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Domestic Violence and Contact

By: Abigail Taylor - Updated: 26 Jul 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Domestic Violence Abuse Abuser Children

The Government defines Domestic Violence as "Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality."

Domestic abuse is rarely a 'one-off' incident. Abusers generally demonstrate a pattern of abuse. In March 2013, the Government extended their definition of Domestic Violence to include 16 and 17 year olds as 'adults' within the definition. This was in recognition of the increasing number of teenage girls who suffer domestic abuse at the hands of (an often older) sexual partner. This change has also been marked by a TV campaign highlighting examples of emotional abuse, to raise awareness amongst younger people.

In times of economic recession, domestic abuse often increases, and this year is no exception. In 2013, the Citizens Advice Bureau reported an 11% increase in the number of people seeking help from them for domestic violence related matters.

How do you prove Domestic Violence in court?

"Hi, I am a single mother of 2 children who are both under the age of 5. They have been through too much emotional and physical damage during the past 2 years due to the separation of me and their father. He has been physically violent towards me and verbally abusive towards me in front of the kids. They're very traumatised; also their behaviour has regressed since this situation has started. The paternal family dispute all of this in front of a social worker who has now placed the children on the CPS register and are holding a conference this week Wednesday. How can I prove his abusive conduct in court?"

There are obvious problems in trying to prove domestic violence in court:

  • a) Domestic violence is often disputed by the perpetrator's family and friends. Sometimes this is a malicious attempt to derail an ex-partner's case, but more commonly, it is because it is hard to believe someone you know and love could be an abuser (particularly when the perpetrator will often act differently around others).
  • b) Domestic violence usually happens behind closed doors, when there are no witnesses. Perpetrators will act differently around others and will often only abuse their victims when there are no witnesses. Perpetrators are often very clever to hide any evidence (for example ensuring that any bruises are in areas not seen by others).

Courts will always prefer concrete evidence (written documents or photographs) for the simple reason that these are hard to refute. In the case of domestic abuse, it is not always possible to get this kind of evidence, so how can you prove abuse in court?

  • 1) Take photographs (preferably time-dated) of any injuries. If possible, also attend your local doctor's surgery as they can formerly record any injuries, and may be able to suggest a possible cause for these at a later date to the court.
  • 2) Record any abuse in a diary with dates/times/location etc all detailed.
  • 3) Where any incident is clearly against the law, report it to the police so that they can provide a report to the court.
  • 4) If any neighbours heard anything, ask to provide a witness statement. They will probably not be allowed to give evidence of what you have told them (as this is hearsay), but can give evidence as to what they saw/heard themselves.

Is Domestic Violence a barrier to contact?

"My daughter has an 11month old boy and the father is on the birth certificate. However, he physically abused her and smashed the house up, and only served a few months for this. He has history of threatening behaviour and also assaulting his own mother and brother. My daughter is worried that he may be allowed access to his son. Surely this cannot be right with his history."

Under Section 8 of the Human Rights Act 1998, everyone has the right to private and family life. Numerous researchers have also found that children are better to have contact with both their parents. Parents therefore both have a right to contact with their children, even if they have committed crimes in the past. This right does not change, even if one parent has committed domestic abuse, or any other crime, and whether they have been imprisoned or not.

Clearly in some cases (particularly those where one parent has a tendency towards violence), contact with children will cause concern. However just because a parent has a right to contact, does not mean that they have a right to simply take their children anywhere they like for a period of time; restrictions can, and will, be placed on contact between an abusive parent and their children (provided that abuse such as a tendency towards violence can be proven).

Types of contact

There are several types of contact:
  • General contact (free and unrestricted). This may also include overnight stays.
  • Contact with the assistance of a Children and Family Support Centre (usually to "hand-over" children so that parents do not have to meet)
  • Supervised contact (fully supervised contact at a Family Support Centre which neither the child nor the parent is allowed to leave during the session)
  • Indirect contact (such a letters, telephone conversations, email, Skype)
In cases of proven violence (such a physical domestic abuse to the other parent), the abusive parent is likely to only be allowed supervised contact.

This means that at a pre-arranged time (for example once a week on a Saturday morning from 10-12), you would take your child to a local Family Support Centre. You can then choose to stay in a different room, or leave your child with the centre and return to pick them back up. The abusive parent would attend the centre at the pre-arranged time and be allowed contact with their child / children in a large room, overseen by one of the Support Centre workers. Centres often have various toys etc, so contact usually takes the form of playing a game/colouring etc together.

The abusive parent would not be allowed (in cases of fully-supervised contact) to leave the centre with the child/children, and a centre worker will be present in the room with them at all times.

It is in extremely rare circumstances when contact would not be allowed.

In ordering contact, the court must consider the child's welfare. One factor considered will be the child's ascertainable wishes and feelings. However these are unlikely to be given much weight until the child has a suitable level of understanding (usually at about 14 years old). The court will also be careful to ensure that any wishes expressed by your child, are not your imposed views, but rather their own decision. Your child will usually be interviewed by a specially trained CAFCASS officer who will report back to the court in this regard.

Can I refuse to allow contact?

"Hi my husband and I split up nearly 2 years ago and we have a five year old daughter. He's never paid any child support for her but still had access to her whenever he wanted. Recently I refused him access until he accepts responsibilities as her father but he's threatening to take me to court. At the end of our relationship he was very abusive and violent and got arrested a couple of times for beating me up which my daughter witnessed so social services were involved. Every chance he gets he tries to poison my daughter against me and my partner. Where do I stand in refusing to allow him contact?"

If no court order has been made in relation to contact, and your child resides solely with you, you can refuse to allow the other parent contact with their child. If they wish to challenge this however, they can take you to court and you would have to explain your reasons to a judge, with evidence. If they are not satisfied by your reasons, they will order contact to take place. It is therefore always best to be reasonable. For example, would indirect contact resolve your concerns, or could contact take place supervised, at a relative's house?

If a court order is made, you can physically prevent contact, however, to do so would make you in contempt of court. The punishments for contempt of court range in severity from a small fine to imprisonment. However also bear in mind that the court does have the power if it considers it appropriate, to reverse a residential order, giving your former partner custody of your child, and you contact/visitation rights. Whilst this is unlikely in domestic abuse cases, it is worth bearing in mind that the courts do not take failure to comply with orders lightly.

What restrictions can be put on an abusive parent?

One worry for many parents who have been abused by a former partner is that in allowing them contact with your child/children, you retain a link with them, that will lead to them constantly pestering/harassing you. Even if you do not speak to your partner directly to arrange contact (using a Family Contact Centre so that you never see them face-to-face), young children can quite easily reveal where you live (often not understanding why you would not want their other parent to know). If you have problems as a result of allowing contact or contact being ordered, you can seek some protection from the courts:

Non-molestation Order
This order prevents your ex-partner from using or threatening violence against you (which of course is against the law anyway), and also stops them harassing or pestering you. [Note that breach of a non-molestation order is now a criminal offence, as well as an act that can be dealt with by the civil courts.]

Occupation Order
This can be used to regulate who lives in your family home (and remove an abusive partner). However it can also be used to prevent the abuser entering the area surrounding your home, in order to keep them away from your home.

Restraining Order
This order prevents someone from carrying out a particular, specified action. A non-molestation is a type of restraining order. However you may also be given other types of restraining orders if necessary (one usual example I have seen is the use of a restraining order to prevent one party giving out the other party's new phone number to third parties, after he had given their previous number to over a dozen cold-calling companies and advertised it as a "sex-chat line" on the internet.

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[Add a Comment]
Dugee - Your Question:
My babys father became abusive shortly after our little one was born. He was physically abusive on lots of occasions. The last time I was hospitalized with very serious injuries that needed surgery. He was convicted of Gbh and is currently serving a prison sentance for this. On release I am concerned he will want visitation, which I am not happy to agree to over safety for me and my spouse. Because of his conviction will he be even aloud to apply or seek legal advice to have contact. ? Im so worried I've been through so much already.

Our Response:
He will be allowed to seek legal advice. However, if you were hospitalised as a result and received serious injuries, Cafcass would conduct an investigation into this. In cases of proved domestic violence, the court had to weigh the seriousness of the domestic violence, the risks involved and the impact on the child. If you have proven domestic violence and injuries, then this will seriously impact on any decision made by the court.
ChildSupportLaws - 28-Jul-17 @ 10:02 AM
@Unsuremum - If the dad has had no contact with his/your child, then you don't have to allow him access if he gets in touch. While he can take it to court - it's not likely a court would offer unsupervised contact due to the time lapse of the dad not seeing your child. Also if you can prove his current g/f has a drugs record or works in the adult sex business then this will work in your favour. A court won't place a child in that environment unless unsupervised. C
XianT - 27-Jul-17 @ 12:34 PM
My babys father became abusive shortly after our little one was born. He was physically abusive on lots of occasions. The last time i was hospitalized with very serious injuries that needed surgery. He was convicted of Gbh and is currently serving a prison sentance for this. On release i am concerned he will want visitation, which i am not happy to agree to over safety for me and my spouse. Because of his conviction will he be even aloud to apply or seek legal advice to have contact. ? Im so worried I've been through so much already.
Dugee - 26-Jul-17 @ 5:47 PM
Hi, I hope you can help... My ex partner was convicted of domestic abuse/ violence towards me, I am now concerned over the child we share. Since the incident ( a year ago )he has had no form of contact with the child or helped with raising the child. He has recently got involved with a woman who is known for being in the adult sex business and class A drug user, where do I stand on asking for fully supervised contact as my child is only 3? I fear my child will be subject to witness yet more abuse, witness things children should not and this is a way my ex can intimidate and harass me? Thank you
Unsuremum - 25-Jul-17 @ 8:09 PM
Hi I have issues with my daughters dad, he has been emotionally abusive to me for a long as I can remember, whether or not its been down to something as little as wearing a certain top or makeup or wishing I died in labour or throwing a plate at me when I was pregnant. Since splitting up I have accepted that he has moved on with another lovely girl, however now I am 'dating' someone the abuse has returned. He is saying things like he 'hopes I die', 'hopes i get raped' threatening to 'smash' the guy I am datings 'head-in'. I feel trapped, I worry he will try and take my daughter away - not return her after his weekend. I don't know where I stand, I don't know what to do. Please can you give me some advice on this? I feel so trappped by the situation - like there is no way out.
kaylb232 - 6-Jul-17 @ 3:13 PM
My daughter has been beaten up by her boyfriend can I report him to the police will they do something about it even if my daughter won't
Mum - 6-Jul-17 @ 9:02 AM
Worried mum - Your Question:
I was in a relationship with an abusive man (when drunk only)for about 5yrs-5yrs ago, our son who is 5,has never met him but asking questions. I've recently asked around to check the dad's state and got in contact. They both are so in love from a phn call conversation and want to meet. My mum said the family wouldn't talk to me again.where do I go from here

Our Response:
We cannot advise whether you should allow the father to meet your child, the decision is yours. If you wish to negotiate and come to a firm agreement on how access/contact should take place, then you may wish to suggest mediation to your child's father. You can see more via the link here .
ChildSupportLaws - 30-Jun-17 @ 1:55 PM
I was in a relationship with an abusive man (when drunk only)for about 5yrs-5yrs ago, our son who is 5,has never met him but asking questions. I've recently asked around to check the dad's state and got in contact. They both are so in love from a phn call conversation and want to meet. My mum said the family wouldn't talk to me again..where do I go from here
Worried mum - 28-Jun-17 @ 9:20 PM
Hi. I suffered domestic violence in the early 80s by my ex husband. Back then it was not taken seriously by the police. I told no one during the 11 months I was married. It has affected me and my relationships ever since. I am approaching my 60th birthday and feel more than ever I need justice. Just to know someone of authority knocked on his door for answers. Is it too late.
Duke - 27-Jun-17 @ 7:44 AM
@Dee - remember Dee, it's his child too. Does he love his child and care for her? He may be angry to you, but most dads love their kids and will naturally try to protect them from any harm. It's only natural he wants to see his kid and if you're getting in the way of that, this may be where the abuse stems from. I'm not taking his side - but try to see it from his perspective. Two nights a month contact isn't much and really he has as much right to see his daughter as you. Hann.
HRH - 12-Jun-17 @ 12:43 PM
Hi my ex has ptsd and we split due to abusive behaviour (mainly emotional and verbal but also spat in my face and threatened violence in front of my daughter but he never actually hit me). He has contact once a fortnight and for 3 years has often sent me abusive texts (name calling, insults, etc) whilst he has my daughter. Having seen for years how he struggled to contain anger (throwing heavy objects, lots of near misses) I worry when I know she is with him and he is angry enough to start texting me. He drinks but holds down a good job so I'm not sure he has a drink problem but on occasion when she has FaceTimed me he has red wine on the go at teatime. We have a contact order in place but when he starts abusing me I get very anxious that he may harm my daughter. I don't respond to his texts on the premise that I don't want to wind him up more and I wouldn't be able to get the text right so no response is best. After 3 years of this I'm at my wits end. My imagination goes overtime and I worry that (now the finances and divorce are sorted) his hate towards me can only be channelled at the one thing he knows is my life (my child) I feel if I go to my solicitor or the police they may think I'm being neurotic as he has never hurt her nor has she said he's been angry or threatened violence around her (she is very smart for her age and very vocal she says daddy is a bully and a liar even though I keep my opinions to myself) but on nights like this I don't sleep as the worry takes over. He's very bitter about me leaving and ending his abuse towards me. I know he is probably doing it to spoil my child free time even though other than the 2 nights a month he has her my life revolves 100% around my daughter. Any advice or reassurance would be appreciated I feel like I'm going mad!
Dee - 10-Jun-17 @ 11:41 PM
I have put my issue to you today Friday 9th June at 12.31 but am unsure wether I gave my email, as I've had no notification. I thought better I send it again and refute to my query rather than type it out and post it a second time. Kind regards Emma
Radcliffe - 9-Jun-17 @ 5:04 PM
My marriage came to an end three years ago when I started a relationship with another man behind my husbands back. My ex husband moved out and moved to a different area, and my new partner moved in to my house to live with me. My ex husband and I have young children, and he has access to them at the weekends. At start, agreeing to the amounts of custody we both had over the children was an issue and one we couldn't resolve. Because of this my ex husband decided to apply to the courts for full custody of our children. In the mean time I fell pregnant and gave birth to my partners and my first child together, and now will soon be giving birth to our second. My new relationship has been a rocky one at times, mainly due to the amount of stress we get from my ex husband. Clearly his nose is still out of joint and he is hell bent on repenting, because by now he clearly hates me for what I did. Things got particularly stressful a few months back, due to the stress of this custody battle and loosing my employment, which ended up in a huge row between my partner and myself which became a case of domestic violence. My partner lost his temper and ended up hurting me, something he had never done before and has not done since. However the cps took my partner to court on the charges of domestic violence, one which he held his hands up and pleaded guilty for. My partner narrowly escaped a prison sentence as I had hoped he would, he had never been violent to me in the past and this is what I told the judge in my letter defending him at the time. Because of what happened between us at that time, my ex husband then chose to use it against us in his fight towards full custody of our children. Because our children were present at home when the domestic violence occurred (but did not whiteness with their eyes and ears) we now have social services on our backs telling us we must do this and must do that and that I could loose my children. Social services also said that my partner had to leave until this custody battle was over, he could only return on their say so, and if they say so. We have stuck to the instructions that have been given to us, attended all appointments, and done what is expected of us listed down on my child arrangement order that was issued by the court. My partner has not been living here with me and our child for months now, this I feel is totally not fare at all. I want him home, he wants to come home, and our child misses him terribly. I need him here, I am pregnant with our child and need him home supporting me. During these meetings with child services there has been talk clearly indicating that things are in my ex husbands favour. It feels like it is all rather one sided with them more 'on his side' favouring him against me and my partner. I feel like I am about to loose my children at any moment and can barely sleep or eat with worry. Last week I was presented with a section 8, Child arrangement and prohibit
Radcliffe - 9-Jun-17 @ 12:31 PM
Saint Lucian - Your Question:
Hello,I was in a controlling relationship for 4 years.My many attempts to terminate the relationship always failed, she would always sit in front the door to prevent me from leaving the apartment, after moving out she should repeatedly drive from east to west London, Park in front my residence and refuse to leave While begging me to come back home. After many attempts she managed to get me to move back in (foolish of me). I left my job in west London at her request to find work closer to her place in east London. I was out of a job, little money and no savings. She started begging for a baby. I continuously refused and make it clear that I can't afford to have a baby and that the relationship was not good between us. My many attempts failed and she went off the pill to get pregnant. After the baby was born the arguments started again only this time she didn't mind me leaving so I left. I have parental responsibility and our son has my last name. I was completely cut off from our son, was not allowed to see him and not allowed to visit at day care. I called her father for help in resolving these problems but instead he insulted and made threats towards me. I contacted a lawyer who arranged mediation, she never showed up and made excuses. The matter went to court where she then made very serious false accusations about emotional abuse. She even questioned my legal stay in the UK. It is now clear to me that she will stop at nothing to punish me and keep me away from our son. I habe lots of image and video proof that I was a good father to our son. She is a very talented actress and I'm in fear of never being able to see our son again. There are many more disturbing facts that I did not mention. Can someone please help? I have spent over 7000£ in legal fees do far and I feel like this is going nowhere. We live in a society where people usually believe the woman. I'm in fear that no o e will believe me.

Our Response:
If you cannot afford legal representation you can self-litigate, please see link here. Many non-resident parents are taking this route with good success. The court is accustomed to those who will try to falsify stories. Keep on with your fight and hopefully it will come right. Despite what you may think, the court does want fathers to have a relationship with their children and it will do all it can to make this happen, if it thinks it is in your son's best interests.
ChildSupportLaws - 23-May-17 @ 2:35 PM
Hello, I was in a controlling relationship for 4 years. My many attempts to terminate the relationship always failed, she would always sit in front the door to prevent me from leaving the apartment, after moving out she should repeatedly drive from east to west London, Park in front my residence and refuse to leave While begging me to come back home. After many attempts she managed to get me to move back in (foolish of me). I left my job in west London at her request to find work closer to her place in east London. I was out of a job, little money and no savings. She started begging for a baby. I continuously refused and make it clear that I can't afford to have a baby and that the relationship was not good between us. My many attempts failed and she went off the pill to get pregnant. After the baby was born the arguments started again only this time she didn't mind me leaving so I left. I have parental responsibility and our son has my last name. I was completely cut off from our son, was not allowed to see him and not allowed to visit at day care. I called her father for help in resolving these problems but instead he insulted and made threats towards me. I contacted a lawyer who arranged mediation, she never showed up and made excuses. The matter went to court where she then made very serious false accusations about emotional abuse. She even questioned my legal stay in the UK. It is now clear to me that she will stop at nothing to punish me and keep me away from our son. I habe lots of image and video proof that I was a good father to our son. She is a very talented actress and I'm in fear of never being able to see our son again. There are many more disturbing facts that I did not mention . Can someone please help? I have spent over 7000£ in legal fees do far and I feel like this is going nowhere. We live in a society where people usually believe the woman. I'm in fear that no o e will believe me.
Saint Lucian - 22-May-17 @ 11:31 PM
I'm worried for my daughter she is 3 years old. Me and my wife have had a very turbulant relationship, over the 5 years of marriage plus about 6 years (on an off mostly on) before itI feel shes been mentally abuse to me in many ways, and also physically on numerous occasions, I have evidence of some occasions and once was reported to my Dr. he measured and recorded all my bruises. Its not just with me, both of her other children now in there 20's were previously taken from her by social services, she actually put her boy in hospital when he was about 7 or 8 I think, despite her efforts they don't want to know her again in there lives, one having been adopted the other was in and out of mental institutions for year under section. I obviously thought she had changed when I had a child with her) My wife has never accepted responsability for anything that she's done, from everything in her past right up to me when I've been literally black and blue from her, but even thats been my fault, normally followed up by "it was because you laid into me" which I have never done, not that it makes any difference I'm 6'plus tall and 16 stone so if I had of even, then how come it was only ever me that was black and blue. The amount of control there has been from everything from my finances to friends (I have but 2 literally now from being in this situation for years) has been I think very bad, I was only seeing it towards the end and now. Now she's started going back on things shes said about custody of my girl, and to be honest I do not trust her to bring up my child. it will only take her to have a bad day, or get fed up and anything could happen. She already gets me angry by slapping and screaming at my kid, even tho social services have told her her when she was born that it wasnt acceptable under any circumstance. It always be the kids fault though and then go on to being my fault either cause I've not done it or cause I wasnt doing whatever it was she was doing or trying to do at the time.. Obviously I have to do something I just don't know what to do, I'm worried that if I do anything at all it will result in me losing what contact I do have, and I guess theres something been built into me now that makes me not want to upset her. I also worry that she will say anything she can to get out of any trouble including, and foremost making anything up about me to counter that, as said she already claims I've "laid into her".Any advice what I should do?
worriedfather - 18-May-17 @ 1:05 AM
Hi I have a question, So I was hit at the weekend by my mother after a heated arguement, my son was at a family members house at the time, I spoke to a friend about this and she has said that if my son has contact with mother then he will phone social services as it is a sign I am neglecting my child as my mother looks after him, where do I stand on this?
Pixie - 15-May-17 @ 10:55 AM
Nannyp - Your Question:
Hi I'm worried about my grandson, his father has been mentally and physically abusive to my daughter, the relationship has ended because of this and each time he has turned up to see his son he has trashed flat and been verbally abusive, my daughter told him as this has happened she would not let him see their now 15 week old baby alone or overnight. Well this past weekend he constantly went on at her to have the child and wouldn't let up she gave in out of fear and stupidity now he is refusing to bring him back saying falsely that she is neglecting him. How can she get him back and then get a court order put in place that he can only see him in a contact centre as we can't be sure he won't do it again?

Our Response:
If your daughter's ex continues to refuse to return the child,where both parents have Parental Responsibility and one parent is keeping the children against the other's wishes, the police CANNOT help, even if the children do not normally live with them. If the parent does not have Parental Responsibility, the police will be able to intervene. They are also able to intervene and remove a child if there is a possible risk to life. If you are concerned about a real and immediate threat to your grandson's safety, speak to your local police force and social services. Otherwise, I'm afraid your daughter will have to apply to court. If this is the case, I suggest you seek legal advice asap in order to apply for a interim contact order and a child arrangement order, as taking the matter to court will take time. I hope the situation manages to resolve itself without having to go to these lengths.
ChildSupportLaws - 10-May-17 @ 12:46 PM
Hi i'm worried about my grandson, his father has been mentally and physically abusive to my daughter, the relationship has ended because of this and each time he has turned up to see his son he has trashed flat and been verbally abusive, my daughter told him as this has happened she would not let him see their now 15 week old baby alone or overnight. Well this past weekend he constantly went on at her to have the child and wouldn't let up she gave in out of fear and stupidity now he is refusing to bring him back saying falsely that she is neglecting him. How can she get him back and then get a court order put in place that he can only see him in a contact centre as we can't be sure he won't do it again?
Nannyp - 10-May-17 @ 1:32 AM
Tiff123409 - Your Question:
My ex partner was abusive towards me. Physically (on a few occasions), mentally and verbally. I now have a restraining order on him. We have a son together who is over 1 year old. I am now wondering if he goes to court if he will get access or not. I am very worried about this. Not only because he abused me but he has no idea how to bring up a child. He's been in and out of my sons life since the day he was born and he didn't see him for 6 months. I am worrying that if he goes to court that he is going to get acess

Our Response:
We cannot anticipate whether he may be granted access or not. The court will always rule on what it thinks is in your child's best interests. If the father is not in your son's life currently, then the court may begin with supervised access. However, it is impossible to predict.
ChildSupportLaws - 8-May-17 @ 1:53 PM
It is sadly true that false allegations of abuse made by many mothers are taken seriously by the courts without any foundation or investigation CAFCASS as an organisation is not fit for purpose and the father is at an immediate disadvantage. It is also a falsity to think family Courts take failure to comply with court orders seriously We as a country are decades behind the developed world in our care of children in the midst of acrimonious divorces
Zach02 - 8-May-17 @ 8:35 AM
My ex partner was abusive towards me. Physically (on a few occasions), mentally and verbally. I now have a restraining order on him. We have a son together who is over 1 year old. I am now wondering if he goes to court if he will get access or not. I am very worried about this. Not only because he abused me but he has no idea how to bring up a child. He's been in and out of my sons life since the day he was born and he didn't see him for 6 months. I am worrying that if he goes to court that he is going to get acess
Tiff123409 - 7-May-17 @ 8:02 PM
My step father as been both physically and mentally (but not sexually) abusive to me for many years, I have a question? could I report him to the police? I am in counselling at present.
Trac - 26-Apr-17 @ 8:15 PM
@Vonnie - the court sees it that many people take drugs such as cannabis and cocaine recreationally. Our world is not perfect. there are alcoholic and drug addict parents that are still allowed to parent their children. Unless the children are neglected or abused it is seen you can still parent your kids :( Sam
SAE&* - 25-Apr-17 @ 2:14 PM
I would like to ask a question please regarding my daughters ex husband he left the family home last summer after ststungnan affair with a close family friend. After him deciding to not see kids for 5mnths took it to court he admitted to smoking cannabis for over 20 yrs on.a dailybasis he was given four weeks contact with kids with my daughter present moving onto 4 weeks of 10-4 contact them after that every alternative weekends Friday to.Sunday my daughter told her solicitor that her concerns regarding the cannabis and cocaine habit he had. The judge said he had to undertake not to take drugs 24 hours before he had contact with children or when he had them but confined his habit any other time doing this. As far as I'm concerned drug taking Illegal in any form.nothing was put in.place to.check if father had been taking drugs.can anyone tell me if I'm missing anythingplease
Vonnie - 24-Apr-17 @ 10:50 PM
Pretty- Your Question:
I'm 19 yrs old living wth my bt parents ancient my father separated frm us I got bulled by my own brother sung hurting wrds ever ancestors I became in relationship, I thght ths wll be over bt stll it continued, evn nw im diabetic I've been myd a slave of ths house they sy hurting wrds evn tht I'm cheeky, nd she tld tht im a wife I shld get out of her house coz idt want to clean, evn her children sd tht om nt their blood nd its nt my house I shld nd fnd my own house wth my fmly, I hve no where to go no money evn no food im injecting myself wth insulin, plz hlp me I'm alne evry1 turned against me plz hlp

Our Response:
If you are based in the UK, please see Woman's Aid link here and Shelter link here either/or should be able to help, or at least advise.
ChildSupportLaws - 13-Apr-17 @ 11:07 AM
I'm 19 yrs old living wth my bt parents ancient my father separated frm us I got bulled by my own brother sung hurting wrds ever ancestors I became in relationship, I thght ths wll be over bt stll it continued, evn nw im diabetic I've been myd a slave of ths house they sy hurting wrds evn tht I'm cheeky, nd she tld tht im a wife I shld get out of her house coz idt want to clean, evn her children sd tht om nt their blood nd its nt my house I shld nd fnd my own house wth my fmly, I hve no where to go no money evn no food im injecting myself wth insulin, plz hlp me I'm alne evry1 turned against me plz hlp
Pretty - 12-Apr-17 @ 1:09 PM
I have a 4 year old boy and I split from his violent, drug abusing father months after he was born. Social services had been involved during my pregnancy as helix behaviour was disgusting and I'd had to contact police. I was bullied into letting him have my son who, at the time was only months old, stay a couple of nights during the week. He'd come back with a full unchanged nappy and dirty. Then my ex decided it was too much hassle and got in the way of his social life. One day he refused to hand my son back so family had to collect him, I stopped his contact for 5 weeks. I had a non molestation order to be carried out against him but my family thought it'd make things worse so I didn't go ahead. I then let him have contact at my dad's house twice a week. He applied to court for full custody, however he was only granted supervised access 3 times a week due to his violence, drug use and mental state. He was ordered to complete 2 courses a DVPP course and a family welfare course. He also had to complete a hair or blood drugs test. He did not complete the group course as asked because he wasn't accepted onto it. He did a few 1-1 sessions. My dad kept the supervision going, however, my ex pushed for it to be at his property and against my will my dad did as he wanted. This xmas just gone, my dad, who's been manipulated by my ex, kept telling me my ex had changed and he was sorting his life out etc so maybe I should consider letting him try unsupervised. I met with my ex to discuss it, he seemed smart, friendly and realistic about how we could go forward. However, he's reverted back to his old ways and has been extremely abusive, my son is coming home telling me his daddy said he should hit and slap me, that I wasn't going to be around for long and he was going to live with daddy. It breaks my heart and I feel so stupid that I was duped and pushed into this desicion again. I've gone against the court order knowing that he'd not completed the courses. I've contacted the police his week as I'm getting hounded daily with messages about new boyfriends etc, I've not had any sort of relationship since him, I've beetoo busy looking after my child and trying to bring him up right. I also spoke to my solicitor, she's disappointed by my families poor judgement and said if we go back to court they might grant him more access because 'at one point I must have seen him as a threat anymore'. I don't know what to do.
kat - 6-Apr-17 @ 8:40 PM
I have a 4 year old boy and I split from his violent, drug abusing father months after he was born. Social services had been involved during my pregnancy as helix behaviour was disgusting and I'd had to contact police. I was bullied into letting him have my son who, at the time was only months old, stay a couple of nights during the week. He'd come back with a full unchanged nappy and dirty. Then my ex decided it was too much hassle and got in the way of his social life. One day he refused to hand my son back so family had to collect him, I stopped his contact for 5 weeks. I had a non molestation order to be carried out against him but my family thought it'd make things worse so I didn't go ahead. I then let him have contact at my dad's house twice a week. He applied to court for full custody, however he was only granted supervised access 3 times a week due to his violence, drug use and mental state. He was ordered to complete 2 courses a DVPP course and a family welfare course. He also had to complete a hair or blood drugs test. He did not complete the group course as asked because he wasn't accepted onto it. He did a few 1-1 sessions. My dad kept the supervision going, however, my ex pushed for it to be at his property and against my will my dad did as he wanted. This xmas just gone, my dad, who's been manipulated by my ex, kept telling me my ex had changed and he was sorting his life out etc so maybe I should consider letting him try unsupervised. I met with my ex to discuss it, he seemed smart, friendly and realistic about how we could go forward. However, he's reverted back to his old ways and has been extremely abusive, my son is coming home telling me his daddy said he should hit and slap me, that I wasn't going to be around for long and he was going to live with daddy. It breaks my heart and I feel so stupid that I was duped and pushed into this desicion again. I've gone against the court order knowing that he'd not completed the courses. I've contacted the police his week as I'm getting hounded daily with messages about new boyfriends etc, I've not had any sort of relationship since him, I've beetoo busy looking after my child and trying to bring him up right. I also spoke to my solicitor, she's disappointed by my families poor judgement and said if we go back to court they might grant him more access because 'at one point I must have seen him as a threat anymore'. I don't know what to do.
kat - 6-Apr-17 @ 9:15 AM
I have a 4 year old boy and I split from his violent, drug abusing father months after he was born. Social services had been involved during my pregnancy as helix behaviour was disgusting and I'd had to contact police. I was bullied into letting him have my son who, at the time was only months old, stay a couple of nights during the week. He'd come back with a full unchanged nappy and dirty. Then my ex decided it was too much hassle and got in the way of his social life. One day he refused to hand my son back so family had to collect him, I stopped his contact for 5 weeks. I had a non molestation order to be carried out against him but my family thought it'd make things worse so I didn't go ahead. I then let him have contact at my dad's house twice a week. He applied to court for full custody, however he was only granted supervised access 3 times a week due to his violence, drug use and mental state. He was ordered to complete 2 courses a DVPP course and a family welfare course. He also had to complete a hair or blood drugs test. He did not complete the group course as asked because he wasn't accepted onto it. He did a few 1-1 sessions. My dad kept the supervision going, however, my ex pushed for it to be at his property and against my will my dad did as he wanted. This xmas just gone, my dad, who's been manipulated by my ex, kept telling me my ex had changed and he was sorting his life out etc so maybe I should consider letting him try unsupervised. I met with my ex to discuss it, he seemed smart, friendly and realistic about how we could go forward. However, he's reverted back to his old ways and has been extremely abusive, my son is coming home telling me his daddy said he should hit and slap me, that I wasn't going to be around for long and he was going to live with daddy. It breaks my heart and I feel so stupid that I was duped and pushed into this desicion again. I've gone against the court order knowing that he'd not completed the courses. I've contacted the police his week as I'm getting hounded daily with messages about new boyfriends etc, I've not had any sort of relationship since him, I've beetoo busy looking after my child and trying to bring him up right. I also spoke to my solicitor, she's disappointed by my families poor judgement and said if we go back to court they might grant him more access because 'at one point I must have seen him as a threat anymore'. I don't know what to do.
kat - 6-Apr-17 @ 7:56 AM
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