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Child Custody Rights

By: Anna Martin - Updated: 22 Jan 2019 | comments*Discuss
 
Child Custody Residency Disputes Courts

In the UK child custody law determines who should be responsible for the care and charge of a child, after divorce or separation. The term custody is now more commonly referred to as residency - indicating where the children's main residence is, following a parental break up.

In the many cases, parents preference is for joint custody (or residency), which enables the child to spend an equal amount of time with each parent. This option also allows both parents to participate in any decision making which may affect the child. However, if parents are unable to decide amicably on what living arrangement is best for their child, the courts will decide on their behalf.

Parent Vs Parent

Most bitter disputes between married couples end up in the family courts. Whilst the separation and ensuing bitterness will undoubtedly affect the children it's important to remember that:
  • Most child residency court cases end amicably with either agreed residency or joint residency as the outcome
  • Access and maintenance payments from the non resident parent are also taken into consideration
  • In disputed cases each parent is individually assessed before a decision on which parent is given custody of the child, or children, is made

The best interests of the child is the general standard at the heart of all residency cases.

Joint Residency

Joint residency is considered to be the preferred solution as being in the best interests of most children.

BUT...there are no laws or 'rights' that state that a child should live specifically with either the mother or father.

Assuming you both have parental responsibility it is up to you to negotiate residency on the basis of what is best for the children. Many couples neglect to consider this fact and err on the side of what they themselves would prefer (or what suits them).

If you cannot come to an agreement, you should try mediation first. If that is unsuccessful, the courts will become involved and will issue a court order based on what it sees as appropriate.

Joint Residency Reflect Modern Society

The choice of joint residency, reflects the changes in society and takes into consideration work that mothers do outside of the home and a more hands-on approach of child care by fathers. By allowing both parents to have an equal share in the physical care of their child, or children, all legal rights connected to responsibilities and obligations to children are divided.

Custody Disputes

Most custody disputes involve the child’s mother and father. However, in some cases a third party – a grandparent, for instance – may seek custody at the time of a parent’s death or incapacity. If a couple has never married - making provisions for the care of their child may also develop into a dispute. Generally though a court will accept that a parent is in the best position to maintain the welfare of their child.

Unusual Circumstances

In some rare circumstances one parent may be permanently excluded from having any access to their child. However, the court has the right to change the decision at any point in time, should the parent’s circumstances change. The parent is able to re-apply for access at any time, and once an application is made the court may reconsider arrangements after examining evidence.

The Court Decides

The courts will generally accept custody arrangements that parents submit as part of their separation agreement. To ensure these arrangements serve the child’s interests the courts will review the plan. The role that grandparents, step-parents and other influential adults play in the child’s life may also be taken into consideration by the courts.

Changing Or Regaining Custody

Changing a child’s residency arrangements is possible. In order to support the change, substantial evidence of the stability the child will need to be submitted. There are many other factors to consider, which may include relocation of a parent, stability of employment, integration of the child into the new environment etc.

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Hi, looking for help I've been with my partner for nearly eleven years and she had a child with another guy before we got together. I've been in her life before she was one and before her biological father wanted visitation rights. They went to court and it was decided they would meet at a neutral venue for him to see her once a week which then became he collected her once a day every week and has done so for the past nine years or so. Our daughter does not enjoy going to these visits anymore claiming they do nothing and finds it boring. He works and may even own a business if the rumours are to be believed but only contributes £5 a week to her. My daughter asks how long she has to keep going for every week.I'm basically asking at what age can the child decide she doesn't want to go to her fathers anymore.
James - 22-Jan-19 @ 12:01 AM
Hi I need some advice a good friend has been split for his ex for years now and they have an 11yr old son. His ex used to be a close friend too but over the years they've both have had numerous arguments court hearings over custody and she has said some very malicious stuff to their son about his dad. I know that things isn't true he suffers with mental health issues but he care for his mom has a full time job and is a decent man. It's killing him not seeing his son as courts previous as ruled that the mom as the final say over when he sees his son, she's blocked his calls refused to let him have their son when he went round previously. She is a good mom but I've witnessed her struggling in previous years she would dump their son with friends or family so she could get drunk go out partying or just cause she wanted time on her own with her new partner. She also as underlying mental health issues she told me her self over years she's felt like running off, suicidal and she has really dark thoughts. Her family get involved to much too and put stuff in the child's head. I would say it's emotional abuse I need advice for this child's dad he so badly wants to see his son and I know his son wants to see him but the mother is having none off it please help!
Worriedfriend - 21-Jan-19 @ 6:50 PM
Hi I need some advice a good friend has been split for his ex for years now and they have an 11yr old son. His ex used to be a close friend too but over the years they've both have had numerous arguments court hearings over custody and she has said some very malicious stuff to their son about his dad. I know that things isn't true he suffers with mental health issues but he care for his mom has a full time job and is a decent man. It's killing him not seeing his son as courts previous as ruled that the mom as the final say over when he sees his son, she's blocked his calls refused to let him have their son when he went round previously. She is a good mom but I've witnessed her struggling in previous years she would dump their son with friends or family so she could get drunk go out partying or just cause she wanted time on her own with her new partner. She also as underlying mental health issues she told me her self over years she's felt like running off, suicidal and she has really dark thoughts. Her family get involved to much too and put stuff in the child's head. I would say it's emotional abuse I need advice for this child's dad he so badly wants to see his son and I know his son wants to see him but the mother is having none off it please help!
Worriedfriend - 21-Jan-19 @ 6:50 PM
Hi, my partner has been going through the court process for the last 4years to see his son and it is now the 11th hearing due to mothers persistent breeches, she was committed 80hours unpaid work at the previous hearing but has continued to breech. The caffcass officer writing the report the next hearing has suggested to consider change of residency which we have been thinking about as it was found she is emotional abusive towards the child, however we have been searching for the application on gov but there is no form only child arrangements which is only to enforce the existing order, please can you advise how to do this or if the procedure has changed as we cannot find the information or link for the form anywhere
Sophie - 8-Jan-19 @ 1:32 AM
Me and my boyfriend have a 3 month old boy and both have parental responsibility for him. However I have recently found out that he plans to move to Canada. What is the best way to go about this with our son?
Paige/frankie - 26-Dec-18 @ 4:39 PM
I have two gorgeous little sisters both 6 andunder. My mother is and intermediate alcoholic and very verbally abusing. Swearing infront of little ones all the time. She has borderline personality disorder. My father isn’t much better but I’m sure that’s because she makes his life hell on purpose. I really want to take them away from all of that. I need to it’s killing me and I can’t imagine what it’s doing to them. My partner and I are about to rent our own house and I want to get another bedroom for them. I need to know what I have to do to get them with me and also how to avoid having them placed in foster care. I’m almost 20. I would love any advice. I really need some help.
Help - 23-Dec-18 @ 4:09 PM
I was with my partner for nearly 3 years (never married) It has been 3 years nearly 4 years since we broke up. From the very beginning I've let him see our daughter. At first twice a week, Tuesday and Friday. He was paying £25 or so a week in child maintenance with CSA involved with he was working. He lost that job, so I did get CSA involved and he had to pay £7 a week because he was on benefits. When I moved into my own place as I was living with my parents after we broke up, he told me when I was breaking up with him, that if I ever dated anyone, he would take our daughter away from me. I let him have our daughter overnight and he was happy with that for a year. Then he started seeing someone who had a child already and one on the way. After a few months, he moved in with her...Then I started seeing someone. I didn't tell my daughter's dad about my new partner as I wanted things to go smoothly and because he told me when we were breaking up about having a partner, he would take our daughter away from me, I was nervous and scared. So I told our daughter to tell a little white lie to her father saying that my partner is a teddy. I admit I shouldn't have told our daughter to lie but I was scared and panicking. 9 months later, he came to my place and found my partner in the next room. He wasnt happy with me, making our daughter to lie to him and that I was mentally abusing her. It's been nearly 2 years since and now, our daughter has been telling everyone that I don't play with her and she goes on her tablet all the time, which she doesn't. She's on it for an hour or so after school before she has tea. After tea time, we do play. We run around the living room, pretending to be monsters, running after eachother. Or I pretend to be a horse and she rides me on my back. I play and help her with jigsaws. And also she went to her karate Christmas party and according to her father, showed everyone sexual positions that me and my partner do, I was shocked to hear this. My partner and I, have never done any sexual activities in front of her, she was never walked in on us, as we have sex whenever she is at her daddies house. This is has angered my ex partner. And said if she says anything or do anything else, he would not bring her back to mine ever. He would go for full custody on her. I don't know what to do. I'm upset. Please help.
XxxX - 17-Dec-18 @ 10:56 PM
My daughter hasn’t seen her father four several years now and I want to know where I stand if anything happens to myself? I want full custody of her any my sister to be her gardian if I was to ever pass away I don’t want her father to have her as she’s not got any relationship with her at all
Kate - 14-Dec-18 @ 8:50 PM
Never married the father of my disabled child, bent over backwards to cultivate and maintain his and my child's relationship for the last 7 years. For the first 6 I allowed him to stick to his controllingway of inconveniencingme with weekly visits he was rarely if ever on time for. This year I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and allow him to have her over some days and weekends.2 of which I am convinced he was not on top of her care (did not give her rescue epilepsy medication on time and shut me out when I tried to intervene on a video call). Before that I noticed my child flinching each time she had been out with him after he had given her personal care (over leaning nether regions).Recently he sprayed his new alcohol and pheremone based spray on her skin and new jacket he had bought her.Dumped her with me, she nearly went into anaphylactic shock and seizures on that night. Even after telling him he did not follow up on her recovery. He has never initiated intervention or been involved in her basic care or appointments.Off late he has contacted involved professionals such as the school to insist on direct contact with him creating the impression I don't keep him updated.Over the years I have kept h updated and he has not shown up or prioritised the appointments etc. He seems to think that his payments of maintainance warrants his control of the co-parenting even though he has never pulled his weight. I want sole custody with supervised visits.I don't care about losing out on maintainance. I actually believe he is indifferent about the survival of my child as if she is an inconvenience to his life.I want my child to survive and have made practical sacrifices to ensure this happens.I am scared of her safety with him. HELP
Desperate SM - 5-Nov-18 @ 3:53 PM
Hi...me and my girlfriend have a baby boy of 3 months old, we were getting on so well but then all of a sudden we ended up breaking up. . As a father i want to have my son half the week because me my son and my girlfriend and her other son have been living in my house.....I am worried everyday going to work leaving my child at home as my girlfriend's son use to kick our dogs and trap them with his trike bike .We had to get rid of the dogs and then we tried have a little kitten but court him cutting the kittens fur off with scissors..(my girlfriend's son is 9 he should know better) when my girlfriend let her son hold our baby boy he got bored and kind of dropped him into her arms it was quite scary....the last one is the mother and her son and our baby boy went out in the car on a hot day and my girlfriend's son put a blanket on our baby boy and didnt say anything to the mother and by time she pulled over my baby boy was dripping with sweat..as she didnt know her son had done that so I'm scared of going to work.everyday not knowing whats going to happen.....my girlfriend and her son live in my house dont pay any money towards bills i pay for the whole house and I tried treating her son as my own....I even had to start banning her son from the xbox as he doesnt brush his teeth so I said if you dont brush your teeth you dont get treated.....where do i stand and what can i do because my girlfriend is saying she's leaving me and taking my baby boy and I'm scared because I dont trust her son ....thanks
Davey4 - 25-Oct-18 @ 7:50 AM
Hi...me and my girlfriend have a baby boy of 3 months old, we were getting on so well but then all of a sudden we ended up breaking up. . As a father i want to have my son half the week because me my son and my girlfriend and her other son have been living in my house.....I am worried everyday going to work leaving my child at home as my girlfriend's son use to kick our dogs and trap them with his trike bike .We had to get rid of the dogs and then we tried have a little kitten but court him cutting the kittens fur off with scissors..(my girlfriend's son is 9 he should know better) when my girlfriend let her son hold our baby boy he got bored and kind of dropped him into her arms it was quite scary....the last one is the mother and her son and our baby boy went out in the car on a hot day and my girlfriend's son put a blanket on our baby boy and didnt say anything to the mother and by time she pulled over my baby boy was dripping with sweat..as she didnt know her son had done that so I'm scared of going to work.everyday not knowing whats going to happen.....my girlfriend and her son live in my house dont pay any money towards bills i pay for the whole house and I tried treating her son as my own....I even had to start banning her son from the xbox as he doesnt brush his teeth so I said if you dont brush your teeth you dont get treated.....where do i stand and what can i do because my girlfriend is saying she's leaving me and taking my baby boy and I'm scared because I dont trust her son ....thanks
Davey4 - 24-Oct-18 @ 10:14 PM
My ex wife will not let me pick my children up from school or drop them off however is happy for her parents and sister to do this.. I am not allowed to have my 3 Children over night during my rest days from work during the week because of school ? We did not get anything stated in our divorce reference who has the children at what times. I feel like she is being very difficult. I just turned down a promotion at work because my ex wife will not cooperate and build in a new routine with me and the kids. The kids love coming to my house. This is really upsetting i am being stopped from progressing upwards at work. I have the potential to go 4 on 4 off at work and share the children 50/50 ... I feel like the ex wife is scared of loosing benifits.. She takes me for full CSA money as if i am a dad who doesn’t want to see my children... I have offered to have them morw and she says NO ! I am in the process of buying a house and after that i am hoping to go to the familt courts and get shared custody.. There is not valid reason i can not do this alart from a bitter ex wife who is living the dream saying NO !
cc - 19-Oct-18 @ 9:13 AM
I was with my ex partner for 11 year she had two kids to two different dads which i took them on as my own specially my daughter who i have raised from birth at the begining of the relationship things got bad i had anger issues and one point i attacked her as she attacked me but i didnt press chargers in case the kids got took off us by social services I was charged with abh went to crown court sarah written a letter to the judge to spare me going to prison and it worked i went to angermangement/counciling we got back together and while getting back together we had my youngest carter joe things where great yeah we had our arguments but who dosent then we split up in last year we try to sort our differences out still going round to see the kids and taking round our dads where I am living but we didnt work out and I finished it completely she gave me 2 days a week for tea monday and thursday Id mind them for her while she was working on a wednesday aftertoon and saturday afternoon then week after it be the same twice for tea sleep over the weekend friday 6pm til sunday 6pm also inbertween taking them to school on a monday morning also picking them up for tea. inbertween all this id pick my daughter up from dancing make her tea and drop her off home i also use to have them ramdomly sleep over rather it was just to spend time with them or say the friday when it wasnt my weekend they sleep over so then sarah didnt have to be rushing about to get to work also if she had things planned id help out by minding them which i didnt mind because they my kids llove spending time with them i also use to ring them almost everyday like how are you how school been what you been up to so now that iv met someone else which i have told her she didnt want the kids meeting her which they have met her but as a friend passing through the street as now i am not seeing the kids.I am happy and has never stop me putting the effort into my kids iv knew this woman for nearly all my life because iv met someone new she saying she scared if my past history repeat itself thats why she safe guarding the kids from us fighting that she cant protect the kids she has told me that she has sorted a contact visit which is a lie can only be rule by a judge so that hasnt worked she has stop all contact with me and my kids. she let me talk to the boys on the 4th july and now she stop me completely talking to them i have tried and ask if i can have them for tea and the answer is no she has told me to go through the courts and that i wont get no access because of my past history i have never hurt or indanger my kids but because iv told them off for being naughty im some kind of monster which im not but before all this she told me i was a good dad and couldnt of hand pick a better one she has done something like this with the other kids dad and they havent put up a fight and walked away which i am not willing to do i want to be a part of my kids lives i love them and do all i can for those kids
Joeims - 11-Oct-18 @ 9:07 PM
I was with my ex partner for 11 year she had two kids to two different dads which i took them on as my own specially my daughter who i have raised from birth at the begining of the relationship things got bad i had anger issues and one point i attacked her as she attacked me but i didnt press chargers in case the kids got took off us by social services I was charged with abh went to crown court sarah written a letter to the judge to spare me going to prison and it worked i went to angermangement/counciling we got back together and while getting back together we had my youngest carter joe things where great yeah we had our arguments but who dosent then we split up in last year we try to sort our differences out still going round to see the kids and taking round our dads where I am living but we didnt work out and I finished it completely she gave me 2 days a week for tea monday and thursday Id mind them for her while she was working on a wednesday aftertoon and saturday afternoon then week after it be the same twice for tea sleep over the weekend friday 6pm til sunday 6pm also inbertween taking them to school on a monday morning also picking them up for tea. inbertween all this id pick my daughter up from dancing make her tea and drop her off home i also use to have them ramdomly sleep over rather it was just to spend time with them or say the friday when it wasnt my weekend they sleep over so then sarah didnt have to be rushing about to get to work also if she had things planned id help out by minding them which i didnt mind because they my kids llove spending time with them i also use to ring them almost everyday like how are you how school been what you been up to so now that iv met someone else which i have told her she didnt want the kids meeting her which they have met her but as a friend passing through the street as now i am not seeing the kids.I am happy and has never stop me putting the effort into my kids iv knew this woman for nearly all my life because iv met someone new she saying she scared if my past history repeat itself thats why she safe guarding the kids from us fighting that she cant protect the kids she has told me that she has sorted a contact visit which is a lie can only be rule by a judge so that hasnt worked she has stop all contact with me and my kids. she let me talk to the boys on the 4th july and now she stop me completely talking to them i have tried and ask if i can have them for tea and the answer is no she has told me to go through the courts and that i wont get no access because of my past history i have never hurt or indanger my kids but because iv told them off for being naughty im some kind of monster which im not but before all this she told me i was a good dad and couldnt of hand pick a better one she has done something like this with the other kids dad and they havent put up a fight and walked away which i am not willing to do i want to be a part of my kids lives i love them and do all i can for those kids
Joeims - 11-Oct-18 @ 8:37 PM
I am pregnant with twins. I’m not with the father he wants to not see them during the week but has them all weekend since he will be off. I don’t think I would be ready for that until they are 6 months. Would a four agree to this?
. - 7-Oct-18 @ 7:02 PM
Hi can you advise, I split from my partner 2 years ago. Since then we have split custody of out two boys. Verbal agreement only between the two of us. Even though we have equal time with the kids I have still been paying child maintenance of £425 a month to help her with bills etc. This week she has demanded more money and said I can no longer see the boys unless I pay £625 a month. This amount is impossible for me. She has been collecting the kids from after school club before I get there and refusing to answer the phone to discuss. I don't know what to do. All I get is abusive texts with demands. My kids must think I've abandoned them. I just want to stick to the routine that we have had for the last 2 years. What can I do. Im trying to stay calm but I feel like she has all the power. If I did what she has the police would be round within no time. Help me. Please.
mps - 2-Oct-18 @ 6:11 PM
Me and my ex separated 5 years ago, she live with my 2 kids in uk and i live in united states, before she would let me have contact with my kids and i use to send money, but 2017 when she stop having let me talk to my kids and i couldnt send anymore money because she block me from all the communications i can reach her. Now i want to filed for shared custody so i can see my kids since she filed child support. I dont mind paying child support but i want time with my kids as well.
Bob - 26-Sep-18 @ 4:49 PM
Hi, please help!! My daughter's dad took her to spain, got drunk, deficated on himself and walked away without my daughter, she's 11. He left her at a venue and no2 knew for over an hour where he went, the police finally located him, he wasn't arrested but She got taken into police custody and then social services and stayed in a group home until I could get a flight over to get her ... Where do I legally stand on contact?
1fundiver - 23-Sep-18 @ 9:38 PM
Hi! My ex husband and i have been divorced for a few yrs now. I didn't hired a lawyer when we divorce, only he did. I remember on a form that he asked me to sign stating that i can have full custody of our children, i had to go through my paperwork today and i realise that i actual don't have any written proof of this. My question is how do i obtain this written proof from his solicitors or the court. I do not want to have to face him as he is abusive. Pls advice me as i urgently need this paper. Many thanks
Stress out - 21-Sep-18 @ 7:39 AM
Hi there, my.ex and split in June 2017. We agreed 50 50 custody as we live close. My ex is the leisure guy and because I had an affair my family have chosen him over me. I am in a secure and happy relationship, and whilst my parents cut me off, I have provided an enriched and loving home for the boys. Slowly my.youngest has voiced he doesnt want to go to his dad. My eldest is scared of disappointing his dad and tells us different things. The lifestyle and routine for the kids has caused me concern for sometime and I asled my ex to do mediation. He's refused stating kids Re fine andits in my head. I had want to suggest a term time arrangement to offer rhen more stability. During this time I lost my job and sadly I can't attain work locally and need to relocate 3 hours away. I want to still pursue the term time arrangement and kids be with me in that time. I am worried my ex will argue hes kept the status quo and use my family against me or out an order against me. What,can.you suggest to help me best navigate this situation?
Bluebell lass - 20-Sep-18 @ 10:38 PM
Lunaa - Your Question:
I separated from my partner almost a year ago. He has our son once a week or once a fortnight but refuses to have him more than one night and tells me that's what my family is for. I'm looking at moving somewhere else with my son for a new start but my ex is threatening me saying I can't without his say. What can I do? He hardly sees his son so will it be worth getting full custody?

Our Response:
Regardless of how often your ex has your son overnight, if you wish to move from the area by law you have to ask for his consent. If he refuses, then you would have to refer the matter to court. If the father does not have your son often, then it is likely the courts would allow your move. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 18-Sep-18 @ 12:50 PM
I separated from my partner almost a year ago. He has our son once a week or once a fortnight but refuses to have him more than one night and tells me that's what my family is for. I'm looking at moving somewhere else with my son for a new start but my ex is threatening me saying I can't without his say. What can I do? He hardly sees his son so will it be worth getting full custody?
Lunaa - 17-Sep-18 @ 6:20 PM
Hi I am about to go through a divorce I separated from my husband in 2017 he met someone new within a few month which am not bothered about am glad he has moved on but my daughter doesn't like her when she was four her dad left my daughter on my door step and drove off before I got to the door my daughter was crying so I asked what was wrong his new girlfriend had said she didn't want my daughter and she was making them unhappy so I stopped her seeing the women I never said she couldn't see her dad just his girlfriend however even tho my daughter said she didn't want to see her he told my child he was having a party so she would have to go to their house I didn't no this till she got back when she got back she was really quiet and I new he had took her their without my daughter wanting to go. They now have a new baby and live in a 2 bedroom house she has a child already and my child and hers shared a room which she didn't want to do as her child is male and I think it's wrong. he doesn't let his parents see his new child and my child loves seeing her grandparents they see her whenever they can and I would never stop them seeing her he hasn't seen my child since May he doesn't call or text to make sure she is OK he never has and he has stopped paying for her over the past 2 month I want to go for full custody cos I don't trust them and I don't Want them turning up and taking her one day am just scared if I go to court I may lose her does anyone have any advice
Worried parent - 11-Sep-18 @ 10:35 PM
My partner has a child from a previous relationship who is 7, we have a court order in place for contact but recently social service are involved in her behalf for drug use,neglecting the kids (she has another child)- has has failed a drug test with them which shows she is still using- she also drinks a lot.. do you think my partner could get 50/50 custody? She currently has him a few days more then him. We are so worried about his welfare. We just wants what’s for him. Thanks
Dmb12 - 10-Sep-18 @ 10:11 AM
Shelly - Your Question:
My husband and myself separated 11 yrs ago for nearly three years in that time he met someone else and they had a child. When the child was 2.5 yrs old my husband and I reconciled he moved back to our marital home, he had been back a matter of months when she announced she was six months pregnant. When the eldest child was three yrs old she had just given birth to the second child the three yr old came to live with my husband,me and our two children this has been on going he is nine now so has lived with us for six years in that time the youngest child has also come to live with us he has been with us 18 months. She has never provided financially,contacted them regarding there welfare they have both been under speech and language experts for there speech and vocabulary she never allowed her parents contact when she did have them this is now a regular arrangement which grandparents and kids love we have done so much and sacrificed even more for the well-being of those boys, but my husband thinks she can just come along and up root the boys and have them back in her custody after all this time is he right? Please help

Our Response:
It is a tricky question to answer as all parents who have parental responsibility can care for the children (unless a court order says otherwise). If your husband is on the birth certificate (so has PR) then he can legally care for the children. If he is not registered on the birth certificate, then his ex would have the authority to come and take the children without his consent. In order to make living arrangements official, then your husband would have to apply through the courts, please see the link here. Or an arrangement can be made via mediation. If your husband's ex wife does come and take the children, then your husband would have to apply to court to have them returned. As he has been the primary carer for a good while, then it is likely the courts would return the children to him (unless there was a very good reason otherwise).
ChildSupportLaws - 7-Sep-18 @ 2:34 PM
My husband and myself separated 11 yrs ago for nearly three years in that time he met someone else and they had a child. When the child was 2.5 yrs old my husband and I reconciled he moved back to our marital home, he had been back a matter of months when she announced she was six months pregnant. When the eldest child was three yrs old she had just given birth to the second child the three yr old came to live with my husband,me and our two children this has been on going he is nine now so has lived with us for six years in that time the youngest child has also come to live with us he has been with us 18 months. She has never provided financially,contacted them regarding there welfare they have both been under speech and language experts for there speech and vocabulary she never allowed her parents contact when she did have them this is now a regular arrangement which grandparents and kids love we have done so much and sacrificed even more for the well-being of those boys, but my husband thinks she can just come along and up root the boys and have them back in her custody after all this time is he right? Please help
Shelly - 4-Sep-18 @ 4:25 PM
@Ella - do you really want your ex to have contact with your son after what you say he has done? There is a good reason why the refuge doesn't want you to have contact. You would have residency of your child if you have always been the primary carer. You might want to ask the refuge what the process should be - but I'd be pretty hesitant to allow anything other than supervised contact.
JuN - 3-Sep-18 @ 2:07 PM
Me and my 4 year old son staying at a refuge accommodation for almost 2 weeks now due to domestic abuse. I was married for more than 8 years and i can't bear the physical, emotional and financial abuse no more, and plus seeing my son suffer is too much. Now, I just want the separtion to be easy for my son as he is asking for his dad but as a refuge rules we're not allowed to have an open communication with him. I want to talk to him and ask what he want's from this separation and maybe we can just have an agreement on when he can spend time with our son as i still want him to be part of my son's life. Im worried about who's gonna have the custody is it me or him? I am the primary carer of my son, even before my son was born he was in a child's protection due to his dad'sprevious history of domestic abuse from his previous marriage and he served 5 yrs in prison because of arson. Please i need some advice Many thanks
Ella - 2-Sep-18 @ 11:21 PM
Hi there, me and my partner (ex now) had a wee boy I'm September 2011 and we split a few month later. Now for a full year after the split we had shared custody of our son 3.5 days a week each chopping and changing days to suit each other with work and training etc. Now after a year of this with no lawyers being involved (after me repeatedly asking to have something done in writing) she decided she didn't want me being part of our sons life because she had a new partner and was moving on. So for a year and a half I went through court to get my son back eventually after all that time without seeing my son or his mum I was granted 3.5 days a week with my son by court order. I managed I get a message to her saying so and within half an hour she was at my door reading the court order and said that she will not adhere to it and she will not let me see our son. So I went back to the lawyers and he said "we will just get her put in jail" which instantly put fear in to me the idea of taking his mother away from him even tho she done it to me I couldn't do that so I left it at that believing that if I pursued it he'd have his mother taken away and she is the only consistent being he has ever had. Now its 4 years later and I've really been trying to research this and I'm now going to go back to court and try and get him back. My question is where do I stand after being out his life for so long in the eyes of court? And what rights do I have?
34skyline - 22-Aug-18 @ 8:19 AM
Hi there, me and my partner (ex now) had a wee boy I'm September 2011 and we split a few month later. Now for a full year after the split we had shared custody of our son 3.5 days a week each chopping and changing days to suit each other with work and training etc. Now after a year of this with no lawyers being involved (after me repeatedly asking to have something done in writing) she decided she didn't want me being part of our sons life because she had a new partner and was moving on. So for a year and a half I went through court to get my son back eventually after all that time without seeing my son or his mum I was granted 3.5 days a week with my son by court order. I managed I get a message to her saying so and within half an hour she was at my door reading the court order and said that she will not adhere to it and she will not let me see our son. So I went back to the lawyers and he said "we will just get her put in jail" which instantly put fear in to me the idea of taking his mother away from him even tho she done it to me I couldn't do that so I left it at that believing that if I pursued it he'd have his mother taken away and she is the only consistent being he has ever had. Now its 4 years later and I've really been trying to research this and I'm now going to go back to court and try and get him back. My question is where do I stand after being out his life for so long in the eyes of court? And what rights do I have?
34skyline - 20-Aug-18 @ 7:13 PM
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