Maintaining regular contact with a child, after separation or divorce, is an important part of parenting. Not only does it enforce the right of children to have contact with each parent, but it also provides emotional and financial support.
For some parents however, if the breakdown of their relationship is less than amicable regular contact may not be a suitable consideration. In these instances, supporting a child, by paying maintenance towards the costs of their upbringing, is an option that some separated families may have to face.
Eye To Eye Contact
Face-to-face contact between a non resident parent and a child is generally encouraged. This contact supports the child emotionally and physically, as well as contributing financially to the cost of raising the child. Regular contact, whether through shared care, joint custody or an alternative private arrangement between the child’s parents, provides a healthy environment for the child to grow and develop in.
Regular contact however, does not provide as much opportunity to explore parenting as regular overnight stays.
Staying overnight with a non resident parent allows the child to continue to maintain the same level of emotional stability as they may have had before the separation.
From a parent’s perspective overnight stays enable the parent to maintain and support the child’s welfare, and will also reduce the cost of maintenance payments they will be expected to contribute.

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Explaining the separation to the child, at the level they will be able to understand, enables the child to cope with the changes more easily. Unless there is a reason why it is unsafe, children should have contact with both parents. Maintaining attachment bonds to a mother and father is an important part of the child’s development, and should therefore be encouraged.
Avoiding parental conflict, particularly in the child’s presence, helps the child settle into the new parenting arrangement. Maintaining good, open communication will also enable the parents to cooperate with childcare arrangements etc. Creating new routines with each parent will also be useful in the child’s emotional development.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Financial Responsibilities
A non-resident parent will be expected to financially contribute towards the expense of raising their child. This child support payment, which can be privately agreed or calculated, collected and distributed by the Child Support Agency and Child Maintenance Service can be used to pay for school fees, clothing, food, shelter and extracurricular activities the child may be involved in.
Maintenance payments are periodically paid to the parent with care – whether this is the child’s mother or father – until the child finishes full-time education.
If a non resident parent is also able to provide physical and emotional support, by sharing parenting responsibilities, the cost of maintenance they will be expected to pay will be reduced accordingly. Maintenance payable is calculated after examining the income and living circumstances of both parents.
If a private agreement cannot be made between the parents the parent with care can seek assistance from the the Child Maintenance Options with regards to child support collection through Child Maintenance Service.
Many thanks,
Nat
I want to join discussion group to get more idea.
How can i make sure he sticks to the agreement as he always messes the children around
thanks
He has since rented a flat nearby and has furnished it very nicely, he took the kids to pick the furniture for their rooms and help him pick dinning sets and sofas and to buy them a pet.
I have been the primary carer, I work 3 days a week and the occasional weekend, I have a childminder to help on the weekdays I go to work, dad looks after them on the weekends I work.
Before separation, he used to get home from work anytime from 7:30pm up to 11pm..on some occasion at midnight. Post separation, he is back from work 6:30pm - 7;pm. He comes to visit the kids as he chooses, no restriction.
I have taken the kids to visit with him at his house but he brought the 3 yr old back after 15mins.The 9 yr old idolises her dad and has indicated she wants to live with him. She is excited by her new pet, dream bed and living in a new house.
Yesterday, he told me that he wants 50:50 custody as well as having physical access to them on the days they are not with him. And he has gotten a mediator to negotiate with me what he wants. He also said he is leaving his job to get one which would give him more time with the children. He has also already hired a childminder for when he will have them 50:50.
I don't mind him having the children 50:50 but when they are a bit older (when the youngest is about 5/6yr). I fear mediation may be a failure. i already feel intimidated and may give in to his demands because I am scared of him even though I feel the chop and change of 50:50 would not give the children stability they need now.
How likely is he to get 50:50? How does a mediator help in this situation with different views?
He has since rented a flat nearby and has furnished it very nicely, he took the kids to pick the furniture for their rooms and help him pick dinning sets and sofas and to buy them a pet.
I have been the primary carer, I work 3 days a week and the occasional weekend, I have a childminder to help on the weekdays I go to work, dad looks after them on the weekends I work.
Before separation, he used to get home from work anytime from 7:30pm up to 11pm..on some occasion at midnight. Post separation, he is back from work 6:30pm - 7;pm. He comes to visit the kids as he chooses, no restriction. I have taken the kids to visit with him at his house but he brought the 3 yr old back after 15mins.The 9 yr old idolises her dad and has indicated she wants to live with him. She is excited by her new pet, dream bed and living in a new house.
Yesterday, he told me that he wants 50:50 custody as well as having physical access to them on the days they are not with him. And he has gotten a mediator to negotiate with me what he wants.
I don't mind him having the children 50:50 but when they are a bit older (when the youngest is about 5/6yr). I fear mediation may be a failure. i already feel intimidated and may give in to his demands because I am scared of him even though I feel the chop and change of 50:50 would not give the children stability they need now.
How likely is he to get 50:50? How does a mediator help in this situation with different views?
Please advise as this topic will soon need to be discussed as the holidays are approaching.
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