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Domestic Violence and Contact

By: Abigail Taylor - Updated: 22 May 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Domestic Violence Abuse Abuser Children

The Government defines Domestic Violence as "Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality."

Domestic abuse is rarely a 'one-off' incident. Abusers generally demonstrate a pattern of abuse. In March 2013, the Government extended their definition of Domestic Violence to include 16 and 17 year olds as 'adults' within the definition. This was in recognition of the increasing number of teenage girls who suffer domestic abuse at the hands of (an often older) sexual partner. This change has also been marked by a TV campaign highlighting examples of emotional abuse, to raise awareness amongst younger people.

In times of economic recession, domestic abuse often increases, and this year is no exception. In 2013, the Citizens Advice Bureau reported an 11% increase in the number of people seeking help from them for domestic violence related matters.

How do you prove Domestic Violence in court?

"Hi, I am a single mother of 2 children who are both under the age of 5. They have been through too much emotional and physical damage during the past 2 years due to the separation of me and their father. He has been physically violent towards me and verbally abusive towards me in front of the kids. They're very traumatised; also their behaviour has regressed since this situation has started. The paternal family dispute all of this in front of a social worker who has now placed the children on the CPS register and are holding a conference this week Wednesday. How can I prove his abusive conduct in court?"

There are obvious problems in trying to prove domestic violence in court:

  • a) Domestic violence is often disputed by the perpetrator's family and friends. Sometimes this is a malicious attempt to derail an ex-partner's case, but more commonly, it is because it is hard to believe someone you know and love could be an abuser (particularly when the perpetrator will often act differently around others).
  • b) Domestic violence usually happens behind closed doors, when there are no witnesses. Perpetrators will act differently around others and will often only abuse their victims when there are no witnesses. Perpetrators are often very clever to hide any evidence (for example ensuring that any bruises are in areas not seen by others).

Courts will always prefer concrete evidence (written documents or photographs) for the simple reason that these are hard to refute. In the case of domestic abuse, it is not always possible to get this kind of evidence, so how can you prove abuse in court?

  • 1) Take photographs (preferably time-dated) of any injuries. If possible, also attend your local doctor's surgery as they can formerly record any injuries, and may be able to suggest a possible cause for these at a later date to the court.
  • 2) Record any abuse in a diary with dates/times/location etc all detailed.
  • 3) Where any incident is clearly against the law, report it to the police so that they can provide a report to the court.
  • 4) If any neighbours heard anything, ask to provide a witness statement. They will probably not be allowed to give evidence of what you have told them (as this is hearsay), but can give evidence as to what they saw/heard themselves.

Is Domestic Violence a barrier to contact?

"My daughter has an 11month old boy and the father is on the birth certificate. However, he physically abused her and smashed the house up, and only served a few months for this. He has history of threatening behaviour and also assaulting his own mother and brother. My daughter is worried that he may be allowed access to his son. Surely this cannot be right with his history."

Under Section 8 of the Human Rights Act 1998, everyone has the right to private and family life. Numerous researchers have also found that children are better to have contact with both their parents. Parents therefore both have a right to contact with their children, even if they have committed crimes in the past. This right does not change, even if one parent has committed domestic abuse, or any other crime, and whether they have been imprisoned or not.

Clearly in some cases (particularly those where one parent has a tendency towards violence), contact with children will cause concern. However just because a parent has a right to contact, does not mean that they have a right to simply take their children anywhere they like for a period of time; restrictions can, and will, be placed on contact between an abusive parent and their children (provided that abuse such as a tendency towards violence can be proven).

Types of contact

There are several types of contact:
  • General contact (free and unrestricted). This may also include overnight stays.
  • Contact with the assistance of a Children and Family Support Centre (usually to "hand-over" children so that parents do not have to meet)
  • Supervised contact (fully supervised contact at a Family Support Centre which neither the child nor the parent is allowed to leave during the session)
  • Indirect contact (such a letters, telephone conversations, email, Skype)
In cases of proven violence (such a physical domestic abuse to the other parent), the abusive parent is likely to only be allowed supervised contact.

This means that at a pre-arranged time (for example once a week on a Saturday morning from 10-12), you would take your child to a local Family Support Centre. You can then choose to stay in a different room, or leave your child with the centre and return to pick them back up. The abusive parent would attend the centre at the pre-arranged time and be allowed contact with their child / children in a large room, overseen by one of the Support Centre workers. Centres often have various toys etc, so contact usually takes the form of playing a game/colouring etc together.

The abusive parent would not be allowed (in cases of fully-supervised contact) to leave the centre with the child/children, and a centre worker will be present in the room with them at all times.

It is in extremely rare circumstances when contact would not be allowed.

In ordering contact, the court must consider the child's welfare. One factor considered will be the child's ascertainable wishes and feelings. However these are unlikely to be given much weight until the child has a suitable level of understanding (usually at about 14 years old). The court will also be careful to ensure that any wishes expressed by your child, are not your imposed views, but rather their own decision. Your child will usually be interviewed by a specially trained CAFCASS officer who will report back to the court in this regard.

Can I refuse to allow contact?

"Hi my husband and I split up nearly 2 years ago and we have a five year old daughter. He's never paid any child support for her but still had access to her whenever he wanted. Recently I refused him access until he accepts responsibilities as her father but he's threatening to take me to court. At the end of our relationship he was very abusive and violent and got arrested a couple of times for beating me up which my daughter witnessed so social services were involved. Every chance he gets he tries to poison my daughter against me and my partner. Where do I stand in refusing to allow him contact?"

If no court order has been made in relation to contact, and your child resides solely with you, you can refuse to allow the other parent contact with their child. If they wish to challenge this however, they can take you to court and you would have to explain your reasons to a judge, with evidence. If they are not satisfied by your reasons, they will order contact to take place. It is therefore always best to be reasonable. For example, would indirect contact resolve your concerns, or could contact take place supervised, at a relative's house?

If a court order is made, you can physically prevent contact, however, to do so would make you in contempt of court. The punishments for contempt of court range in severity from a small fine to imprisonment. However also bear in mind that the court does have the power if it considers it appropriate, to reverse a residential order, giving your former partner custody of your child, and you contact/visitation rights. Whilst this is unlikely in domestic abuse cases, it is worth bearing in mind that the courts do not take failure to comply with orders lightly.

What restrictions can be put on an abusive parent?

One worry for many parents who have been abused by a former partner is that in allowing them contact with your child/children, you retain a link with them, that will lead to them constantly pestering/harassing you. Even if you do not speak to your partner directly to arrange contact (using a Family Contact Centre so that you never see them face-to-face), young children can quite easily reveal where you live (often not understanding why you would not want their other parent to know). If you have problems as a result of allowing contact or contact being ordered, you can seek some protection from the courts:

Non-molestation Order
This order prevents your ex-partner from using or threatening violence against you (which of course is against the law anyway), and also stops them harassing or pestering you. [Note that breach of a non-molestation order is now a criminal offence, as well as an act that can be dealt with by the civil courts.]

Occupation Order
This can be used to regulate who lives in your family home (and remove an abusive partner). However it can also be used to prevent the abuser entering the area surrounding your home, in order to keep them away from your home.

Restraining Order
This order prevents someone from carrying out a particular, specified action. A non-molestation is a type of restraining order. However you may also be given other types of restraining orders if necessary (one usual example I have seen is the use of a restraining order to prevent one party giving out the other party's new phone number to third parties, after he had given their previous number to over a dozen cold-calling companies and advertised it as a "sex-chat line" on the internet.

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[Add a Comment]
Saint Lucian - Your Question:
Hello,I was in a controlling relationship for 4 years.My many attempts to terminate the relationship always failed, she would always sit in front the door to prevent me from leaving the apartment, after moving out she should repeatedly drive from east to west London, Park in front my residence and refuse to leave While begging me to come back home. After many attempts she managed to get me to move back in (foolish of me). I left my job in west London at her request to find work closer to her place in east London. I was out of a job, little money and no savings. She started begging for a baby. I continuously refused and make it clear that I can't afford to have a baby and that the relationship was not good between us. My many attempts failed and she went off the pill to get pregnant. After the baby was born the arguments started again only this time she didn't mind me leaving so I left. I have parental responsibility and our son has my last name. I was completely cut off from our son, was not allowed to see him and not allowed to visit at day care. I called her father for help in resolving these problems but instead he insulted and made threats towards me. I contacted a lawyer who arranged mediation, she never showed up and made excuses. The matter went to court where she then made very serious false accusations about emotional abuse. She even questioned my legal stay in the UK. It is now clear to me that she will stop at nothing to punish me and keep me away from our son. I habe lots of image and video proof that I was a good father to our son. She is a very talented actress and I'm in fear of never being able to see our son again. There are many more disturbing facts that I did not mention. Can someone please help? I have spent over 7000£ in legal fees do far and I feel like this is going nowhere. We live in a society where people usually believe the woman. I'm in fear that no o e will believe me.

Our Response:
If you cannot afford legal representation you can self-litigate, please see link here. Many non-resident parents are taking this route with good success. The court is accustomed to those who will try to falsify stories. Keep on with your fight and hopefully it will come right. Despite what you may think, the court does want fathers to have a relationship with their children and it will do all it can to make this happen, if it thinks it is in your son's best interests.
ChildSupportLaws - 23-May-17 @ 2:35 PM
Hello, I was in a controlling relationship for 4 years. My many attempts to terminate the relationship always failed, she would always sit in front the door to prevent me from leaving the apartment, after moving out she should repeatedly drive from east to west London, Park in front my residence and refuse to leave While begging me to come back home. After many attempts she managed to get me to move back in (foolish of me). I left my job in west London at her request to find work closer to her place in east London. I was out of a job, little money and no savings. She started begging for a baby. I continuously refused and make it clear that I can't afford to have a baby and that the relationship was not good between us. My many attempts failed and she went off the pill to get pregnant. After the baby was born the arguments started again only this time she didn't mind me leaving so I left. I have parental responsibility and our son has my last name. I was completely cut off from our son, was not allowed to see him and not allowed to visit at day care. I called her father for help in resolving these problems but instead he insulted and made threats towards me. I contacted a lawyer who arranged mediation, she never showed up and made excuses. The matter went to court where she then made very serious false accusations about emotional abuse. She even questioned my legal stay in the UK. It is now clear to me that she will stop at nothing to punish me and keep me away from our son. I habe lots of image and video proof that I was a good father to our son. She is a very talented actress and I'm in fear of never being able to see our son again. There are many more disturbing facts that I did not mention . Can someone please help? I have spent over 7000£ in legal fees do far and I feel like this is going nowhere. We live in a society where people usually believe the woman. I'm in fear that no o e will believe me.
Saint Lucian - 22-May-17 @ 11:31 PM
I'm worried for my daughter she is 3 years old. Me and my wife have had a very turbulant relationship, over the 5 years of marriage plus about 6 years (on an off mostly on) before itI feel shes been mentally abuse to me in many ways, and also physically on numerous occasions, I have evidence of some occasions and once was reported to my Dr. he measured and recorded all my bruises. Its not just with me, both of her other children now in there 20's were previously taken from her by social services, she actually put her boy in hospital when he was about 7 or 8 I think, despite her efforts they don't want to know her again in there lives, one having been adopted the other was in and out of mental institutions for year under section. I obviously thought she had changed when I had a child with her) My wife has never accepted responsability for anything that she's done, from everything in her past right up to me when I've been literally black and blue from her, but even thats been my fault, normally followed up by "it was because you laid into me" which I have never done, not that it makes any difference I'm 6'plus tall and 16 stone so if I had of even, then how come it was only ever me that was black and blue. The amount of control there has been from everything from my finances to friends (I have but 2 literally now from being in this situation for years) has been I think very bad, I was only seeing it towards the end and now. Now she's started going back on things shes said about custody of my girl, and to be honest I do not trust her to bring up my child. it will only take her to have a bad day, or get fed up and anything could happen. She already gets me angry by slapping and screaming at my kid, even tho social services have told her her when she was born that it wasnt acceptable under any circumstance. It always be the kids fault though and then go on to being my fault either cause I've not done it or cause I wasnt doing whatever it was she was doing or trying to do at the time.. Obviously I have to do something I just don't know what to do, I'm worried that if I do anything at all it will result in me losing what contact I do have, and I guess theres something been built into me now that makes me not want to upset her. I also worry that she will say anything she can to get out of any trouble including, and foremost making anything up about me to counter that, as said she already claims I've "laid into her".Any advice what I should do?
worriedfather - 18-May-17 @ 1:05 AM
Hi I have a question, So I was hit at the weekend by my mother after a heated arguement, my son was at a family members house at the time, I spoke to a friend about this and she has said that if my son has contact with mother then he will phone social services as it is a sign I am neglecting my child as my mother looks after him, where do I stand on this?
Pixie - 15-May-17 @ 10:55 AM
Nannyp - Your Question:
Hi I'm worried about my grandson, his father has been mentally and physically abusive to my daughter, the relationship has ended because of this and each time he has turned up to see his son he has trashed flat and been verbally abusive, my daughter told him as this has happened she would not let him see their now 15 week old baby alone or overnight. Well this past weekend he constantly went on at her to have the child and wouldn't let up she gave in out of fear and stupidity now he is refusing to bring him back saying falsely that she is neglecting him. How can she get him back and then get a court order put in place that he can only see him in a contact centre as we can't be sure he won't do it again?

Our Response:
If your daughter's ex continues to refuse to return the child,where both parents have Parental Responsibility and one parent is keeping the children against the other's wishes, the police CANNOT help, even if the children do not normally live with them. If the parent does not have Parental Responsibility, the police will be able to intervene. They are also able to intervene and remove a child if there is a possible risk to life. If you are concerned about a real and immediate threat to your grandson's safety, speak to your local police force and social services. Otherwise, I'm afraid your daughter will have to apply to court. If this is the case, I suggest you seek legal advice asap in order to apply for a interim contact order and a child arrangement order, as taking the matter to court will take time. I hope the situation manages to resolve itself without having to go to these lengths.
ChildSupportLaws - 10-May-17 @ 12:46 PM
Hi i'm worried about my grandson, his father has been mentally and physically abusive to my daughter, the relationship has ended because of this and each time he has turned up to see his son he has trashed flat and been verbally abusive, my daughter told him as this has happened she would not let him see their now 15 week old baby alone or overnight. Well this past weekend he constantly went on at her to have the child and wouldn't let up she gave in out of fear and stupidity now he is refusing to bring him back saying falsely that she is neglecting him. How can she get him back and then get a court order put in place that he can only see him in a contact centre as we can't be sure he won't do it again?
Nannyp - 10-May-17 @ 1:32 AM
Tiff123409 - Your Question:
My ex partner was abusive towards me. Physically (on a few occasions), mentally and verbally. I now have a restraining order on him. We have a son together who is over 1 year old. I am now wondering if he goes to court if he will get access or not. I am very worried about this. Not only because he abused me but he has no idea how to bring up a child. He's been in and out of my sons life since the day he was born and he didn't see him for 6 months. I am worrying that if he goes to court that he is going to get acess

Our Response:
We cannot anticipate whether he may be granted access or not. The court will always rule on what it thinks is in your child's best interests. If the father is not in your son's life currently, then the court may begin with supervised access. However, it is impossible to predict.
ChildSupportLaws - 8-May-17 @ 1:53 PM
It is sadly true that false allegations of abuse made by many mothers are taken seriously by the courts without any foundation or investigation CAFCASS as an organisation is not fit for purpose and the father is at an immediate disadvantage. It is also a falsity to think family Courts take failure to comply with court orders seriously We as a country are decades behind the developed world in our care of children in the midst of acrimonious divorces
Zach02 - 8-May-17 @ 8:35 AM
My ex partner was abusive towards me. Physically (on a few occasions), mentally and verbally. I now have a restraining order on him. We have a son together who is over 1 year old. I am now wondering if he goes to court if he will get access or not. I am very worried about this. Not only because he abused me but he has no idea how to bring up a child. He's been in and out of my sons life since the day he was born and he didn't see him for 6 months. I am worrying that if he goes to court that he is going to get acess
Tiff123409 - 7-May-17 @ 8:02 PM
My step father as been both physically and mentally (but not sexually) abusive to me for many years, I have a question? could I report him to the police? I am in counselling at present.
Trac - 26-Apr-17 @ 8:15 PM
@Vonnie - the court sees it that many people take drugs such as cannabis and cocaine recreationally. Our world is not perfect. there are alcoholic and drug addict parents that are still allowed to parent their children. Unless the children are neglected or abused it is seen you can still parent your kids :( Sam
SAE&* - 25-Apr-17 @ 2:14 PM
I would like to ask a question please regarding my daughters ex husband he left the family home last summer after ststungnan affair with a close family friend. After him deciding to not see kids for 5mnths took it to court he admitted to smoking cannabis for over 20 yrs on.a dailybasis he was given four weeks contact with kids with my daughter present moving onto 4 weeks of 10-4 contact them after that every alternative weekends Friday to.Sunday my daughter told her solicitor that her concerns regarding the cannabis and cocaine habit he had. The judge said he had to undertake not to take drugs 24 hours before he had contact with children or when he had them but confined his habit any other time doing this. As far as I'm concerned drug taking Illegal in any form.nothing was put in.place to.check if father had been taking drugs.can anyone tell me if I'm missing anythingplease
Vonnie - 24-Apr-17 @ 10:50 PM
Pretty- Your Question:
I'm 19 yrs old living wth my bt parents ancient my father separated frm us I got bulled by my own brother sung hurting wrds ever ancestors I became in relationship, I thght ths wll be over bt stll it continued, evn nw im diabetic I've been myd a slave of ths house they sy hurting wrds evn tht I'm cheeky, nd she tld tht im a wife I shld get out of her house coz idt want to clean, evn her children sd tht om nt their blood nd its nt my house I shld nd fnd my own house wth my fmly, I hve no where to go no money evn no food im injecting myself wth insulin, plz hlp me I'm alne evry1 turned against me plz hlp

Our Response:
If you are based in the UK, please see Woman's Aid link here and Shelter link here either/or should be able to help, or at least advise.
ChildSupportLaws - 13-Apr-17 @ 11:07 AM
I'm 19 yrs old living wth my bt parents ancient my father separated frm us I got bulled by my own brother sung hurting wrds ever ancestors I became in relationship, I thght ths wll be over bt stll it continued, evn nw im diabetic I've been myd a slave of ths house they sy hurting wrds evn tht I'm cheeky, nd she tld tht im a wife I shld get out of her house coz idt want to clean, evn her children sd tht om nt their blood nd its nt my house I shld nd fnd my own house wth my fmly, I hve no where to go no money evn no food im injecting myself wth insulin, plz hlp me I'm alne evry1 turned against me plz hlp
Pretty - 12-Apr-17 @ 1:09 PM
I have a 4 year old boy and I split from his violent, drug abusing father months after he was born. Social services had been involved during my pregnancy as helix behaviour was disgusting and I'd had to contact police. I was bullied into letting him have my son who, at the time was only months old, stay a couple of nights during the week. He'd come back with a full unchanged nappy and dirty. Then my ex decided it was too much hassle and got in the way of his social life. One day he refused to hand my son back so family had to collect him, I stopped his contact for 5 weeks. I had a non molestation order to be carried out against him but my family thought it'd make things worse so I didn't go ahead. I then let him have contact at my dad's house twice a week. He applied to court for full custody, however he was only granted supervised access 3 times a week due to his violence, drug use and mental state. He was ordered to complete 2 courses a DVPP course and a family welfare course. He also had to complete a hair or blood drugs test. He did not complete the group course as asked because he wasn't accepted onto it. He did a few 1-1 sessions. My dad kept the supervision going, however, my ex pushed for it to be at his property and against my will my dad did as he wanted. This xmas just gone, my dad, who's been manipulated by my ex, kept telling me my ex had changed and he was sorting his life out etc so maybe I should consider letting him try unsupervised. I met with my ex to discuss it, he seemed smart, friendly and realistic about how we could go forward. However, he's reverted back to his old ways and has been extremely abusive, my son is coming home telling me his daddy said he should hit and slap me, that I wasn't going to be around for long and he was going to live with daddy. It breaks my heart and I feel so stupid that I was duped and pushed into this desicion again. I've gone against the court order knowing that he'd not completed the courses. I've contacted the police his week as I'm getting hounded daily with messages about new boyfriends etc, I've not had any sort of relationship since him, I've beetoo busy looking after my child and trying to bring him up right. I also spoke to my solicitor, she's disappointed by my families poor judgement and said if we go back to court they might grant him more access because 'at one point I must have seen him as a threat anymore'. I don't know what to do.
kat - 6-Apr-17 @ 8:40 PM
I have a 4 year old boy and I split from his violent, drug abusing father months after he was born. Social services had been involved during my pregnancy as helix behaviour was disgusting and I'd had to contact police. I was bullied into letting him have my son who, at the time was only months old, stay a couple of nights during the week. He'd come back with a full unchanged nappy and dirty. Then my ex decided it was too much hassle and got in the way of his social life. One day he refused to hand my son back so family had to collect him, I stopped his contact for 5 weeks. I had a non molestation order to be carried out against him but my family thought it'd make things worse so I didn't go ahead. I then let him have contact at my dad's house twice a week. He applied to court for full custody, however he was only granted supervised access 3 times a week due to his violence, drug use and mental state. He was ordered to complete 2 courses a DVPP course and a family welfare course. He also had to complete a hair or blood drugs test. He did not complete the group course as asked because he wasn't accepted onto it. He did a few 1-1 sessions. My dad kept the supervision going, however, my ex pushed for it to be at his property and against my will my dad did as he wanted. This xmas just gone, my dad, who's been manipulated by my ex, kept telling me my ex had changed and he was sorting his life out etc so maybe I should consider letting him try unsupervised. I met with my ex to discuss it, he seemed smart, friendly and realistic about how we could go forward. However, he's reverted back to his old ways and has been extremely abusive, my son is coming home telling me his daddy said he should hit and slap me, that I wasn't going to be around for long and he was going to live with daddy. It breaks my heart and I feel so stupid that I was duped and pushed into this desicion again. I've gone against the court order knowing that he'd not completed the courses. I've contacted the police his week as I'm getting hounded daily with messages about new boyfriends etc, I've not had any sort of relationship since him, I've beetoo busy looking after my child and trying to bring him up right. I also spoke to my solicitor, she's disappointed by my families poor judgement and said if we go back to court they might grant him more access because 'at one point I must have seen him as a threat anymore'. I don't know what to do.
kat - 6-Apr-17 @ 9:15 AM
I have a 4 year old boy and I split from his violent, drug abusing father months after he was born. Social services had been involved during my pregnancy as helix behaviour was disgusting and I'd had to contact police. I was bullied into letting him have my son who, at the time was only months old, stay a couple of nights during the week. He'd come back with a full unchanged nappy and dirty. Then my ex decided it was too much hassle and got in the way of his social life. One day he refused to hand my son back so family had to collect him, I stopped his contact for 5 weeks. I had a non molestation order to be carried out against him but my family thought it'd make things worse so I didn't go ahead. I then let him have contact at my dad's house twice a week. He applied to court for full custody, however he was only granted supervised access 3 times a week due to his violence, drug use and mental state. He was ordered to complete 2 courses a DVPP course and a family welfare course. He also had to complete a hair or blood drugs test. He did not complete the group course as asked because he wasn't accepted onto it. He did a few 1-1 sessions. My dad kept the supervision going, however, my ex pushed for it to be at his property and against my will my dad did as he wanted. This xmas just gone, my dad, who's been manipulated by my ex, kept telling me my ex had changed and he was sorting his life out etc so maybe I should consider letting him try unsupervised. I met with my ex to discuss it, he seemed smart, friendly and realistic about how we could go forward. However, he's reverted back to his old ways and has been extremely abusive, my son is coming home telling me his daddy said he should hit and slap me, that I wasn't going to be around for long and he was going to live with daddy. It breaks my heart and I feel so stupid that I was duped and pushed into this desicion again. I've gone against the court order knowing that he'd not completed the courses. I've contacted the police his week as I'm getting hounded daily with messages about new boyfriends etc, I've not had any sort of relationship since him, I've beetoo busy looking after my child and trying to bring him up right. I also spoke to my solicitor, she's disappointed by my families poor judgement and said if we go back to court they might grant him more access because 'at one point I must have seen him as a threat anymore'. I don't know what to do.
kat - 6-Apr-17 @ 7:56 AM
My partner took a overdose in January an nearly died. Her daughter was put in temporary care of the child's dad. However the strain of the overdose took its toll. I told my partner that I couldn't be with her anymore as everything had got to much. So my partner went to the social services an said that I was abusive verbally(I'm not I don't call names or get aggressive ) her an her daughter was put in a refuge. However my partner wants to come home and I want her to. Will the social services take her daughter? My step daughteraway?
Jj - 3-Apr-17 @ 3:09 AM
Distressed- Your Question:
Hi I have a 7 month old to my ex, during our 6 year on and off again relationship he was aggressive and abusive. He threw objects at me in temper. Grabbed my arms on several occasions while screaming in my face and has pushed me into a wall. He would fly off into a temper at the least annoyance. He's called me horrible things. Tried to isolate me from my friends. When I fell pregnant he argued with me flat out for weeks and then buried himself in work for a few months. When he made a reappearance he ignored any discussion to do with the baby. However I set up contact at a relatives house, but he is now asking to take the child on his own. Is there any chance that a court would rule in favour of supervised visitation? I don't want to stop him seeing his baby but I'm extremely worried about child's safety.

Our Response:
If you refuse your ex access to your child, you can either consider mediation in order to try to resolve the issue between you, or your ex will have the option to apply through court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Before the matter goes to court, there is a chance Cafcass will get involved and conduct a report. It’s their job to interview both parents in the case and any others who might be needed, which could mean social workers, medical professionals, or even relatives. From the interviews they conduct, the reporter will determine two things: whether there should be contact allowed, and, if so, how much. It’s a measure of how important the Cafcass recommendation is that the court will almost invariably adhere to it.
ChildSupportLaws - 29-Mar-17 @ 2:30 PM
Hi I have a 7 month old to my ex, during our 6 year on and off again relationship he was aggressive and abusive. He threw objects at me in temper. Grabbed my arms on several occasions while screaming in my face and has pushed me into a wall. He would fly off into a temper at the least annoyance. He's called me horrible things. Tried to isolate me from my friends. When I fell pregnant he argued with me flat out for weeks and then buried himself in work for a few months. When he made a reappearance he ignored any discussion to do with the baby. However I set up contact at a relatives house, but he is now asking to take the child on his own. Is there any chance that a court would rule in favour of supervised visitation? I don't want to stop him seeing his baby but I'm extremely worried about child's safety.
Distressed - 29-Mar-17 @ 12:28 AM
I need advice on what to do. A lady I know has just had a baby and she was allowed to bring her baby home on the condition that her partner only sees hisbaby in a contact centre. The two of them are violent and I don't know why she was allowed to bring the baby home because she is worse than him but she is a devious liar and is portrayed as the helpless victim but she is not.. Anyway she is still seeing her partner and allowing her partner to see the baby with her all the time and in no contact centre.. I am worried about the baby and I don't know what to do next
wilmur - 24-Mar-17 @ 9:44 PM
Hi I've recently left my ex to move into a refuge with my three year old daughter due to mental and emotional abuse plus controlling behaviour and I was wondering if because my ex has parental responsibility if he has a right to see her now whilst I'm in the refuge or if I should wait until we find a home for us. The refuge told me there is to be no contact with the perpetrator but I feel bad that she can't see her father. Although he wasn't a very good one she doesn't know that. Plus if he can have contact how do I go about sorting out a contact centre as I don't believe he will let me have my daughter back if he was to have her at his mums due to vindictive texts he sent about believing I'm on a sex site when we split up & saying he should get social services involved because of what he believed I'd been doing. I want her to see her father but I don't want him to take her away from me. Plus he has three other children one he doesn't see and two that he has once every three weekends and I don't want him to have all three children at once because he won't give all three the attention they need. I know he won't because when we were together he would rather be online gaming on his phone on Facebook or playing with his car than spend time with any of his children. Also now that's he's at his mums he will get his mum to do everything so that he can go out with his car friends. What do I do?
Jojo - 8-Mar-17 @ 3:08 AM
Thank you for your response.I received now letter from my x husband solicitor to sign an agreement to meet with my son.I called to his solicitor and said that I dnt want to sign any agreement without court order.I asked them that without court permission I can not allow my x husband to meet my son as my x husband was too much violent.but iam too much worried can court alow my x husband for directly contact with my son as in past we got separation through social services due to domestic violence but my x husband is paying child maintenance
Aisha - 3-Mar-17 @ 3:38 PM
wj - Your Question:
I would like a response is they anythink we can do to change this outcome , as I posted a bteak down of the situation earlier , thank you.

Our Response:
I'm afraid there is not much we can give in the way of advice here, as we are only a general guidance sight and this case has obviously gone way beyond our remit. Your solicitor will be able to advise you on what future legal options you have.
ChildSupportLaws - 2-Mar-17 @ 12:45 PM
I would like a response is they anythink we can do to change this outcome , as I posted a bteak down of the situation earlier , thank you .
wj - 1-Mar-17 @ 2:43 PM
Hi , I am so frustrated with Family Law . You would think that they wouldn't allow a child to be put at risk.My grand daughter who was 3 at the time disclosed to her mum her sister and her reception teachers that her dad had abused her . Ovi she didn't say those words she said things he had done but not in any real detail , my daughter stopped contact as he had an order that allowed overnight stays. Police said not enough evidence to charge or interview him , social services,cafcas recommended no contact as children were on a child protection homicide order ,becausethere had been domestic violence previously in relatioship , sweet project got involved to speak to my grand daughter through social services who she told her dad had touched her in her private area . So since February 2016 my daughter gas been fighting his access to contact as he put in to court she had breached original court order not stating the reason why anyhow through the last year there has been many court appearances and child protection meeting which resulted in my daughter and grand daughters having to move 30 miles away from her family and legally change her name so he didn't know where they lived . In January 2017 they was a fact finding hearing which he denied all allegations puttin it down to my daughter jealousy over a new relationship he was in , the judge dismissed all claims from my grand daughter and agreed that my daughter had instigated her into making allegations , and tgat contact would be given to him . This is jus devastating to us as we deal withthe emotional effects it has had on her , and how real this is to us , she is nearly 5 now and constantly talks about her hate of her dad because he hurts her and she never wants to see him again . So you can imagine the upset this has brought to my daughter , social services have said there hands are tied because judge has made her ruling, judge said if my daughter didn't comply with order she would consider residency change . We were in court yesterday and there was a new disclosure brought to the judges attention from her new school she had disclosed a new allegation that we had never heard before and also stated how scared she was of her dad she was . You would think that this was enough of concern to limit contact if any had to be given , well the judge ordered a contact centre for 2 -4 hours that is not supervised for 3 visits then we go back to court on April 11th to take contact to next level , I just mind blown how this can be right and beneficial to my grand daughter who is already emotionally unbalanced at times as well nightmares .She was told to day she would be seeing him and she has become violent to her older sister and withdrawn . This has broken our hearts and totally disgusted with the Law system .
wj - 1-Mar-17 @ 1:01 AM
Aisha - Your Question:
Hello my name is Ayesha.My x husband and me got seperaation 4 years ago almost due to domestic violence through social services.Social services put condone on me that if I get back to my husband they will get custody of my child so I lived separate from my x husband.A t that time my child was 2 months old.now my x husband wrote letter through his solicitor to meet his son otherwise will go to court to have contact with his son.iam too much worried because my child is not safe to meet his father without any supervision.what should I do now.

Our Response:
You can rest in peace, as it is highly unlikely the court would award your ex an unsupervised contact order.
ChildSupportLaws - 27-Feb-17 @ 1:52 PM
Please, I need advicel Just heard that my abusive husband will defend himself and then I will be forced to be interriogated by him, so he will manipulate my again and I am terrified.
Mia2017 - 26-Feb-17 @ 10:58 PM
Hello my name is Ayesha.My x husband and me got seperaation 4 years ago almost due to domestic violence through social services.Social services put condone on me that if I get back to my husband they will get custody of my child so I lived separate from my x husband.A t that time my child was 2 months old.now my x husband wrote letter through his solicitor to meet his son otherwise will go to court to have contact with his son.iam too much worried because my child is not safe to meet his father without any supervision.what should I do now .
Aisha - 26-Feb-17 @ 10:05 PM
Motherhen - Your Question:
I have just found out that social services were involved with my child a few years ago because ofnthe domestic violence happening in her fathers home. His wife was the aggressive one. I was never told or contacted by SS. I am the only one with parental responsibility so I cant understand why I was never contacted.Anyway, he and the wife split within a year of being married and she moved abroad. But ive just been told shes coming back and they are going to try again. Im obviously very concerned about this. Is there any way I can stop her having any contact with my child? Am I legally aloud? Or what can I do to protect my child? Thanks

Our Response:
Yes, if you feel your child needs safeguarding from your ex's wife. You can either apply for a Specific Issue Order through court. Specific Issue Orders, much like the name suggests, are orders sought from the family court to determine a particular matter in connection with the exercise of Parental Responsibility. These orders can cover a wide range of issues that you and your ex-partner cannot agree on, such as preventing someone from having contact with your child. Another option would be to stop access directly, but this would give your ex an opportunity to take the matter to court. You may wish to seek legal advice here in order to explore your options.
ChildSupportLaws - 22-Feb-17 @ 2:39 PM
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