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Domestic Violence and Contact

By: Abigail Taylor - Updated: 3 Jul 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Domestic Violence Abuse Abuser Children

The Government defines Domestic Violence as "Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality."

Domestic abuse is rarely a 'one-off' incident. Abusers generally demonstrate a pattern of abuse. In March 2013, the Government extended their definition of Domestic Violence to include 16 and 17 year olds as 'adults' within the definition. This was in recognition of the increasing number of teenage girls who suffer domestic abuse at the hands of (an often older) sexual partner. This change has also been marked by a TV campaign highlighting examples of emotional abuse, to raise awareness amongst younger people.

In times of economic recession, domestic abuse often increases, and this year is no exception. In 2013, the Citizens Advice Bureau reported an 11% increase in the number of people seeking help from them for domestic violence related matters.

How do you prove Domestic Violence in court?

"Hi, I am a single mother of 2 children who are both under the age of 5. They have been through too much emotional and physical damage during the past 2 years due to the separation of me and their father. He has been physically violent towards me and verbally abusive towards me in front of the kids. They're very traumatised; also their behaviour has regressed since this situation has started. The paternal family dispute all of this in front of a social worker who has now placed the children on the CPS register and are holding a conference this week Wednesday. How can I prove his abusive conduct in court?"

There are obvious problems in trying to prove domestic violence in court:

  • a) Domestic violence is often disputed by the perpetrator's family and friends. Sometimes this is a malicious attempt to derail an ex-partner's case, but more commonly, it is because it is hard to believe someone you know and love could be an abuser (particularly when the perpetrator will often act differently around others).
  • b) Domestic violence usually happens behind closed doors, when there are no witnesses. Perpetrators will act differently around others and will often only abuse their victims when there are no witnesses. Perpetrators are often very clever to hide any evidence (for example ensuring that any bruises are in areas not seen by others).

Courts will always prefer concrete evidence (written documents or photographs) for the simple reason that these are hard to refute. In the case of domestic abuse, it is not always possible to get this kind of evidence, so how can you prove abuse in court?

  • 1) Take photographs (preferably time-dated) of any injuries. If possible, also attend your local doctor's surgery as they can formerly record any injuries, and may be able to suggest a possible cause for these at a later date to the court.
  • 2) Record any abuse in a diary with dates/times/location etc all detailed.
  • 3) Where any incident is clearly against the law, report it to the police so that they can provide a report to the court.
  • 4) If any neighbours heard anything, ask to provide a witness statement. They will probably not be allowed to give evidence of what you have told them (as this is hearsay), but can give evidence as to what they saw/heard themselves.

Is Domestic Violence a barrier to contact?

"My daughter has an 11month old boy and the father is on the birth certificate. However, he physically abused her and smashed the house up, and only served a few months for this. He has history of threatening behaviour and also assaulting his own mother and brother. My daughter is worried that he may be allowed access to his son. Surely this cannot be right with his history."

Under Section 8 of the Human Rights Act 1998, everyone has the right to private and family life. Numerous researchers have also found that children are better to have contact with both their parents. Parents therefore both have a right to contact with their children, even if they have committed crimes in the past. This right does not change, even if one parent has committed domestic abuse, or any other crime, and whether they have been imprisoned or not.

Clearly in some cases (particularly those where one parent has a tendency towards violence), contact with children will cause concern. However just because a parent has a right to contact, does not mean that they have a right to simply take their children anywhere they like for a period of time; restrictions can, and will, be placed on contact between an abusive parent and their children (provided that abuse such as a tendency towards violence can be proven).

Types of contact

There are several types of contact:
  • General contact (free and unrestricted). This may also include overnight stays.
  • Contact with the assistance of a Children and Family Support Centre (usually to "hand-over" children so that parents do not have to meet)
  • Supervised contact (fully supervised contact at a Family Support Centre which neither the child nor the parent is allowed to leave during the session)
  • Indirect contact (such a letters, telephone conversations, email, Skype)
In cases of proven violence (such a physical domestic abuse to the other parent), the abusive parent is likely to only be allowed supervised contact.

This means that at a pre-arranged time (for example once a week on a Saturday morning from 10-12), you would take your child to a local Family Support Centre. You can then choose to stay in a different room, or leave your child with the centre and return to pick them back up. The abusive parent would attend the centre at the pre-arranged time and be allowed contact with their child / children in a large room, overseen by one of the Support Centre workers. Centres often have various toys etc, so contact usually takes the form of playing a game/colouring etc together.

The abusive parent would not be allowed (in cases of fully-supervised contact) to leave the centre with the child/children, and a centre worker will be present in the room with them at all times.

It is in extremely rare circumstances when contact would not be allowed.

In ordering contact, the court must consider the child's welfare. One factor considered will be the child's ascertainable wishes and feelings. However these are unlikely to be given much weight until the child has a suitable level of understanding (usually at about 14 years old). The court will also be careful to ensure that any wishes expressed by your child, are not your imposed views, but rather their own decision. Your child will usually be interviewed by a specially trained CAFCASS officer who will report back to the court in this regard.

Can I refuse to allow contact?

"Hi my husband and I split up nearly 2 years ago and we have a five year old daughter. He's never paid any child support for her but still had access to her whenever he wanted. Recently I refused him access until he accepts responsibilities as her father but he's threatening to take me to court. At the end of our relationship he was very abusive and violent and got arrested a couple of times for beating me up which my daughter witnessed so social services were involved. Every chance he gets he tries to poison my daughter against me and my partner. Where do I stand in refusing to allow him contact?"

If no court order has been made in relation to contact, and your child resides solely with you, you can refuse to allow the other parent contact with their child. If they wish to challenge this however, they can take you to court and you would have to explain your reasons to a judge, with evidence. If they are not satisfied by your reasons, they will order contact to take place. It is therefore always best to be reasonable. For example, would indirect contact resolve your concerns, or could contact take place supervised, at a relative's house?

If a court order is made, you can physically prevent contact, however, to do so would make you in contempt of court. The punishments for contempt of court range in severity from a small fine to imprisonment. However also bear in mind that the court does have the power if it considers it appropriate, to reverse a residential order, giving your former partner custody of your child, and you contact/visitation rights. Whilst this is unlikely in domestic abuse cases, it is worth bearing in mind that the courts do not take failure to comply with orders lightly.

What restrictions can be put on an abusive parent?

One worry for many parents who have been abused by a former partner is that in allowing them contact with your child/children, you retain a link with them, that will lead to them constantly pestering/harassing you. Even if you do not speak to your partner directly to arrange contact (using a Family Contact Centre so that you never see them face-to-face), young children can quite easily reveal where you live (often not understanding why you would not want their other parent to know). If you have problems as a result of allowing contact or contact being ordered, you can seek some protection from the courts:

Non-molestation Order
This order prevents your ex-partner from using or threatening violence against you (which of course is against the law anyway), and also stops them harassing or pestering you. [Note that breach of a non-molestation order is now a criminal offence, as well as an act that can be dealt with by the civil courts.]

Occupation Order
This can be used to regulate who lives in your family home (and remove an abusive partner). However it can also be used to prevent the abuser entering the area surrounding your home, in order to keep them away from your home.

Restraining Order
This order prevents someone from carrying out a particular, specified action. A non-molestation is a type of restraining order. However you may also be given other types of restraining orders if necessary (one usual example I have seen is the use of a restraining order to prevent one party giving out the other party's new phone number to third parties, after he had given their previous number to over a dozen cold-calling companies and advertised it as a "sex-chat line" on the internet.

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[Add a Comment]
Hi. My ex partner was very controlling and abusive. Getting further into the relationship I found out he was a heavy drug user (and still uses drugs e.g cocaine, cannabis, acid, dmt, mdma). He took full financial control over me, taking my bank card off me, he often would take my phone away from me, and also used to remove the condom during intercourse without my knowledge (how I ended up pregnant) the abuse got worse and worse as I got really poorly with the pregnancy, with him even hitting me whilst pregnant. His ex messaged me, telling me that he had been threatening her not to tell me- but he had been in prison 5 years previously for gbh, fire arm possession and cannabis psychosis. I managed to get away from him, but have had to keep going to the police about harassment, he won't leave me and my friends alone and often says that if I don't speak to him he will lull himself (I know this is just emotional blackmail, he did this several times during the relationship when I tried to split up with him). He's told the police officer he's going to take me to court to get access to my son. He's not on the birth certificate, but I've heard he could quite likely get put on. He also has schizophrenia, he's so unstable I'm terrified off him harming my son. I'm so worried and scared. Would he be allowed access to my lovely little boy bearing all of this in mind? Please help, thank you.
Pasha - 3-Jul-18 @ 11:17 PM
Hi. My ex partner was very controlling and abusive. Getting further into the relationship I found out he was a heavy drug user (and still uses drugs e.g cocaine, cannabis, acid, dmt, mdma). He took full financial control over me, taking my bank card off me, he often would take my phone away from me, and also used to remove the condom during intercourse without my knowledge (how I ended up pregnant) the abuse got worse and worse as I got really poorly with the pregnancy, with him even hitting me whilst pregnant. His ex messaged me, telling me that he had been threatening her not to tell me- but he had been in prison 5 years previously for gbh, fire arm possession and cannabis psychosis. I managed to get away from him, but have had to keep going to the police about harassment, he won't leave me and my friends alone and often says that if I don't speak to him he will lull himself (I know this is just emotional blackmail, he did this several times during the relationship when I tried to split up with him). He's told the police officer he's going to take me to court to get access to my son. He's not on the birth certificate, but I've heard he could quite likely get put on. He also has schizophrenia, he's so unstable I'm terrified off him harming my son. I'm so worried and scared. Would he be allowed access to my lovely little boy bearing all of this in mind? Please help, thank you.
Pasha - 3-Jul-18 @ 5:18 PM
@Pasha - If your child's father has a history of violence etc and you have proof and if you have a harassment order out on him now it's unikely the court would allow him anything other than unsupervised contact.
Elliot - 3-Jul-18 @ 2:50 PM
Hi. My ex partner was very controlling and abusive. Getting further into the relationship I found out he was a heavy drug user (and still uses drugs e.g cocaine, cannabis, acid, dmt, mdma). He took full financial control over me, taking my bank card off me, he often would take my phone away from me, and also used to remove the condom during intercourse without my knowledge (how I ended up pregnant) the abuse got worse and worse as I got really poorly with the pregnancy, with him even hitting me whilst pregnant. His ex messaged me, telling me that he had been threatening her not to tell me- but he had been in prison 5 years previously for gbh, fire arm possession and cannabis psychosis. I managed to get away from him, but have had to keep going to the police about harassment, he won't leave me and my friends alone and often says that if I don't speak to him he will lull himself (I know this is just emotional blackmail, he did this several times during the relationship when I tried to split up with him). He's told the police officer he's going to take me to court to get access to my son. He's not on the birth certificate, but I've heard he could quite likely get put on. He also has schizophrenia, he's so unstable I'm terrified off him harming my son. I'm so worried and scared. Would he be allowed access to my lovely little boy bearing all of this in mind? Please help, thank you.
Pasha - 3-Jul-18 @ 2:06 PM
Hi. My ex partner was very controlling and abusive. Getting further into the relationship I found out he was a heavy drug user (and still uses drugs e.g cocaine, cannabis, acid, dmt, mdma). He took full financial control over me, taking my bank card off me, he often would take my phone away from me, and also used to remove the condom during intercourse without my knowledge (how I ended up pregnant) the abuse got worse and worse as I got really poorly with the pregnancy, with him even hitting me whilst pregnant. His ex messaged me, telling me that he had been threatening her not to tell me- but he had been in prison 5 years previously for gbh, fire arm possession and cannabis psychosis. I managed to get away from him, but have had to keep going to the police about harassment, he won't leave me and my friends alone and often says that if I don't speak to him he will lull himself (I know this is just emotional blackmail, he did this several times during the relationship when I tried to split up with him). He's told the police officer he's going to take me to court to get access to my son. He's not on the birth certificate, but I've heard he could quite likely get put on. He also has schizophrenia, he's so unstable I'm terrified off him harming my son. I'm so worried and scared. Would he be allowed access to my lovely little boy bearing all of this in mind? Please help, thank you.
Pasha - 3-Jul-18 @ 9:54 AM
Hi. My ex partner was very controlling and abusive. Getting further into the relationship I found out he was a heavy drug user (and still uses drugs e.g cocaine, cannabis, acid, dmt, mdma). He took full financial control over me, taking my bank card off me, he often would take my phone away from me, and also used to remove the condom during intercourse without my knowledge (how I ended up pregnant) the abuse got worse and worse as I got really poorly with the pregnancy, with him even hitting me whilst pregnant. His ex messaged me, telling me that he had been threatening her not to tell me- but he had been in prison 5 years previously for gbh, fire arm possession and cannabis psychosis. I managed to get away from him, but have had to keep going to the police about harassment, he won't leave me and my friends alone and often says that if I don't speak to him he will lull himself (I know this is just emotional blackmail, he did this several times during the relationship when I tried to split up with him). He's told the police officer he's going to take me to court to get access to my son. He's not on the birth certificate, but I've heard he could quite likely get put on. He also has schizophrenia, he's so unstable I'm terrified off him harming my son. I'm so worried and scared. Would he be allowed access to my lovely little boy bearing all of this in mind? Please help, thank you.
Pasha - 3-Jul-18 @ 12:37 AM
Hi. My ex partner was very controlling and abusive. Getting further into the relationship I found out he was a heavy drug user (and still uses drugs e.g cocaine, cannabis, acid, dmt, mdma). He took full financial control over me, taking my bank card off me, he often would take my phone away from me, and also used to remove the condom during intercourse without my knowledge (how I ended up pregnant) the abuse got worse and worse as I got really poorly with the pregnancy, with him even hitting me whilst pregnant. His ex messaged me, telling me that he had been threatening her not to tell me- but he had been in prison 5 years previously for gbh, fire arm possession and cannabis psychosis. I managed to get away from him, but have had to keep going to the police about harassment, he won't leave me and my friends alone and often says that if I don't speak to him he will lull himself (I know this is just emotional blackmail, he did this several times during the relationship when I tried to split up with him). He's told the police officer he's going to take me to court to get access to my son. He's not on the birth certificate, but I've heard he could quite likely get put on. He also has schizophrenia, he's so unstable I'm terrified off him harming my son. I'm so worried and scared. Would he be allowed access to my lovely little boy bearing all of this in mind? Please help, thank you.
Pasha - 3-Jul-18 @ 12:05 AM
Bubbles- Your Question:
My ex assulted me twice in home where are 10 month old was police were called on both occasions. I tried to keep the family together for sake of my son, however a few months later he beat me up breaking my jaw into bits aswel as other injuries. He was found guilty of Gbh and has served a prison sentance. Ive been through so much physically and mentally I cant take any more. And the thought of him trying for access makes me so scared for my son. I dont want them being poisoned or abused hes so unstable. Please help

Our Response:
If your ex committed that extent of domestic violence, if an application is allowed a court will order Cafcass to investigate and produce a welfare report. A welfare report should take into account: the child’s personal wishes, the safety of each party and the safety of the child during contact, any harm suffered by the child and any harm that the child might be susceptible to if contact is awarded; and domestic violence experienced by the child or either parent. As specified in the article, in DV cases, the court will always ensure that arrangements are safe for yourself and your child. This may mean that the other parent should have no contact with you or your child. Please see the link here for further information. If you have suffered domestic abuse, you can apply for Legal Aid, please see link here. I hope this helps.
ChildSupportLaws - 28-Jun-18 @ 10:33 AM
My ex assulted me twice in home where are 10 month old was police were called on both occasions. I tried to keep the family together for sake of my son, however a few months later he beat me up breaking my jaw into bits aswel as other injuries. He was found guilty of Gbh and has served a prison sentance. Ive been through so much physically and mentally i cant take any more. And the thought of him trying for access makes me so scared for my son. I dont want them being poisoned or abused hes so unstable. Please help
Bubbles - 27-Jun-18 @ 4:29 PM
Mum - Your Question:
Hi I left a query could you please adviseHi I have been divorced from my ex and have a decree absolute in 2014. My son who is 6 years old lives with me with no contact with his dad for the last 5 years as we separated due to domestic violence on child and myself and the father lives in another country. My divorce application mentioned that my son will live with me and my ex didn’t contest this. I am worried that I don’t have a legal document which mentioned that I have custody. Also in case his father tracks us and takes him away from his school. Could you please advise what I should do.

Our Response:
If you are concerned that this may happen, then you can apply through the courts for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. The court would do this via a child arrangement order, please see link here .
ChildSupportLaws - 26-Jun-18 @ 2:18 PM
Hi I left a query could you please advise Hi I have been divorced from my ex and have a decree absolute in 2014. My son who is 6 years old lives with me with no contact with his dad for the last 5 years as we separated due to domestic violence on child and myself and the father lives in another country. My divorce application mentioned that my son will live with me and my ex didn’t contest this. I am worried that I don’t have a legal document which mentioned that I have custody. Also in case his father tracks us and takes him away from his school . Could you please advise what I should do.
Mum - 25-Jun-18 @ 8:43 PM
I left my husband 6 months ago due to emotional abuse and sexual abuse towards myself and my two children (his step children). Just before I left I found out I was pregnant. A pregnancy he forced upon me “for my own good”. I have had zero contact since I left, he has harassed me and has been cautioned by the police. My problem is although my children can relay all details of the abuse they suffered, the police did nothing. They had a brief chat with the boys and it didn’t go further. My boys are safe and will never have contact with him but I am fearful for my baby. His behaviour towards his own child is indecent and irresponsible so I have no reason to believe he will be any different towards this baby. I have an appointment with a solicitor booked and legal aid is being sorted out but where can I go/what can I do now to pre empt his application to the court for access? And once he has made that application is there realistically any way of limiting contact to at most supervised visits until the baby is old enough to recognise what is correct behaviour towards her? Without the police to back up what I’ve said I am doubtful I will have a case. My social worker howeverfully understands my concerns and feels I’m justified in my fears for my babies safety so I am confident of her support. I am in no way a vengeful woman just out to deny my ex access to his child for no good reason. I am genuinely fearful for my baby. Any advice would be gratefully received thank you.
Worried mum - 8-Jun-18 @ 7:40 PM
Worried mum- Your Question:
I left my husband 6 months ago due to emotional abuse and sexual abuse towards myself and my two children (his step children). Just before I left I found out I was pregnant. A pregnancy he forced upon me “for my own good”. I have had zero contact since I left, he has harassed me and has been cautioned by the police. My problem is although my children can relay all details of the abuse they suffered, the police did nothing. They had a brief chat with the boys and it didn’t go further. My boys are safe and will never have contact with him but I am fearful for my baby. His behaviour towards his own child is indecent and irresponsible so I have no reason to believe he will be any different towards this baby. I have an appointment with a solicitor booked and legal aid is being sorted out but where can I go/what can I do now to pre empt his application to the court for access? And once he has made that application is there realistically any way of limiting contact to at most supervised visits until the baby is old enough to recognise what is correct behaviour towards her? Without the police to back up what I’ve said I am doubtful I will have a case. My social worker however fully understands my concerns and feels I’m justified in my fears for my babies safety so I am confident of her support. I am in no way a vengeful woman just out to deny my ex access to his child for no good reason. I am genuinely fearful for my baby. Any advice would be gratefully received thank you.

Our Response:
If the matter goes to court, Cafcass will get involved, please see link here . If you have the backing of social workers and the police caution, then this will be taken into consideration. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 8-Jun-18 @ 2:49 PM
I left my husband 6 months ago due to emotional abuse and sexual abuse towards myself and my two children (his step children). Just before I left I found out I was pregnant. A pregnancy he forced upon me “for my own good”. I have had zero contact since I left, he has harassed me and has been cautioned by the police. My problem is although my children can relay all details of the abuse they suffered, the police did nothing. They had a brief chat with the boys and it didn’t go further. My boys are safe and will never have contact with him but I am fearful for my baby. His behaviour towards his own child is indecent and irresponsible so I have no reason to believe he will be any different towards this baby. I have an appointment with a solicitor booked and legal aid is being sorted out but where can I go/what can I do now to pre empt his application to the court for access? And once he has made that application is there realistically any way of limiting contact to at most supervised visits until the baby is old enough to recognise what is correct behaviour towards her? Without the police to back up what I’ve said I am doubtful I will have a case. My social worker howeverfully understands my concerns and feels I’m justified in my fears for my babies safety so I am confident of her support. I am in no way a vengeful woman just out to deny my ex access to his child for no good reason. I am genuinely fearful for my baby. Any advice would be gratefully received thank you.
Worried mum - 6-Jun-18 @ 7:24 AM
I left my husband 6 months ago due to emotional abuse and sexual abuse towards myself and my two children (his step children). Just before I left I found out I was pregnant. A pregnancy he forced upon me “for my own good”. I have had zero contact since I left, he has harassed me and has been cautioned by the police. My problem is although my children can relay all details of the abuse they suffered, the police did nothing. They had a brief chat with the boys and it didn’t go further. My boys are safe and will never have contact with him but I am fearful for my baby. His behaviour towards his own child is indecent and irresponsible so I have no reason to believe he will be any different towards this baby. I have an appointment with a solicitor booked and legal aid is being sorted out but where can I go/what can I do now to pre empt his application to the court for access? And once he has made that application is there realistically any way of limiting contact to at most supervised visits until the baby is old enough to recognise what is correct behaviour towards her? Without the police to back up what I’ve said I am doubtful I will have a case. My social worker howeverfully understands my concerns and feels I’m justified in my fears for my babies safety so I am confident of her support. I am in no way a vengeful woman just out to deny my ex access to his child for no good reason. I am genuinely fearful for my baby. Any advice would be gratefully received thank you.
Worried mum - 5-Jun-18 @ 9:27 PM
I left my husband 6 months ago due to emotional abuse and sexual abuse towards myself and my two children (his step children). Just before I left I found out I was pregnant. A pregnancy he forced upon me “for my own good”. I have had zero contact since I left, he has harassed me and has been cautioned by the police. My problem is although my children can relay all details of the abuse they suffered, the police did nothing. They had a brief chat with the boys and it didn’t go further. My boys are safe and will never have contact with him but I am fearful for my baby. His behaviour towards his own child is indecent and irresponsible so I have no reason to believe he will be any different towards this baby. I have an appointment with a solicitor booked and legal aid is being sorted out but where can I go/what can I do now to pre empt his application to the court for access? And once he has made that application is there realistically any way of limiting contact to at most supervised visits until the baby is old enough to recognise what is correct behaviour towards her? Without the police to back up what I’ve said I am doubtful I will have a case. My social worker howeverfully understands my concerns and feels I’m justified in my fears for my babies safety so I am confident of her support. I am in no way a vengeful woman just out to deny my ex access to his child for no good reason. I am genuinely fearful for my baby. Any advice would be gratefully received thank you.
Worried mum - 5-Jun-18 @ 8:51 PM
Mumof2 - Your Question:
Hi there, my son is now 12. Over the years my abusive ex partner (i had a 1 year non mol order at the time which was over ridden when family courts allowed unsupervised contact) the orders have been given and my ex never even turned up for 1st visit. This was over 5 years ago and he goes for long periods of no contact then bullies me into contact with our son completely inconsistently. my son now says he doesnt want to see him but im scared physically how Dad will react, recently he came to drop new shoes off fot him and as it was my son who opened the door his dad came into the house, straight into our sons room and took all our sons shoes that he felt were no good and took them away to diapose of. The courts at the time knew of the extreme domestic violence myself and my son experienced and still allowed unsupervised contact even though I explained to the judge he would push or do something violent to me even when handing our son over for contact and the judge said our differences shouldn't mean he cannot see his son. Every heating was a different judge with a different view on the situation but all took the view it was in our sons best interest to see dad unsupervised. Now my son has been diagnosed by caambs as being traumatized by no play therapy is available in our area due to cuts and now he has developed ticks due to stress. My son doesnt want to see his dad but we are both scared of his reaction if I cut contact. What court order can I apply for? If I can apply on these grounds I will ask them to now consider the new 2017 law regarding domestic violence. Any Advice appreciated, thankyou

Our Response:
If there has been a change in circumstances i.e with regards to your son's recent diagnosis, then you can apply for an 'application for variation or revocation of a contact order'. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 4-Jun-18 @ 11:52 AM
Mini - Your Question:
My ex has done a court order & had my 3 year old son removed from my care using that I have Bipolar & Schizophrenia. I am completely heart broken & not been able to see my boy for 4wks.I was diagnosed with Bipolar in 2015 following PND, discharged from the community metal team in 2016 and no meds (I manage my moods and full aware of my triggers - emotionally abusive ex to myself and my daughter). I have NEVER been diagnosed with Schizophrenia.Short story - my 14 daughter (his step daughter) found weed and cocanie, my daughter confronted him, he threatened my daughter, I asked him to leave, he wouldn't go so I called the police. He collected our 3 yr old from nursery and refused for me to see him for 3 days and them produced a Step court order to have my little boy removed from my care. A solicitor has written to the courts with evidence. Proof of drugs which have been reported to police, doctors notes on diagnose, Social Services report from 2015 to say I am no danger to the kids. A non molestation intention has been serviced to my ex and this will be added to the hearing on the 4th. I have some voice recordings of how he abuses us and police reports of domestic, but how do I prove the rest?

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. However, unfortunately your question is beyond our remit to advise, given that the court has aready decided. Your only recourse is to seek further professional legal advice regarding this matter.
ChildSupportLaws - 4-Jun-18 @ 10:45 AM
My ex has done a court order & had my 3 year old son removed from my care using that I have Bipolar & Schizophrenia. I am completely heart broken & not been able to see my boy for 4wks. I was diagnosed with Bipolar in 2015 following PND, discharged from the community metal team in 2016 and no meds (I manage my moods and full aware of my triggers - emotionally abusive ex to myself and my daughter). I have NEVER been diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Short story - my 14 daughter (his step daughter) found weed and cocanie, my daughter confronted him, he threatened my daughter, I asked him to leave, he wouldn't go so I called the police. He collected our 3 yr old from nursery and refused for me to see him for 3 days and them produced a Step court order to have my little boy removed from my care. A solicitor has written to the courts with evidence. Proof of drugs which have been reported to police, doctors notes on diagnose, Social Services report from 2015 to say I am no danger to the kids. A non molestation intention has been serviced to my ex and this will be added to the hearing on the 4th. I have some voice recordings of how he abuses us and police reports of domestic, but how do I prove the rest?
Mini - 3-Jun-18 @ 9:15 AM
Hi there, my son is now 12. Over the years my abusive ex partner (i had a 1 year non mol order at the time which was over ridden when family courts allowed unsupervised contact) the orders have been given and my ex never even turned up for 1st visit. This was over 5 years ago and he goes for long periods of no contact then bullies me into contact with our son completely inconsistently. my son now says he doesnt want to see him but im scared physically how Dad will react, recently he came to drop new shoes off fot him and as it was my son who opened the door his dad came into the house, straight into our sons room and took all our sons shoes that he felt were no good and took them away to diapose of. The courts at the time knew of the extreme domestic violence myself and my son experienced and still allowed unsupervised contact even though i explained to the judge he would push or do something violent to me even when handing our son over for contact and the judge said our differences shouldn't mean he cannot see his son. Every heating was a different judge with a different view on the situation but all took the view it was in our sons best interest to see dad unsupervised. Now my son has been diagnosed by caambs as being traumatized by no play therapy is available in our area due to cuts and now he has developed ticks due to stress. My son doesnt want to see his dad but we are both scared of his reaction if i cut contact. What court order can i apply for? If i can apply on these grounds i will ask them to now consider the new 2017 law regarding domestic violence. Any Advice appreciated, thankyou
Mumof2 - 3-Jun-18 @ 12:16 AM
Kizzy - Your Question:
My question is my son has full custody of my grandchild as her mums boyfriend physically abused my grand child she was removed by a court now her mum is going back to court to get custody back she is still with the boyfriend. They have recently got engaged. We have a section 7 report from caff cass high lighting the abuse. My son is worried she will get the child back.

Our Response:
It is highly unlikely a court will remove the child from your son. Likewise, it is highly unlikely the court would hand the child to a person who has been proved to physically abuse the child. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. It sounds as though your son has very little to worry about here, if his child is happy and content.
ChildSupportLaws - 1-Jun-18 @ 11:11 AM
My question is my son has full custody of my grandchild as her mums boyfriend physically abused my grand child she was removed by a court now her mum is going back to court to get custody back she is still with the boyfriend. They have recently got engaged. We have a section 7 report from caff cass high lighting the abuse. My son is worried she will get the child back.
Kizzy - 31-May-18 @ 10:35 AM
Clay1978 - Your Question:
My ex partner and I split 14 months ago the breakdown of the marriage was my fault and have always held my hands up to this. There has never been an issue over access but I'm now very concerned over her new partner being introduce to my children. The reasons for this is that her new partner has a conviction for social and domestic violence and also for assault. I am now thinking about fighting her for the custody of my children due to concerns over there future welfare. Where do I stand in a court of law. I know I have to try mediation first but need to know where I stand. He seems to have brainwashed my ex into the fact it was all a set up and he's not the bloke that he's being portrayed as. Advise please

Our Response:
In the first place, speaking to your ex about your concerns is the best option. If your ex ignores your concerns, then please see link here. Much depends upon the circumstances. A court is unlikely to remove your children from their mother if her new partner is not a direct threat and/or living with her. You may wish to seek legal advice, as much would depend upon the details and severity of the conviction.
ChildSupportLaws - 10-May-18 @ 2:22 PM
My ex partner and I split 14 months ago the breakdown of the marriage was my fault and have always held my hands up to this. There has never been an issue over access but I'm now very concerned over her new partner being introduce to my children . The reasons for this is that her new partner has a conviction for social and domestic violence and also for assault.I am now thinking about fighting her for the custody of my children due to concerns over there future welfare. Where do i stand in a court of law . I know I have to try mediation first but need to know where I stand. He seems to have brainwashed my ex into the fact it was all a set up and he's not the bloke that he's being portrayed as . Advise please
Clay1978 - 9-May-18 @ 2:57 AM
Hello. My eldest son aged 10 has recently been getting alot more upset & is having real difficulty sleeping. This has been triggered by his father telling him he is taking me to court so him & his brother will be sleeping over every 2 weeks. Josh has already seen the school counsellor for self esteem issues and help with recurring nightmares about his dad hurting him. I've also made teachers aware of this so they can try and support Josh/ help where need be. My children's father & I have been divorced 6 year's and no regular sleep overs have taken place in this time. Though there was no violence towards my children, there was intermittently toward me. But it was predominantly emotional & psychological abuse which I only became aware of being in a DV relaionship after seeing a counsellor myself (such was the mental damage & trauma). I have (for approx. 6mths or more) been allowing an over night stay once a month - (because being forced to by him), but even then both boys are not comfortable and always both come home very emotionally upset and usually hungry and thirsty. I have always permitted regular access; he sees them every Wednesday after school and every Saturday though (due to my boys reactions & changed behaviours) have never been 100% comfortable with even this. I am mindful of trying to do the right thing & law states contact should be regular with both parents. Threatening language and behaviour towards me unfortunately has not subsided at all and this has been witnessed on many occasions by both boys even now over 6 year's on. He has said he now wants regular over night stays and is taking me to court to get this. I don't however believe this is in the boys best interests at all. My questions are these please:- 1. Is there any way now to prove or highlight my ex husband was emotionally and psychologically abusive ? 2. If not, given the time that has passed and the fact that I didn't report anything when I was with him or ever since (I've just wanted to move on with my life and block him out but do the best by my boys) what is the likely outcome re over night stays ? Also will courts take into account he hasn't has over night stays for 6 years or will this just go in his favour? 3. Is there anything I can do to prevent having to see him altogether?But if my children want to see him, they can do (sometimes they do want to see him but they are never upset if they don't see him) Many thanks
V - 1-May-18 @ 10:42 PM
HelpPlease - Your Question:
Hey there my partner split up with me and I decided to take my child the day after, I then took my child to see his mother and she assaulted me in a public place and police are now involved she is refusing access to my child as the office gave her to child even though she just assaulted me I am taking her to court so I can get access to my child what is the likely hood that I could get my child as his full time carer I am on the birth certificate and he social worker has concerns about the mothers capabilities due to serious mental health

Our Response:
Much depends upon whether you have had care of your child to date. If your ex usually cares for your child on a day-to-day basis as the primary carer then it is unlikely a court would take your child from her and hand your child over to you without very good reason. The court places a lot of importance on stability and consistency. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 12-Apr-18 @ 3:27 PM
Hey there my partner split up with me and I decided to take my child the day after, I then took my child to see his mother and she assaulted me in a public place and police are now involved she is refusing access to my child as the office gave her to child even though she just assaulted me I am taking her to court so I can get access to my child what is the likely hood that I could get my child as his full time carer I am on the birth certificate and he social worker has concerns about the mothers capabilities due to serious mental health
HelpPlease - 11-Apr-18 @ 9:16 PM
Askingafriend - Your Question:
Hi, I am asking as I have a few questions need answering on emotional abuse.1) if it was emotional abuse towards spouse and the police got involved, would the police tell the abuser the reason why they were being kicked out of the house?2) if the victim claimed this to a social worker without any evidence, would the social worker have the right to take the children?3) if a 2 yr old said to the victims family that she heard shouting, is this classed as evidence?4) would emotional abuse give you the right to go into protective custody?

Our Response:
Every case is different/individual and therefore treated as the police and social services as such.
ChildSupportLaws - 9-Apr-18 @ 12:00 PM
Hi, i am asking as i have a few questions need answering on emotional abuse. 1) if it was emotional abuse towards spouse and the police got involved, would the police tell the abuser the reason why they were being kicked out of the house? 2) if the victim claimed this to a social worker without any evidence, would the social worker have the right to take the children? 3) if a 2 yr old said to the victims family that she heard shouting, is this classed as evidence? 4) would emotional abuse give you the right to go into protective custody?
Askingafriend - 7-Apr-18 @ 8:51 PM
hellooooo looking for help can someone reply to my previous comment
bangtankooki - 31-Mar-18 @ 3:52 PM
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