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Domestic Violence and Contact

By: Abigail Taylor - Updated: 11 Apr 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Domestic Violence Abuse Abuser Children

The Government defines Domestic Violence as "Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality."

Domestic abuse is rarely a 'one-off' incident. Abusers generally demonstrate a pattern of abuse. In March 2013, the Government extended their definition of Domestic Violence to include 16 and 17 year olds as 'adults' within the definition. This was in recognition of the increasing number of teenage girls who suffer domestic abuse at the hands of (an often older) sexual partner. This change has also been marked by a TV campaign highlighting examples of emotional abuse, to raise awareness amongst younger people.

In times of economic recession, domestic abuse often increases, and this year is no exception. In 2013, the Citizens Advice Bureau reported an 11% increase in the number of people seeking help from them for domestic violence related matters.

How do you prove Domestic Violence in court?

"Hi, I am a single mother of 2 children who are both under the age of 5. They have been through too much emotional and physical damage during the past 2 years due to the separation of me and their father. He has been physically violent towards me and verbally abusive towards me in front of the kids. They're very traumatised; also their behaviour has regressed since this situation has started. The paternal family dispute all of this in front of a social worker who has now placed the children on the CPS register and are holding a conference this week Wednesday. How can I prove his abusive conduct in court?"

There are obvious problems in trying to prove domestic violence in court:

  • a) Domestic violence is often disputed by the perpetrator's family and friends. Sometimes this is a malicious attempt to derail an ex-partner's case, but more commonly, it is because it is hard to believe someone you know and love could be an abuser (particularly when the perpetrator will often act differently around others).
  • b) Domestic violence usually happens behind closed doors, when there are no witnesses. Perpetrators will act differently around others and will often only abuse their victims when there are no witnesses. Perpetrators are often very clever to hide any evidence (for example ensuring that any bruises are in areas not seen by others).

Courts will always prefer concrete evidence (written documents or photographs) for the simple reason that these are hard to refute. In the case of domestic abuse, it is not always possible to get this kind of evidence, so how can you prove abuse in court?

  • 1) Take photographs (preferably time-dated) of any injuries. If possible, also attend your local doctor's surgery as they can formerly record any injuries, and may be able to suggest a possible cause for these at a later date to the court.
  • 2) Record any abuse in a diary with dates/times/location etc all detailed.
  • 3) Where any incident is clearly against the law, report it to the police so that they can provide a report to the court.
  • 4) If any neighbours heard anything, ask to provide a witness statement. They will probably not be allowed to give evidence of what you have told them (as this is hearsay), but can give evidence as to what they saw/heard themselves.

Is Domestic Violence a barrier to contact?

"My daughter has an 11month old boy and the father is on the birth certificate. However, he physically abused her and smashed the house up, and only served a few months for this. He has history of threatening behaviour and also assaulting his own mother and brother. My daughter is worried that he may be allowed access to his son. Surely this cannot be right with his history."

Under Section 8 of the Human Rights Act 1998, everyone has the right to private and family life. Numerous researchers have also found that children are better to have contact with both their parents. Parents therefore both have a right to contact with their children, even if they have committed crimes in the past. This right does not change, even if one parent has committed domestic abuse, or any other crime, and whether they have been imprisoned or not.

Clearly in some cases (particularly those where one parent has a tendency towards violence), contact with children will cause concern. However just because a parent has a right to contact, does not mean that they have a right to simply take their children anywhere they like for a period of time; restrictions can, and will, be placed on contact between an abusive parent and their children (provided that abuse such as a tendency towards violence can be proven).

Types of contact

There are several types of contact:
  • General contact (free and unrestricted). This may also include overnight stays.
  • Contact with the assistance of a Children and Family Support Centre (usually to "hand-over" children so that parents do not have to meet)
  • Supervised contact (fully supervised contact at a Family Support Centre which neither the child nor the parent is allowed to leave during the session)
  • Indirect contact (such a letters, telephone conversations, email, Skype)
In cases of proven violence (such a physical domestic abuse to the other parent), the abusive parent is likely to only be allowed supervised contact.

This means that at a pre-arranged time (for example once a week on a Saturday morning from 10-12), you would take your child to a local Family Support Centre. You can then choose to stay in a different room, or leave your child with the centre and return to pick them back up. The abusive parent would attend the centre at the pre-arranged time and be allowed contact with their child / children in a large room, overseen by one of the Support Centre workers. Centres often have various toys etc, so contact usually takes the form of playing a game/colouring etc together.

The abusive parent would not be allowed (in cases of fully-supervised contact) to leave the centre with the child/children, and a centre worker will be present in the room with them at all times.

It is in extremely rare circumstances when contact would not be allowed.

In ordering contact, the court must consider the child's welfare. One factor considered will be the child's ascertainable wishes and feelings. However these are unlikely to be given much weight until the child has a suitable level of understanding (usually at about 14 years old). The court will also be careful to ensure that any wishes expressed by your child, are not your imposed views, but rather their own decision. Your child will usually be interviewed by a specially trained CAFCASS officer who will report back to the court in this regard.

Can I refuse to allow contact?

"Hi my husband and I split up nearly 2 years ago and we have a five year old daughter. He's never paid any child support for her but still had access to her whenever he wanted. Recently I refused him access until he accepts responsibilities as her father but he's threatening to take me to court. At the end of our relationship he was very abusive and violent and got arrested a couple of times for beating me up which my daughter witnessed so social services were involved. Every chance he gets he tries to poison my daughter against me and my partner. Where do I stand in refusing to allow him contact?"

If no court order has been made in relation to contact, and your child resides solely with you, you can refuse to allow the other parent contact with their child. If they wish to challenge this however, they can take you to court and you would have to explain your reasons to a judge, with evidence. If they are not satisfied by your reasons, they will order contact to take place. It is therefore always best to be reasonable. For example, would indirect contact resolve your concerns, or could contact take place supervised, at a relative's house?

If a court order is made, you can physically prevent contact, however, to do so would make you in contempt of court. The punishments for contempt of court range in severity from a small fine to imprisonment. However also bear in mind that the court does have the power if it considers it appropriate, to reverse a residential order, giving your former partner custody of your child, and you contact/visitation rights. Whilst this is unlikely in domestic abuse cases, it is worth bearing in mind that the courts do not take failure to comply with orders lightly.

What restrictions can be put on an abusive parent?

One worry for many parents who have been abused by a former partner is that in allowing them contact with your child/children, you retain a link with them, that will lead to them constantly pestering/harassing you. Even if you do not speak to your partner directly to arrange contact (using a Family Contact Centre so that you never see them face-to-face), young children can quite easily reveal where you live (often not understanding why you would not want their other parent to know). If you have problems as a result of allowing contact or contact being ordered, you can seek some protection from the courts:

Non-molestation Order
This order prevents your ex-partner from using or threatening violence against you (which of course is against the law anyway), and also stops them harassing or pestering you. [Note that breach of a non-molestation order is now a criminal offence, as well as an act that can be dealt with by the civil courts.]

Occupation Order
This can be used to regulate who lives in your family home (and remove an abusive partner). However it can also be used to prevent the abuser entering the area surrounding your home, in order to keep them away from your home.

Restraining Order
This order prevents someone from carrying out a particular, specified action. A non-molestation is a type of restraining order. However you may also be given other types of restraining orders if necessary (one usual example I have seen is the use of a restraining order to prevent one party giving out the other party's new phone number to third parties, after he had given their previous number to over a dozen cold-calling companies and advertised it as a "sex-chat line" on the internet.

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[Add a Comment]
HelpPlease - Your Question:
Hey there my partner split up with me and I decided to take my child the day after, I then took my child to see his mother and she assaulted me in a public place and police are now involved she is refusing access to my child as the office gave her to child even though she just assaulted me I am taking her to court so I can get access to my child what is the likely hood that I could get my child as his full time carer I am on the birth certificate and he social worker has concerns about the mothers capabilities due to serious mental health

Our Response:
Much depends upon whether you have had care of your child to date. If your ex usually cares for your child on a day-to-day basis as the primary carer then it is unlikely a court would take your child from her and hand your child over to you without very good reason. The court places a lot of importance on stability and consistency. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ChildSupportLaws - 12-Apr-18 @ 3:27 PM
Hey there my partner split up with me and I decided to take my child the day after, I then took my child to see his mother and she assaulted me in a public place and police are now involved she is refusing access to my child as the office gave her to child even though she just assaulted me I am taking her to court so I can get access to my child what is the likely hood that I could get my child as his full time carer I am on the birth certificate and he social worker has concerns about the mothers capabilities due to serious mental health
HelpPlease - 11-Apr-18 @ 9:16 PM
Askingafriend - Your Question:
Hi, I am asking as I have a few questions need answering on emotional abuse.1) if it was emotional abuse towards spouse and the police got involved, would the police tell the abuser the reason why they were being kicked out of the house?2) if the victim claimed this to a social worker without any evidence, would the social worker have the right to take the children?3) if a 2 yr old said to the victims family that she heard shouting, is this classed as evidence?4) would emotional abuse give you the right to go into protective custody?

Our Response:
Every case is different/individual and therefore treated as the police and social services as such.
ChildSupportLaws - 9-Apr-18 @ 12:00 PM
Hi, i am asking as i have a few questions need answering on emotional abuse. 1) if it was emotional abuse towards spouse and the police got involved, would the police tell the abuser the reason why they were being kicked out of the house? 2) if the victim claimed this to a social worker without any evidence, would the social worker have the right to take the children? 3) if a 2 yr old said to the victims family that she heard shouting, is this classed as evidence? 4) would emotional abuse give you the right to go into protective custody?
Askingafriend - 7-Apr-18 @ 8:51 PM
hellooooo looking for help can someone reply to my previous comment
bangtankooki - 31-Mar-18 @ 3:52 PM
My sister lives in the UK without a permit and has been staying with an EU man withwhom she has a child. The man hit her today. And now he's threatening to take the child away from my sister because he knows she doesn't have a permanent residence. Is it possible that he can take the child and what can she do in other to prevent it from happening?
Angieosafo - 23-Mar-18 @ 8:44 PM
My 8 yr old has spoken about intimidation - shouting right in their face several times and grabbing of wrists and pulling about by his abusive dad's long-distance gf, Isie. who is there at all contact Fri, sat and school hols, as works in school. My child had punched themselves and has been displayed uncontrollable anger fits when he hits himself. He doesn't want to see Isie regular Lu and gets panicky if he can't get something right or finish a part of a game on a device , in the time he wants to. He held his worries over contact in, for over 2 years. Never told me of extent of his dad's partners controlling behaviour. His dad thinks it's acceptable behaviour. Said , it's what the schools do ! Obviously said by his gf who supports children academically in one. Ive arranged mediation as courts wouldn't take us back in when child's dad tried last time. Said mediation if issues. I can't go again because he might be granted more contact again. They are getting married . She will be moving in , in 2months or more. Still house , where she lives 3 hours away.
Wonderwoman - 20-Mar-18 @ 7:29 AM
@Jmacc2- unless your PSTD has caused you particular problems relating to your relationship with those around you, then it should not have an effect. The court's concern is the welfare of your child first and foremost and they will make a decision based on that.
ReedX - 16-Feb-18 @ 11:45 AM
I suffered serious injury’s at work 8 months ago where I nearly died and could possibly have been paralysed, luckily I made a full recovery after 3 months, unknown to me since my injury I have been suffering from PTSD and seeked help. I am currently in a custody battle with an ex partner who I have a 7 month old daughter with, my query is could suffering with PTSD go against me in getting half custody for my daughter?
Jmacc2 - 15-Feb-18 @ 8:05 PM
Helpless - Your Question:
Please can someone advise me I’m in a very controlling marriage. I’ve only been married 10 months. I been with him for 4 yrs I’m starting to go out of my mind. He will not let me pay any bills he wants me to pay him £700 a month. I’m not on good money I work for the NHS. He is self employed and works 7 days 12 hrs a day. I started to get the shopping every week. However he wouldn’t eat it and bought his own. He has nailed the letter box up and put one up on the wall. He will not give me a key. I have no control over anything anymore. I sold my house and I’ve put £105000 into our relationship. All he has done from day one is threaten to move out. But he loves me as he says (impossible). He isn’t very nice to my daughter. The list goes on he turns the heating down to nothing but when he gets in a around 8/30pm he turns it up. He doesn’t speak to me it can go on for months. What can I do it’s his name on the mortgage I have put a home rights on it. I can’t divorce him till May.

Our Response:
In this case, you may wish to give Woman's Aid a call via the link here for more advice and to explore your options. If you put money into the house, then you should be able to get this back on divorce.
ChildSupportLaws - 15-Feb-18 @ 2:51 PM
Please can someone advise me I’m in a very controlling marriage. I’ve only been married 10 months. I been with him for 4 yrs I’m starting to go out of my mind. He will not let me pay any bills he wants me to pay him £700 a month. I’m not on good money I work for the NHS. He is self employed and works 7 days 12 hrs a day. I started to get the shopping every week. However he wouldn’t eat it and bought his own. He has nailed the letter box up and put one up on the wall. He will not give me a key. I have no control over anything anymore. I sold my house and I’ve put £105000 into our relationship. All he has done from day one is threaten to move out . But he loves me as he says (impossible). He isn’t very nice to my daughter. The list goes on he turns the heating down to nothing but when he gets in a around 8/30pm he turns it up. He doesn’t speak to me it can go on for months. What can I do it’s his name on the mortgage I have put a home rights on it. I can’t divorce him till May.
Helpless - 13-Feb-18 @ 8:31 PM
My step sons ex partner has a new partner who has been sentenced to 16 months for actual bodily harm on his last partner. He also was charged with actual bodily harm on my step grand children's mam then he forced himself on her while my step grandson was present. What can my step son do to stop his children visiting this person in jail?We are concerned she will take the children to England without my step sons co cent. Please advise
Rosie Posie - 12-Feb-18 @ 11:40 PM
Allowing violent abusers access to children is beyond ridiculous. People claim to want to protect children but will still put them in harms way under the guise of "parental rights". Children are often witnesses to abuse between parents and end up emotionally and mentally traumatised yet it is not deemed enough to keep the children away from perps. Post separation abuse is also very well known but ignored so the direct victims are also put back at risk and for what? For the sake of the abuser's "rights" with no consideration for victim's rights to not be controlled or abused any more. If the abuser wishes to use their kids as a method of control they can and will with full blessings from the messed up laws that insist on contact no matter what AND by forcing victims to gain permission to do things with their children, including holidays and moving abroad to be safe. You get advised to move away from your abuser to keep yourself and your kids safe and then the same law system will force you to hand over the keys to your life, wellbeing and happiness to your abuser any way. It's not a wonder so many people stay until they are murdered. There is no true freedom when you have kids with your abuser. They get to move on and rebuild their lives and tell whatever lies they wish to, often with backup from family who are blinded to their true selves and keep their victims under their thumb and even work to have their children removed out of revenge and spite. Social services will even use dv against victims as proof 'they' put children at risk, not the abusers. Abusers get to pick up and drop their kids on a whim and can even abandon them for years but as soon as they feel like exercising their parental rights, however temporarily, BAM they get exactly what they want. The victim's mental health will also be used against them. Suffer depression even if you take medication and have therapy? BAD PARENT. Suffer PTSD after your abuse even if you've sought help? BAD PARENT. You'll even get additional "illnesses" stacked against you by professionals on their pay roll if it will help social services prove your a bad parent and maybe have your kids removed. But there's hope! Be an abuser and no matter what you'll get access to your kids AND your victim too. The whole system around dv/contact/rights is fudged up beyond belief.
Unfair - 12-Feb-18 @ 12:14 AM
I am the daughter and my dad has used domestic violence on my mother over very childish reasons like the last time they argued (very recently) it was because my dad cared alot about the money he earned and thought my mum was using too much heat to boil broccoli. I was there and I got really frustrated, it seemed like he was trying to rub it in to her face (like he always does). He kept on talking to me about the science behind the heating and boiling process, he wasn't even right, and I was too scared of my dad at that time to correct him and tell him he was being even more childish than a 1 year old. After that I knew that I thought it was minor so they were going to let it go s I went back to my room. But then they started arguing so I got really angry and grabbed a long stick. They came upstairs and then my dad closed the door. After that I heard shrieks from my mum so. 'DAD!!!! DAD!!! }:' (angry) I shouted. I immediately ran to see what was happening and I saw my dad strangling my mum so my dad stopped because he saw me. He tried comforting me but it was too late I had already started to hate my dad even more then I did before. The day after my dada started arguing again because my mum didn't give him food. This was right in front of me and my sister. Thankfully no one got hurt that time. But until today they are still mad at each other. When I am older I hope to get a higher job than my dad's job like a lawyer and I will be able to torment him as much as I want just like he did to me and my mum and my sisters.
bangtankooki - 10-Feb-18 @ 9:12 PM
Hi I'm worried my ex partner will apply for contact of our 2 children We left due to dv and him hitting my son bruseing his face Went to police about this but he got away with it due to lack of evidence My question is will be be aloud to see them he has serious anger issues and my some is scared of him
Missannon - 7-Feb-18 @ 8:04 AM
@Mummy - don't feel forced to put him on the birth certificate, because then he will have equal rights. If you don't feel he should be on the birth certificate tell him to apply to court.
Nn - 2-Feb-18 @ 2:58 PM
Hi Split up with partner when baby was born,he was violent towards me previously then after baby was born. I have my concerns as he put baby in danger but says it was because of being upset. He wont be on birth certificate but I have said he can still see baby with our family members. Father doesn't want any involvement unless he is on birth certificate. Is this blackmail? Would he have equal rights if on birth certificate even though he has a history of violence?
Mummy - 31-Jan-18 @ 3:26 AM
Hi I’m a single one to a 2year old, before my child was 1, her father was violent towards me and very controlling, he attacked me various times and I was too scared to tell anyone,until he attacked me in front of my child, I rang the police & kicked him out. He stopped contact with my child for over a year, now taking me to court for a access & over night access. I’ve involved cafcass with little help or support for my child, as I only phoned the police once about my partner been abusive, he’s threathened to kidnap my child? None is taking what he’s said seriously! I need help with this, my ex as a solicitor and acts like he has all the control and power over me and my child. I’m so scared his threats he’ll go through with it. He has recently been in trouble with the police due to volence towards his new neighbours and been threatening them. I need some advice as I work part time and can’t afford a solicitor myself, my ex left my house and left me in debt. Any advice would be great.
Singlemama - 30-Jan-18 @ 10:18 PM
Loza - Your Question:
Hi, I have a 3 year old son and have been split up with his father 2 years now he also has a new partner who I allowed to be a part of my sons life for a short while until his father and partner had split up and his father began to confide in me and he had told me about violence that had been going on in his relationship. He told me that she had been abusive towards him and even gave him black eyes at one point! My child’s father then got back into his abusive relationship not long after this and I have texts on my phone stating that I didn’t mind contact between father and son but would prefer if his partner was no longer a part of our sons life as she can be abusive towards his father and I am scared incase my son has to witness this behaviour. My child’s father is now threatening to take me to court because his partner is not allowed (as said by me) to be a part of our child’s life, where do I stand with this in court?

Our Response:
You would both have to attend mediation in order to try to resolve this issue prior to court. If you refuse to attend mediation, then your ex will have the option to apply to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. This means it is impossible to predict what a court may decide.
ChildSupportLaws - 22-Jan-18 @ 2:04 PM
Hi, I have a 3 year old son and have been split up with his father 2 years now he also has a new partner who I allowed to be a part of my sons life for a short while until his father and partner had split up and his father began to confide in me and he had told me about violence that had been going on in his relationship. He told me that she had been abusive towards him and even gave him black eyes at one point! My child’s father then got back into his abusive relationship not long after this and I have texts on my phone stating that I didn’t mind contact between father and son but would prefer if his partner was no longer a part of our sons life as she can be abusive towards his father and I am scared incase my son has to witness this behaviour. My child’s father is now threatening to take me to court because his partner is not allowed (as said by me) to be a part of our child’s life, where do I stand with this in court?
Loza - 20-Jan-18 @ 7:54 PM
Hi, I was in a past abusive relationship with my ex that my children had witnessed and on several occasions was reported to the police but I chose not to press charges until the last incident 3 years ago, contact with our 2 children was stopped instantly and he hast seen them for 3 years. I had a non mol order out and following a recent incident I now have another non mol order out.Whenever my eldest sees him in town freezes on the spot and has told me they do not wish to see him, I have a new partner who has raised my children for the last 2.5 years .My ex is now looking at applying for access through the courts. What is the likelyhood of this getting accepted ?
Sare - 17-Jan-18 @ 11:20 AM
My stepson came to live with my partner and myself a year ago after his mum tried to strangle him which was preceded by her smashing his video games tv etc... and mentally abusing him. He has seen his mum 3 times in a year supervised from a distance by his dad at a McDonald’s restaurant. He is 13 and does not want contact with his mum she has moved house and won’t tell him where she lives has told him she’s driving again after being banned but not telling him what car she drives. She has indirect contact through messages and phone calls but these have recently became abusive and manipulative much like the house move and driving, when he doesn’t answer his messages she contacts his friends is there anything that we can do to stop this behaviour as it is really disturbing my stepson to the point he is scared she is going to go to his school as this is what she has told him along with telling him to “get over “ what she has done to him. Police say they can’t do anything we can’t afford to go to court as earn over the legal aid minimum but have no spare money really as we had to start everything from scratch shoes clothes coats etc .. when he came to us
Jojogr - 9-Jan-18 @ 3:31 PM
Hi it wasn't through a court order it was social work that decided of a no contact order. But his family is know seening his daughter. Can he apply for contact from prison. Will be be classed as a changed person if he completes courses and his prison time without my trouble. Thanks for the advice I really don't believe he is a threat he's great with us but j can the social works concern. But what happens if he ever met someone else and had kids or they have kids surely this cannot hang over his head for ever.
S.millar - 9-Jan-18 @ 1:08 PM
S.millar - Your Question:
Hi looking for advice. My partner had a bad relationship and was violent towards his ex which lead to a no contact order. He has recently been sentenced and his other family is allowed to see his child now. How can he get contact what we did was wrong and he is being punished but he still has a child he loves very much and wants a relationship with but his ex is making it difficult. Social services have also told me he's a risk to me and my child but he's never shown any signs of violence abuse ect to me or my child when he's realsed can they stop contact with us too. I know reading this it sounds terrible but if people could see what I do he's doing everything he can to make his life better people are just sometimes to quick to judge. I don't agree with violence but there's a huge history between them and what he did was extremely wrong.

Our Response:
Much depends upon what the court order specifies. If he has a no-contact order through the court, then this would be upheld unless a court of appeal ruled otherwise. We cannot anticipate what conclusions social services will come to with regards to your partner's connection with you and your child. Much depends upon the circumstances. However, social services will judge that if your partner has the capability of violence to his ex, then he is most definitely capable of harming others, including you and your child.
ChildSupportLaws - 8-Jan-18 @ 2:25 PM
Hi looking for advice. My partner had a bad relationship and was violent towards his ex which lead to a no contact order. He has recently been sentenced and his other family is allowed to see his child now. How can he get contact what we did was wrong and he is being punished but he still has a child he loves very much and wants a relationship with but his ex is making it difficult. Social services have also told me he's a risk to me and my child but he's never shown any signs of violence abuse ect to me or my child when he's realsed can they stop contact with us too. I know reading this it sounds terrible but if people could see what I do he's doing everything he can to make his life better people are just sometimes to quick to judge. I don't agree with violence but there's a huge history between them and what he did was extremely wrong.
S.millar - 6-Jan-18 @ 9:35 AM
If the loser abuser has never seen your child, never taken responsibility and you have the means, plus there's no court order in place, leave the country. There's nothing anyone can do to stop you. You have every right to relocate. He can't make you legally return, if there's nothing legally in place at the time. The longer you are out of the country, the more jurisdiction the other country has over your child. Just, don't tell anyone your plan. He can't claim PR unless its on a court order. If a parent were to decide to relocate with their child, and the other parent has chosen to never have contact with the child, it would be silly for a court to decide to force you back because the other parent suddenly claims PR based on a birth certificate. I speak from experience.
Takebackyourpower - 18-Dec-17 @ 1:41 PM
@teessideram - you would have to see whether you have grounds to appeal :(
IssyV - 4-Dec-17 @ 10:32 AM
This was a great read, although very confusing for me because it seems these rules/suggestions were not followed in my case.My wife was the abuser in our relationship.She pleaded guilty to domestic violence and abuse against me along with criminal damage to my property.When we separated though she denied me any contact with our daughter despite previously agreeing to a co parenting arrangement.So i take her to court, where the judge/cafcass all recommend that "although there is no concerns with you daughter being in your care we believe it would be harmful to damage the relationship between her and her mother"! Please, can anybody give me some advice on what to do now, when the court and cafcass have clearly failed to follow these recommendations...
teessideram - 3-Dec-17 @ 11:42 AM
Make your steps wisely and carefully. My abuser used mainly psychological and emotional abuse, he is very charming and manipulative. He used his public school boy background to support his "model citizen" behaviour. Behind closed doors the truth came out. However more people had seen the truth, including his own family and supported me and our child through the madness. The courts however are under great strain with so many cases and it appears the time isn't there for these type of cases. My ex uses the courts to continue the abuse, using a regular pattern of time to make yet again another application to court. A lot of the cases don't link so the behaviour is not recognised. You usually don't get to see the same judge and you are lucky if they have the court notes in front of them, often mislaid. I've asked yet again for a section 91 (14) in the hope I can move on with my life with my child. Where there is psychological and emotional abuse more attention needs to be given to the detail and the pattern of behaviour needs to be observed by the court. If you are reading this, please I cannot strongly advise you to get support around you. Get a good solicitor/barrister, my ex often self represented and out shone my first solicitor. You need a solicitor who can deal with domestic abuse, acknowledge the pathological behaviour and not fall into the traps. If you have lived with this type of abuser you know how you had to manage the behaviour living with it - it doesn't stop afterwards. You do get a peace of mind by not living in it 24/7 but your child will be living with it and will be punished. My child is made feel responsible for my ex's happiness and wellbeing, it's psychological warfare. I know she is being abused but because it is looked at as "inappropriate behaviour" there is nothing I can do but support her when she turns to me! Even when he stripped her of her clothes outside our home, first time all her clothes were removed, 2nd occasion she was left keep on her underpants as he had provided her with those ones - this was regarded as "inappropriate behaviour" rather than using our child as a tool to torcher me and in turn abuse our child. This type of abuser can manipulate a court and other professionals. The system claims to be under pressure, but this is no excuse. There is no excuse for abuse. Yes a child should have the love from both parents but healthy love. Our child has to deny herself the right to see certain family members and friends because of the consequences, she is clever and is managing in her way. However, she suffers from anxiety due to the behaviour of her father, we are working on this but it is impossible with the abuse is like a continuous dripping tap. Unless both parents agree you cannot get support for you child unless you get it ordered through the court. This is not an easy process as I've discovered. Again it depends on the judge you see, and they do vary greatly in their understanding of a
ANewLife - 29-Nov-17 @ 12:39 AM
My partnerhas one DV charge against him by a partner from a previous relationship 7yrs ago.We are currently looking into regular contact with his child from a different relationship. He has a relationship with his son and was seeing him every fortnight up to us getting together 7 months ago. At this point he's ex as started to be difficult and is only letting him see his son approximatelyonce a month. She also tries to get him to take her other child (Not my partners). If we were to go court would the DV stop him from seeing his son? What is the best way to get regular contact with his son? There is no DV in our relationship and none before or after the last case.
Lyd - 28-Nov-17 @ 1:06 AM
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