Yes, you can apply for the form C4, which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. I hope this helps.

Rosa 10/06/2015 at 7:20 pm

Hi my partner is trying to get access to his daughter via a court order as the mum is being extremely difficult and refusing access. He's messaged her and asked for her address and we think she has moved in the last few weeks but she refuses to answer and blocked him on Facebook. Does he have a right to know the child's residing address? The court has said he can't submit the c100 without the mothers (respondant) address is there any other way of finding it out? We know what nursery his daughter goes to does he have a right to request her address from them as the daughter obviously lives with the mum and the address would be the same? If that makes sense!
Many thanks

scouseafrican 04/06/2015 at 1:59 am

I have recently separated after 11 yrs. My ex decided that she has "other things" to do in life, that dont involve me!
We have an 8 yr old daughter together, and she has a 17 yr old daughter (whom I've helped care for since she was 6yrs old.) My problem is that my daughter is desperate to live with me, and her mother has admitted that she is going to put herself before my daughter. My story is a long one, but I am looking for an answer to.. does the childs opinion count?Mark

ChildSupportLaws Editor 12/05/2015 at 2:55 pm

@auntie - I am sorry to hear this. Did your sister appoint a guardian to the children? If you are concerned about their wellbeing, you could always approach him directly and informally and ask whether you could help out. Or, you may be able to take it to court, especially if you had a long involvement with them and the father had little. You will need to seek legal advice over whether it is possible. I hope this helps.

auntie 11/05/2015 at 12:07 am

I am an auntie of 2 children whom are my sister'a children which passed away recently. The children are looked after the father and I am concerned about their wellbeing. I would like to help looking after them. What are my legal rights? Many thanks

ChildSupportLaws Editor 18/03/2015 at 11:56 am

@kev - I am sorry to hear this and yes, it can be very difficult in practical terms and particularly because of the hours you work. However, you have a little time to try and sort something out. Could you apply for flexible working hours? Or, it might be that you could look for another job that would fit in more with being able to see your children. You don't say what your ex's situation is and whether she works or not, because it is understandable that she as well as you wants to spend quality time with your children at the weekends. If you had a job that finished at 5pm and began at 9am then it might be that you would be able to have your daughters overnight and take them to school the next morning. I hope this helps.

kev 15/03/2015 at 9:30 pm

I work 2pm till 10pm so I have my daughters monday and Thursday 9 till 1 and sundays 9 till 3.
I will forever be upset that I dont see them everyday considering I did nothing wrong in the breakup of the relationship. My two girls mean more too me than anything and I live with such guilt when they get upset when I drop them off.
why in this day and age cant their be a law that enables fathers a right to see their children legally and binding.
iv been told when they start school it will be every other weekend, that scares me more than anything

ChildSupportLaws Editor 17/03/2015 at 12:34 pm

@stewie69 - I'm afraid when couples split up, they also move on and that's where the likes of step-fathers and and step-mothers come in that can have a close relationship with the children because they are ultimately sharing care. Likewise, should you meet another woman then it might be that your children would begin to forge a relationship with her and that would surely please you to know that all was going swimmingly. Is it not better that your child feels that she can confide in this new man and ask him to help where needed? It surely would be worse and more disruptive for both her and you, if she disliked him. I can see how you must feel and it is never easy when it seems like another person is coming in to take your place. But you are your children's father and I am sure they love you very much as you have the blood bonds from birth. We now live in an age of the extended family and a much of it is about getting on with the other people our ex's choose to have relationships with. If you work with it rather than against it, I'm sure it will work out better than you think. Yes, there will be bumps in the road as you work around issues, but the fact that this man is willing to help your children where needed, can surely be only a positive thing. I hope this helps.

stewie69 14/03/2015 at 10:48 am

Hi I have 50/50 rights of my 2 children have a court order I see them all I can Wednesday Thursday after school until 7 pm and alternative weekends and when ever there is anything else my ex needs everthing was going ok until she found someone else now she tells him everything what happens in school / home and I find out of other people for example my youngest was sent home from school and she phoned her new fella instead of me i carnt talk to her as she won't listen what can i do thanks

ChildSupportLaws Editor 16/03/2015 at 12:14 pm

@Overpaying Daddy - it is always best to pay either by direct debit or at least somewhere where it is registered as there really is no way to prove you have paid by cash. You will need to look back through your statements to find out how you paid. I am unsure whether there is any redress for the grievance caused, you would have to contact the CSA directly. You can however, complain to the CSA, via the link here if you felt it too was at fault for your grievance. I hope this helps

Overpaying Daddy 13/03/2015 at 7:46 am

The mother of my only son and ex from a very long time ago (thank god) has filed for me to pay some maintenance arrears which the vast majority of don't exist.

I have sent evidence to the CSA showing what I have paid from when the claim started (September 2014) to present day and during this time due to the confusion the situation has caused, I have built up arrears of £200 ish which I intend on clearing asap.

The total arrears however are showing as £600 approximately because of a claim she made in 2009. That particular issue was resolved very quickly, I continued to pay maintenance direct without missing a payment however she failed to inform CSA that I was still paying and is now refusing to tell them that those arrears are null and void.

I am not sure whether I paid in cash or by standing order at that time and now I have been informed that I may be taken to court.

Where do I stand if I paid cash and can't prove it?

Alternatively, if I prove I have paid said arrears, can I prosecute her and/or the CSA for the unnecessary grievance this has caused?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 02/03/2015 at 10:06 am

@Matthew - I think the best thing would be to apply for an official residency under through the courts, at least then the mother can't take them back if residency is awarded to you. Please see Child Custody Rights article here. You don't really want your sons to be pulled from pillar to post, as while you may have parental responsibility and can keep hold of your children should you wish, so your ex can also take them back given the opportunity (but I don't know of any six-week rule, she would have to apply through the courts for them to be returned). I hope this helps.

Matthew Nettleton 26/02/2015 at 1:15 pm

Social Services recently advised me off the record to pick my two little lads up and not take them back to my ex and kids mum who was under a Child protection order for last year which i only found out about 4week ago and severely neglecting them i have finished work and am looking after them but was told yesterday after 6weeks the mother can just take them back i find this disturbing and the reason she will want them back is That Her Money for themwill stop. Everything seems to be "i cant really say this" by social Services and other so called proffesionals, i fear for their safety should she get them back and think their world Has already been turned upside Down. Really appreciate aby help on this.

Matt Editor 02/03/2015 at 10:17 am

@chappo - if you want your daughter to stay overnight and your ex is being difficult, you can apply through the courts for a special issue order. They may want you to go through mediation first, but then if your ex doesn't agree it will be up to the judge to decide.

chappo 26/02/2015 at 7:37 am

i see my daughter who is 4 for 2 hours wednesday and friday and 8 until 6 on a saturday i live with my new partner for 5 months my girl has been coming round now for about three months .my ex refuses to let me have my child overnight on the basis that its because she does not sleep in her own bed tet she lets her stay at various relatives houses ie my mum .her aunties .and her grandads so this is clearly not the case do i have any rights for a overnight stay
thanks
chappo

Chris Editor 25/02/2015 at 2:12 pm

@CarloV - at 14 the courts should take your daughter seriously if she expressly wishes to live with you. If you decide to take it to court for a residency order Cafcass will interview her and make her opinion known.

CarloV 23/02/2015 at 5:19 pm

I'm looking for advice on how to deal with getting my 14 year old daughter to live with me. She's desperate to leave her mother's home due to a bullying and controlling step father. I have tried to talk with her mother but she now just refuses to talk about it. My daughter is no seeing a doctor and is on anti depressants. I'm desperate to help her. Me and her mother were never married although I have been an active father since she was born. And am named on her birth certificate and pay monthly maintenance. Does anyone know my leagal rights or options at this point?

dorothyann 08/01/2015 at 11:20 am

im asking here on behalf of my son. his relationship with his partners mother has broken down and things are really getting nasty. his ex partner has mental issues, a personality disorder and also looking like bi-polar. she was sent for counselling some time ago but after 2 sessions, wouldnt go back. she is making all sorts of threats. stopping my son seeing his little one, and she really is a daddies girl. and he had a phone call last night from her mother (also diagnosed with some mental issues, schizophrenia) accusing him of all manner of things, which arent true, (his ex-partner appears to be making it up as she goes along,) and threatening to send people round to get his legs broken. he is living with me, (i am 67) and these threats are therefore threats against my home. he is now very seriously concerned for the well being of his daughter. what can be done to get her out of there???? there is also another boy, not my sons child, but he has been his surrogate dad since the boy was 3 and he is now 11. he calls him dad. and he adores my son and she has already but a block on the seeing each other.

Goodbye! 17/12/2014 at 1:21 pm

My ex partner is a counsellor and has decided to up and leave ,call it a day 2 months ago. There has been no physical or emotional abuse. She has refused my offer of maintenance which was far above what the cms require and opened a case. The cms told me not to pay her direct and only through them all in hand but is dragging on a bit no fault of mine. My ex partner is giving me a one hour visit in a local children's centre where she used to work weekly. She refuses to let me have anytime unsupervised with my daughter ie walk or café etc and at weekends. The problem is that I work during the week. I have found out I have rights when my name is on the birth certificate but only after paying for mediation ,lawyers and court fees. The split has also placed me in poverty. I love our new baby dearly and want to be there for her but. I am calling it a day because it will ruin me emotionally and financially. I support mothers with legitimate issues of abuse but am disheartened that fathers can't see their children as a starting point and if there are legitimate issues that can be proven, access should be restricted accordingly. My case is my ex is using my daughter as a weapon to control and hurt and I feel I have to walk away. The irony is I did not want more children and she did but then felt she had to leave me. But it is all my fault I hear single mothers brigade shout. Well there will be no one to shout at in my case .My daughter is a victim of all this and as a father I have not enough resource to include her in my life as a father and daughter should be. Can anyone help? REALITY IS MOTHERS ARE IF FULL CONTROL AND FATHERS HAVE NO RIGHTS unless they have lots of money .Naturally I feel upset that the laws in this country are antiquated and not congruent with fathers that wish to continue fathering after separation.

chelby 21/08/2014 at 2:10 pm

I split from my ex 4 years ago because he physically assaulted 1 of my children. When he left I was 3 months pregnant and we had 14 month old twin boys. My ex has not seen or had contact with the twins for 4 years and he has never met my now 3 year old. All of a sudden I am getting messages from the girlfriend telling me that they will both get access to the boys whether I like it or not and the girlfriend even asked me for my address so they could come to my home. What am I supposed to do? My twins both have mental disabilities so they need lots of extra support which myself and my partner provide for them. The girlfriend is going on about my finances as well which I don't see has anything to do with her. My ex has never regularly paid for the boys he has just given drips and drabs here and there and I actually stopped the csa claim a couple of months ago because he was not paying anything anyway. Any advice would be great please.

Sandy 04/12/2013 at 11:04 pm

My son was 18 yrs. old when his girlfriend gave birth to twin daughters. This was in 2000. The girls were born two months prematurely in Michigan. My son signed the birth certificates at that time. He had issues with drug addiction and bipolar disorder. Needless to say he was in and out of jails and prison in Michigan and Wisconsin more than he was out. During the time he was incarcerated, the child support kept adding up including fees. They say he owes 11,000 in back child support!Anyway, he has now been doing good, is in his 30's and has a son with a new girlfriend. They are currently living together with her parents. Whenever my son had a job or was on unemployment, WI. took out child support. Now he has been working steadily with a good job, for the past few months, paying child support and even insurance for the girls. He hasn't seen seen them since they were 1 yr. old. They are 13yrs. old. Today he got a letter from the WI child support agency stating that they took $1000.00 from his joint checking and savings accounts to pay for arrears and fees. He is just devastated. We are so happy he is doing good finally, and now they are causing enough upset that I worry if he will give up. To do this especially at Christmas time when he was just getting on his feet, is awful, not to mention that both checking and savings accounts were in both his name and his girlfriends name.

concerned nanny 03/04/2013 at 1:51 pm

My daughter recently split from her partner due to domestic violence towards her and also lack of commitment to their baby son. Please could some one advise me if he or his mother will have any rights to access. they have not tried to contact the baby for 5 months and her ex's mother has also lost access to her own 2 children to her ex partner due to her lack of parenting skills. They do not care for my grandson and my daughter just wants to raise her son in a loving and caring enviroment. Please could someone give me any advice which may help. Thankyou.

Seasick Steve 28/03/2013 at 5:31 pm

My husband left me a few days after our baby was conceived (1st child) I am currently divorcing him on grounds of domestic abuse. What rights will he have once the baby is born in June 2013? I do not want him to see the child, because he is a violent alcoholic. He has a reasonably well paid job. I am unemployed. Thanks.

kvh2012 14/12/2012 at 11:11 pm

I have been in family court today to ask the court to get Cafcass to talk to my two children. When I arrived Cafcass was already in with the judge. When it was our turn to going with our counsel, the judge started shouting that I was only there cos I did not agree with last decision made in court by the other judge, he then went on to say to my ex's counsel to contact the aid commission to get my aid revoked cos they should not waste money on me. The reason I have been returning to court is because my ex has been physically and mentally violent to my children especially my daughter now aged 12. I am now scared for my children, you see I am deaf so if I have no legal aid I cannot represent my self as I won't be able to hear anything. It is in my file that was given to the court, so the judge must be aware of this. Cafcass will speak to my children, but I do not hold much with them, my daughter is frightened to say anything about it to her teachers so how will a visiting stranger to the school fare. I was a house husband looking after my children and do all the housework etc. for 9 years taking beatings and mental abuse, 7 of then sleeping on the settee as I was protecting my children by staying there. I left after she attacked me in front of my son, the look on his face will haunt me forever, I left so they would not witness anymore.

kahn 11/11/2012 at 6:20 pm

Hi I have 2 daughters that have been that have been put in to long term fostercare because my x partner negleted them after 5 years of battle in the courts I've lost I had 30 allegations we had a fact fining hearing all allegations were droped as the judge belived they were fabricated by my x. We had 3 differnt guardians the last 1 completley lied and failed my assesment. They said I did have insight to my did have knowledge in my kids emotional needs but not deep enough!! I've also done a parenting course. In trying to get in back in to court but my family and friends are telling me it be easier if I'm in a relationship I would like to know if this is true?? Please can any 1 advice me. My contact is reduced to 3 times a year. Hope everything works out for you guys on here. Please to all the men stick by your kids you don't know what you got untill its gone! To the women please stop using your kids has weapons you messing there childhood have so please stop this!!

Bebe 18/10/2012 at 2:22 am

I have an 8month child to a guy I've known over 10yrs. I was in between moving cities for a good job when I fell pregnant. He said even though we went together he'd help financially, emotionally and once baby was here share weekends... He had 3jobs when pregnant and now has one. He paid half towards a pram and bought a pack of vests- this is all he's ever purchased! He paid £20 pw from her being 6weeks old to 6months (worked out is equiv to £2 per day) which he continuously moaned about and tried stopping when he didn't go into work for toothache,he has been on 2 holidays in 12months to napa aswel as spemdung money getting pissed up with his joker mates every weekend & in past few months had sent texts saying how he wont have baby weekends, any judge will favour him???? He works less than 16houts on thurs and sat night.... He has continuously been a let down when supposed to have baby- with lame excuse after excuse, followed by evil hurtful messages how I'm a bad mum that doesn't deserve a social life or luxuries (as I explained I carnt afford Internet/sky etc) he also texts when he's out with the lads with the whole "haha I'm out on the town one of us has a life away from Facebook" and that he didn't have an option when it keep to the pregnancy and be she's here I should deal with it.... Nice guy eh! I'm currently on benefits and hate it I want to carry on studying and wrk part time as planned when pregnant but he says he won't get a job to support me or my lifestyle and we aren't together do my bills are my problem attitude.... So I said I'll have to get a f/t job because I physically am struggling and he somehow had got out of paying decent money and pays £8 a week CSA /: he now is saying that if that's the case he wants full custody but how does this work it's not what I wanted to do but what other choice do I have if I don't want to be on benefits :( he won't work but will have his daughter and take the tax credits ???? Where do I stand on this- I wanted to finish my A1 assesors qualification so I can teach within a training school/academy/college so once baby is at school the hours/holidays will work in my favour....

Pollyrox 19/09/2012 at 9:32 am

I am pretty disturbed by some of the mens comments on this board about where maintenance money is being spent and what on etc. When a parent is sole carer of a child there earning potential is greatly reduced, even when a child starts school. It is very difficult to find a job within school hours or pay huge sums of money on childcare to enable parents to work full time.
If you care to seek legal advice you will realise that maintenance is actually paid to the parent who has sole responsibility because looking after a child reduces there ability to work, this means that quite often it is there income and they can choose to spend it however they choose. If that is on a night out because they are a full time mother and need time out from one of the most difficult jobs in the world then so be it. They are entitled to spend maintenance money on whatever they choose. As long as the child is fed, clothed and looked after properly then there is no control over how maintenance is spent.
It is a misconception that maintenance is for the child it is for the parent who is looking after the child to care for the child and themselves due to reduced working potential. Its pretty simple really.

theabused 25/07/2012 at 3:46 pm

my girlfriend and i split up in february 2012 after 11 years together. she has custody of all 3 of my children.
when we split she told me that she personally didnt want any money from me, only that if our 3 kids needed anything, ie clothes, shoes, day trips away with school etc. that i would cover all that which i had absolutely no problem with at all, as i love all of my children and would not have them go without if i can afford it.
i have now became the whipping boy in recent weeks where every time i see my kids she uses it as an excuse to start throwing insults verbally abusing me and threatening me with violence, now the ex is demanding cash to be paid to her or she will contact the csa and have me over a barrel, as i said i have no problem supporting my children financially but fear that if i bow to her wishes the money wont be spent on the kids but on her nights out which she has regularly.
all i need to know is where do i stand legally?
should i bow or contact the csa myself and explain my circumstances?
please help
:(

Cris 21/07/2012 at 7:11 pm

My ex left me 4 another woman 6 months ago, he only asked to see our daughter who is 1 yo Sundays 11-4, like a mug i would drop her off at his house and pick her up, he always had an excuse for why he couldnt even give me petrol money, when he had her i would provide all her food, nappies, wipes etc he had also cancelled on our daughter a few times as something else came up. I then told him that although i would never stop him seeing our daughter i could not afford to drop her off/pick her up and provide everythin, due to reduction of hrs at work and child care costs. He offered to pay me £5 for petrol and her upbringing per week, in the 6 months i have only recieved £5, since i have stopped bringing her to him, he has refused to pick her up and will now not reply or make payment to my new csa claim. He then contacted me and asked to have his daughter 1 sunday in april, we agreed to meet half way and he never showed, no contact to say why, although his family tell me he was drinkin the night before. Now 3 months later he has contacted me saying he needs my address for a lawyer! I have never stopped him seeing his daughter and lack of contact was due to him, he is on the birth certificate but has like i said only paid £5 in the last 6 months. What rights will he have, as he is threatning to take my daughter full time, yet he is not reliable and too selfish to take care of her properly, she also doesnt know him anymore.

cuff 06/07/2012 at 7:40 am

In reply to kez

You should be grateful that you get to see a lot of your daughter unlike many other fathers on here. There is no way to find out what the money is being spent on, It sounds like you have a bit of a vendetta against the mother, why cause a problem if you have good access? I think the threshold to claim any benefits are £16000 per yr, so i would say no you are not entitled to benefits.

kez 02/07/2012 at 1:49 pm

hi, im a singe dad i get to spend a good bit of time with my daughter i am on the birth certificate & give the mother 200 a month, however im not sure if the money is being spent on her is there anything i can do to make sure it is?? also i work full time earning just over 17000p/y am i entitled to any benefits?

stevet 27/06/2012 at 9:46 pm

Hi, I split with my ex nearly 3 years ago and we have a 9 year old daughter. I went to court to get an agreement so that I could see her on one day every weekend for 10 hours. My ex rarely uphold this agreement and I tried taking her back to court to fight it but she refused to attend. I have regulary paid for my daughters needs or given my ex weekly payments. I have done this every week since we spllit. My ex has now contacted the csa and they are claiming i have not paid anything for the last 3 years and want to bill me for it. I have reciepts for some payments I have sent and proof of direct debits i had in place directed to my ex, what can I do? I am working but not earning enough to pay for a solicitor and all the other living costs. I last paid maintanence 2 weeks ago to cover until the end of July I cant believe I have to pay again and Im so eager to get to see my daughter regularly. Please help

gleavesy 21/06/2012 at 7:25 pm

I am going to be a single father living on my own soon is there any help I can get towards all my bills?with only one wage coming in I have to try and cover everything and support my daughters.Thanks.

Henroski 15/06/2012 at 4:21 pm

Hello

I have just been deported from Uk for working with a false ID

My legally married wife has got another partner in Uk

We have 2kids together during our 9years of marriage before separation

My ex wife is a NIgerian

and myself but she has denied me access to my children since

I was brought back to NIgeria

Pls how can I fight for the custody of my children from Nigeria

chris 04/06/2012 at 1:29 pm

im a single father of a 5yr old boy, i like to have peace & respect with all the people in my life, but for some or other reason when it comes to her she just uses and abuses the right of being my sons mom, my son stays with her and then when she has her bad moods then im not allowed to see my son, i dont earn a big salary but i try to do what i can, pay the cresch and buy clothes and stuff for him....she is a lesbian that doesnt work and nor does her partner...

now she wants to take me to court and sue me for money i dont have, then she tells me i must write my son off then she will leave me alone and i can carry on with my life, she cost me several jobs and thousands of rands of debt that she made on my name because of my son, its as if she is telling me to write him off...
what do i do? im stressing and messing up at work?

nannagillian 30/05/2012 at 7:34 pm

My daughter's partner left her 2 years ago, they have a 3 year old little girl. At first he paid maintenance monthly, and had his daughter 1 night a week. He had paid no maintenance now for 8 months. He still sees his daughter once a week she is picked up on a saturday and returned on sunday. My daughter has contacted CSA because he is working and is very well paid, yet he had asked my daughter to drop the claim and he will promise to pay maintenance. She has refused so he is threatening to get a lawyer and apply to have his daughter 3 nights a week, which he has never ever ever done before. My daughter is at her wits end, because her little girl is in full time nursery and in a routine which she is contented and happy with.

What rights does my daughter have will she have to let her ex have his daughter 3 nights a week or can she refuse.

He is only doing this so he doesnt have to pay as much maintenance as he would if he kept to his original routine.

Peasmum 26/05/2012 at 8:04 pm

My 13yo and i had a major argument which has resulted in her going to live with her dad and his wife and kids, He has NO parental responsibility and i would like to know can they claim tax credits and her child benefit if she shares my surname and not his etc?
Also He has not paid Child maintanance since she was 6yo what can i do???

ghoofi 23/05/2012 at 8:08 am

after the even years succeesfull merriage life , my left me alone and took two nos of male kids having age of 5 and 1 year, and she insisting that i will keep these child with herself, my question is that CAN SHE KEEP THESE TWO KIDS WITH HER.

kaz 18/05/2012 at 6:32 pm

hi, i am expecting a baby and me and my boyfriend has split. he cheated on me so i left him as i Dont think a baby should be brought up amongst arguments etc. he leaves for university soon and i Dont plan to put his name on the birth certificate, he and i are young and i feel that having him in my babies life is important for him or her to know who their father is. i allow visitation but only at my house, can he do anything about this?

Eyes wide shut!!! 17/05/2012 at 4:16 pm

I have read so many heartbreaking stories, from both mothers and fathers, unfortunately the majority seem to be from fathers who have been mistreated by their ex who seem to use their children and the CSA to get more money without any real consideration to the entire situation surrounding that childs life.

The father has the children overnight once a fortnight (mothers decision) and sees them one night during the week (mothers decision).

BOTH parent have an income (benefits or salary) so this should be considered.
BOTH parents have outgoings (we all need to live) this should also be considered.

ONLY the income of the parents and outgoing of the parents should be considered, NOT their partner. Thus if the mother or the father contribute half to their joint home (with their new partner) then that amount should be considered (likewise, if they have to pay for everything, that should be considered) as outgoings (this should be verified with Inland revenue (income) and the bank (expenditure)). Any working tax credits and family allowance should be added to the appropriate parents income to give an ACTUAL amount going into that household.

It must be accepted the the parent who does not live with the children also have ESSENTIAL outgoings.

If the fathers have to produce receipts to prove that they actually spend the time and the money on the kids that they say they do, then why can't the mothers do the same??

Why can't the fathers request (expect) receipts (each month) to verify that the money they are giving for the welfare of their children is actually being spent on their children, and if they have any queries/problems, they should contact the CSA. If the mothers had to produce receipts as the fathers do, I would guess that their would be less arguing as the proof would be in front of them.

Just a thought!

MammaBee 01/05/2012 at 3:47 pm

I'm 8 months pregnant with my first child, and soon to be a single mother. The father left me when he found out I was pregnant and said he doesn't want anything to do with it. I have tried on several occasions to contact him but to no avail. I have been advised to go through CSA for child maintenance, but I am just wondering if there is any way that he can get away with not paying maintenance? He works full time, I have just started maternity leave and will only be getting SMP while I am off work, so will need the financial help from him.

tiredandmoretired 29/04/2012 at 10:35 am

my ex is a plonker, he is living with his mummy again after leaving for the third time, he i only entitled to pay £1.67 a week for our daughter, he hasnt seen her for almost 5 months and didnt send her a birthday card. he is a joke. yet he is allowed to have his car which is taxed and insured. i think eejits like this should have their car removed and if he can afford tax and insurance and petrol then extra money should come off of him. i dont think the csa do enough in cases like this. his family are no better they havent seen our daughter since she was 6 days old and she is now a year old. what a bunch of clowns.

Lou 26/04/2012 at 2:24 pm

I am soon to be a single father. I want my daughter to continue living with me where she has other family (grandparents,aunts & uncles etc in the village), friends, attends pre-school and will be attending a local infant school with her pre-school friends in september. How do I go about applying for a residency order so she can continue to stay with me in her familiar surroundings? Thanks.

ChildSupportLaws Editor 26/04/2012 at 9:35 am

@Cupcake Star. You need to formalise some arrangements for maintenance and contact with your ex. Try to get a formal agreement drawn up either through mediation or with the help of a solicitor. If you can agree contact times and financial support it will put your mind at rest and ensure some routine and stability for your child.

CupcakeStar 25/04/2012 at 6:33 pm

My ex left 5 months ago. He has paid no maintenance what's so ever to our child. He lives with his parents and has various other children with other women.
I how ever have a stable home for our child and willingly let him see our child.
I find it hard that he pays no money but can go out and party and date.
He's threatened to take our child at times.
He is on the birth certificate.
What rights do I have? Should I be worried?

ChildSupportLaws Editor 23/04/2012 at 11:49 am

@Danny. If you have parental responsibility, your ex needs your permission to take your child abroad for that period of time.

danny 22/04/2012 at 2:37 pm

i am a single dad and my daughters mother wants to take my child away for 7 weeks abroad in one go, and she wont let me take her a broad for one week, is there anything that i can do about this this, my daughter lives with the mother i see her every other wekkend and i pay her every 2 weeks £140

thanks

ChildSupportLaws Editor 19/04/2012 at 11:48 am

@Sayjay-mummy. It's important for children to have contact with their fathers, but they also need routine and stability. The best thing to do would be to try mediation and draw up an agreement that your ex has to stick to - so he turns up at agreed contact times. Your next step if this doesn't work is to take it through the courts.

sayjay-mummy 18/04/2012 at 3:48 pm

The father of my daughter has been in and out her life since she was born and shes only a year old. He hasnt got a set place to stay he goes back and forward his pals houses plus he drinks all the time aswell. he is suppost to be on jobseekers but doesnt sign on so ill not get the csa money. i let him see her once a week for 4 hours at his parents but he has fallen out with them so wants me to drop her off at his grans so he can see her but its about a 15/20min drive so i said i want petrol money is this wrong? Am considering not letting him have anything to do with her as he didnt turn up on her 1st birthday to she her and didnt get her a card or present! I am looking for some advice what should i do? oh and he doesnt wash, he has a quick wash before he gets the bairn.

LOU LOU 07/03/2012 at 12:57 pm

i am a parent of a six year old boy whose father has had next to no contact with him, he is not named on the birth certificate as he could not be bothered to turn up for the appointment, over the six years of my sons life i have not received a single penny in maintenance, he openly smokes cannibis and drinks, and now after six years of abcence has decided he wants access to my son and is threatening to take me to court over a child who he does not know . I need to find out his rights can anyone help?

michclaire 05/02/2012 at 6:56 pm

my daughter is a single parent. her childs dad has a history of drug abuse and she no longer wants him to have contact. how does she stand legally with this.

loz 07/12/2011 at 9:08 pm

My son's ex girlfriend has just given birth to his son, he was at the birth and has tried to help with things i.e, giving her money, food, cleaning materials for th house, now the baby is a week old and they are going to put get the baby registered in both names but she seems to be putting every obstacle in his way when he asked if he can go and see him, my son wants to do what is right, he isn't the type of person to walk away and shirk his responsibilities what can he do

mackdaddy 19/06/2011 at 5:33 pm

hi i am a single father,living with my kids,my ex wife left me for another man and left the kids behind,so i do take care of them soley and they live with me for 6yrs now,but when i wanted to apply for passport for them,post office told me to fill in mothers details,the worst thing is the mother haven't make a contact with us for all this years and i don't know what to do, as school holidays is due want to take my kids for holiday abroad,plz let me know how i can apply?thanks

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